00:00 - 30:00
GUS: Super energetic now.
BARB: Ha!
GUS: This Rooster Teeth Podcast is brought to you by Bing, only Bing now integrates information from your friends on Facebook and experts on Twitter, so you can tap into their knowledge and opinions, and spend less time searching and more time doing. Now search Go Social, and check it out on Bing.com.
JACK: Hey it’s a podcast!
BEN: GUS, GUS, GUS, GUS.
BARB: Oh, my god.
JOEL: Is that what a weed-whacker sounds like to you? In your world?
GUS: No. I love that theme song, that’s my favourite theme song ever. Thanks to Samjib from the website, for submitting that awesome theme song.
JACK: Does that bring you back, like, bring back memories of working in IT, and be all like,” GUS, GUS, GUS-“
BARB: GUS.
JACK: GUS, GUS, GUS, GUS…
BEN: It’s like dancing at a... this Is what they’re all dancing to these days.
GUS: Is it?
BEN: GUS, GUS, GUS.
GUS: I guess-I guess we have some… We have a couple of unusual people on the podcast here, I should probably do some quick introductions.
BARB: Unusual?
GUS: We have Barbara, who’s very weird.
BARB: Hello. It’s true.
GUS: Uhh, Jack.
JACK: Hello.
GUS: From Achievement Hunter. Ben, who works on our website.
BEN: Hello.
GUS: Visiting from the UK, aand do not adjust your headphones, Ben is British. He has a weird accent.
BEN: Yes.
GUS: And we have Joel.
JOEL: … I’m… also British.
GUS: Joel-Joel, has a giant cup of tea. Is there nothing gross in the tea? Are you just drinking straight tea for once?
JACK: Why is it yellow on the side?
JOEL: Uhm-
BARB: Well that’s what happens when your tea is spilt.
JOEL: That’s what happens when you spill tea.
BARB: Teabag.
JOEL: I put a whole bunch of artificial sweetener in there?
GUS: Mmhmm.
JOEL: But it’s, yeah, teabag. Yeah.
BARB: Teabag…
BEN: Oh that’s gross.
GUS: Normally, I-I’m used to you having your-
BARB: Aren’t you British?
GUS: Your concoction.
BEN: I-I don’t- doesn’t mean like tea. Especially not when it’s dripping all on the side of your cup. That’s disgusting.
JOEL: I d-I-d-I-d I had to c- I haven’t had a coffee in like… almost three months.
GUS: Really?
JOEL: Yeah.
BARB: Are you serious?
JOEL: I-I mean I had it one time, we d-
JACK: We did a radio review.
JOEL: -Jack and I did a radio show, and I felt like I needed it for the radio show? Uhm, but yeah, really had to cut down on my…
GUS: So you’re doing better with tea?
JOEL: Yeah, a little better with tea. I mean like, it’s not as acidic or whatever (?), I don’t know. This has gotta be- this gotta
be boring.
GUS: Yeah.
BEN: It’s like a healthy-
GUS: It’s our podcast.
JACK: Iiit’s a podcast.
JOEL: Uhm, h-have we talked about the guy who eats people’s faces?
JACK: Uhm.
GUS: W-we mentioned him in past-
JACK: Yeah, we haven’t talked about it.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Why, you wanna talk about it?
JACK: I would- I w- aha, yeah that’s his thing. Oh he also eats people’s faces, yeah.
BARB: Yeah, no big deal.
JACK: Like it- that’s his thing.
GUS: Like his business card.
JACK: Yeah. Like, Hi, I’m-
JOEL: So you got eeuhhehhoh ‘cause it seems like we have a lot of push back from the people on the website that hadn’t, because we hadn’t talked about this guy.
GUS: We managed to do it.
JOEL: ‘Cause he’s the most famous guy on the internet right now.
GUS: Yeah, with the w-
JOEL: -Internet.
GUS: I think what we said was, it was one of the stories that broke right after we released the podcast, so it wasn’t as
relevant when we recorded the next one.
JOEL: Mmhmm.
GUS: It fell into that weird…
BARB: I don’t really know how much-
GUS: …Time.
BARB: -you could say about that. Like he ate people’s faces it’s like, alriightt.
JACK: So is this bath salt thing…
BARB: That’s gross.
JOEL: I feel bad for the guy whose face eaten (?)
BARB: NO SHIT.
JACK: He was a- he was a homeless dude.
JOEL: I feel bad. It’s generally not a good thing that that happens.
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: And it’s g- all that, sort of bad-
BARB: Generally.
JOEL: -but I think that it’s important, that occasionally… somebody rises up and eats somebody else’s face… just to kinda
keep everyone in fucking line.
BEN: I’m not- I’ve not heard, anything about this, and you all sound. Demented.
JOEL: III think it’s sort of- no-no, because it’s sort of just like occasionally you gotta have somebody eat somebody else’s face because, y-y-know you like-uh-like-
GUS: Y-You gotta keep that fear of predators in people?
JOEL: Ex-y-exactly. You gotta keep the fear of predators in people, because you don’t know.
GUS: It’s like-
JOEL: It’s like if you keep fuckin’ around, I may just reach over and fucking bite your face.
GUS: In Animal Kingdom , animals concept war by getting eaten by something else, but we never have to worry about it, so
you’re saying we should have that fear every now and then, that something’s gonna eat me.
JOEL: I think it’s important that people have that. I think it’s im- I think some people need more of that fear.
BARB: You don’t think there’s enough fear in the world, like paranoia about every little fucking detail?
JOEL: There needs to be more.
BARB: There needs to be more?
JOEL: Keep people, in line.
JACK: If-if-
GUS: Think of who you’re talking to, Barbara.
BARB: I know.
JACK: If you ever really stop and think about it man-
BARB: That’s why I’m so baffled, ‘cause like… Joel is the most afraid of everything happening to him.
JOEL: I’m not afraid, I’m careful.
BARB: Careful. So it’s that the fact that he wants more of that-
JOEL: My face is not going to get eaten.
JACK: N-uh as far as you know.
GUS: What’s your face eating defense?
JOEL: Uhm… Well just, you know, positioning mainly.
JACK: See now you have to be careful because now at RTX some kid’s gonna be like,” AAHHH I’m going to eat your face
now!” c-cause you were like, oh, no one’s going to eat my face.
JOEL: Yeah, if you-
JACK: Boom.
JOEL: -try to eat my face, I’m gonna fuckin’…
BEN: When we say like- when we say eat your face, are we talking just skin level or I mean like taking my- taking my nose off? Like, what’s the level?
JOEL: I mean like the deal where Gavino and Burnie are like “AHH! Shoe! Haha-haha shoe, fun shoe!” and then a fan throws a shoe at him and hits him in the head and they’re like,” HEY. HEY… No throwin’ shoes.” Like all of a sudden-
JACK: We had a discussion about this.
JOEL: Now if Gavin rose up and ate that guy’s face… that guy, that motherfucker would not throw a fuckin’ shoe.
GUS: It wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I see- I-I I’m… I see where you’re coming from now.
JOEL: No no, you’re still trying to get it now.
BARB: What?
GUS: I feel like I might be deranged because I’m agreeing with you.
JOEL: Th-this-this tea? I just got back from Starbucks right? There’s some asshole who’s taking up four fuckin’ parking spots. He got a rig, he parked the rig sideways, he got for parking spots. Somebody needs to rise up and eat that motherfucker’s face. Right? Like it never- it never occurred to him when he was takin’ up four parking spaces he was like,” HUH. Maybe I shouldn’t take up four parking spaces, because maybe someone could piss and eat my face.”
BARB: But why didn’t you rise to the occasion and then just go for it?
JOEL: It was a round.
GUS: He-he didn’t have caffeine yet.
JOEL: It’s been there for two days!
BARB: This is true.
JOEL: It’s been there for two days now.
GUS: Oh really?
JOEL: Some asshole parked his trailer there for two day- somebody gotta eat that guy’s face.
JACK: Why don’t you just key his car, or something like that?
JOEL: Uhhh, nah I could never key someone’s car, because my keys-
JACK: But you’d eat his face?
JOEL: -my keys might-
BARB: They might key your face?
GUS: Jack, that’s a dick move. That’s fucked up. You don’t key someone’s car.
JACK: No, you clearly bite their nose off.
BEN: Keying… Keying a car is less permanent than eating their face off, let’s be fair.
JOEL: Hey-y-uh-have you- Wh-what’s that dish? The tartar? Li-like sushi’s good an-
GUS: Okay.
JOEL: beef tar-tartar is good, that’s like raw, beef, have you had that?
JACK: No.
JOEL: It’s fuckin’ delicious.
BARB: Are you comparing this to someone’s face?
JOEL: If you have raw beef… if you have well prepared raw beef, and y- you will say,” Well this is the way, meat, is supposed to be.”
JACK: I-I have to imagine-
JOEL: Like this makes more sense.
JACK: - l-like face would be chewy though.
BARB: Chewy! Like…
JACK: Yeah, it would be gross.
GUS: Not necessarily, have you ever had Barbacoa?
JACK: N- maybe?
GUS: That’s essentially cow face.
BARB: I don’t like the name of that right now.
JOEL: Is it? How do you know that?
BEN: So it’s like a face?
BARB: BARBAcoa.
GUS: It’s essentially the meat scraped from the uh cheeks of the face.
JACK: UUUUGGHHHHHHH.
BARB: Oh my god.
JOEL: H- I didn’t know that.
GUS: Yup. SO if you’ve had barbacoa, you’ve eaten a cow face.
BEN: Hmmm.
JACK: But there’s some processing behind those, it’s not RAW cow face.
GUS: No, you-
JACK: It’s not like they scrap it out in a farm-
JOEL: Wh-what kind of-
GUS: -they cook it and scrap it.
JOEL: -But what kind of processing are we talkin’ about, right?
JACK: Uhm, cooking?
JOEL: I j-
GUS: Okay, wh-wh what if the person is sunburned. What if they got a really nasty sunburn on their face?
JACK: It’s tastes like beef jerky?
BARB: A little Smokey flavoured?
BEN: That’s speciality.
GUS: What about that tanning lady from New Jersey?
JACK: Ohughh, God.
GUS: Is it okay to eat her.
BARB: What tan lady from New Jersey?
GUS: You’ve never seen her?
BARB: No.
GUS: She’s like… orange.
JACK: I’d be nervous you’d get like, y’know, you bite into her and, I don’t know, get some uhh, wh-what’s the-the injections they put in like coll- they put in collagen.
GUS: Oh, like botox?
JACK: Botox, you’d get like, a mix of that.
BARB: Ewwww.
JACK: But that’d be like sour cream of the face?
BARB: I’d imagine it being a little sour tasting.
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: Well they were like fill- if it were injected with sour cream, that’d be kinda nice.
JACK: This podcast has taken an evil turn.
BARB: Yeah, I don’t like where this is going.
GUS: R-Right out the bat.
JACK: Yeah.
BEN: Instead of talking about eating faces, I mean… How do we improve from there?
JACK: What’s in that tea?
JOEL: Well, would you rather have somebody eat yo-your face, or your…
BEN: Okay.
JOEL: O… Or your genitals.
BARB: OH…
BEN: Well, I mean…
BARB: I just heard a really funny story relating to that. Apparently there’s a guy, I think in Japan, who-
JACK: That was a seamless segway.
GUS: Yeaahh.
BARB: I… Just remembered the story, I heard it yesterday.
GUS: I-I heard this story too.
BARB: Who, uhm… He decided that’s he’s not attracted to anybody, not men, not women, he’s asexual, so he decided to
chop off his dick and balls, aand cook it, and serve it to people who were willing to pay 500 dollars a plate.
GUS: I-It was only six people I believe.
BEN: Yeah right…
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: My deal is… Wh-why did he go such a lo-low ball number?
JACK: Heyhey!
BEN: OOOOOHHHHHHHHH!
BARB: But yeah, I heard that story-
GUS: Yeah that’s-
BARB: -yesterday?
GUS: -Yeah that’s fucking disgusting.
BARB: Oh my god!
JOEL: There’s pictures?!
JACK: What is this.
BARB: OH my god!
GUS: I’m showing her the tan lady.
BARB: That’s a human?!
JACK: Oh god, yeah.
BARB: Euughhh…
JOEL: … Oh, yeah, tan lady, yeah.
JACK: That’s like one of those- like those bronze sculptures you see at the museum.
JOEL: See no one-
BEN: AAAUUUGHHHH!
JOEL: -no one’s gonna eat her face.
JACK: Nooo.
GUS: That’s what I’m saying. Like, she’s cooked! That’s Barbacoa, that’s human Barbacoa.
BARB: She probably tastes, delicious.
JOEL: God.
BEN: That’s the point of no return, right, when you have that much, like, cooking, that you can’t go white again.
BARB: Yeah, her skin must be like, permanently-
BEN: She’s a new race.
BARB: -fucked.
GUS: I dunno.
JOEL: Well yeah, she’s permanently fucked, right?
GUS: I-I seem so. I think she came into the light, I think she got- she became newsworthy because she started taking her young daughter to get tanning.
JACK: Like a five year old.
GUS: Yeah, her daughter’s like five.
BEN: Uuugghh.
JACK: Joel’s got a question.
GUS: Joel’s got his-
JOEL: I want to go back to this dude, because we just sort of just glossed over this?
BARB: Yeah. We did.
JACK: Na-i-i-
JOEL: This guy, not attracted to anyone…
BARB: Yes.
JOEL: So, chopped it off- that doesn’t even-
BEN: But he still needs it to pee.
JOEL: Tha-tha-that’s like… I’m left-handed, so I’m just gonna chop my righ- That doesn’t make…
BARB: He uhm… I-I-
JOEL: I mean there’s a lot about this that does not m-
GUS: You don’t gr… You don’t grab stuff with your dick. I mean if y- If you have-
JOEL: You don’t know GUS!
GUS: If you’re not having sex y-
JACK: Sp-Speak for yourself.
GUS: Y-Y-Your pre-incile dick?
BARB: I can honestly say I have no idea what was going through his head. He decided, chop off his dick and balls and cook it.
BEN: Well he’s clearly… Insane.
BARB: He- uh, clearly!
BEN: You-You need it still urinate, like it still has a function, even if you don’t have sex with people.
JOEL: We-well y-
GUS: Well you still can- you don’t NEED it.
BARB: He still has his Urethra.
BEN: H-He’s not a surgeon, he doesn’t know that.
BARB: Oh, he got it sur- surgically removed, wow that’s a hard word to say, but-
BEN: Is that just a thing, you can go into the hospital and say,” Y’know, I’m not really feeling my penis, I just wanna like, get rid of it.”
GUS: I’m not feeling my penis. I’ve heard also, that, y’know, uhm…
BARB: Joel.
GUS: -I-I-It’s weird to me that you can find a doctor to do that, but if it’s gonna be anywhere, it’s gonna be in Japan.
JOEL: Yeah.
BEN: It’s like at a back alley around the real hospital.
GUS: Th-There’s another thing, I think, in Japanese culture, where they think that like when this incisor, the in incisor here, inside of your mouth, when they’re turned a little bit, like, angled, that it’s cute. So you can go-
BEN: I have seen that.
GUS: -You can go to the dentist and have the surgically move your incisors so that they’re turned.
BARB: That’s so weird.
GUS: So like, it’s fucked up that in Japan you go to the dentist to get your teeth screwed up.
BEN: Yeah. Is it because it makes them look like vampires or something like that?
GUS: I don’t know.
BEN: I think a little bit, yeah.
JOEL: It’s gotta go… further back than that.
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: I mean it has to.
GUS: I don’t think it’s a new Twilight thing.
JOEL: No, yeah.
BEN: It’s quite possible.
JOEL: I-I-I mean they use to wrap, their feet right, to make them as small as possible.
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: Right? That was their thing.
GUS: Uhmm.
JOEL: What in the fuck is going on over there?
GUS: I think-
BARB: That’s Chinese Culture.
GUS: That was the Chinese, yeah.
JOEL: Are you sure? I thought it was Japanese.
GUS: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s Chinese.
BARB: Yeah. It’s…
JOEL: I don’t know.
BARB: I-I know this.
JOEL: Yeah? Really? Chi-
BARB: I don’t know.
JOEL: I think it’s- I’m gonna go out on a limb and-
GUS: You got a laptop right in front of you!
JOEL: That’s cheating!
BARB: You have the internet.
JACK: That’s cheating.
BARB: At your fingertips.
JOEL: I-I’ll go on Bing right now.
JACK: Yeah. S-Supporting yourself with facts, that’s cheating.
BEN: Now, if there’s a social result, for that, on Bing…
GUS: Oh that’ll be interesting.
BEN: … Y-You’ve got a problem with your social circle.
JACK: Well Joel’s friends with like 8 billion people on Facebook so…
BARB: This is true.
GUS: S-So maybe someone- someone has bin-foot binding.
JOEL: We all have something in common, and that’s that we hate Jack… No, noo… Uhmm…
BARB: Jack sucks, Joel #1.
GUS: S-Someone sent, a-an e-mail to the podcast e-mail address the other day, I think it was yesterday or the day before, and they were like,” Y’all are st-totally stupid. Ga-Gavin’s right all the time, y’all are morons.”
JACK: What?
GUS: Told Jack to stop bein’ a cunt. I was like, okay, cool e-mail dude.
JACK: Clearly.
BARB: You should’ve just told us that last part.
JACK: Clearly Gavin is always right.
GUS: Yeah. It’s like yo-yo-you’ve definitely discounted yourself.
BEN: In fairness, there is stuff that he’s right about, like the queen having no last name.
BARB: Yeah, you guys get monotone shit.
BEN: And you guys were being really unfair. To b-
GUS: I was unfair?
BARB: Everyone was.
GUS: Ooohoohooo, it’s the first time, GUS has ever been unfair.
BARB: Joel is reading, about-
BEN: I-I’m sitting next to him, I know.
GUS: Ben- Ben has been driving me crazy. We went to eat, at a Vietnamese restaurant yesterday, and they were playing… I don’t know it was like thos-
BEN: They were playing Journey.
GUS: Shut the fuck up, I’m telling the story. So we were over there it’s like that- It’s like that Thai place by Jersey Mics, you know, in that shopping centre?
JACK: Oh yeah, yeah.
GUS: And we go in there, and we sit down, and they’re playing like Americ- They’re playing Journey on the uh radio.
JACK: Y-Yeah.
GUS: And uh, so we open up the menu, Ben looks at the menu and the waiter comes to take our drink orders, and Ben orders a water. And then he says,” Do they have coke in Vietnam? Can we get a coke here?”
BARB: Oh my god.
GUS: And I was like,” We’re… in the United States, Ben.” He goes,” Why are they playing this music, this isn’t very authentic.” I was like we’re in a fucking strip mall-
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: -in the suburbs.
JACK: This-this isn’t Epcot center where they’re tryna replicate.
BARB: This is still Texas.
BEN: Here’s the thing.
GUS: I’m muting you.
JACK: He’s been muted too! You turned down the volume, AND you muted him.
GUS: We’re not seeking to recreate the experience of going to Vietnam, we’re not in a fucking embassy, we’re not in soverign territory, in the country of fucking Vietnam. We are in a god damn cheap, Vietnamese restaurant next to-
BEN: You’re wrong about this! You’re wrong! You’re wrong!
GUS: -Next to a FedEx.
JOEL: And yo-you really wouldn’t let go of it.
JACK: Next to a FedEx.
BEN: I wouldn’t let go of it, no. They have goldfish, in the fish bowl. I was expecting they were Vietnamese fish or something.
GUS: Okay. What’s a Vietnamese fish.
BEN: I don’t know! Some kind of w-
GUS: Goldfish could be Vietnamese fish!
BEN: No, they’re fucking not. Here’s the thing, if you’re going to a Vietnamese restaurant, right? It’s a weird country. You don’t see many Vietnamese restaurants. You want a Vietnamese experience, ‘cause I don’t know what that is, but it’s not Journey.
JACK: You clearly want Robin Williams to be talking, during your meal over the radio, and playing baseball with Forrest Widicker.
BARB: Yes.
JACK: That’s what I want.
BARB: If you go to like an Asian restaurant in the UK…
BEN: Yep.
BARB: … Do they have like Asian music playing?
BEN: Absolutely!
BARB: Do they not se- Do they not serve coke? Or anything?
BEN: It’s decorated, you know that kind of stuff.
JACK: Do they speak English?
BEN: They have all the, y-y’know?
JACK: Do they speak English there?
BEN: Y-y-y-b-but. Yes.
JACK: Well there you go.
BARB: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s not offensive.
JOEL: He was all like, he was all like, how come all the women in this restaurant’s feet aren’t binded.
JACK: I believe it’s bound.
BARB: Bound.
JOEL: Bounded.
BEN: Bound. I was right, but I didn’t tell him.
JOEL: It’s-it’s Chinese.
GUS: Yep.
BARB: What’s up, yo.
JACK: D-Did Bing friend tell you about that?
GUS: I-I-I I doubt.
BARB: Point won for Barbara~
GUS: I doubt there’s a social aspect for that.
BEN: So which friend was it who told you that on Bing?
BARB: Me. It was Barbara.
GUS: It was Barbara.
JACK: Locked in.
GUS: F-Foot expert- So tell us more about your obsession with feet, Barbara.
BARB: I just- I was talking to a friend of mine and uhm, he brought up the subject of weird fetishes involving socks? Dirty socks?
GUS: Go on.
BARB: Where-
JOEL: Sock puppets? Sock Puppeteer?
BARB: Where uhm, p-people- it was actually a friend of mine from Mega64, uhmm... They...
JACK: You can say his name.
JOEL: Th-They can get away with anything.
JACK: Oh yeah.
JOEL: Yeah.
BEN: It’s Dave.
JOEL: I mean if you’re in Mega64, you can just- you can be weird and people will flow with that.
JACK: Dude, those guys are rockstars man.
GUS: H-Hold on, let her finish the story!
BARB: But uhm, there’s people out there- there’s fucking weird fetishes all over the place but this one, it’s people who like dirty socks, but not just dirty socks, it’s socks that you wear for a month straight without taking them off.
GUS: Euuuuuughhhhhhh.
JOEL: Wooooowww.
BARB: And then like… they want to hear about the smell of them, and the te-
GUS: W-w-w-wait. They want to hear about the smell?
BARB: They want to hear about it.
GUS: Or they want to experience the smell?
BARB: Both.
GUS: Okay.
BARB: Like there’s YouTube videos if you search this-
JOEL: If you-if you- do- if you- if you wear a sock for a month, and you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean. Which is impressive, right?
GUS: So wait, you’re saying there’s YouTube videos describing the smell of-
BARB: Yes.
GUS: -month old dirty socks…
BARB: And there’s comments on them being , like ohhh mann.
GUS: Where can I find these videos?
BARB: Just-
GUS: Where can I find people who are interested in this kind of thing?
JOEL: This is not-
BARB: People like you?
JACK: “Search is now social!”
JOEL: Tha-tha-that’s, kind of a weird knob, but it’s kind of common. I mean it’s sort of like-like in terms of like weird stuff? That’s not that weird.
BARB: I-it’s it’s not the weirdest of the fetishes that I’ve heard about.
JOEL: I’m mean we just talked about a guy who-
GUS: What’s the weirdest one you’ve heard about?
JOEL: W-j-
BARB: I don’t know… balloons and shit?
JOEL: Like people eat faces an-
BARB: Like people popping balloons, and… weird-
BEN: Popping balloons? L-Like-
JACK: I-I’ve heard of that one.
BARB: People get turned on by like popping balloons.
BEN: You’re in the bedroom… you got a balloon. You’re blowin’ it up, blowin’ it up…
BARB: Yeah, and they get excited.
BEN: …And then you pop it. And then that’s it. It’s all over.
BARB: And then they have an orgasm or something.
BEN: It’s done.
JOEL: So that’s not- that’s not. Again, like the Japanese guy, that’s weird.
BARB: Yeah.
JOEL: Like choppin’ up your stuff and feeding- that’s…
BEN: Okay, that’s definitely weird, but that’s also bad.
BARB: That’s not- that’s not a fetish.
GUS: But that-tha-th-th-
BEN: That’s permanent damage.
GUS: Th-th-th-that probably wasn’t a sexual fetish- oh but maybe the people who paid to eat it, that was their fetish.
BEN: But eating a penis, of course it’s a sexual fetish.
BARB: That’s weird. But yeah, back to Mega64-
JACK: Yes.
BARB: -They uh… came out with a video, about Metal Gear Rising?
JACK: Oh yeah, yeah.
BARB: And… Fucking amazing, Garret did the costume for that? And it looks incredible.
GUS: Yeah, that was the job placement one, correct?
JACK: Yeah.
BARB: Yyyes.
JACK: It was-
BARB: Yeah.
JACK: -was Ryden going around tryna find a job.
BARB: It was really funny.
GUS: Yeah. It was good.
JACK: Very funny. Those guys- Did you see their E3 video from this year?
GUS: The “Gamer Girls”?
JACK: Gamer Girls.
BARB: Oh my god.
JACK: Ouhh. Dude. Those guys have balls.
BARB: They do.
JACK: I mean it’s like… They just roll around E3, dressed up like women.
BARB: Ehehyeah.
GUS: And they will be at RTX.
JACK: They will be at RTX.
BARB: RTX.
BEN: Now will they be as women, that is the question.
GUS: I don’t know if they’ll be dressed up as women. We had uh-
BARB: One can only hope.
GUS: Uh, press release about RTX go up, announcing that Halo 4 will be playable to the public-
JACK: Yaaayyyyyy.
BEN: OHHHOH.
BARB: OHHHHHH.
JOEL: I’m sorry, what’d you just say?
JACK: Halo 4 is going to be playable on the show floor at RTX.
BARB: Hallooooo.
JACK: July 7-8th Austin Texas, RTXevent.com.
JOEL: Wow!
BARB: First time. Playable. For consumers.
BEN: So here’s the question: What bit of Halo 4 can you play? Do we know?
GUS: You’ll find out.
JOEL: It won’t be th- It won’t be the Vietnamese…
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: …section.
BEN: I won’t be the- okay…
JACK: But uh- I-I-II pla- I got to play Spartan Ops when I was out at E3, and that’s a lot of fun. It’s sort of a mix between Invasion and Firefight, it’s this new thing they’re doing, it’s gonna be weekly updates and stuff.
GUS: Uh-huh.
JACK: That was badass.
JOEL: Did they get rid of armour lock?
JACK: Uhh, I don’t think so?
GUS: Ar-ar-armour- it’s back- it’s-it’s renamed, like Armour Abilities don’t exist?
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: It’s like uhh. Upgrades? I don’t recall what they call them now.
JACK: Yeah. It’s like-
GUS: But you can get something similar now to Armour Lock, which is like a shield.
JOEL: Hmm.
JACK: And they have like- I’m pretty sure like you always have sprint. Now.
GUS: Yes you do.
JACK: That’s not-that’s not an armour ability anymore, that’s just built in. And uhm, like there was one, where you could see through walls. I think it was like the Promesian Vision or something?
GUS: Oh right. Yeah, yeah.
BEN: Ooh.
GUS: Yeah, yeah, it was something like that, yeah.
JACK: And uhmm… Yeah th-there’s a whole bunch of new abilities, and the game is fun as hell dude, and I’m really excited to get a whole bunch of people out there playing it.
GUS: TH-there’s also another ability which I like you can get. Which is uhhh…
JACK: There’s a shield ability now. Which is cool.
GUS: Yeah that’s similar- it was similar to Armour Lock. It-it only faces one direction though.
JACK: Y-yeah. I think you can move it though.
GUS: Yeah, this one you can move- it’s… There’s another one that’s more like Armour Lock, I can’t remember.
JOEL: I can’t wait to see it. And play it.
JACK: Yeah, it’s kickass dude. And uhh- hey can we cut in line? You think so?
BARB: I think people will be like…
GUS: Do you know who I am?
JOEL: Let’s not- they should- our-
BEN: I’d come first.
JOEL: -the fans should come first right? We should let everyone play, then a-
JACK: Yeah, they should come first, unless it’s Halo 4 then we can, get in front of them.
GUS: Then we can be like, Get out of the way, kid.
JOEL: If o- Well first it’s like this is research.
JACK: Exactly.
JOEL: We’re researching.
JACK: Yeah, clearly we’re-
BEN: Red vs Blue Season 11.
BARB: Let’s test the ah, head-bobbing.
JACK: What’s up.
BARB: Halo 4.
JACK: Anyway, that’s really exciting. I’m-I’m really jazzed about that, and I’m excited to get 343 out n…
GUS: Yeah, it’s-it’s awesome.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: I’m-I’m- It’s really-really really cool that people’ll be able to play it there.
BARB: And that’s the first time playable for consumers correct?
BEN: Right and-
GUS: Yup, think the only time it was playable that was at E3-
BARB: E3.
GUS: -But that’s a press show.
JACK: Yeah. Press only event, so.
BEN: That-that Spartan Ops thing, is like- they’re saying it’s like a TV Show? Right? Where there’s like, there’s episodes and then seasons and stuff like that?
JACK: Well i-it’s like- it’s- like every week they’re gonna release new Spartan Ops. Right now they’re doing, in Halo Reach they do the weekly updates or whatever where you can do-
BEN: Yeah it’s like a challenge.
JACK: Weekly challenges. So this is gonna be-
BEN: Like a fictional thing.
JACK: Ye-yeah th-there’s a plot in front of everything so there’s actually a story that each week tells, and so they’re gonna be updating those every single week, and uhm, I got to see one of the-the early in development ones, when I was at E3.
GUS, BARB, BEN: OOOOOOOHHHHH!
BEN: Brag about it.
JOEL: Cool. So you had be then- we have to mark-we have to mark everyone at RTX as a member of the media. Remember when this happened? We had to do some work around so-
JACK: Everyone has to write a review.
GUS: And it’s- we-we-we-we’ve been wanting to announce it for a while, so I’m glad that that information is finally out there.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Which it’s-it’s really cool. I gotta read this here real fast. I want to thank Bing.com for their support of this podcast.
BEN: Thank you.
GUS: I heard Bing has gone social, so I’ve been using it to see what the new features can mean of our audience. So I entered the terms “DayZ” and “DayZ Mod” and I got a lot of really cool stuff back, so in addition to news and links, and typical search results, you also get “Social” search results. So Bing goes through Facebook friends who like- liked it, shared it, or searched things related to DayZ and uhm, you know they can help point to stuff you wouldn’t find otherwise. So, uhm, being on friends, Bing also serves people on Twitter and best of all you can easily post and comment to my friends of Facebook. So uhm, most of us said knowledge about DayZ, so why don’t you go there and check it out for yourself. And uh, thanks again to Bing for supporting Rooster Teeth.
JOEL: I… I did that- I did that last night.
JACK: Oh you played Day-Z?
JOEL: Ah, no, I looked at videos uh, actually, through uh-
BARB: Of Day-Z?
JOEL: Uh, yeah, and uh wow, that’s crazy.
BARB: That’s awesome.
JACK: Is there any way I can please set you up on Day-Z? I used to imagine you running around with zombies.
BEN: OHH MY GOOHD.
JACK: Might be the best thing ever.
JOEL: We could uhm, I mean if we got a group of us together…
JACK: Th-there is groups.
BEN: We’ve got a server.
JACK: We’ve got 3 servers now.
JOEL: I mean, it would be, it would be hysterical.
GUS: It’s- it’s terrifying.
JOEL: It would be hysterical.
JACK: Oh okay I-I-
JOEL: I mean, if we were able to make videos of it, it would be-
JACK: People that asked-
BEN: Like a-like a-like a Let’s Play?
JACK: Peop- Yeah, people have asked if Achievement Hunter is gonna do a Let’s Play, and we’re definitely looking into it right now. Right now we-we’re setting up our PCs, ‘cause we don’t really have a PC environment t-to work with right now?
GUS: Mmhmm?
JACK: But we’re doing that just so we can do more PC related stuff.
JOEL: There’s some-
JACK: And Day-Z’s definitely one of the things we’re looking at.
JOEL: God, there’s some great videos-
JACK: The ide-The idea of Joel running around with a- like handgun?
GUS: N-No, th-th-they’ve implemented some changes p- there was a recent patch where now when you spawn, you no longer start with a gun.
JACK: Eughh.
BARB: Are you serious?
JOEL: Aw, that’s awesome.
GUS: Yeah, you just –you just like-
JOEL: Do you have any weapon at all?
GUS: No.
BARB: Just your fists.
JOEL: Wooowww.
JACK: You have beans, right?
GUS: Yeah, you have-you have I think a can of beans, and a flashlight, and that’s all.
JOEL: So they say they say that-
GUS: That’s all you start with.
JOEL: -the average life in that game is four hours.
JACK: Really?
BARB: Wow.
JOEL: So now th-they’re gonna take the weapon away it’s gonna be like-
GUS: Oh, actually fi you look at the main DayZ website-
JOEL: Uh-huh.
GUS: -it says the average life currently is only thirty-one minutes.
JOEL: Oh wow, so it’s gone down, quite a bit.
BARB: Are you serious?
JOEL: Good lord…
BARB: I-I would never be able to play that game.
GUS: You cannot play at night. Like at night it is no joke. It is fucking dark.
BARB: Terrified. I’m scared of zombies as it is, but to actually play in a real life setting.
GUS: Y-y-y-y-
JOEL: I think-
GUS: Like the other day I did-I did kind of a dick move. I was-I was exploring and I found these two bicycles. And I was like, oh sweet! I had never found a vehicle before, so I was like I’m gonna ride this bike! So I was like out, off the round, kind of by a lighthouse so I-I took it down to the road and I got on, and I was like, I’m just gonna ride down the road. So like I started riding and it was just attracting tons of zombies.
BARB: I’m just imagining GUS just like riding down the bike.
JACK: Did you go- Did you-
BARB: Daisy, daissyyy.
GUS: Yeah, so all these zombies are coming, like a huge parade of zombies behind me, and I would see survivors up by the road (?) So I drive right by them and keep going. And I’d turn around and see all the zombies jumping on them and go like uooouuughhhuhhhuhhhh. So one of- one of the people I did that to sent me a tweet that was like “What the fuck, you asshole! You led like, thirty zombies to me.”
JACK: Wait so you actually- people know it’s you playing?
GUS: Yeah I put- I put my name as GUS, but-
JACK: Oh.
GUS: Th-there’s another fake GUS.
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: So.
JACK: I think, I think it was Adam who told me- was it Adam who said he logged in as Adam and there were like three- No no, it was David, and david o-our prop guy-
GUS: Mmhmm.
JACK: -he said there were three other Davids already.
BEN: But there are- it is a common name.
GUS: Yeah.
JACK: Yeah, yeah, but still.
BEN: There are other people called that name.
JOEL: It’s amazing how many um, narrative ideas you can come up with just from some of these stories.
JACK: Oh absolutely.
JOEL: Unbelieveable.
JACK: The trolling abilities in the game are going to be spectacular.
BARB: I’m so excited to see the vids from that.
JOEL: I think it’s... I think it’s... I can’t believe it’s taken this long for this to happen
JACK: Yeah
JOEL: and I think it’s great. I think it’s great that there’s one life and I think that we’re so close cause I think it’s just a couple of other things that aren’t going to happen on this mod... but I’m shocked that no one has put development dollars after this.
BEN: But hasn’t it... It’s been around awhile and it’s only just like been spotted by people. It’s like the number one seller on
Steam now, right?
GUS: After it was mentioned in last weeks podcast!
JOEL: It’s like you can’t get into all the buildings because the map wasn’t engineered for it. If somebody made a map where
you can get into all the buildings, that would be great! I think another things if you could actually build actual sort of bases where if you have the ability to moves things and block things and have more open and closing doors.
JACK: Like board windows and board doors.
JOEL: YEAH! If you could board all that stuff and sort of actually have places where you could stand.
GUS: You should listen to Adam talk about that game. He plays with six or seven friends of his and they are fucking serious. I think they have a base somewhere. Like you can’t build anything-
JACK: You can set up tents right?
GUS: I think they have a little tent city hidden somewhere?
BEN: Nice.
GUS: He said that when they explore citys: 2 of them walk through the city, 2 people provide overwatch with sniper rifles, and theres another person off in the distance who’s a spotter keeping an eye out for stuff.
JOEL: That’s awesome. Cool. Are they good or are they evil? Do they kill survivors or do they...
GUS: I think they go both ways.
JOEL: Ah they go both ways...
BARB: Winky face!
BEN: In the future, when civilization has gone you have to right?
GUS: Yes.
JOEL: So it’s a fine line, right?
GUS: I think I mean sometimes you have to it’s like kill or be killed. Like I had this really weird moment where I was showing Adam the game last week for the first time and I was just kind of walking around and I was on the second level of a building and I walked over to the ladder to walk down and I looked down and there was a guy looking at the ladder looking to come up and we just stared at each other for a second with guns pointed at each other. And then he first a shot. So I first and then we just started shooting at each other and then we both died. Like we both killed each other.
BEN: So it was like a literal Mexican standoff.
GUS: Yeah, well uh you need a third person for that.
BEN: Oh I see.
JOEL: The weird thing with the change to where you don’t have a handgun now is it seems like it’s going to turn into basically 2 games to where all the people who spawn immediately and don’t have a gun... It’s sort of like fuck it I can run around and do whatever. My life means nothing. I could just take out whatever. It doesn't matter. Once you get the gun. It changes probably to where now I can’t die.
Everyone: Yeah
BARB: If you starve could you cut off your dick and eat it?
GUS: Only if you play the Japanese character.
JACK: If you have a hatchet.
BEN: But you were saying JOEL, this is pretty much how Left 4 Dead started right? It was a mod of something. It was a mod of Half-Life and it became a new game. Do you think there will be like a retail, proper game like from Day-Z?
JOEL: I hope so.
JACK: Well didn’t Burnie say that the ARMA guy... so this game is based on ARMA 2 which is uh...
BEN: A game that no one knows about.
JACK: Well apparently the guy who makes ARMA basically told this guy “don’t do anything but make this game” like make this mod and it might be incorporated into the next version.
JOEL: Have any of you guys heard of ARMA 2?
BARB: What is ARMA like what kind of game is it?
JOEL: So no one’s heard of it?
BEN: It’s not a brand that anyone knows.
GUS: What Burnie said last week was it’s a sequel to Operation Flashpoint.
(Silence)
JOEL: Well that makes total sense right. If there was one sentence I was waiting for you to say it was gunna be Operation Flashpoint.
BARB: Everything's coming together.
JOEL: It’s almost like... If I were to like... It’s almost like... if I were to like try to market a game and someones like I’m going to build and engine for one thing and then I’m just not really going to worry about that and then we’re gunna build a mod around that.
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: Build the mod around the game and then market the mod.
GUS: Well that essentially whats happened with the Source engine right? I mean Counter Strike started as a mod. Like you said Left 4 Dead started as a mod.
JOEL: Somebody's got to jump on this right?
BEN: Yeah.
BARB: I would think so... I just can’t get over the name.
JOEL: No one’s heard of ARMA before right?
BARB: No.
BEN: But I think this would be difficult to market to like a mainstream audience. Like Left 4 Dead is like an easy game for consumers but I don’t think I don’t know if this would work with like the proper big mainstream audience.
BARB: I think it would.
GUS: Hey hey that being said. It was the number one selling game on Steam.
BEN: It was.
JOEL: I mean the other thing is from a developers standpoint is this a hard game to engineer?
BEN: There’s not really much complex mechanics in there really.
JOEL: No. I mean well... I would think not.
GUS: Well the thing for this mod is that had to add a lot of objects that didn’t exist in ARMA 2 like... various things that you’ll find in the world. I believe that the zombies have a custom animation that’s different from anything in ARMA.
JOEL: But still if you’re developing...
GUS: It’s easier to develop from a mod than a game from scratch of course you know cause the engines already done.
BEN: But could you do this in like the Source Engine for example?
GUS: I’m sure you could.
JOEL: Awesome. I mean do you know what it takes to build a car or a sort of helicopter? How many steps is that.
GUS: I’ve seen. It’s fucking crazy.
BEN: You can like build your own car?
GUS: You have to fix a car.
BEN: Ahhhh...
JOEL: I saw like a guy and he walks into a shed and he’s like “Oh I’ve found a windshield.” And then it’s like you have to ask yourself the question, Do you take the windshield with you?
BARB: Can you hold the windshield in front of you and run into zombies?
GUS: No.
JOEL: It’s possible to find a transmission later and oh it’s a transmission.
GUS: I feel like I’ve seen the windshield all the time. That’s like... I see it everytime I play I feel like there are some other things that are rare... like I found an engine the other day and was like I’ve gotta start fixing the car.
JOEL: OK.
BEN: You can use an engine more than a windshield as well.
JOEL: So is there a place in the game where you can store items?
GUS: Not permanently... You can like hide them in the shed or something.
JOEL: Well that’s gotta be tough right? I mean how many how many components... I mean you’ll have to find a pretty big backpack.
JACK: The thing that blew me away was something Adam was telling me about... was first off there’s no mini-map in the game.
GUS: I think you can find a map.
JACK: You can find a map but it’s not like a normal map. Like there’s no YOU ARE HERE... Unless you find the GPS.
GUS: Yeah.
JACK: Then you can also find a GPS and then link it to the map.
JOEL: Right. Which is awesome.
JACK: But I mean just like the idea of you died. Now you’ve respawned. You have NO IDEA where the hell you are. Unless you’ve been playing the game and you know the map back to front... It’s something like 144 square miles
GUS: Somewhere around there...
JOEL: WOW!
GUS: 225 square kilometers which is about 144 square miles.
JACK: Yeah
GUS: So It’s about a 12 by 12 map.
BEN: Adam was trying to explain to me how big that is... is that bigger or smaller than Austin?
GUS: Uh so we’re here... it’s about the size... if you were to go from here to where Geoff’s house is.
BEN: Right.
GUS: and then make a square out of that. It’s about that big.
BEN: OK. That’s not bad.
BARB: It’s big.
JOEL: How many people... initially it only looks like 50 people per sever?
GUS: I think you can modify the number but I think the most I’ve seen is 50.
JACK: How many have you seen on the Rooster Teeth server?
GUS: 50!
JACK: Oh yeah?
GUS: Yeah...
JOEL: We have a server?
JACK: We have 3 servers now.
JOEL: Oh we do?
JACK: Yeah!
JOEL: Oh I wanna jump in on... I mean I wanna get in on this. I mean... are the people... the people on our servers... they’re all dicks aren’t they.
JACK: Probably. I mean that’s the thing, I’m nervous to jump on.
JOEL: If we... If we got 50 people from the Rooster Teeth site and said OK We’re going to build civilization back.
JACK: That would be terrible.
JOEL: Do you think it would work? Do you think 50 people could work--
JACK: GOD no
JOEL: See this is the thing... You cannot put a gun in the hands of a video gamer.
BEN: Nooo
JOEL: It just doesn’t work
JACK: Um... yeah see I would go on there but if I went under my name... there would be no way I would survive. I mean if it popped up Hey it’s JACK.
BARB: Everyone would want to kill you.
JACK: It would be me vs zombies vs 49 other people.
BARB: You don’t think they would try to help you out?
JACK: Maybe if... Maybe I should just play as BURNIE. I’ll play as BURNIE. HI I’m Burnie
BARB: Don’t fuck with me.
BEN: It’s painful how close to real life it is. You find out very quickly if you’re expendable or not -
GUS: Yeah.
BEN: at the end of the world.
BARB: And that’s sad.
BEN: Bad times.
BARB: I just can’t get over the name of that game. Day-Z.
BEN: Yeah I was very confused when you said we have a Day-Z server. I was like what the hell is daisy? Like where you pick flowers or something?
BARB: I just picker like daisies and happiness and it’s like a game about zombies.
GUS: Well... We’ll call it Day-Zed.
BARB: Yeah me and BEN-
GUS: For the Canadians and the British.
JACK: Foreigners...
BEN: Isn’t it a bit suspicious how... as soon as Gavin leaves I come... like we’ve never been in the same place at the same time.
BARB: Hmmmm...
GUS: Ya’ll hate each other that much huh?
BEN: Yeah.... It’s one of those, like, sexual tension things he just hasn’t admitted it yet.
JACK: Have we heard anything from those guys down in Australia?
GUS: Supposedly they uh... they wrapped up the first event and it went really well.
BEN: Sold out panels.
GUS: Yeah appear to be super busy and they have another one this weekend in Perth - DON’T TOUCH THAT. THAT’S
RECORDING.
JOEL: touching laptop Yeah I had to um uh sorry. I had to.
BARB: They apparently had the biggest booth and biggest line at the convention.
JACK: Nice!
GUS: WHA-what were you doing to my laptop?
JOEL: Cause I saw your... USB thing being crimped upwards and -
BEN: Crimped upwards?
JOEL: and after my disaster I can’t bare to see a USB plug in wrong.
GUS: OK.
BARB: He’s got it.
JACK: So I got a message from someone on the site that says they do USB recovery and repair and stuff. Do you still have your USB? Or did you light it on fire?
JOEL: I wear it as a necklace. No I mean I have it.
GUS: Super energetic now.
BARB: Ha!
GUS: This Rooster Teeth Podcast is brought to you by Bing, only Bing now integrates information from your friends on Facebook and experts on Twitter, so you can tap into their knowledge and opinions, and spend less time searching and more time doing. Now search Go Social, and check it out on Bing.com.
JACK: Hey it’s a podcast!
BEN: GUS, GUS, GUS, GUS.
BARB: Oh, my god.
JOEL: Is that what a weed-whacker sounds like to you? In your world?
GUS: No. I love that theme song, that’s my favourite theme song ever. Thanks to Samjib from the website, for submitting that awesome theme song.
JACK: Does that bring you back, like, bring back memories of working in IT, and be all like,” GUS, GUS, GUS-“
BARB: GUS.
JACK: GUS, GUS, GUS, GUS…
BEN: It’s like dancing at a... this Is what they’re all dancing to these days.
GUS: Is it?
BEN: GUS, GUS, GUS.
GUS: I guess-I guess we have some… We have a couple of unusual people on the podcast here, I should probably do some quick introductions.
BARB: Unusual?
GUS: We have Barbara, who’s very weird.
BARB: Hello. It’s true.
GUS: Uhh, Jack.
JACK: Hello.
GUS: From Achievement Hunter. Ben, who works on our website.
BEN: Hello.
GUS: Visiting from the UK, aand do not adjust your headphones, Ben is British. He has a weird accent.
BEN: Yes.
GUS: And we have Joel.
JOEL: … I’m… also British.
GUS: Joel-Joel, has a giant cup of tea. Is there nothing gross in the tea? Are you just drinking straight tea for once?
JACK: Why is it yellow on the side?
JOEL: Uhm-
BARB: Well that’s what happens when your tea is spilt.
JOEL: That’s what happens when you spill tea.
BARB: Teabag.
JOEL: I put a whole bunch of artificial sweetener in there?
GUS: Mmhmm.
JOEL: But it’s, yeah, teabag. Yeah.
BARB: Teabag…
BEN: Oh that’s gross.
GUS: Normally, I-I’m used to you having your-
BARB: Aren’t you British?
GUS: Your concoction.
BEN: I-I don’t- doesn’t mean like tea. Especially not when it’s dripping all on the side of your cup. That’s disgusting.
JOEL: I d-I-d-I-d I had to c- I haven’t had a coffee in like… almost three months.
GUS: Really?
JOEL: Yeah.
BARB: Are you serious?
JOEL: I-I mean I had it one time, we d-
JACK: We did a radio review.
JOEL: -Jack and I did a radio show, and I felt like I needed it for the radio show? Uhm, but yeah, really had to cut down on my…
GUS: So you’re doing better with tea?
JOEL: Yeah, a little better with tea. I mean like, it’s not as acidic or whatever (?), I don’t know. This has gotta be- this gotta
be boring.
GUS: Yeah.
BEN: It’s like a healthy-
GUS: It’s our podcast.
JACK: Iiit’s a podcast.
JOEL: Uhm, h-have we talked about the guy who eats people’s faces?
JACK: Uhm.
GUS: W-we mentioned him in past-
JACK: Yeah, we haven’t talked about it.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Why, you wanna talk about it?
JACK: I would- I w- aha, yeah that’s his thing. Oh he also eats people’s faces, yeah.
BARB: Yeah, no big deal.
JACK: Like it- that’s his thing.
GUS: Like his business card.
JACK: Yeah. Like, Hi, I’m-
JOEL: So you got eeuhhehhoh ‘cause it seems like we have a lot of push back from the people on the website that hadn’t, because we hadn’t talked about this guy.
GUS: We managed to do it.
JOEL: ‘Cause he’s the most famous guy on the internet right now.
GUS: Yeah, with the w-
JOEL: -Internet.
GUS: I think what we said was, it was one of the stories that broke right after we released the podcast, so it wasn’t as
relevant when we recorded the next one.
JOEL: Mmhmm.
GUS: It fell into that weird…
BARB: I don’t really know how much-
GUS: …Time.
BARB: -you could say about that. Like he ate people’s faces it’s like, alriightt.
JACK: So is this bath salt thing…
BARB: That’s gross.
JOEL: I feel bad for the guy whose face eaten (?)
BARB: NO SHIT.
JACK: He was a- he was a homeless dude.
JOEL: I feel bad. It’s generally not a good thing that that happens.
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: And it’s g- all that, sort of bad-
BARB: Generally.
JOEL: -but I think that it’s important, that occasionally… somebody rises up and eats somebody else’s face… just to kinda
keep everyone in fucking line.
BEN: I’m not- I’ve not heard, anything about this, and you all sound. Demented.
JOEL: III think it’s sort of- no-no, because it’s sort of just like occasionally you gotta have somebody eat somebody else’s face because, y-y-know you like-uh-like-
GUS: Y-You gotta keep that fear of predators in people?
JOEL: Ex-y-exactly. You gotta keep the fear of predators in people, because you don’t know.
GUS: It’s like-
JOEL: It’s like if you keep fuckin’ around, I may just reach over and fucking bite your face.
GUS: In Animal Kingdom , animals concept war by getting eaten by something else, but we never have to worry about it, so
you’re saying we should have that fear every now and then, that something’s gonna eat me.
JOEL: I think it’s important that people have that. I think it’s im- I think some people need more of that fear.
BARB: You don’t think there’s enough fear in the world, like paranoia about every little fucking detail?
JOEL: There needs to be more.
BARB: There needs to be more?
JOEL: Keep people, in line.
JACK: If-if-
GUS: Think of who you’re talking to, Barbara.
BARB: I know.
JACK: If you ever really stop and think about it man-
BARB: That’s why I’m so baffled, ‘cause like… Joel is the most afraid of everything happening to him.
JOEL: I’m not afraid, I’m careful.
BARB: Careful. So it’s that the fact that he wants more of that-
JOEL: My face is not going to get eaten.
JACK: N-uh as far as you know.
GUS: What’s your face eating defense?
JOEL: Uhm… Well just, you know, positioning mainly.
JACK: See now you have to be careful because now at RTX some kid’s gonna be like,” AAHHH I’m going to eat your face
now!” c-cause you were like, oh, no one’s going to eat my face.
JOEL: Yeah, if you-
JACK: Boom.
JOEL: -try to eat my face, I’m gonna fuckin’…
BEN: When we say like- when we say eat your face, are we talking just skin level or I mean like taking my- taking my nose off? Like, what’s the level?
JOEL: I mean like the deal where Gavino and Burnie are like “AHH! Shoe! Haha-haha shoe, fun shoe!” and then a fan throws a shoe at him and hits him in the head and they’re like,” HEY. HEY… No throwin’ shoes.” Like all of a sudden-
JACK: We had a discussion about this.
JOEL: Now if Gavin rose up and ate that guy’s face… that guy, that motherfucker would not throw a fuckin’ shoe.
GUS: It wouldn’t be a problem anymore. I see- I-I I’m… I see where you’re coming from now.
JOEL: No no, you’re still trying to get it now.
BARB: What?
GUS: I feel like I might be deranged because I’m agreeing with you.
JOEL: Th-this-this tea? I just got back from Starbucks right? There’s some asshole who’s taking up four fuckin’ parking spots. He got a rig, he parked the rig sideways, he got for parking spots. Somebody needs to rise up and eat that motherfucker’s face. Right? Like it never- it never occurred to him when he was takin’ up four parking spaces he was like,” HUH. Maybe I shouldn’t take up four parking spaces, because maybe someone could piss and eat my face.”
BARB: But why didn’t you rise to the occasion and then just go for it?
JOEL: It was a round.
GUS: He-he didn’t have caffeine yet.
JOEL: It’s been there for two days!
BARB: This is true.
JOEL: It’s been there for two days now.
GUS: Oh really?
JOEL: Some asshole parked his trailer there for two day- somebody gotta eat that guy’s face.
JACK: Why don’t you just key his car, or something like that?
JOEL: Uhhh, nah I could never key someone’s car, because my keys-
JACK: But you’d eat his face?
JOEL: -my keys might-
BARB: They might key your face?
GUS: Jack, that’s a dick move. That’s fucked up. You don’t key someone’s car.
JACK: No, you clearly bite their nose off.
BEN: Keying… Keying a car is less permanent than eating their face off, let’s be fair.
JOEL: Hey-y-uh-have you- Wh-what’s that dish? The tartar? Li-like sushi’s good an-
GUS: Okay.
JOEL: beef tar-tartar is good, that’s like raw, beef, have you had that?
JACK: No.
JOEL: It’s fuckin’ delicious.
BARB: Are you comparing this to someone’s face?
JOEL: If you have raw beef… if you have well prepared raw beef, and y- you will say,” Well this is the way, meat, is supposed to be.”
JACK: I-I have to imagine-
JOEL: Like this makes more sense.
JACK: - l-like face would be chewy though.
BARB: Chewy! Like…
JACK: Yeah, it would be gross.
GUS: Not necessarily, have you ever had Barbacoa?
JACK: N- maybe?
GUS: That’s essentially cow face.
BARB: I don’t like the name of that right now.
JOEL: Is it? How do you know that?
BEN: So it’s like a face?
BARB: BARBAcoa.
GUS: It’s essentially the meat scraped from the uh cheeks of the face.
JACK: UUUUGGHHHHHHH.
BARB: Oh my god.
JOEL: H- I didn’t know that.
GUS: Yup. SO if you’ve had barbacoa, you’ve eaten a cow face.
BEN: Hmmm.
JACK: But there’s some processing behind those, it’s not RAW cow face.
GUS: No, you-
JACK: It’s not like they scrap it out in a farm-
JOEL: Wh-what kind of-
GUS: -they cook it and scrap it.
JOEL: -But what kind of processing are we talkin’ about, right?
JACK: Uhm, cooking?
JOEL: I j-
GUS: Okay, wh-wh what if the person is sunburned. What if they got a really nasty sunburn on their face?
JACK: It’s tastes like beef jerky?
BARB: A little Smokey flavoured?
BEN: That’s speciality.
GUS: What about that tanning lady from New Jersey?
JACK: Ohughh, God.
GUS: Is it okay to eat her.
BARB: What tan lady from New Jersey?
GUS: You’ve never seen her?
BARB: No.
GUS: She’s like… orange.
JACK: I’d be nervous you’d get like, y’know, you bite into her and, I don’t know, get some uhh, wh-what’s the-the injections they put in like coll- they put in collagen.
GUS: Oh, like botox?
JACK: Botox, you’d get like, a mix of that.
BARB: Ewwww.
JACK: But that’d be like sour cream of the face?
BARB: I’d imagine it being a little sour tasting.
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: Well they were like fill- if it were injected with sour cream, that’d be kinda nice.
JACK: This podcast has taken an evil turn.
BARB: Yeah, I don’t like where this is going.
GUS: R-Right out the bat.
JACK: Yeah.
BEN: Instead of talking about eating faces, I mean… How do we improve from there?
JACK: What’s in that tea?
JOEL: Well, would you rather have somebody eat yo-your face, or your…
BEN: Okay.
JOEL: O… Or your genitals.
BARB: OH…
BEN: Well, I mean…
BARB: I just heard a really funny story relating to that. Apparently there’s a guy, I think in Japan, who-
JACK: That was a seamless segway.
GUS: Yeaahh.
BARB: I… Just remembered the story, I heard it yesterday.
GUS: I-I heard this story too.
BARB: Who, uhm… He decided that’s he’s not attracted to anybody, not men, not women, he’s asexual, so he decided to
chop off his dick and balls, aand cook it, and serve it to people who were willing to pay 500 dollars a plate.
GUS: I-It was only six people I believe.
BEN: Yeah right…
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: My deal is… Wh-why did he go such a lo-low ball number?
JACK: Heyhey!
BEN: OOOOOHHHHHHHHH!
BARB: But yeah, I heard that story-
GUS: Yeah that’s-
BARB: -yesterday?
GUS: -Yeah that’s fucking disgusting.
BARB: Oh my god!
JOEL: There’s pictures?!
JACK: What is this.
BARB: OH my god!
GUS: I’m showing her the tan lady.
BARB: That’s a human?!
JACK: Oh god, yeah.
BARB: Euughhh…
JOEL: … Oh, yeah, tan lady, yeah.
JACK: That’s like one of those- like those bronze sculptures you see at the museum.
JOEL: See no one-
BEN: AAAUUUGHHHH!
JOEL: -no one’s gonna eat her face.
JACK: Nooo.
GUS: That’s what I’m saying. Like, she’s cooked! That’s Barbacoa, that’s human Barbacoa.
BARB: She probably tastes, delicious.
JOEL: God.
BEN: That’s the point of no return, right, when you have that much, like, cooking, that you can’t go white again.
BARB: Yeah, her skin must be like, permanently-
BEN: She’s a new race.
BARB: -fucked.
GUS: I dunno.
JOEL: Well yeah, she’s permanently fucked, right?
GUS: I-I seem so. I think she came into the light, I think she got- she became newsworthy because she started taking her young daughter to get tanning.
JACK: Like a five year old.
GUS: Yeah, her daughter’s like five.
BEN: Uuugghh.
JACK: Joel’s got a question.
GUS: Joel’s got his-
JOEL: I want to go back to this dude, because we just sort of just glossed over this?
BARB: Yeah. We did.
JACK: Na-i-i-
JOEL: This guy, not attracted to anyone…
BARB: Yes.
JOEL: So, chopped it off- that doesn’t even-
BEN: But he still needs it to pee.
JOEL: Tha-tha-that’s like… I’m left-handed, so I’m just gonna chop my righ- That doesn’t make…
BARB: He uhm… I-I-
JOEL: I mean there’s a lot about this that does not m-
GUS: You don’t gr… You don’t grab stuff with your dick. I mean if y- If you have-
JOEL: You don’t know GUS!
GUS: If you’re not having sex y-
JACK: Sp-Speak for yourself.
GUS: Y-Y-Your pre-incile dick?
BARB: I can honestly say I have no idea what was going through his head. He decided, chop off his dick and balls and cook it.
BEN: Well he’s clearly… Insane.
BARB: He- uh, clearly!
BEN: You-You need it still urinate, like it still has a function, even if you don’t have sex with people.
JOEL: We-well y-
GUS: Well you still can- you don’t NEED it.
BARB: He still has his Urethra.
BEN: H-He’s not a surgeon, he doesn’t know that.
BARB: Oh, he got it sur- surgically removed, wow that’s a hard word to say, but-
BEN: Is that just a thing, you can go into the hospital and say,” Y’know, I’m not really feeling my penis, I just wanna like, get rid of it.”
GUS: I’m not feeling my penis. I’ve heard also, that, y’know, uhm…
BARB: Joel.
GUS: -I-I-It’s weird to me that you can find a doctor to do that, but if it’s gonna be anywhere, it’s gonna be in Japan.
JOEL: Yeah.
BEN: It’s like at a back alley around the real hospital.
GUS: Th-There’s another thing, I think, in Japanese culture, where they think that like when this incisor, the in incisor here, inside of your mouth, when they’re turned a little bit, like, angled, that it’s cute. So you can go-
BEN: I have seen that.
GUS: -You can go to the dentist and have the surgically move your incisors so that they’re turned.
BARB: That’s so weird.
GUS: So like, it’s fucked up that in Japan you go to the dentist to get your teeth screwed up.
BEN: Yeah. Is it because it makes them look like vampires or something like that?
GUS: I don’t know.
BEN: I think a little bit, yeah.
JOEL: It’s gotta go… further back than that.
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: I mean it has to.
GUS: I don’t think it’s a new Twilight thing.
JOEL: No, yeah.
BEN: It’s quite possible.
JOEL: I-I-I mean they use to wrap, their feet right, to make them as small as possible.
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: Right? That was their thing.
GUS: Uhmm.
JOEL: What in the fuck is going on over there?
GUS: I think-
BARB: That’s Chinese Culture.
GUS: That was the Chinese, yeah.
JOEL: Are you sure? I thought it was Japanese.
GUS: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s Chinese.
BARB: Yeah. It’s…
JOEL: I don’t know.
BARB: I-I know this.
JOEL: Yeah? Really? Chi-
BARB: I don’t know.
JOEL: I think it’s- I’m gonna go out on a limb and-
GUS: You got a laptop right in front of you!
JOEL: That’s cheating!
BARB: You have the internet.
JACK: That’s cheating.
BARB: At your fingertips.
JOEL: I-I’ll go on Bing right now.
JACK: Yeah. S-Supporting yourself with facts, that’s cheating.
BEN: Now, if there’s a social result, for that, on Bing…
GUS: Oh that’ll be interesting.
BEN: … Y-You’ve got a problem with your social circle.
JACK: Well Joel’s friends with like 8 billion people on Facebook so…
BARB: This is true.
GUS: S-So maybe someone- someone has bin-foot binding.
JOEL: We all have something in common, and that’s that we hate Jack… No, noo… Uhmm…
BARB: Jack sucks, Joel #1.
GUS: S-Someone sent, a-an e-mail to the podcast e-mail address the other day, I think it was yesterday or the day before, and they were like,” Y’all are st-totally stupid. Ga-Gavin’s right all the time, y’all are morons.”
JACK: What?
GUS: Told Jack to stop bein’ a cunt. I was like, okay, cool e-mail dude.
JACK: Clearly.
BARB: You should’ve just told us that last part.
JACK: Clearly Gavin is always right.
GUS: Yeah. It’s like yo-yo-you’ve definitely discounted yourself.
BEN: In fairness, there is stuff that he’s right about, like the queen having no last name.
BARB: Yeah, you guys get monotone shit.
BEN: And you guys were being really unfair. To b-
GUS: I was unfair?
BARB: Everyone was.
GUS: Ooohoohooo, it’s the first time, GUS has ever been unfair.
BARB: Joel is reading, about-
BEN: I-I’m sitting next to him, I know.
GUS: Ben- Ben has been driving me crazy. We went to eat, at a Vietnamese restaurant yesterday, and they were playing… I don’t know it was like thos-
BEN: They were playing Journey.
GUS: Shut the fuck up, I’m telling the story. So we were over there it’s like that- It’s like that Thai place by Jersey Mics, you know, in that shopping centre?
JACK: Oh yeah, yeah.
GUS: And we go in there, and we sit down, and they’re playing like Americ- They’re playing Journey on the uh radio.
JACK: Y-Yeah.
GUS: And uh, so we open up the menu, Ben looks at the menu and the waiter comes to take our drink orders, and Ben orders a water. And then he says,” Do they have coke in Vietnam? Can we get a coke here?”
BARB: Oh my god.
GUS: And I was like,” We’re… in the United States, Ben.” He goes,” Why are they playing this music, this isn’t very authentic.” I was like we’re in a fucking strip mall-
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: -in the suburbs.
JACK: This-this isn’t Epcot center where they’re tryna replicate.
BARB: This is still Texas.
BEN: Here’s the thing.
GUS: I’m muting you.
JACK: He’s been muted too! You turned down the volume, AND you muted him.
GUS: We’re not seeking to recreate the experience of going to Vietnam, we’re not in a fucking embassy, we’re not in soverign territory, in the country of fucking Vietnam. We are in a god damn cheap, Vietnamese restaurant next to-
BEN: You’re wrong about this! You’re wrong! You’re wrong!
GUS: -Next to a FedEx.
JOEL: And yo-you really wouldn’t let go of it.
JACK: Next to a FedEx.
BEN: I wouldn’t let go of it, no. They have goldfish, in the fish bowl. I was expecting they were Vietnamese fish or something.
GUS: Okay. What’s a Vietnamese fish.
BEN: I don’t know! Some kind of w-
GUS: Goldfish could be Vietnamese fish!
BEN: No, they’re fucking not. Here’s the thing, if you’re going to a Vietnamese restaurant, right? It’s a weird country. You don’t see many Vietnamese restaurants. You want a Vietnamese experience, ‘cause I don’t know what that is, but it’s not Journey.
JACK: You clearly want Robin Williams to be talking, during your meal over the radio, and playing baseball with Forrest Widicker.
BARB: Yes.
JACK: That’s what I want.
BARB: If you go to like an Asian restaurant in the UK…
BEN: Yep.
BARB: … Do they have like Asian music playing?
BEN: Absolutely!
BARB: Do they not se- Do they not serve coke? Or anything?
BEN: It’s decorated, you know that kind of stuff.
JACK: Do they speak English?
BEN: They have all the, y-y’know?
JACK: Do they speak English there?
BEN: Y-y-y-b-but. Yes.
JACK: Well there you go.
BARB: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s not offensive.
JOEL: He was all like, he was all like, how come all the women in this restaurant’s feet aren’t binded.
JACK: I believe it’s bound.
BARB: Bound.
JOEL: Bounded.
BEN: Bound. I was right, but I didn’t tell him.
JOEL: It’s-it’s Chinese.
GUS: Yep.
BARB: What’s up, yo.
JACK: D-Did Bing friend tell you about that?
GUS: I-I-I I doubt.
BARB: Point won for Barbara~
GUS: I doubt there’s a social aspect for that.
BEN: So which friend was it who told you that on Bing?
BARB: Me. It was Barbara.
GUS: It was Barbara.
JACK: Locked in.
GUS: F-Foot expert- So tell us more about your obsession with feet, Barbara.
BARB: I just- I was talking to a friend of mine and uhm, he brought up the subject of weird fetishes involving socks? Dirty socks?
GUS: Go on.
BARB: Where-
JOEL: Sock puppets? Sock Puppeteer?
BARB: Where uhm, p-people- it was actually a friend of mine from Mega64, uhmm... They...
JACK: You can say his name.
JOEL: Th-They can get away with anything.
JACK: Oh yeah.
JOEL: Yeah.
BEN: It’s Dave.
JOEL: I mean if you’re in Mega64, you can just- you can be weird and people will flow with that.
JACK: Dude, those guys are rockstars man.
GUS: H-Hold on, let her finish the story!
BARB: But uhm, there’s people out there- there’s fucking weird fetishes all over the place but this one, it’s people who like dirty socks, but not just dirty socks, it’s socks that you wear for a month straight without taking them off.
GUS: Euuuuuughhhhhhh.
JOEL: Wooooowww.
BARB: And then like… they want to hear about the smell of them, and the te-
GUS: W-w-w-wait. They want to hear about the smell?
BARB: They want to hear about it.
GUS: Or they want to experience the smell?
BARB: Both.
GUS: Okay.
BARB: Like there’s YouTube videos if you search this-
JOEL: If you-if you- do- if you- if you wear a sock for a month, and you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean. Which is impressive, right?
GUS: So wait, you’re saying there’s YouTube videos describing the smell of-
BARB: Yes.
GUS: -month old dirty socks…
BARB: And there’s comments on them being , like ohhh mann.
GUS: Where can I find these videos?
BARB: Just-
GUS: Where can I find people who are interested in this kind of thing?
JOEL: This is not-
BARB: People like you?
JACK: “Search is now social!”
JOEL: Tha-tha-that’s, kind of a weird knob, but it’s kind of common. I mean it’s sort of like-like in terms of like weird stuff? That’s not that weird.
BARB: I-it’s it’s not the weirdest of the fetishes that I’ve heard about.
JOEL: I’m mean we just talked about a guy who-
GUS: What’s the weirdest one you’ve heard about?
JOEL: W-j-
BARB: I don’t know… balloons and shit?
JOEL: Like people eat faces an-
BARB: Like people popping balloons, and… weird-
BEN: Popping balloons? L-Like-
JACK: I-I’ve heard of that one.
BARB: People get turned on by like popping balloons.
BEN: You’re in the bedroom… you got a balloon. You’re blowin’ it up, blowin’ it up…
BARB: Yeah, and they get excited.
BEN: …And then you pop it. And then that’s it. It’s all over.
BARB: And then they have an orgasm or something.
BEN: It’s done.
JOEL: So that’s not- that’s not. Again, like the Japanese guy, that’s weird.
BARB: Yeah.
JOEL: Like choppin’ up your stuff and feeding- that’s…
BEN: Okay, that’s definitely weird, but that’s also bad.
BARB: That’s not- that’s not a fetish.
GUS: But that-tha-th-th-
BEN: That’s permanent damage.
GUS: Th-th-th-that probably wasn’t a sexual fetish- oh but maybe the people who paid to eat it, that was their fetish.
BEN: But eating a penis, of course it’s a sexual fetish.
BARB: That’s weird. But yeah, back to Mega64-
JACK: Yes.
BARB: -They uh… came out with a video, about Metal Gear Rising?
JACK: Oh yeah, yeah.
BARB: And… Fucking amazing, Garret did the costume for that? And it looks incredible.
GUS: Yeah, that was the job placement one, correct?
JACK: Yeah.
BARB: Yyyes.
JACK: It was-
BARB: Yeah.
JACK: -was Ryden going around tryna find a job.
BARB: It was really funny.
GUS: Yeah. It was good.
JACK: Very funny. Those guys- Did you see their E3 video from this year?
GUS: The “Gamer Girls”?
JACK: Gamer Girls.
BARB: Oh my god.
JACK: Ouhh. Dude. Those guys have balls.
BARB: They do.
JACK: I mean it’s like… They just roll around E3, dressed up like women.
BARB: Ehehyeah.
GUS: And they will be at RTX.
JACK: They will be at RTX.
BARB: RTX.
BEN: Now will they be as women, that is the question.
GUS: I don’t know if they’ll be dressed up as women. We had uh-
BARB: One can only hope.
GUS: Uh, press release about RTX go up, announcing that Halo 4 will be playable to the public-
JACK: Yaaayyyyyy.
BEN: OHHHOH.
BARB: OHHHHHH.
JOEL: I’m sorry, what’d you just say?
JACK: Halo 4 is going to be playable on the show floor at RTX.
BARB: Hallooooo.
JACK: July 7-8th Austin Texas, RTXevent.com.
JOEL: Wow!
BARB: First time. Playable. For consumers.
BEN: So here’s the question: What bit of Halo 4 can you play? Do we know?
GUS: You’ll find out.
JOEL: It won’t be th- It won’t be the Vietnamese…
JACK: Yeah.
JOEL: …section.
BEN: I won’t be the- okay…
JACK: But uh- I-I-II pla- I got to play Spartan Ops when I was out at E3, and that’s a lot of fun. It’s sort of a mix between Invasion and Firefight, it’s this new thing they’re doing, it’s gonna be weekly updates and stuff.
GUS: Uh-huh.
JACK: That was badass.
JOEL: Did they get rid of armour lock?
JACK: Uhh, I don’t think so?
GUS: Ar-ar-armour- it’s back- it’s-it’s renamed, like Armour Abilities don’t exist?
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: It’s like uhh. Upgrades? I don’t recall what they call them now.
JACK: Yeah. It’s like-
GUS: But you can get something similar now to Armour Lock, which is like a shield.
JOEL: Hmm.
JACK: And they have like- I’m pretty sure like you always have sprint. Now.
GUS: Yes you do.
JACK: That’s not-that’s not an armour ability anymore, that’s just built in. And uhm, like there was one, where you could see through walls. I think it was like the Promesian Vision or something?
GUS: Oh right. Yeah, yeah.
BEN: Ooh.
GUS: Yeah, yeah, it was something like that, yeah.
JACK: And uhmm… Yeah th-there’s a whole bunch of new abilities, and the game is fun as hell dude, and I’m really excited to get a whole bunch of people out there playing it.
GUS: TH-there’s also another ability which I like you can get. Which is uhhh…
JACK: There’s a shield ability now. Which is cool.
GUS: Yeah that’s similar- it was similar to Armour Lock. It-it only faces one direction though.
JACK: Y-yeah. I think you can move it though.
GUS: Yeah, this one you can move- it’s… There’s another one that’s more like Armour Lock, I can’t remember.
JOEL: I can’t wait to see it. And play it.
JACK: Yeah, it’s kickass dude. And uhh- hey can we cut in line? You think so?
BARB: I think people will be like…
GUS: Do you know who I am?
JOEL: Let’s not- they should- our-
BEN: I’d come first.
JOEL: -the fans should come first right? We should let everyone play, then a-
JACK: Yeah, they should come first, unless it’s Halo 4 then we can, get in front of them.
GUS: Then we can be like, Get out of the way, kid.
JOEL: If o- Well first it’s like this is research.
JACK: Exactly.
JOEL: We’re researching.
JACK: Yeah, clearly we’re-
BEN: Red vs Blue Season 11.
BARB: Let’s test the ah, head-bobbing.
JACK: What’s up.
BARB: Halo 4.
JACK: Anyway, that’s really exciting. I’m-I’m really jazzed about that, and I’m excited to get 343 out n…
GUS: Yeah, it’s-it’s awesome.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: I’m-I’m- It’s really-really really cool that people’ll be able to play it there.
BARB: And that’s the first time playable for consumers correct?
BEN: Right and-
GUS: Yup, think the only time it was playable that was at E3-
BARB: E3.
GUS: -But that’s a press show.
JACK: Yeah. Press only event, so.
BEN: That-that Spartan Ops thing, is like- they’re saying it’s like a TV Show? Right? Where there’s like, there’s episodes and then seasons and stuff like that?
JACK: Well i-it’s like- it’s- like every week they’re gonna release new Spartan Ops. Right now they’re doing, in Halo Reach they do the weekly updates or whatever where you can do-
BEN: Yeah it’s like a challenge.
JACK: Weekly challenges. So this is gonna be-
BEN: Like a fictional thing.
JACK: Ye-yeah th-there’s a plot in front of everything so there’s actually a story that each week tells, and so they’re gonna be updating those every single week, and uhm, I got to see one of the-the early in development ones, when I was at E3.
GUS, BARB, BEN: OOOOOOOHHHHH!
BEN: Brag about it.
JOEL: Cool. So you had be then- we have to mark-we have to mark everyone at RTX as a member of the media. Remember when this happened? We had to do some work around so-
JACK: Everyone has to write a review.
GUS: And it’s- we-we-we-we’ve been wanting to announce it for a while, so I’m glad that that information is finally out there.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Which it’s-it’s really cool. I gotta read this here real fast. I want to thank Bing.com for their support of this podcast.
BEN: Thank you.
GUS: I heard Bing has gone social, so I’ve been using it to see what the new features can mean of our audience. So I entered the terms “DayZ” and “DayZ Mod” and I got a lot of really cool stuff back, so in addition to news and links, and typical search results, you also get “Social” search results. So Bing goes through Facebook friends who like- liked it, shared it, or searched things related to DayZ and uhm, you know they can help point to stuff you wouldn’t find otherwise. So, uhm, being on friends, Bing also serves people on Twitter and best of all you can easily post and comment to my friends of Facebook. So uhm, most of us said knowledge about DayZ, so why don’t you go there and check it out for yourself. And uh, thanks again to Bing for supporting Rooster Teeth.
JOEL: I… I did that- I did that last night.
JACK: Oh you played Day-Z?
JOEL: Ah, no, I looked at videos uh, actually, through uh-
BARB: Of Day-Z?
JOEL: Uh, yeah, and uh wow, that’s crazy.
BARB: That’s awesome.
JACK: Is there any way I can please set you up on Day-Z? I used to imagine you running around with zombies.
BEN: OHH MY GOOHD.
JACK: Might be the best thing ever.
JOEL: We could uhm, I mean if we got a group of us together…
JACK: Th-there is groups.
BEN: We’ve got a server.
JACK: We’ve got 3 servers now.
JOEL: I mean, it would be, it would be hysterical.
GUS: It’s- it’s terrifying.
JOEL: It would be hysterical.
JACK: Oh okay I-I-
JOEL: I mean, if we were able to make videos of it, it would be-
JACK: People that asked-
BEN: Like a-like a-like a Let’s Play?
JACK: Peop- Yeah, people have asked if Achievement Hunter is gonna do a Let’s Play, and we’re definitely looking into it right now. Right now we-we’re setting up our PCs, ‘cause we don’t really have a PC environment t-to work with right now?
GUS: Mmhmm?
JACK: But we’re doing that just so we can do more PC related stuff.
JOEL: There’s some-
JACK: And Day-Z’s definitely one of the things we’re looking at.
JOEL: God, there’s some great videos-
JACK: The ide-The idea of Joel running around with a- like handgun?
GUS: N-No, th-th-they’ve implemented some changes p- there was a recent patch where now when you spawn, you no longer start with a gun.
JACK: Eughh.
BARB: Are you serious?
JOEL: Aw, that’s awesome.
GUS: Yeah, you just –you just like-
JOEL: Do you have any weapon at all?
GUS: No.
BARB: Just your fists.
JOEL: Wooowww.
JACK: You have beans, right?
GUS: Yeah, you have-you have I think a can of beans, and a flashlight, and that’s all.
JOEL: So they say they say that-
GUS: That’s all you start with.
JOEL: -the average life in that game is four hours.
JACK: Really?
BARB: Wow.
JOEL: So now th-they’re gonna take the weapon away it’s gonna be like-
GUS: Oh, actually fi you look at the main DayZ website-
JOEL: Uh-huh.
GUS: -it says the average life currently is only thirty-one minutes.
JOEL: Oh wow, so it’s gone down, quite a bit.
BARB: Are you serious?
JOEL: Good lord…
BARB: I-I would never be able to play that game.
GUS: You cannot play at night. Like at night it is no joke. It is fucking dark.
BARB: Terrified. I’m scared of zombies as it is, but to actually play in a real life setting.
GUS: Y-y-y-y-
JOEL: I think-
GUS: Like the other day I did-I did kind of a dick move. I was-I was exploring and I found these two bicycles. And I was like, oh sweet! I had never found a vehicle before, so I was like I’m gonna ride this bike! So I was like out, off the round, kind of by a lighthouse so I-I took it down to the road and I got on, and I was like, I’m just gonna ride down the road. So like I started riding and it was just attracting tons of zombies.
BARB: I’m just imagining GUS just like riding down the bike.
JACK: Did you go- Did you-
BARB: Daisy, daissyyy.
GUS: Yeah, so all these zombies are coming, like a huge parade of zombies behind me, and I would see survivors up by the road (?) So I drive right by them and keep going. And I’d turn around and see all the zombies jumping on them and go like uooouuughhhuhhhuhhhh. So one of- one of the people I did that to sent me a tweet that was like “What the fuck, you asshole! You led like, thirty zombies to me.”
JACK: Wait so you actually- people know it’s you playing?
GUS: Yeah I put- I put my name as GUS, but-
JACK: Oh.
GUS: Th-there’s another fake GUS.
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: So.
JACK: I think, I think it was Adam who told me- was it Adam who said he logged in as Adam and there were like three- No no, it was David, and david o-our prop guy-
GUS: Mmhmm.
JACK: -he said there were three other Davids already.
BEN: But there are- it is a common name.
GUS: Yeah.
JACK: Yeah, yeah, but still.
BEN: There are other people called that name.
JOEL: It’s amazing how many um, narrative ideas you can come up with just from some of these stories.
JACK: Oh absolutely.
JOEL: Unbelieveable.
JACK: The trolling abilities in the game are going to be spectacular.
BARB: I’m so excited to see the vids from that.
JOEL: I think it’s... I think it’s... I can’t believe it’s taken this long for this to happen
JACK: Yeah
JOEL: and I think it’s great. I think it’s great that there’s one life and I think that we’re so close cause I think it’s just a couple of other things that aren’t going to happen on this mod... but I’m shocked that no one has put development dollars after this.
BEN: But hasn’t it... It’s been around awhile and it’s only just like been spotted by people. It’s like the number one seller on
Steam now, right?
GUS: After it was mentioned in last weeks podcast!
JOEL: It’s like you can’t get into all the buildings because the map wasn’t engineered for it. If somebody made a map where
you can get into all the buildings, that would be great! I think another things if you could actually build actual sort of bases where if you have the ability to moves things and block things and have more open and closing doors.
JACK: Like board windows and board doors.
JOEL: YEAH! If you could board all that stuff and sort of actually have places where you could stand.
GUS: You should listen to Adam talk about that game. He plays with six or seven friends of his and they are fucking serious. I think they have a base somewhere. Like you can’t build anything-
JACK: You can set up tents right?
GUS: I think they have a little tent city hidden somewhere?
BEN: Nice.
GUS: He said that when they explore citys: 2 of them walk through the city, 2 people provide overwatch with sniper rifles, and theres another person off in the distance who’s a spotter keeping an eye out for stuff.
JOEL: That’s awesome. Cool. Are they good or are they evil? Do they kill survivors or do they...
GUS: I think they go both ways.
JOEL: Ah they go both ways...
BARB: Winky face!
BEN: In the future, when civilization has gone you have to right?
GUS: Yes.
JOEL: So it’s a fine line, right?
GUS: I think I mean sometimes you have to it’s like kill or be killed. Like I had this really weird moment where I was showing Adam the game last week for the first time and I was just kind of walking around and I was on the second level of a building and I walked over to the ladder to walk down and I looked down and there was a guy looking at the ladder looking to come up and we just stared at each other for a second with guns pointed at each other. And then he first a shot. So I first and then we just started shooting at each other and then we both died. Like we both killed each other.
BEN: So it was like a literal Mexican standoff.
GUS: Yeah, well uh you need a third person for that.
BEN: Oh I see.
JOEL: The weird thing with the change to where you don’t have a handgun now is it seems like it’s going to turn into basically 2 games to where all the people who spawn immediately and don’t have a gun... It’s sort of like fuck it I can run around and do whatever. My life means nothing. I could just take out whatever. It doesn't matter. Once you get the gun. It changes probably to where now I can’t die.
Everyone: Yeah
BARB: If you starve could you cut off your dick and eat it?
GUS: Only if you play the Japanese character.
JACK: If you have a hatchet.
BEN: But you were saying JOEL, this is pretty much how Left 4 Dead started right? It was a mod of something. It was a mod of Half-Life and it became a new game. Do you think there will be like a retail, proper game like from Day-Z?
JOEL: I hope so.
JACK: Well didn’t Burnie say that the ARMA guy... so this game is based on ARMA 2 which is uh...
BEN: A game that no one knows about.
JACK: Well apparently the guy who makes ARMA basically told this guy “don’t do anything but make this game” like make this mod and it might be incorporated into the next version.
JOEL: Have any of you guys heard of ARMA 2?
BARB: What is ARMA like what kind of game is it?
JOEL: So no one’s heard of it?
BEN: It’s not a brand that anyone knows.
GUS: What Burnie said last week was it’s a sequel to Operation Flashpoint.
(Silence)
JOEL: Well that makes total sense right. If there was one sentence I was waiting for you to say it was gunna be Operation Flashpoint.
BARB: Everything's coming together.
JOEL: It’s almost like... If I were to like... It’s almost like... if I were to like try to market a game and someones like I’m going to build and engine for one thing and then I’m just not really going to worry about that and then we’re gunna build a mod around that.
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: Build the mod around the game and then market the mod.
GUS: Well that essentially whats happened with the Source engine right? I mean Counter Strike started as a mod. Like you said Left 4 Dead started as a mod.
JOEL: Somebody's got to jump on this right?
BEN: Yeah.
BARB: I would think so... I just can’t get over the name.
JOEL: No one’s heard of ARMA before right?
BARB: No.
BEN: But I think this would be difficult to market to like a mainstream audience. Like Left 4 Dead is like an easy game for consumers but I don’t think I don’t know if this would work with like the proper big mainstream audience.
BARB: I think it would.
GUS: Hey hey that being said. It was the number one selling game on Steam.
BEN: It was.
JOEL: I mean the other thing is from a developers standpoint is this a hard game to engineer?
BEN: There’s not really much complex mechanics in there really.
JOEL: No. I mean well... I would think not.
GUS: Well the thing for this mod is that had to add a lot of objects that didn’t exist in ARMA 2 like... various things that you’ll find in the world. I believe that the zombies have a custom animation that’s different from anything in ARMA.
JOEL: But still if you’re developing...
GUS: It’s easier to develop from a mod than a game from scratch of course you know cause the engines already done.
BEN: But could you do this in like the Source Engine for example?
GUS: I’m sure you could.
JOEL: Awesome. I mean do you know what it takes to build a car or a sort of helicopter? How many steps is that.
GUS: I’ve seen. It’s fucking crazy.
BEN: You can like build your own car?
GUS: You have to fix a car.
BEN: Ahhhh...
JOEL: I saw like a guy and he walks into a shed and he’s like “Oh I’ve found a windshield.” And then it’s like you have to ask yourself the question, Do you take the windshield with you?
BARB: Can you hold the windshield in front of you and run into zombies?
GUS: No.
JOEL: It’s possible to find a transmission later and oh it’s a transmission.
GUS: I feel like I’ve seen the windshield all the time. That’s like... I see it everytime I play I feel like there are some other things that are rare... like I found an engine the other day and was like I’ve gotta start fixing the car.
JOEL: OK.
BEN: You can use an engine more than a windshield as well.
JOEL: So is there a place in the game where you can store items?
GUS: Not permanently... You can like hide them in the shed or something.
JOEL: Well that’s gotta be tough right? I mean how many how many components... I mean you’ll have to find a pretty big backpack.
JACK: The thing that blew me away was something Adam was telling me about... was first off there’s no mini-map in the game.
GUS: I think you can find a map.
JACK: You can find a map but it’s not like a normal map. Like there’s no YOU ARE HERE... Unless you find the GPS.
GUS: Yeah.
JACK: Then you can also find a GPS and then link it to the map.
JOEL: Right. Which is awesome.
JACK: But I mean just like the idea of you died. Now you’ve respawned. You have NO IDEA where the hell you are. Unless you’ve been playing the game and you know the map back to front... It’s something like 144 square miles
GUS: Somewhere around there...
JOEL: WOW!
GUS: 225 square kilometers which is about 144 square miles.
JACK: Yeah
GUS: So It’s about a 12 by 12 map.
BEN: Adam was trying to explain to me how big that is... is that bigger or smaller than Austin?
GUS: Uh so we’re here... it’s about the size... if you were to go from here to where Geoff’s house is.
BEN: Right.
GUS: and then make a square out of that. It’s about that big.
BEN: OK. That’s not bad.
BARB: It’s big.
JOEL: How many people... initially it only looks like 50 people per sever?
GUS: I think you can modify the number but I think the most I’ve seen is 50.
JACK: How many have you seen on the Rooster Teeth server?
GUS: 50!
JACK: Oh yeah?
GUS: Yeah...
JOEL: We have a server?
JACK: We have 3 servers now.
JOEL: Oh we do?
JACK: Yeah!
JOEL: Oh I wanna jump in on... I mean I wanna get in on this. I mean... are the people... the people on our servers... they’re all dicks aren’t they.
JACK: Probably. I mean that’s the thing, I’m nervous to jump on.
JOEL: If we... If we got 50 people from the Rooster Teeth site and said OK We’re going to build civilization back.
JACK: That would be terrible.
JOEL: Do you think it would work? Do you think 50 people could work--
JACK: GOD no
JOEL: See this is the thing... You cannot put a gun in the hands of a video gamer.
BEN: Nooo
JOEL: It just doesn’t work
JACK: Um... yeah see I would go on there but if I went under my name... there would be no way I would survive. I mean if it popped up Hey it’s JACK.
BARB: Everyone would want to kill you.
JACK: It would be me vs zombies vs 49 other people.
BARB: You don’t think they would try to help you out?
JACK: Maybe if... Maybe I should just play as BURNIE. I’ll play as BURNIE. HI I’m Burnie
BARB: Don’t fuck with me.
BEN: It’s painful how close to real life it is. You find out very quickly if you’re expendable or not -
GUS: Yeah.
BEN: at the end of the world.
BARB: And that’s sad.
BEN: Bad times.
BARB: I just can’t get over the name of that game. Day-Z.
BEN: Yeah I was very confused when you said we have a Day-Z server. I was like what the hell is daisy? Like where you pick flowers or something?
BARB: I just picker like daisies and happiness and it’s like a game about zombies.
GUS: Well... We’ll call it Day-Zed.
BARB: Yeah me and BEN-
GUS: For the Canadians and the British.
JACK: Foreigners...
BEN: Isn’t it a bit suspicious how... as soon as Gavin leaves I come... like we’ve never been in the same place at the same time.
BARB: Hmmmm...
GUS: Ya’ll hate each other that much huh?
BEN: Yeah.... It’s one of those, like, sexual tension things he just hasn’t admitted it yet.
JACK: Have we heard anything from those guys down in Australia?
GUS: Supposedly they uh... they wrapped up the first event and it went really well.
BEN: Sold out panels.
GUS: Yeah appear to be super busy and they have another one this weekend in Perth - DON’T TOUCH THAT. THAT’S
RECORDING.
JOEL: touching laptop Yeah I had to um uh sorry. I had to.
BARB: They apparently had the biggest booth and biggest line at the convention.
JACK: Nice!
GUS: WHA-what were you doing to my laptop?
JOEL: Cause I saw your... USB thing being crimped upwards and -
BEN: Crimped upwards?
JOEL: and after my disaster I can’t bare to see a USB plug in wrong.
GUS: OK.
BARB: He’s got it.
JACK: So I got a message from someone on the site that says they do USB recovery and repair and stuff. Do you still have your USB? Or did you light it on fire?
JOEL: I wear it as a necklace. No I mean I have it.