00:00-30:00
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[Theme song]
GUS: It’s a podcast!
BARB: Wow.
GUS: I-It’s the timely Rebecca Black cover there.
GAVIN: She was at Vidcon.
BARB: That’s the whitest dancing I’ve ever seen.
GUS: D-Have you seen the video?
BARB: No?
BURNIE: You know uh, Gavin and I were at Vidcon just this weekend, and Rebecca Black was there.
BARB: Did you meet her?
BURNIE: She only appeared on Friday. That was the one day she was there.
BARB: Are you serious?
GUS: Really?
BURNIE: I don’t know if they planned that, but yeah, she was only there on Friday right?
GAVIN: Yeah.
GUS: Was there a musical performance or was it just like a panel
BURNIE: I don’t know.
GAVIN: Who knows. Who knows.
BURNIE: A quote “musical performance.”
BARB: Yeah. Quote unquote.
GAVIN: We’re back, Burnie.
GUS: That’s a-
BURNIE: We are… BACK!
GAVIN: We’re back, and in Austin.
GUS: You guys have been around the world.
GAVIN: Yeah,
BURNIE: Yeah we-
GAVIN: We’ve been to all kinds of planets, uh-
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, Gavin Free, you can just walk out now. I mean, you’ve already-
GAVIN: No. No, I was about to say we’ve been all around planet Earth and I… said the wrong thing.
GUS: All around the planets.
GAVIN: We’ve been to one planet, it’s this one. We went to many countries.
BURNIE: This is not… this is the last two and a half weeks of my life, by the way.
BARB: I forgot what you two look like.
GUS: It’s- it’s- it’s nice to have you back. As soon as I saw Gavin this morning, I walked out of my office and he was standing in the foyer here, and he lo- he bent over looking at something, I just ran up and kicked him in the ass as hard as I could.
GAVIN: You kicked me in the asshole.
GUS: I think I kicked him right in the asshole.
GAVIN: And then you smiled and said, “I missed you.”
BURNIE: You know, we went t- one of the stops that we made because we went so far away, we went to Perth, Australia, at one point, which is the furthest point on the globe that you can go from Austin, Texas.
GUS: Yes. The Antipode of Austin, I believe is in the ocean west of Perth.
BURNIE: Yes.
GAVIN: Antipode?
BARB: Wh-
GUS: The exact point on the Earth that’s opposite.
GAVIN: Yeah, I-I s-
BURNIE: So were we at the pode?
GUS: Y-Yeah.
BURNIE: So we live on the pode a-
GUS: The antipode is against us.
GAVIN: I’m impressed you know that term.
BURNIE: If the pode ever touches the antipode it blows up. But yeah, we went to Perth, and they told us that Perth is too far away to fly back in one go, so to book something else out along the way.
BARB: How many hours do you think that is?
BURNIE: Y’know, I’d like to tell you but, we- I-I initially said ,” Why don’t we go to India?” and Gavin’s like NOOOO.
GUS: Awh come on, that would’ve been awesome!
GAVIN: I was all for it, I wanted to get a head massage by a Baba.
BURNIE: Head…
BARB: By a Baba?
GUS: If you were you could’ve literally flown all the way around the world then! From India you go west and come back!
BURNIE: D’you think we go west from India? Why?
GUS: Why not!
BURNIE: Oh, well-
GUS: If you’re doing it, I mean fuck it, you’re already that far!
BURNIE: If we wanted to guarantee like, circumventing the globe, we coulda gone back through Africa and stopped at… Johannesburg.
BARB: Johannesburg!
GUS: That would’ve been sweet.
BURNIE: I’ve never been to Asia before, which is Asia continent? Real quick? Gavin?
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Ok. Good!
GAVIN: Don’t worry about it, it’s a continent.
BURNIE: So I- So, know I get a little pin in Asia , I’ve been in Asia now. And I, I’ve never been to Africa, I’ve never been to Antarctica, and I’ve never been to South America.
GUS: I think you and me must have the same list we’re trying to fill out.
BURNIE: Y- What, all the continents?
GAVIN: I have the same list.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: I think it’s the list everyone has, unless you’re GAVIN, and then you have a different continent for Australia.
GUS: Australasia.
BARB: Is that what it’s called? AustrAsia?
BURNIE: There’s a lot of confusion about it, but you know we talked about all the coincidences we’ve had-
GAVIN: Yeah, this is crazy! So, I uhm-
BURNIE: Go ahead, go ahead.
GAVIN: So we literally just recorded that podcast where, apparently, Australasia isn’t a continent, it’s just a name for…
GUS: A region?
GAVIN: A region.
GUS: Mmhmm.
GAVIN: And uh, the continent is called Australia, which all the Australians very gladly pointed out to me over and over again. But we landed, and then we went to- What was that museum we went to?
BURNIE: Te Papa Museum.
GUS: That’s an awesome museum.
BURNIE: That was in Wellington, New Zealand.
GAVIN: In Wellington. And the first like, bit we went to was a giant globe of like, tectonic plates with all the continents written there and it just said Australia there, in fat letters, and I was like Goddamn. And then we- l- we landed in Perth a few days later, we sat down in a restaurant, I leant back in my chair and looked to the ceiling, and there was like a big mural on the ceiling with all the continents-
BURNIE: Listed for him.
GAVIN: Like again! Like right above our heads!
BARB: Like all in your face.
GUS: So you-
GAVIN: What’s goin’ on?
GUS: You maybe have been seeing them all your life and you’ve just been ignoring them like an idiot-
GAVIN: I guess I have. But yeah, that-that was in Australia as well. I’ve got- I’ve got pictures of both.
GUS: Good.
BURNIE: So here’s our total path that we took: We went from Austin, to L.A, to Sydney, to Wellington, New Zealand, to Sydney, to Perth, to Sydney, to Tokyo, to L.A, to Austin.
BARB: To Sydney.
GAVIN: We went to Sydney three times, in a couple weeks.
BURNIE: Well that was the weird thing, they told us not t- not to fly back directly from Perth, so
we said okay, we’ll stop in Tokyo. We literally stopped in Tokyo for 36 hours. But, the flight went from Perth, to Sydney, to Tokyo.
GUS: Oh my god!
BURNIE: It was such a waste!
BARB: What’s the point?
BURNIE: We actually had to fly back west, we flew-
GAVIN: We flew east, and then back to the west, and then to the east again. It was a zig-zag back up to America.
GUS: Wow.
BARB: Jeez man.
BURNIE: But we have been in so many different time zones, I jus- have no idea what time it is at this point.
GAVIN: Being in New Zealand, which is 12 hours ahead of GMT…
BURNIE: Which is where Gav’s from, so New Zealand was the furthest point- is the antipode for his home.
GUS: Oh, nice, congratulations.
GAVIN: Thanks. And uh, but just being in that time zone, being at like the front of time and having-
BARB: Being at the front of time…
GUS: Being at the front of time.
BURNIE: I’m already getting upset with this conversation.
BARB: On which planet, Gavin?
BURNIE: We had- this was an hour long conversation while we were eating breakfast one day.
GUS: What’s behind time?
GAVIN: GMT minus.
GUS: Okay, so y-
GAVIN: The U.S is behind.
GUS: Okay.
BURNIE: So I was explain-
GAVIN: So the centre of time, is England.
GUS: Okay.
GAVIN: And time goes backwards and forwards around England.
GUS: Okay.
BARB: Ohh god.
GUS: Of course. That’s why-that’s why Dr.Who’s from England.
BURNIE: Exactly. ‘Cause he’s a time lord. That’s why they set it at zero, ‘cause that’s where all the time lords come from.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: But we-
BARB: That’s true.
BURNIE: -I was trying to explain to him that… it- because he’s at Zero GMT that’s where he’s used to coming from, that the furthest point away from him would be the international dateline.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: That’s exactly the opposite side.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: It’s not the case for Austin, ‘cause Austin is negative 6 GMT already.
GUS: Right.
BURNIE: So you can go past the international date line.
GUS: Right.
BURNIE: Okay. And then- So Perth is the furthest away we’d get and still be in a city on land and not bobbing in the middle of the ocean like you said, at the antipode. And I had to explain to him that that’s the furthest we could be away geographically, but not the furthest point we could be away in time.
GUS: Correct.
BURNIE: That is if we come East, we get closer to Austin, but we get further away in time.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: Because we’re approaching the international dateline. No, he couldn’t see it.
GUS: The-the-
BURNIE: He was confused, like absolutely-
GAVIN: I get it.
GUS: I-I’ve looked at it before and opposite for us is GMT +6-
BARB: Now you do.
GUS: -which is somewhere in eastern Russia, near Kazakhstan I believe, or east of Kazakhstan I wanna say.
BURNIE: Or anything along the North South-
GUS: Right.
GAVIN: So I was looking at-
BURNIE: Wrongitude.
GAVIN: I was looking at th-
GUS: For the record I’m pro-pode. I don’t want any thinking I’m anti-pode.
BURNIE: You don’t wanna go- o-our sister city is in Australia as well, Austin’s Sister City is-
GUS: Is Adelaide, right?
BURNIE: Adelaide.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: S- What is it mean, sister city?
BURNIE: I have no idea.
BARB: Alright.
BURNIE: We don’t let our other city friends bang her. That’s about it. That’s the way it works.
GAVIN: But I was looking at this map-
BURNIE: Speaking of which, we saw Jordan while we were out there.
GUS: What a great segway, I’m curious to learn more.
BURNIE: Y’know it’s my goal in life to talk about Jordan’s sister enough, to where he has to do an RT Animated Adventure based on his sister.
GAVIN: You want him to draw his sister, don’t you?
BURNIE: Pretty much, and how horrible that would be for him.
GUS: You got a stick wavy arm fetish?
BURNIE: No I don’t have that. Plus I gotta say that all Jordan’s women look exactly the same.
GAVIN: Mmm.
BURNIE: It doesn’t matter who it is.
BARB: Mine has a frown.
BURNIE: Yours has a frown?
BARB: Yep.
BURNIE: So you’re Kara with a frown?
BARB: Pretty much.
GUS: Y’know I th- I think they all originate from the two- the two dumb bitches on uh, the San Diego flight.
BARB: But their hairstyles are different. If you pay close enough attention.
BURNIE: Really close attention.
BARB: It’s hard for- distinct features to show in cartoons for girls ‘cause it’s like we’re just white girls with hair.
BURNIE: White girls with hair.
BARB: We don’t have beards or glasses or any other distinctive features.
GUS: Well you should start wearing glasses.
BURNIE: Grow a beard!
BARB: Yeah, okay.
GUS: Yeah grow a beard.
BURNIE: Sh-shave your hair. That’ll work out.
BARB: I’ll be bald for the rest of the time.
BURNIE: Gav, what were you saying?
GAVIN: I don’t know, what was I saying?
BURNIE: I don’t know.
GUS: Probably something-something really stupid.
GAVIN: Oh no, yeah, yeah, I was saying I was looking at a map of the time z- What are you two-
GUS: That he reminded you.
BURNIE: Th-that’s the point I was making.
GAVIN: I was looking at a map of the time zones right, so th- cause they don’t go straight down, they kind of like go around-
GUS: Right.
GAVIN: -the borders of countries and stuff. But there’s one like group of islands that is GMT +14 and it’s actually past the international dateline. So, like, Hawaii is here, and then below it is these islands but Hawaii’s backwards, and these islands are forwards.
BURNIE: Okay.
GAVIN: But it’s like +14 so there’s actually twenty-six time zones.
BURNIE: Ye-uh well listen-
GAVIN: Which means one day lasts for fifty hours on the whole planet.
BURNIE: “One day lasts for fifty hours.”
GAVIN: Like one date will last for 50 hours total.
BARB: Oh.
GUS: H-Ho-How do you come up with fifty?
BARB: Fifty.
GAVIN: ‘Cause twenty six times zones and twenty four hours.
BURNIE: But it’s still the same amount of time it’d take-
GUS: So you’re adding twenty six and twenty four to get fifty?
GAVIN: ……… Yeah? ……. A- Are you not?
GUS: No-
BURNIE: Wh-Why would the number of time zones affect the time the Earth takes to rotate?
GAVIN: Well it’s twe-
BURNIE: Wh-Wh-
GAVIN: Well it’s twenty six-
GUS: Why are you adding them, you’re just like coming up with numbers and putting them together.
GAVIN: Yea-
GUS: There’s 7 days a week maybe there’s fifty seven.
GAVIN: What are you on about? What are you talkin’ about? No!
BURNIE: Y-
GUS: You’re argument should be that there are twenty six hours not that there’s fifty! You’re like- you’re making a fucking idiotic argument and you can’t even get the fucking numbers right!
GAVIN: Wh-What’re you talkin’ about! So, okay-
GUS: WHAT?
GAVIN: No, so in this group of islands a day starts at midnight, right. And then… as-
GUS: What are you on about…
GAVIN: Right? But the day hasn’t started in like Hawaii yet, that wouldn’t start- the day won’t start in Hawaii for another twenty six hours.
BARB: But there’s a lot of overlap.
GUS: Yeah there is-
GAVIN: There’s no overlap!
GUS: There is overlap.
GAVIN: Between the f-f- th-the the front one and the back one.
GUS: Y-Y-You just s- there is a fucking overlap, Hawaii and this shitball island that’s got you all fucked up!
BARB: So if there’s one time zone-
GAVIN: Do you not understand?
BARB: -if there’s one time zone- one time zone that’s twelve hours ahead. So it would be twenty four hours plus twelve, wouldn’t it be?
BURNIE: How did we reach the math portion of the podcast this fast?
GAVIN: Twelve hours ahead of zero is also- there’s fourteen ahead of zero and twelve back.
BARB: Is there any time that there’s twenty four hours ahead of something?
GUS: Not unless you’re counting military time.
GAVIN: No, because if- okay if- if you’re on GMT -12-
BURNIE: Right.
GAVIN: -and you’re- you’ve got someone else on GMT +14, you’re over a day ahead of him.
BURNIE: WHOOPS. Gavin is adding up- Gavin is saying that a day- Gavin is saying that a day lasts fifty hours because he’s counting a full day like on these islands and that he’s coming up with.
GAVIN: I’m saying that one date on the calendar lasts on Earth for a total of fifty- I don’t believe what’s going on!
BURNIE: It doesn’t, it just starts at different points!
GUS: It’s- that’s it- It’s just relative, it just starts at different points.
GAVIN: Well, you could move around the earth and stay on that day for fifty hours if you wanted to.
GUS: How?
BURNIE: It’s true you could. Let me thi-
BARB: I get the results, I ge-
BURNIE: I think what he’s saying because we did this. So, we were in Japan which is across the international dateline.
GAVIN: How is it thirty-eight?
BARB: Because-
BURNIE: Shut up.
GUS: He’s gonna explain it. The thing is, I’m really curious to know how this gets explained.
BURNIE: I’ll give you a clear example. We were in Japan. We were across the international dateline so the day starts at midnight right? We wake up at 7am, so let’s just take it from there.
GUS: Okay, 7am.
BURNIE: We wake up at 7am, our plane leaves at 5pm, we kill the day in Japan. We get on a plane at 5pm Wednesday. We fly to L.A for ten hours. We land Wednesday at 11am, we land before we took off.
GUS: Okay.
BURNIE: And we’d been flying for 10 hours.
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And so we land at 11am, we stay up until 10pm that night. We had a Wednesday that lasted like 36 hours.
GUS: I see what you’re saying, crossing the dateline, I was thinking going along the same day. So crossing the dateline to go back you could make it last fifty.
GAVIN: It doesn’t matter, I ‘m saying-
GUS: Yes it does matter.
GAVIN: -on earth there are fifty hours where you can have the same date.
BARB: I understand what you’re trying to say, I don’t what the answer is for you though.
GUS: Okay, I-I was misunderstanding what you were trying to say before I understand what you’re trying to say now. You are stupid.
GAVIN: I’m right though. I’m totally right.
BURNIE: But you-y-listen. A day lasts as long as a day lasts; I mean a day on Earth is still 24 hours.
BARB: What he’s trying to say is July 1st-
GAVIN: I didn’t- I said a date.
BARB: -exists for fifty hours on planet Earth.
GUS: So- Are y-y-is it physically possible then, to have a fifty hour day. If you could f- like, is there a plane fast enough you could be in.
GAVIN: Well you could- if you have enough fuel.
BURNIE: You need enough time zones in an hour right?
GUS: Right. You have t-
GAVIN: No, you could spend most the day on this +14 area and then fly up to the plus- to the negative 12 area.
GUS: H-H-Here’s- uhmmmm… okay.
BURNIE: Oh you just step, you just step over the international dateline?
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Before midnight? He’s got a point, you could do that.
GAVIN: You time it, right, and you’d get fifty hours in-
GUS: What if you’re up in- okay, okay h-here’s a crazy question: all these datelines are like lines of longitude right?
BURNIE: Yes.
GUS: They all go up to the North Pole?
BURNIE: Right.
GUS: What if you go up to the point where they meet-
BARB: Just circle around.
GUS: -and you walk round.
GAVIN: Genius!
GUS: In like a ten foot circle. Could you have a day that lasts for fifty hours by doing that?
BURNIE: He-here’s… Could you stay ahead of it, right?
GUS: Well if you’re there when they all meet, why couldn’t you?
GAVIN: Well technically the sun never sets up there anyways, so you’d be- you would have a day that lasts for a very long time.
BURNIE: Okay, look. This just points out what we learned on this trip which is time is relative bullshit, like time seems like an absolute thing in our lives, it’s not, it’s totally relative.
GAVIN: It’s just a big ball of rock that’s spinning. That’s all it is. That’s all time is.
GUS: I-It’s still going it’s just our measurement and our-
GAVIN: Y-Yeah.
GUS: - indicators are fucked up.
BURNIE: Do you think we should have time zones? Do you think we should have that anymore?
GUS: No, fuck no.
BURNIE: Do you think we should have a global time, and you have to know when that at like, y’know…
GAVIN: Well if-
BURNIE: T-Two am is when business starts in California.
BARB: People are too- People are too stupid.
GAVIN: I think if we-
BURNIE: It is true, right?
BARB: Yeah, yeah.
GAVIN: If we colonize- if we colonize a new planet that’s how we’ll be.
BURNIE: What’s that?
GAVIN: If we get a new planet, that’s how it’ll be. Th-They won’t be bothered with putting time zones on Mars and stuff like that.
BURNIE: Why not? Why wouldn’t they, because people would-
GAVIN: Because it- Because it’s more efficient that way to have the same time.
BURNIE: You’re saying that we’ve- we’ve established a stupid system-
GAVIN: Y-Yeah. Well it’s an ancient system because people didn’t know about the places around the world being…
GUS: Well they could- they couldn’t get there fast enough.
GAVIN: Yeah, sure.
GUS: They knew about the other places.
BURNIE: Don’t you think we’ll try to sync the new planet to Earth time?
GAVIN: What, like change its rotation, what are you talkin’ about?
BURNIE: No no no, I mean like, we just i-it’s relative, so I mean we hav- we- we try to sync time now based on these arbitrary boundaries of longitude that we’ve created. You don’t think they’d try to do the same thing like-
GUS: Yeah, like t-try- 5pm Central Time on Earth is the same as 5pm Central time on Mars?
GAVIN: I-If it were-
GUS: Like the Recreation stuff.
GAVIN: Like 5pm one day would be in the middle of the night, and then the next day it’d be in the middle of the day, it wouldn’t work.
GUS: Awh, you’re right.
BURNIE: N-No i-it would’ve been fine, you’d be like f-fuck it they live on Mars, fuck them!
GAVIN: It’s 5pm day, and then I’ll see you at 5pm night, it doesn’t-
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: -really make any damn sense.
BURNIE: W-W-W- Does anybody even know what is the day o-on Mars, how long is it?
GAVIN: I don’t know, but I know that Mercury has its year is shorter than its day.
GUS: Yes, that’s correct.
BURNIE: Yeah. So you’re saying w-wait… How the fuck did we get to this conversation! What you’re saying is relative anyway! I-If it has a shorter rotation than the planet Earth…
GAVIN: What does?
BURNIE: Mars.
GAVIN: I don’t know if it does.
BURNIE: IF IT DOES. If it does, then even if they have their own time, it’ll still shift according to Earth time. Like one day at 5 o’clock it’ll be our 2 o’clock, and the next day it’ll be at our 10 o’clock.
BARB: The amo-
BURNIE: It’ll still shift.
BARB: The amount of time we spent discussing this is probably a fifty hour day.
BURNIE: I-I- we’re done. We’re done. We’ve had- we’ve had our Wednesday, and it’s already over.
GAVIN: Let’s have a fifty hour podcast.
BARB: I vote to move on.
BURNIE: N-S-So luckily Gavin visited one of the planets on our trip. And he can tell us what time it was there.
BARB: How are the other planets?
GUS: I haven’t verified it-
GAVIN: They’re good.
GUS: -but the first answer I found said that, uh, Mars’ rotation period is 24 hours, 39 minutes, and 35 seconds
GAVIN: That’s not bad!
BARB: It’s pretty similar.
GAVIN: Wow.
BURNIE: This will aggravate the piss out of you- who gives a shit Gavin about that really. This will aggravate you, Gus. We found out there’s a place, I think somewhere between Melbourne and Adelaide, where they, where they do daylight savings, they shift by 30 minutes.
GUS: Oh yeah, there’s places like that here too I think.
BARB: There’s a time zone I think that’s 30 minutes ahead.
BURNIE: FUCK what?
GAVIN: I think uh-
BURNIE: Who would do-
BARB: Like up in Canada somewhere.
GAVIN: I think there are 15 minute time zones too-
GUS: No!
GAVIN: In some of the-
GUS: No!!!
BARB: No there’s not 15 minute time zones.
GAVIN: I think there is. Around Asia; o-or Russia or something
BURNIE: It’s just all- It’s all totally arbitrary. It’s totally arbitrary.
GUS: It’s bullshit
BURNIE: Just give it up. And then in like China, that whole country they have 1 time zone.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: That’s wha--
GUS: That I can- That’s something I can get around; I can get behind that.
BURNIE: I love that. I love the people in the western part of the- the uh, country have to like, wake up at 3am.
GUS: Yeah, I wonder which is the more- like which side of the country benefits more, from that. Like where should the time zone actually be? Like the people in the East- It’s probably centered around Bejing, right?
BURNIE: I would guess it’s on the capital, yeahh.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Hey what’s going on in Hong Kong right now? Wh-What’s going on?
GUS: I dunno- I feel there hasn’t been much reporting about it, I think, uh, I mean we just passed the 15th anniversary of the hand off from the British Empire to China.
BURNIE: Why did they do that? Gavin do you know why they did that? Why did British give hong kong back to China?
GAVIN: I don’t know why you’re asking me a history question.
BURNIE: I’m just asking you do you-
GAVIN: I have absolutely no idea.
BURNIE: ‘Kay.
GUS: I can answer that.
BURNIE: I know but I wanted to see if he can answer it.
GUS: Oh yeah, yeah.
BURNIE: Do you remember-
BARB: C’mon Gavin.
BURNIE: -when that happened?
GAVIN: Do I remember?
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: No.
BURNIE: Okay.
GUS: How many years ago was it?
GAVIN: I dunno.
GUS: I literally just said-
GAVIN: I was looking
GUS: -how many years ago it was 30 seconds ago.
GAVIN: 15?
GUS: Yes, Very good
GAVIN: Yes
BURNIE: So you would have been what? 12 years old? By the way, today is Barbara Dunkelman’s-
GAVIN: Awww happy-
BURNIE: -23rd Birthday.
BARB: Yay.
GAVIN: Happy Birthday Barbara.
BURNIE: Happy Birthday Barabara.
BARB: Thank you guys.
GUS: Happy birthday.
BARB: Well it’s not going to be when people are listening to this podcast.
BURNIE: That’s okay because it doesn’t matter? We’re in our 50th hour of your birthday.
BARB: Yay.
BURNIE: By the time someone knew that , somewhere it’ll be your birthday still.
BARB: Yes.
BURNIE: Maybe on Mars.
GAVIN: So are you jetlagged?
GUS: I wonder- I won- You could skip your birthday, couldn’t you?
GAVIN: Uhhhh….
BARB & GAVIN: Probably
GUS: If you took off from LA, they day before your birthday-
BURNIE:No! It’s still your fucking birthday!
GUS: Then land the day after? But you birthday never happened!
GAVIN: Well yeah, cause we-
BURNIE: Absolute horseshit.
GAVIN: -we took off Tuesday and landed on a Thursday.
GUS: Yeah
GAVIN: When we went to Australia.
GUS: Yeah, you can skip your birthday.
GAVIN: So you can skip it.
BURNIE: I don’t think you actually skip it you just have 1 hour-
BARB: I think I’m gonna-
BURNIE: Wednesday.
BARB: -do that for my 30th birthday-
GAVIN: Yeah it just happens when-
BARB: -every year. And never turn 30.
BURNIE: Why what’s wrong with 30?
BARB: I wanna stay 29. I’m just saying.
GUS: There’s nothing wrong with 30.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Hey, I’m gonna read something
BURNIE: Why don’t you shut up?
GUS: I just wanna remind everyone that this podcast is brought to you by audible.com, the internet’s leading provider of audiobooks, with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, and featuring audio versions of many New York Times Best Sellers. For our listeners audible is offering a free audiobook, to give you a chance to try out their service. One audiobook to consider is “Glasslands” by Karen Traviss. For a free audiobook of your choice go to audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. That’s audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. Feel like I should have mentioned that it’s “Halo: Glasslands” by Karen Traviss.
BURNIE: As- is there is another glasslands?
GUS: That’s- to be clear.
BURNIE: Oh.
GUS: So people know it’s a Halo novel.
GAVIN: So that’s a Halo book?
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: Oh.
BURNIE: Oh Karen Traviss? I- Ah- I- I haven’t actually read it or-
GUS: Me neither, that’s why I put it in my queue so that’s uh- that’s my next project.
BURNIE: Supposedly there is a Karen Traviss book that makes a Red vs Blue reference.
GUS: She’s a- a- I met her, 2-
BURNIE: She watched the show.
GUS: I met her, 2 years ago at comic con- San Diego Comic con I think.
BURNIE: Yup.
GUS: She’s awesome.
BURNIE: Yeah she’s says uh, she she she told me she liked the writing I thought that was a- a-
BARB: Ooh.
BURNIE: -high complement from someone-
GUS: High praise from Caesar.
BURNIE: Why do we- Why is the New York Times, a newspaper, why is that the- the
determining factor on whether or not a book is good or not?
GUS: They probably just s- said they were-
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: -and it’s been going on for so long it’s like,
BARB: New York Times.
GUS: Well they are.
BARB: Endorsed by the New York Times.
BURNIE: Yeah but is there anything else like that where it’s like, a newspaper determines what books are good? It seems like, they’re monkeying around somewhere where they shouldn’t.
BARB: Yeah…
BURNIE: Like is there a TV show that determines what movies are good?
BARB: Well, there used to be that-
GUS: Uhhh Entertainment Tonight.
BARB: -Roger and Ebert. Didn’t they have a show or something? Where they would-
GUS: At the movies?
BARB: -yeah. That’s the one.
BURNIE: 23 years old today.
GUS: Full of life’s experience.
BARB: Shut up.
BURNIE: Let me see-
GUS: I- I finally saw Prometheus this weekend.
BURNIE: Siskel and Ebert. Siskel and Ebert. Not-
GAVIN: You say Prometheus?
BURNIE: -Roger and Ebert.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: That’s one person.
BARB: Fuck.
BURNIE: Roger and Ebert.
GUS: That was- That was your birthday pass.
BURNIE: Did Roger Ebert die?
GUS: No he’s still around.
BURNIE: Okay.
BARB: Siskel and Ebert.
GAVIN: Gus.
BURNIE: Hey hey listen Gene Siskel, the last year he was alive, he said that one of the movies you should watch is “Babe 2: Pig in the City”.
BARB: Are you serious?
BURNIE: Have you ever seen that movie?
BARB: No
BURNIE: Awesome movie. Have you ever seen “Babe” the pig movie?
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: What the hell. This Babe 2. They made a Babe 2 nobody saw it, it’s one of the weirdest, cutest, coolest movies that I have ever seen in my life.
BARB: Are you serious?
GAVIN: Did you just recently watch it or something?
BURNIE: I just recently saw it again on Netflix, but yeah. Babe 2 is awesome.
GUS: I saw the first one I never saw the second one.
BARB: I could never imagine Burnie sitting at home watching Babe 2.
GUS: Man I wanna get some pork chops.
BURNIE: It’s really dark. It’s really weird. It’s weirdly a dark movie. But it’s great.
GAVIN: Did it make you hungry?
BURNIE: What?
GUS: Watching a pig, man I’d wanna eat the shit out of that pig.
BURNIE: Eat the SHIT out of that pig? Wow. There’s a really sad scene in there where all
the animals are hungry and they have to eat, and they have to dig up jellybeans.
GAVIN: One of the- One of the guys I used to work with-
BARB: That’s so sad…
BURNIE: It’s really sad there was a little kitten that goes “a couple of jellybeans don’t even hit the bottom…”
BARB: Oh no.
BURNIE: You look really sad, you should go see it though it’s a great movie.
GAVIN: One of the guys I used to work with was a wildlife cameraman. He used to spend a lot of time just like hiding in the jungle and stuff, and he said pigs were the worst for trying to get food because you walk up to a pig with a knife, it knows exactly what’s gonna happen. Like, they’re really smart they know when they’re about to be slaughtered.
BURNIE: Jesus.
GAVIN: And they would go crazy and he- he’d be like he’d go “Ugh”
GUS: Wait wait wait he was a wildlife cameraman
BURNIE: What the fuck kinda movie is he making?
BARB: So he had to feed himself.
GUS: Does he film himself like stabbing pigs?
GAVIN: No he-
GUS: Is it like pig snuff films?
BARB: He had to kill his own food?
GUS: He’s like “Oh gotta make-
GAVIN: He was in the jungle for like 8 months.
GUS: -gotta make faces of pig death: Part 7”
BURNIE: Gus, not only does he kill pigs he knows which animals react to knives. This guy’s like a menace he’s going around threatening animals with knives. “Well the eagle took it GREAT! The good news is you can beat the shit out of a pig with a club and it doesn’t have any idea what’s going on. It thinks it wants you to play fetch just right up until the last second.”
GUS: What if he tries to disguise the knife as different things, like-
BARB: Like put it in a puppet.
GUS: Like put it in a pineapple. Pineapple knife the pig.
GAVIN: Did you say put it in a puppet?
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: So I don’t understand what does this guy do is he a wildlife photographer who
kills animals?
GAVIN: He used to work for like, like David Attenborough.
BURNIE: Yeah?
GAVIN: You know wildlife films.
BURNIE: But why-
GAVIN: So, he would have to be in a hide in a jungle like, all day and, he’d be on his own, with a-
BURNIE: Okay
GAVIN: -like, a film camera and-
GUS: So why would he kill the fucking pig?
GAVIN: To eat!
GUS: Why didn’t he take food?
GAVIN: What, eight months worth of food?
GUS: Well he’s taking a camera and eight months worth of film.
BURNIE: So he would-
GUS: Right?
BURNIE: -go out and-
GAVIN: He has food there why not use what’s there?
BURNIE: He would go out on a shoot for 8 months?
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Really?
GAVIN: He would just sit in the jungle, build like, build a hide, sit in it all day, see if he got the
shot, and then like move on like-
BURNIE: Is hide the English word for blind? Is that- I think we call those blinds.
BARB: Or a tent.
GUS: Or a tent where they can’t see him or something?
GAVIN: yeah like a tent. Like a camo tent.
GUS: Okay.
BURNIE: Yeah, yeah.
GAVIN: But like with leaves and crap all over it.
BARB: Did he work on ummmm… what’s it called…. uhhh…
GUS: Babe 2?
BARB: Planet Earth?
GAVIN: Yes he did.
BARB: Oh did he?
BURNIE: Oh really?
BARB: I heard those people were out for like a year at a time. Trying to get one shot.
GAVIN: He uh-
BURNIE: That- the- that Planet Earth series, that is amazing
BARB: It is incredible. On blu-ray
BURNIE: They don’t need to make more nature movies, after that one.
BARB: You- you know everything about nature after that whole series.
BURNIE: You pretty much do.
GUS: Not Gavin. We should have a nature quiz with Gavin one day.
BURNIE: The bonus track is “which animals are afraid of knives?”
GAVIN: But he’s- you can walk up to a cow with a knife and it’ll just stand there.
BARB: Well it can’t really run very fast.
BURNIE: According to your friend.
BARB: How fast can cows run?
GUS: A cow can stampede.
GAVIN: yeah cows can run.
BURNIE: Which animals respond to threats?
GAVIN: Let’s ask them.
BARB: Somebody should write a thesis on this.
GAVIN: Okay Gus.
GUS: yeah.
GAVIN: What did you think of Prometheus?
GUS: I liked it. It was totally fine. There were some weird stuff-
GAVIN: Really?
GUS: in it. yeah. Totally fine.
GAVIN: I thought it sucked.
BARB: Did you see it yet Burnie?
BURNIE: I did.
GAVIN: I thought it was gonna be a direct prequel to Alien, but I guess it’s set in the same-
GUS: yeah I was expecting more horror and direct
GAVIN: It
GUS: Alien stuff
GAVIN: It’s because the trailer-
GUS: If anything I was unha- uh can we talk can we give spoilers? I mean I dunno
BARB: It its been
GAVIN: It’s been out for 3 weeks.
BARB: a couple of weeks already.
GUS: If anything I was unhappy that they showed the xenomorph Alien at the end. I felt that
was a cop-out. Like through the whole movie not showing it,
GAVIN: yeah.
GUS: then at the very end, they like show it. It’s like, what?
GAVIN: Why?
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: yeah.
GAVIN: In the trailer they showed the like that big ship crashing and they showed the space
jockey-
GUS: yeah.
GAVIN: seat and I was like “Awwwww we’re gonna learn how the Spaceship
BURNIE: Space Jockey.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: yeah.
GAVIN: Got on that planet. But it’s a different space jockey and different planet.
BURNIE: What does that mean different space jockey? That doesn’t make any sense.
GAVIN: Different ships
GUS: All the ships have them I guess.
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: Also wasn’t the space Jockey in Alien enormous?
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: It was right?
GUS: yeah.
GAVIN: The scale was way down well when he did sat in the seat he did cover him over and become bigger..
BURNIE: yeah.
GAVIN: I guess but
BURNIE: But it didn’t make him 30 ft. tall.
BARB: yeah he wasn’t nearly as big.
GUS: yeah
GAVIN: It looked damn giant in the original Alien.
BARB: It did.
GAVIN: They were like climbing over it and stuff.
GUS: Did you realize- I looked it up later on IMDB- that the Doctor in that movie, Ellie Shaw, played Lisbeth Sanders in the Original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?
GAVIN: yeah. That- She was also-
GUS: I did not recognize her at all.
BURNIE: Really?
GAVIN: She was also in “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows”
GUS: She was.
BURNIE: I just saw “A Girl with a Dragon Tattoo” on one of our many flights I watched it.
GUS: The uhhh n-
BURNIE: The new one?
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: The one with uhhh…
GAVIN: Did you like it?
GUS: Daniel
GUS & BURNIE: Craig
GUS: and Rooney Mara ?
BURNIE: yeah
GUS: What did you think of that?
BURNIE: Well I thought that- I dunno man. There was that long- There’s all that long stuff about the mystery of Harriet and all that.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: I dunno. I didn’t jus fusfuu I was way more interested in the the the girl with the dragon tattoo character.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: You know, and she’s only in half the movie.
GUS: I felt the same way about it its like I feel that the movie is way too long and kinda meanders. I thought the US version was a little more focused than the original version, but still it was kinda… plodding along; it was still entertaining. I’d watch a dude kidnap people. I don’t give a fuck.
BURNIE: yeah. yeah there was a lot of like really freaky stuff in there. Especially some of her first scenes are just like…. Pretty rough.
GUS: yeah
BURNIE: yeah. And you know there’s- okay what’s the etiquette on a plane, Gus fill me in on this: you’re watching a movie.
GUS: Oh god.
BURNIE: Gav and I watched “Games of Thrones”, we watched the entire- by the way we should do a spoilercast for “Game of Thrones”.
GAVIN: yeah.
BURNIE: Because I’m sure people have a lot of
GAVIN: God it’s so awesome
BURNIE: Opinions on it when they hear about it
BARB: I haven’t seen any of it
BURNIE: You shou- Wow
GAVIN: You’re a maniac. You’re missing it
BURNIE: You’re missing out on awesome
BARB: RTX
BURNIE: Awesome- yeah. That’s true.
BARB: You- Still work on RTX. But we watched all of Season 2 basically on planes. So okay. You’re on a plane. You’re on a laptop. You’re watching a movie. Violent scene comes out of someone getting their head chopped off, or getting their body chopped in half.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: That seems to be okay. But there’s a lot of sex scenes in “Game of Thrones” as well. What’s the etiquette? If-
GUS: Normally what I do is
BURNIE: you’re on a plane.
GUS: God it’s gonna sound like I put a lot of thought into it but it’s just like a general rule of thumb I watch my movies full screen but if something comes on that I feel would be above a PG-13 rating like gore or sex I take it out of full screen and screen window it and put it off to the side but I keep watching it.
BURNIE: Do you have one of those screens you can see from a certain angle?
GUS: No. I thought of- I used to have one of those and I didn’t give a fuck when I had that.
GAVIN: Did you see me try to like put my arm over- cause there were kids sat right behind us and started watching that “Game of Thrones” sex scene and I was like trying to put my arm like
BARB: Where did you have the screen? Was it like in between you guys out of sight from those people?
GAVIN: Well it was on my tray table and I was on the aisle.
BARB: Oh you were on the aisle
GUS: yeah normally I sit on the aisle so I feel like that’s a big deal.
GAVIN: yeah.
GUS: So people can see it in the dead center.
GAVIN: And I was setting the brightness down as well as covering it.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: But also it’s like it’s also rude to watch other people’s laptops, right?
GUS: yeah.
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: When they’re on the plane but kids don’t have much sa-
BARB: But’s there’s something where you feel really awkward about that even if it’s just people making out without a shirt on or something, not even fullcore sex
BURNIE: Yes. Go on, go on
GUS: Nothing gets between kids and boobs
GAVIN: Is it worse when-
BURNIE: Nothing gets between kids and boobs
GAVIN: Is it worse when you get a boner and it trips your tray table up?
GUS: God I hate that.
BARB: Dammit
GUS: When does that happen to you?
BURNIE: You’re
BARB: That happens to me on a plane no matter what.
BURNIE: trying to segway into a story I know you’re trying to segway into a story right now.
GAVIN: No no I don’t care
GUS: Tell us
GAVIN: It’s not my story.
BURNIE: No no don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it.
BARB: I even felt awkard on the way down to Austin from- I went to Canada this weekend. I was reading-
BURNIE: yeah travelling from Canada can be awkward. Can be very awkward.
BARB: I was reading a Cosmopolitan magazine, which, any girls listening will know what that is. It’s like basically, a woman’s sex magazine.
GUS: Anyone listening will know what that is.
BURNIE: It is like the same 10 sex tips, recycled every month in that magazine.
BARB: It’s true. But I was reading it and there was a younger girl next to me I would
say like 15 or 16, and I was like trying to hide the magazine there’s like-
BURNIE: You’re- you’re afraid she’s gonna read your magazine?
BARB: yeah! Well she was kinda glancing over.
GUS: She could just walk over to it at a newsstand and grab it.
BARB: I still feel awkward cause it’s like, she’s watching me read this.
BURNIE: Do you
GAVIN: You’re so Canadian
BURNIE: Have that here at the office?
BARB: What?
BURNIE: The Cosmo?
BARB: Uhhhh no.
GUS: Damn!
BARB: Did you want me to bring it?
BURNIE: I just want- The stupidest lists thing-
GUS: Let’s see if I can pull it off of the website right now
BURNIE: It’s always like 10 sex tips that drive us crazy in the bedroom.
BARB: It so fucking stupid.
GUS: Here’s a sex tip: Take your clothes off
BURNIE: Step 2: touch his penis. DONE!
BARB: There was an article I kid you not it’s “When to give him the silent treatment”
and I’m like fuck I’m done with this
BURNIE: When to give him the silent treatment?
BARB: How fucking stupid is that? I hate people who pull that bullshit
GUS: When do you give him the silent treatment?
BURNIE: yeah
GUS: yeah what what-
BARB: I didn’t read it!
BURNIE: What’s that?
BARB: I didn’t read it.
BURNIE: Well that would be valuable information, when you give the guy the silent
treatment.
GUS: Okay I got their- I pulled it up on my phone here. Let’s see what they’re got. They’ve got uh…. It’s the latest news, tips, and gossip: Never lose an orgasm again, umm yes please, change your man’s bad habits without being totally obvious.
BARB: Oh my god!
BURNIE: Change your man’s –Change your man-
BARB: See, this is why I hate that magazine.
GUS: Crazy humid out? PShhh get sleek strands anyways. Our advice for Katie Holmes…
BURNIE: Oh she just got divorced.
BARB: She did.
GUS: The cool trick that makes pimples disappear. There’s a exclamation mark in parentheses don’t get that one.
GAVIN: That one’s yelling.
GUS: And the last one is- no wait it’s yelling in parenthesis. The last one is: Score tight toned inner thighs, in seconds!
BARB: In seconds. Wow
GAVIN: Wow let’s get a couple copies that.
BARB: I’m gonna call-
GUS: I gotta- I gotta find out how to change my man’s bad habits.
BARB: This magazine has one answer for all of it.
BURNIE: Hey- first of all you have to find what the bad habits are. Barb, what’s the worst
habit in a man?
BARB: The worst habit in a man?
BURNIE: Um hm.
BARB: [burps]
BURNIE: I burp more than most guys. I don’t care-
GAVIN: It’s true, Barbara the the greatest burper.
BARB: I’m the manliest woman, probably in this office.
BURNIE: You have any bad habits from men?
GUS: See see see “he burps and farts in front of you” is #2
GAVIN: Huh
BURNIE: What’s #1?
BARB: Who gives a shit?
GUS: Uh uh this is in order- they don’t rank them, there’s an order they list them.
BURNIE: Okay
GUS: He has a creepy hairdo
BURNIE: Creepy hairdo?
GUS: Sorry sorry crappy hairdo.
BURNIE: What’s a crappy hairdo?
BARB: Creepy hairdo?
BURNIE: I guess it all depends on anything
GAVIN: I will-
BARB: I gotta say I don’t like, disgusting mustaches.
GUS: He burps and farts in front of you.
BURNIE: Let me ask you a question; let me ask you a question.
BARB: Sup
BURNIE: Why would you start dating someone with a crappy hairdo? Like- he wouldn’t make it past the first round.
GUS: Maybe he got a crappy hairdo after you started dating.
BURNIE: Oh
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: Hmm okay.
GUS: Ahhhh he dresses like a hobo.
BURNIE: He’s like, I got the girlfriend now,
GUS: That’s everyone in this office!
BURNIE: let’s go for the flat-top
GUS: Uhhh He’s glued to the TV on gameday.
GAVIN: What does that mean? Oh the football.
GUS: yeah. He leaves his dishes in the sink.
BURNIE: He grew an enormous beard.
GUS: He gives you beard burn.
BARB: That’s one of them.
GUS: He forgets important occasions.
BURNIE: Are we done with beards?
[Theme song]
GUS: It’s a podcast!
BARB: Wow.
GUS: I-It’s the timely Rebecca Black cover there.
GAVIN: She was at Vidcon.
BARB: That’s the whitest dancing I’ve ever seen.
GUS: D-Have you seen the video?
BARB: No?
BURNIE: You know uh, Gavin and I were at Vidcon just this weekend, and Rebecca Black was there.
BARB: Did you meet her?
BURNIE: She only appeared on Friday. That was the one day she was there.
BARB: Are you serious?
GUS: Really?
BURNIE: I don’t know if they planned that, but yeah, she was only there on Friday right?
GAVIN: Yeah.
GUS: Was there a musical performance or was it just like a panel
BURNIE: I don’t know.
GAVIN: Who knows. Who knows.
BURNIE: A quote “musical performance.”
BARB: Yeah. Quote unquote.
GAVIN: We’re back, Burnie.
GUS: That’s a-
BURNIE: We are… BACK!
GAVIN: We’re back, and in Austin.
GUS: You guys have been around the world.
GAVIN: Yeah,
BURNIE: Yeah we-
GAVIN: We’ve been to all kinds of planets, uh-
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, Gavin Free, you can just walk out now. I mean, you’ve already-
GAVIN: No. No, I was about to say we’ve been all around planet Earth and I… said the wrong thing.
GUS: All around the planets.
GAVIN: We’ve been to one planet, it’s this one. We went to many countries.
BURNIE: This is not… this is the last two and a half weeks of my life, by the way.
BARB: I forgot what you two look like.
GUS: It’s- it’s- it’s nice to have you back. As soon as I saw Gavin this morning, I walked out of my office and he was standing in the foyer here, and he lo- he bent over looking at something, I just ran up and kicked him in the ass as hard as I could.
GAVIN: You kicked me in the asshole.
GUS: I think I kicked him right in the asshole.
GAVIN: And then you smiled and said, “I missed you.”
BURNIE: You know, we went t- one of the stops that we made because we went so far away, we went to Perth, Australia, at one point, which is the furthest point on the globe that you can go from Austin, Texas.
GUS: Yes. The Antipode of Austin, I believe is in the ocean west of Perth.
BURNIE: Yes.
GAVIN: Antipode?
BARB: Wh-
GUS: The exact point on the Earth that’s opposite.
GAVIN: Yeah, I-I s-
BURNIE: So were we at the pode?
GUS: Y-Yeah.
BURNIE: So we live on the pode a-
GUS: The antipode is against us.
GAVIN: I’m impressed you know that term.
BURNIE: If the pode ever touches the antipode it blows up. But yeah, we went to Perth, and they told us that Perth is too far away to fly back in one go, so to book something else out along the way.
BARB: How many hours do you think that is?
BURNIE: Y’know, I’d like to tell you but, we- I-I initially said ,” Why don’t we go to India?” and Gavin’s like NOOOO.
GUS: Awh come on, that would’ve been awesome!
GAVIN: I was all for it, I wanted to get a head massage by a Baba.
BURNIE: Head…
BARB: By a Baba?
GUS: If you were you could’ve literally flown all the way around the world then! From India you go west and come back!
BURNIE: D’you think we go west from India? Why?
GUS: Why not!
BURNIE: Oh, well-
GUS: If you’re doing it, I mean fuck it, you’re already that far!
BURNIE: If we wanted to guarantee like, circumventing the globe, we coulda gone back through Africa and stopped at… Johannesburg.
BARB: Johannesburg!
GUS: That would’ve been sweet.
BURNIE: I’ve never been to Asia before, which is Asia continent? Real quick? Gavin?
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Ok. Good!
GAVIN: Don’t worry about it, it’s a continent.
BURNIE: So I- So, know I get a little pin in Asia , I’ve been in Asia now. And I, I’ve never been to Africa, I’ve never been to Antarctica, and I’ve never been to South America.
GUS: I think you and me must have the same list we’re trying to fill out.
BURNIE: Y- What, all the continents?
GAVIN: I have the same list.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: I think it’s the list everyone has, unless you’re GAVIN, and then you have a different continent for Australia.
GUS: Australasia.
BARB: Is that what it’s called? AustrAsia?
BURNIE: There’s a lot of confusion about it, but you know we talked about all the coincidences we’ve had-
GAVIN: Yeah, this is crazy! So, I uhm-
BURNIE: Go ahead, go ahead.
GAVIN: So we literally just recorded that podcast where, apparently, Australasia isn’t a continent, it’s just a name for…
GUS: A region?
GAVIN: A region.
GUS: Mmhmm.
GAVIN: And uh, the continent is called Australia, which all the Australians very gladly pointed out to me over and over again. But we landed, and then we went to- What was that museum we went to?
BURNIE: Te Papa Museum.
GUS: That’s an awesome museum.
BURNIE: That was in Wellington, New Zealand.
GAVIN: In Wellington. And the first like, bit we went to was a giant globe of like, tectonic plates with all the continents written there and it just said Australia there, in fat letters, and I was like Goddamn. And then we- l- we landed in Perth a few days later, we sat down in a restaurant, I leant back in my chair and looked to the ceiling, and there was like a big mural on the ceiling with all the continents-
BURNIE: Listed for him.
GAVIN: Like again! Like right above our heads!
BARB: Like all in your face.
GUS: So you-
GAVIN: What’s goin’ on?
GUS: You maybe have been seeing them all your life and you’ve just been ignoring them like an idiot-
GAVIN: I guess I have. But yeah, that-that was in Australia as well. I’ve got- I’ve got pictures of both.
GUS: Good.
BURNIE: So here’s our total path that we took: We went from Austin, to L.A, to Sydney, to Wellington, New Zealand, to Sydney, to Perth, to Sydney, to Tokyo, to L.A, to Austin.
BARB: To Sydney.
GAVIN: We went to Sydney three times, in a couple weeks.
BURNIE: Well that was the weird thing, they told us not t- not to fly back directly from Perth, so
we said okay, we’ll stop in Tokyo. We literally stopped in Tokyo for 36 hours. But, the flight went from Perth, to Sydney, to Tokyo.
GUS: Oh my god!
BURNIE: It was such a waste!
BARB: What’s the point?
BURNIE: We actually had to fly back west, we flew-
GAVIN: We flew east, and then back to the west, and then to the east again. It was a zig-zag back up to America.
GUS: Wow.
BARB: Jeez man.
BURNIE: But we have been in so many different time zones, I jus- have no idea what time it is at this point.
GAVIN: Being in New Zealand, which is 12 hours ahead of GMT…
BURNIE: Which is where Gav’s from, so New Zealand was the furthest point- is the antipode for his home.
GUS: Oh, nice, congratulations.
GAVIN: Thanks. And uh, but just being in that time zone, being at like the front of time and having-
BARB: Being at the front of time…
GUS: Being at the front of time.
BURNIE: I’m already getting upset with this conversation.
BARB: On which planet, Gavin?
BURNIE: We had- this was an hour long conversation while we were eating breakfast one day.
GUS: What’s behind time?
GAVIN: GMT minus.
GUS: Okay, so y-
GAVIN: The U.S is behind.
GUS: Okay.
BURNIE: So I was explain-
GAVIN: So the centre of time, is England.
GUS: Okay.
GAVIN: And time goes backwards and forwards around England.
GUS: Okay.
BARB: Ohh god.
GUS: Of course. That’s why-that’s why Dr.Who’s from England.
BURNIE: Exactly. ‘Cause he’s a time lord. That’s why they set it at zero, ‘cause that’s where all the time lords come from.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: But we-
BARB: That’s true.
BURNIE: -I was trying to explain to him that… it- because he’s at Zero GMT that’s where he’s used to coming from, that the furthest point away from him would be the international dateline.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: That’s exactly the opposite side.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: It’s not the case for Austin, ‘cause Austin is negative 6 GMT already.
GUS: Right.
BURNIE: So you can go past the international date line.
GUS: Right.
BURNIE: Okay. And then- So Perth is the furthest away we’d get and still be in a city on land and not bobbing in the middle of the ocean like you said, at the antipode. And I had to explain to him that that’s the furthest we could be away geographically, but not the furthest point we could be away in time.
GUS: Correct.
BURNIE: That is if we come East, we get closer to Austin, but we get further away in time.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: Because we’re approaching the international dateline. No, he couldn’t see it.
GUS: The-the-
BURNIE: He was confused, like absolutely-
GAVIN: I get it.
GUS: I-I’ve looked at it before and opposite for us is GMT +6-
BARB: Now you do.
GUS: -which is somewhere in eastern Russia, near Kazakhstan I believe, or east of Kazakhstan I wanna say.
BURNIE: Or anything along the North South-
GUS: Right.
GAVIN: So I was looking at-
BURNIE: Wrongitude.
GAVIN: I was looking at th-
GUS: For the record I’m pro-pode. I don’t want any thinking I’m anti-pode.
BURNIE: You don’t wanna go- o-our sister city is in Australia as well, Austin’s Sister City is-
GUS: Is Adelaide, right?
BURNIE: Adelaide.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: S- What is it mean, sister city?
BURNIE: I have no idea.
BARB: Alright.
BURNIE: We don’t let our other city friends bang her. That’s about it. That’s the way it works.
GAVIN: But I was looking at this map-
BURNIE: Speaking of which, we saw Jordan while we were out there.
GUS: What a great segway, I’m curious to learn more.
BURNIE: Y’know it’s my goal in life to talk about Jordan’s sister enough, to where he has to do an RT Animated Adventure based on his sister.
GAVIN: You want him to draw his sister, don’t you?
BURNIE: Pretty much, and how horrible that would be for him.
GUS: You got a stick wavy arm fetish?
BURNIE: No I don’t have that. Plus I gotta say that all Jordan’s women look exactly the same.
GAVIN: Mmm.
BURNIE: It doesn’t matter who it is.
BARB: Mine has a frown.
BURNIE: Yours has a frown?
BARB: Yep.
BURNIE: So you’re Kara with a frown?
BARB: Pretty much.
GUS: Y’know I th- I think they all originate from the two- the two dumb bitches on uh, the San Diego flight.
BARB: But their hairstyles are different. If you pay close enough attention.
BURNIE: Really close attention.
BARB: It’s hard for- distinct features to show in cartoons for girls ‘cause it’s like we’re just white girls with hair.
BURNIE: White girls with hair.
BARB: We don’t have beards or glasses or any other distinctive features.
GUS: Well you should start wearing glasses.
BURNIE: Grow a beard!
BARB: Yeah, okay.
GUS: Yeah grow a beard.
BURNIE: Sh-shave your hair. That’ll work out.
BARB: I’ll be bald for the rest of the time.
BURNIE: Gav, what were you saying?
GAVIN: I don’t know, what was I saying?
BURNIE: I don’t know.
GUS: Probably something-something really stupid.
GAVIN: Oh no, yeah, yeah, I was saying I was looking at a map of the time z- What are you two-
GUS: That he reminded you.
BURNIE: Th-that’s the point I was making.
GAVIN: I was looking at a map of the time zones right, so th- cause they don’t go straight down, they kind of like go around-
GUS: Right.
GAVIN: -the borders of countries and stuff. But there’s one like group of islands that is GMT +14 and it’s actually past the international dateline. So, like, Hawaii is here, and then below it is these islands but Hawaii’s backwards, and these islands are forwards.
BURNIE: Okay.
GAVIN: But it’s like +14 so there’s actually twenty-six time zones.
BURNIE: Ye-uh well listen-
GAVIN: Which means one day lasts for fifty hours on the whole planet.
BURNIE: “One day lasts for fifty hours.”
GAVIN: Like one date will last for 50 hours total.
BARB: Oh.
GUS: H-Ho-How do you come up with fifty?
BARB: Fifty.
GAVIN: ‘Cause twenty six times zones and twenty four hours.
BURNIE: But it’s still the same amount of time it’d take-
GUS: So you’re adding twenty six and twenty four to get fifty?
GAVIN: ……… Yeah? ……. A- Are you not?
GUS: No-
BURNIE: Wh-Why would the number of time zones affect the time the Earth takes to rotate?
GAVIN: Well it’s twe-
BURNIE: Wh-Wh-
GAVIN: Well it’s twenty six-
GUS: Why are you adding them, you’re just like coming up with numbers and putting them together.
GAVIN: Yea-
GUS: There’s 7 days a week maybe there’s fifty seven.
GAVIN: What are you on about? What are you talkin’ about? No!
BURNIE: Y-
GUS: You’re argument should be that there are twenty six hours not that there’s fifty! You’re like- you’re making a fucking idiotic argument and you can’t even get the fucking numbers right!
GAVIN: Wh-What’re you talkin’ about! So, okay-
GUS: WHAT?
GAVIN: No, so in this group of islands a day starts at midnight, right. And then… as-
GUS: What are you on about…
GAVIN: Right? But the day hasn’t started in like Hawaii yet, that wouldn’t start- the day won’t start in Hawaii for another twenty six hours.
BARB: But there’s a lot of overlap.
GUS: Yeah there is-
GAVIN: There’s no overlap!
GUS: There is overlap.
GAVIN: Between the f-f- th-the the front one and the back one.
GUS: Y-Y-You just s- there is a fucking overlap, Hawaii and this shitball island that’s got you all fucked up!
BARB: So if there’s one time zone-
GAVIN: Do you not understand?
BARB: -if there’s one time zone- one time zone that’s twelve hours ahead. So it would be twenty four hours plus twelve, wouldn’t it be?
BURNIE: How did we reach the math portion of the podcast this fast?
GAVIN: Twelve hours ahead of zero is also- there’s fourteen ahead of zero and twelve back.
BARB: Is there any time that there’s twenty four hours ahead of something?
GUS: Not unless you’re counting military time.
GAVIN: No, because if- okay if- if you’re on GMT -12-
BURNIE: Right.
GAVIN: -and you’re- you’ve got someone else on GMT +14, you’re over a day ahead of him.
BURNIE: WHOOPS. Gavin is adding up- Gavin is saying that a day- Gavin is saying that a day lasts fifty hours because he’s counting a full day like on these islands and that he’s coming up with.
GAVIN: I’m saying that one date on the calendar lasts on Earth for a total of fifty- I don’t believe what’s going on!
BURNIE: It doesn’t, it just starts at different points!
GUS: It’s- that’s it- It’s just relative, it just starts at different points.
GAVIN: Well, you could move around the earth and stay on that day for fifty hours if you wanted to.
GUS: How?
BURNIE: It’s true you could. Let me thi-
BARB: I get the results, I ge-
BURNIE: I think what he’s saying because we did this. So, we were in Japan which is across the international dateline.
GAVIN: How is it thirty-eight?
BARB: Because-
BURNIE: Shut up.
GUS: He’s gonna explain it. The thing is, I’m really curious to know how this gets explained.
BURNIE: I’ll give you a clear example. We were in Japan. We were across the international dateline so the day starts at midnight right? We wake up at 7am, so let’s just take it from there.
GUS: Okay, 7am.
BURNIE: We wake up at 7am, our plane leaves at 5pm, we kill the day in Japan. We get on a plane at 5pm Wednesday. We fly to L.A for ten hours. We land Wednesday at 11am, we land before we took off.
GUS: Okay.
BURNIE: And we’d been flying for 10 hours.
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And so we land at 11am, we stay up until 10pm that night. We had a Wednesday that lasted like 36 hours.
GUS: I see what you’re saying, crossing the dateline, I was thinking going along the same day. So crossing the dateline to go back you could make it last fifty.
GAVIN: It doesn’t matter, I ‘m saying-
GUS: Yes it does matter.
GAVIN: -on earth there are fifty hours where you can have the same date.
BARB: I understand what you’re trying to say, I don’t what the answer is for you though.
GUS: Okay, I-I was misunderstanding what you were trying to say before I understand what you’re trying to say now. You are stupid.
GAVIN: I’m right though. I’m totally right.
BURNIE: But you-y-listen. A day lasts as long as a day lasts; I mean a day on Earth is still 24 hours.
BARB: What he’s trying to say is July 1st-
GAVIN: I didn’t- I said a date.
BARB: -exists for fifty hours on planet Earth.
GUS: So- Are y-y-is it physically possible then, to have a fifty hour day. If you could f- like, is there a plane fast enough you could be in.
GAVIN: Well you could- if you have enough fuel.
BURNIE: You need enough time zones in an hour right?
GUS: Right. You have t-
GAVIN: No, you could spend most the day on this +14 area and then fly up to the plus- to the negative 12 area.
GUS: H-H-Here’s- uhmmmm… okay.
BURNIE: Oh you just step, you just step over the international dateline?
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Before midnight? He’s got a point, you could do that.
GAVIN: You time it, right, and you’d get fifty hours in-
GUS: What if you’re up in- okay, okay h-here’s a crazy question: all these datelines are like lines of longitude right?
BURNIE: Yes.
GUS: They all go up to the North Pole?
BURNIE: Right.
GUS: What if you go up to the point where they meet-
BARB: Just circle around.
GUS: -and you walk round.
GAVIN: Genius!
GUS: In like a ten foot circle. Could you have a day that lasts for fifty hours by doing that?
BURNIE: He-here’s… Could you stay ahead of it, right?
GUS: Well if you’re there when they all meet, why couldn’t you?
GAVIN: Well technically the sun never sets up there anyways, so you’d be- you would have a day that lasts for a very long time.
BURNIE: Okay, look. This just points out what we learned on this trip which is time is relative bullshit, like time seems like an absolute thing in our lives, it’s not, it’s totally relative.
GAVIN: It’s just a big ball of rock that’s spinning. That’s all it is. That’s all time is.
GUS: I-It’s still going it’s just our measurement and our-
GAVIN: Y-Yeah.
GUS: - indicators are fucked up.
BURNIE: Do you think we should have time zones? Do you think we should have that anymore?
GUS: No, fuck no.
BURNIE: Do you think we should have a global time, and you have to know when that at like, y’know…
GAVIN: Well if-
BURNIE: T-Two am is when business starts in California.
BARB: People are too- People are too stupid.
GAVIN: I think if we-
BURNIE: It is true, right?
BARB: Yeah, yeah.
GAVIN: If we colonize- if we colonize a new planet that’s how we’ll be.
BURNIE: What’s that?
GAVIN: If we get a new planet, that’s how it’ll be. Th-They won’t be bothered with putting time zones on Mars and stuff like that.
BURNIE: Why not? Why wouldn’t they, because people would-
GAVIN: Because it- Because it’s more efficient that way to have the same time.
BURNIE: You’re saying that we’ve- we’ve established a stupid system-
GAVIN: Y-Yeah. Well it’s an ancient system because people didn’t know about the places around the world being…
GUS: Well they could- they couldn’t get there fast enough.
GAVIN: Yeah, sure.
GUS: They knew about the other places.
BURNIE: Don’t you think we’ll try to sync the new planet to Earth time?
GAVIN: What, like change its rotation, what are you talkin’ about?
BURNIE: No no no, I mean like, we just i-it’s relative, so I mean we hav- we- we try to sync time now based on these arbitrary boundaries of longitude that we’ve created. You don’t think they’d try to do the same thing like-
GUS: Yeah, like t-try- 5pm Central Time on Earth is the same as 5pm Central time on Mars?
GAVIN: I-If it were-
GUS: Like the Recreation stuff.
GAVIN: Like 5pm one day would be in the middle of the night, and then the next day it’d be in the middle of the day, it wouldn’t work.
GUS: Awh, you’re right.
BURNIE: N-No i-it would’ve been fine, you’d be like f-fuck it they live on Mars, fuck them!
GAVIN: It’s 5pm day, and then I’ll see you at 5pm night, it doesn’t-
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: -really make any damn sense.
BURNIE: W-W-W- Does anybody even know what is the day o-on Mars, how long is it?
GAVIN: I don’t know, but I know that Mercury has its year is shorter than its day.
GUS: Yes, that’s correct.
BURNIE: Yeah. So you’re saying w-wait… How the fuck did we get to this conversation! What you’re saying is relative anyway! I-If it has a shorter rotation than the planet Earth…
GAVIN: What does?
BURNIE: Mars.
GAVIN: I don’t know if it does.
BURNIE: IF IT DOES. If it does, then even if they have their own time, it’ll still shift according to Earth time. Like one day at 5 o’clock it’ll be our 2 o’clock, and the next day it’ll be at our 10 o’clock.
BARB: The amo-
BURNIE: It’ll still shift.
BARB: The amount of time we spent discussing this is probably a fifty hour day.
BURNIE: I-I- we’re done. We’re done. We’ve had- we’ve had our Wednesday, and it’s already over.
GAVIN: Let’s have a fifty hour podcast.
BARB: I vote to move on.
BURNIE: N-S-So luckily Gavin visited one of the planets on our trip. And he can tell us what time it was there.
BARB: How are the other planets?
GUS: I haven’t verified it-
GAVIN: They’re good.
GUS: -but the first answer I found said that, uh, Mars’ rotation period is 24 hours, 39 minutes, and 35 seconds
GAVIN: That’s not bad!
BARB: It’s pretty similar.
GAVIN: Wow.
BURNIE: This will aggravate the piss out of you- who gives a shit Gavin about that really. This will aggravate you, Gus. We found out there’s a place, I think somewhere between Melbourne and Adelaide, where they, where they do daylight savings, they shift by 30 minutes.
GUS: Oh yeah, there’s places like that here too I think.
BARB: There’s a time zone I think that’s 30 minutes ahead.
BURNIE: FUCK what?
GAVIN: I think uh-
BURNIE: Who would do-
BARB: Like up in Canada somewhere.
GAVIN: I think there are 15 minute time zones too-
GUS: No!
GAVIN: In some of the-
GUS: No!!!
BARB: No there’s not 15 minute time zones.
GAVIN: I think there is. Around Asia; o-or Russia or something
BURNIE: It’s just all- It’s all totally arbitrary. It’s totally arbitrary.
GUS: It’s bullshit
BURNIE: Just give it up. And then in like China, that whole country they have 1 time zone.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: That’s wha--
GUS: That I can- That’s something I can get around; I can get behind that.
BURNIE: I love that. I love the people in the western part of the- the uh, country have to like, wake up at 3am.
GUS: Yeah, I wonder which is the more- like which side of the country benefits more, from that. Like where should the time zone actually be? Like the people in the East- It’s probably centered around Bejing, right?
BURNIE: I would guess it’s on the capital, yeahh.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Hey what’s going on in Hong Kong right now? Wh-What’s going on?
GUS: I dunno- I feel there hasn’t been much reporting about it, I think, uh, I mean we just passed the 15th anniversary of the hand off from the British Empire to China.
BURNIE: Why did they do that? Gavin do you know why they did that? Why did British give hong kong back to China?
GAVIN: I don’t know why you’re asking me a history question.
BURNIE: I’m just asking you do you-
GAVIN: I have absolutely no idea.
BURNIE: ‘Kay.
GUS: I can answer that.
BURNIE: I know but I wanted to see if he can answer it.
GUS: Oh yeah, yeah.
BURNIE: Do you remember-
BARB: C’mon Gavin.
BURNIE: -when that happened?
GAVIN: Do I remember?
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: No.
BURNIE: Okay.
GUS: How many years ago was it?
GAVIN: I dunno.
GUS: I literally just said-
GAVIN: I was looking
GUS: -how many years ago it was 30 seconds ago.
GAVIN: 15?
GUS: Yes, Very good
GAVIN: Yes
BURNIE: So you would have been what? 12 years old? By the way, today is Barbara Dunkelman’s-
GAVIN: Awww happy-
BURNIE: -23rd Birthday.
BARB: Yay.
GAVIN: Happy Birthday Barbara.
BURNIE: Happy Birthday Barabara.
BARB: Thank you guys.
GUS: Happy birthday.
BARB: Well it’s not going to be when people are listening to this podcast.
BURNIE: That’s okay because it doesn’t matter? We’re in our 50th hour of your birthday.
BARB: Yay.
BURNIE: By the time someone knew that , somewhere it’ll be your birthday still.
BARB: Yes.
BURNIE: Maybe on Mars.
GAVIN: So are you jetlagged?
GUS: I wonder- I won- You could skip your birthday, couldn’t you?
GAVIN: Uhhhh….
BARB & GAVIN: Probably
GUS: If you took off from LA, they day before your birthday-
BURNIE:No! It’s still your fucking birthday!
GUS: Then land the day after? But you birthday never happened!
GAVIN: Well yeah, cause we-
BURNIE: Absolute horseshit.
GAVIN: -we took off Tuesday and landed on a Thursday.
GUS: Yeah
GAVIN: When we went to Australia.
GUS: Yeah, you can skip your birthday.
GAVIN: So you can skip it.
BURNIE: I don’t think you actually skip it you just have 1 hour-
BARB: I think I’m gonna-
BURNIE: Wednesday.
BARB: -do that for my 30th birthday-
GAVIN: Yeah it just happens when-
BARB: -every year. And never turn 30.
BURNIE: Why what’s wrong with 30?
BARB: I wanna stay 29. I’m just saying.
GUS: There’s nothing wrong with 30.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Hey, I’m gonna read something
BURNIE: Why don’t you shut up?
GUS: I just wanna remind everyone that this podcast is brought to you by audible.com, the internet’s leading provider of audiobooks, with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, and featuring audio versions of many New York Times Best Sellers. For our listeners audible is offering a free audiobook, to give you a chance to try out their service. One audiobook to consider is “Glasslands” by Karen Traviss. For a free audiobook of your choice go to audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. That’s audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. Feel like I should have mentioned that it’s “Halo: Glasslands” by Karen Traviss.
BURNIE: As- is there is another glasslands?
GUS: That’s- to be clear.
BURNIE: Oh.
GUS: So people know it’s a Halo novel.
GAVIN: So that’s a Halo book?
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: Oh.
BURNIE: Oh Karen Traviss? I- Ah- I- I haven’t actually read it or-
GUS: Me neither, that’s why I put it in my queue so that’s uh- that’s my next project.
BURNIE: Supposedly there is a Karen Traviss book that makes a Red vs Blue reference.
GUS: She’s a- a- I met her, 2-
BURNIE: She watched the show.
GUS: I met her, 2 years ago at comic con- San Diego Comic con I think.
BURNIE: Yup.
GUS: She’s awesome.
BURNIE: Yeah she’s says uh, she she she told me she liked the writing I thought that was a- a-
BARB: Ooh.
BURNIE: -high complement from someone-
GUS: High praise from Caesar.
BURNIE: Why do we- Why is the New York Times, a newspaper, why is that the- the
determining factor on whether or not a book is good or not?
GUS: They probably just s- said they were-
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: -and it’s been going on for so long it’s like,
BARB: New York Times.
GUS: Well they are.
BARB: Endorsed by the New York Times.
BURNIE: Yeah but is there anything else like that where it’s like, a newspaper determines what books are good? It seems like, they’re monkeying around somewhere where they shouldn’t.
BARB: Yeah…
BURNIE: Like is there a TV show that determines what movies are good?
BARB: Well, there used to be that-
GUS: Uhhh Entertainment Tonight.
BARB: -Roger and Ebert. Didn’t they have a show or something? Where they would-
GUS: At the movies?
BARB: -yeah. That’s the one.
BURNIE: 23 years old today.
GUS: Full of life’s experience.
BARB: Shut up.
BURNIE: Let me see-
GUS: I- I finally saw Prometheus this weekend.
BURNIE: Siskel and Ebert. Siskel and Ebert. Not-
GAVIN: You say Prometheus?
BURNIE: -Roger and Ebert.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: That’s one person.
BARB: Fuck.
BURNIE: Roger and Ebert.
GUS: That was- That was your birthday pass.
BURNIE: Did Roger Ebert die?
GUS: No he’s still around.
BURNIE: Okay.
BARB: Siskel and Ebert.
GAVIN: Gus.
BURNIE: Hey hey listen Gene Siskel, the last year he was alive, he said that one of the movies you should watch is “Babe 2: Pig in the City”.
BARB: Are you serious?
BURNIE: Have you ever seen that movie?
BARB: No
BURNIE: Awesome movie. Have you ever seen “Babe” the pig movie?
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: What the hell. This Babe 2. They made a Babe 2 nobody saw it, it’s one of the weirdest, cutest, coolest movies that I have ever seen in my life.
BARB: Are you serious?
GAVIN: Did you just recently watch it or something?
BURNIE: I just recently saw it again on Netflix, but yeah. Babe 2 is awesome.
GUS: I saw the first one I never saw the second one.
BARB: I could never imagine Burnie sitting at home watching Babe 2.
GUS: Man I wanna get some pork chops.
BURNIE: It’s really dark. It’s really weird. It’s weirdly a dark movie. But it’s great.
GAVIN: Did it make you hungry?
BURNIE: What?
GUS: Watching a pig, man I’d wanna eat the shit out of that pig.
BURNIE: Eat the SHIT out of that pig? Wow. There’s a really sad scene in there where all
the animals are hungry and they have to eat, and they have to dig up jellybeans.
GAVIN: One of the- One of the guys I used to work with-
BARB: That’s so sad…
BURNIE: It’s really sad there was a little kitten that goes “a couple of jellybeans don’t even hit the bottom…”
BARB: Oh no.
BURNIE: You look really sad, you should go see it though it’s a great movie.
GAVIN: One of the guys I used to work with was a wildlife cameraman. He used to spend a lot of time just like hiding in the jungle and stuff, and he said pigs were the worst for trying to get food because you walk up to a pig with a knife, it knows exactly what’s gonna happen. Like, they’re really smart they know when they’re about to be slaughtered.
BURNIE: Jesus.
GAVIN: And they would go crazy and he- he’d be like he’d go “Ugh”
GUS: Wait wait wait he was a wildlife cameraman
BURNIE: What the fuck kinda movie is he making?
BARB: So he had to feed himself.
GUS: Does he film himself like stabbing pigs?
GAVIN: No he-
GUS: Is it like pig snuff films?
BARB: He had to kill his own food?
GUS: He’s like “Oh gotta make-
GAVIN: He was in the jungle for like 8 months.
GUS: -gotta make faces of pig death: Part 7”
BURNIE: Gus, not only does he kill pigs he knows which animals react to knives. This guy’s like a menace he’s going around threatening animals with knives. “Well the eagle took it GREAT! The good news is you can beat the shit out of a pig with a club and it doesn’t have any idea what’s going on. It thinks it wants you to play fetch just right up until the last second.”
GUS: What if he tries to disguise the knife as different things, like-
BARB: Like put it in a puppet.
GUS: Like put it in a pineapple. Pineapple knife the pig.
GAVIN: Did you say put it in a puppet?
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: So I don’t understand what does this guy do is he a wildlife photographer who
kills animals?
GAVIN: He used to work for like, like David Attenborough.
BURNIE: Yeah?
GAVIN: You know wildlife films.
BURNIE: But why-
GAVIN: So, he would have to be in a hide in a jungle like, all day and, he’d be on his own, with a-
BURNIE: Okay
GAVIN: -like, a film camera and-
GUS: So why would he kill the fucking pig?
GAVIN: To eat!
GUS: Why didn’t he take food?
GAVIN: What, eight months worth of food?
GUS: Well he’s taking a camera and eight months worth of film.
BURNIE: So he would-
GUS: Right?
BURNIE: -go out and-
GAVIN: He has food there why not use what’s there?
BURNIE: He would go out on a shoot for 8 months?
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Really?
GAVIN: He would just sit in the jungle, build like, build a hide, sit in it all day, see if he got the
shot, and then like move on like-
BURNIE: Is hide the English word for blind? Is that- I think we call those blinds.
BARB: Or a tent.
GUS: Or a tent where they can’t see him or something?
GAVIN: yeah like a tent. Like a camo tent.
GUS: Okay.
BURNIE: Yeah, yeah.
GAVIN: But like with leaves and crap all over it.
BARB: Did he work on ummmm… what’s it called…. uhhh…
GUS: Babe 2?
BARB: Planet Earth?
GAVIN: Yes he did.
BARB: Oh did he?
BURNIE: Oh really?
BARB: I heard those people were out for like a year at a time. Trying to get one shot.
GAVIN: He uh-
BURNIE: That- the- that Planet Earth series, that is amazing
BARB: It is incredible. On blu-ray
BURNIE: They don’t need to make more nature movies, after that one.
BARB: You- you know everything about nature after that whole series.
BURNIE: You pretty much do.
GUS: Not Gavin. We should have a nature quiz with Gavin one day.
BURNIE: The bonus track is “which animals are afraid of knives?”
GAVIN: But he’s- you can walk up to a cow with a knife and it’ll just stand there.
BARB: Well it can’t really run very fast.
BURNIE: According to your friend.
BARB: How fast can cows run?
GUS: A cow can stampede.
GAVIN: yeah cows can run.
BURNIE: Which animals respond to threats?
GAVIN: Let’s ask them.
BARB: Somebody should write a thesis on this.
GAVIN: Okay Gus.
GUS: yeah.
GAVIN: What did you think of Prometheus?
GUS: I liked it. It was totally fine. There were some weird stuff-
GAVIN: Really?
GUS: in it. yeah. Totally fine.
GAVIN: I thought it sucked.
BARB: Did you see it yet Burnie?
BURNIE: I did.
GAVIN: I thought it was gonna be a direct prequel to Alien, but I guess it’s set in the same-
GUS: yeah I was expecting more horror and direct
GAVIN: It
GUS: Alien stuff
GAVIN: It’s because the trailer-
GUS: If anything I was unha- uh can we talk can we give spoilers? I mean I dunno
BARB: It its been
GAVIN: It’s been out for 3 weeks.
BARB: a couple of weeks already.
GUS: If anything I was unhappy that they showed the xenomorph Alien at the end. I felt that
was a cop-out. Like through the whole movie not showing it,
GAVIN: yeah.
GUS: then at the very end, they like show it. It’s like, what?
GAVIN: Why?
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: yeah.
GAVIN: In the trailer they showed the like that big ship crashing and they showed the space
jockey-
GUS: yeah.
GAVIN: seat and I was like “Awwwww we’re gonna learn how the Spaceship
BURNIE: Space Jockey.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: yeah.
GAVIN: Got on that planet. But it’s a different space jockey and different planet.
BURNIE: What does that mean different space jockey? That doesn’t make any sense.
GAVIN: Different ships
GUS: All the ships have them I guess.
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: Also wasn’t the space Jockey in Alien enormous?
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: It was right?
GUS: yeah.
GAVIN: The scale was way down well when he did sat in the seat he did cover him over and become bigger..
BURNIE: yeah.
GAVIN: I guess but
BURNIE: But it didn’t make him 30 ft. tall.
BARB: yeah he wasn’t nearly as big.
GUS: yeah
GAVIN: It looked damn giant in the original Alien.
BARB: It did.
GAVIN: They were like climbing over it and stuff.
GUS: Did you realize- I looked it up later on IMDB- that the Doctor in that movie, Ellie Shaw, played Lisbeth Sanders in the Original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?
GAVIN: yeah. That- She was also-
GUS: I did not recognize her at all.
BURNIE: Really?
GAVIN: She was also in “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows”
GUS: She was.
BURNIE: I just saw “A Girl with a Dragon Tattoo” on one of our many flights I watched it.
GUS: The uhhh n-
BURNIE: The new one?
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: The one with uhhh…
GAVIN: Did you like it?
GUS: Daniel
GUS & BURNIE: Craig
GUS: and Rooney Mara ?
BURNIE: yeah
GUS: What did you think of that?
BURNIE: Well I thought that- I dunno man. There was that long- There’s all that long stuff about the mystery of Harriet and all that.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: I dunno. I didn’t jus fusfuu I was way more interested in the the the girl with the dragon tattoo character.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: You know, and she’s only in half the movie.
GUS: I felt the same way about it its like I feel that the movie is way too long and kinda meanders. I thought the US version was a little more focused than the original version, but still it was kinda… plodding along; it was still entertaining. I’d watch a dude kidnap people. I don’t give a fuck.
BURNIE: yeah. yeah there was a lot of like really freaky stuff in there. Especially some of her first scenes are just like…. Pretty rough.
GUS: yeah
BURNIE: yeah. And you know there’s- okay what’s the etiquette on a plane, Gus fill me in on this: you’re watching a movie.
GUS: Oh god.
BURNIE: Gav and I watched “Games of Thrones”, we watched the entire- by the way we should do a spoilercast for “Game of Thrones”.
GAVIN: yeah.
BURNIE: Because I’m sure people have a lot of
GAVIN: God it’s so awesome
BURNIE: Opinions on it when they hear about it
BARB: I haven’t seen any of it
BURNIE: You shou- Wow
GAVIN: You’re a maniac. You’re missing it
BURNIE: You’re missing out on awesome
BARB: RTX
BURNIE: Awesome- yeah. That’s true.
BARB: You- Still work on RTX. But we watched all of Season 2 basically on planes. So okay. You’re on a plane. You’re on a laptop. You’re watching a movie. Violent scene comes out of someone getting their head chopped off, or getting their body chopped in half.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: That seems to be okay. But there’s a lot of sex scenes in “Game of Thrones” as well. What’s the etiquette? If-
GUS: Normally what I do is
BURNIE: you’re on a plane.
GUS: God it’s gonna sound like I put a lot of thought into it but it’s just like a general rule of thumb I watch my movies full screen but if something comes on that I feel would be above a PG-13 rating like gore or sex I take it out of full screen and screen window it and put it off to the side but I keep watching it.
BURNIE: Do you have one of those screens you can see from a certain angle?
GUS: No. I thought of- I used to have one of those and I didn’t give a fuck when I had that.
GAVIN: Did you see me try to like put my arm over- cause there were kids sat right behind us and started watching that “Game of Thrones” sex scene and I was like trying to put my arm like
BARB: Where did you have the screen? Was it like in between you guys out of sight from those people?
GAVIN: Well it was on my tray table and I was on the aisle.
BARB: Oh you were on the aisle
GUS: yeah normally I sit on the aisle so I feel like that’s a big deal.
GAVIN: yeah.
GUS: So people can see it in the dead center.
GAVIN: And I was setting the brightness down as well as covering it.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: But also it’s like it’s also rude to watch other people’s laptops, right?
GUS: yeah.
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: When they’re on the plane but kids don’t have much sa-
BARB: But’s there’s something where you feel really awkward about that even if it’s just people making out without a shirt on or something, not even fullcore sex
BURNIE: Yes. Go on, go on
GUS: Nothing gets between kids and boobs
GAVIN: Is it worse when-
BURNIE: Nothing gets between kids and boobs
GAVIN: Is it worse when you get a boner and it trips your tray table up?
GUS: God I hate that.
BARB: Dammit
GUS: When does that happen to you?
BURNIE: You’re
BARB: That happens to me on a plane no matter what.
BURNIE: trying to segway into a story I know you’re trying to segway into a story right now.
GAVIN: No no I don’t care
GUS: Tell us
GAVIN: It’s not my story.
BURNIE: No no don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it.
BARB: I even felt awkard on the way down to Austin from- I went to Canada this weekend. I was reading-
BURNIE: yeah travelling from Canada can be awkward. Can be very awkward.
BARB: I was reading a Cosmopolitan magazine, which, any girls listening will know what that is. It’s like basically, a woman’s sex magazine.
GUS: Anyone listening will know what that is.
BURNIE: It is like the same 10 sex tips, recycled every month in that magazine.
BARB: It’s true. But I was reading it and there was a younger girl next to me I would
say like 15 or 16, and I was like trying to hide the magazine there’s like-
BURNIE: You’re- you’re afraid she’s gonna read your magazine?
BARB: yeah! Well she was kinda glancing over.
GUS: She could just walk over to it at a newsstand and grab it.
BARB: I still feel awkward cause it’s like, she’s watching me read this.
BURNIE: Do you
GAVIN: You’re so Canadian
BURNIE: Have that here at the office?
BARB: What?
BURNIE: The Cosmo?
BARB: Uhhhh no.
GUS: Damn!
BARB: Did you want me to bring it?
BURNIE: I just want- The stupidest lists thing-
GUS: Let’s see if I can pull it off of the website right now
BURNIE: It’s always like 10 sex tips that drive us crazy in the bedroom.
BARB: It so fucking stupid.
GUS: Here’s a sex tip: Take your clothes off
BURNIE: Step 2: touch his penis. DONE!
BARB: There was an article I kid you not it’s “When to give him the silent treatment”
and I’m like fuck I’m done with this
BURNIE: When to give him the silent treatment?
BARB: How fucking stupid is that? I hate people who pull that bullshit
GUS: When do you give him the silent treatment?
BURNIE: yeah
GUS: yeah what what-
BARB: I didn’t read it!
BURNIE: What’s that?
BARB: I didn’t read it.
BURNIE: Well that would be valuable information, when you give the guy the silent
treatment.
GUS: Okay I got their- I pulled it up on my phone here. Let’s see what they’re got. They’ve got uh…. It’s the latest news, tips, and gossip: Never lose an orgasm again, umm yes please, change your man’s bad habits without being totally obvious.
BARB: Oh my god!
BURNIE: Change your man’s –Change your man-
BARB: See, this is why I hate that magazine.
GUS: Crazy humid out? PShhh get sleek strands anyways. Our advice for Katie Holmes…
BURNIE: Oh she just got divorced.
BARB: She did.
GUS: The cool trick that makes pimples disappear. There’s a exclamation mark in parentheses don’t get that one.
GAVIN: That one’s yelling.
GUS: And the last one is- no wait it’s yelling in parenthesis. The last one is: Score tight toned inner thighs, in seconds!
BARB: In seconds. Wow
GAVIN: Wow let’s get a couple copies that.
BARB: I’m gonna call-
GUS: I gotta- I gotta find out how to change my man’s bad habits.
BARB: This magazine has one answer for all of it.
BURNIE: Hey- first of all you have to find what the bad habits are. Barb, what’s the worst
habit in a man?
BARB: The worst habit in a man?
BURNIE: Um hm.
BARB: [burps]
BURNIE: I burp more than most guys. I don’t care-
GAVIN: It’s true, Barbara the the greatest burper.
BARB: I’m the manliest woman, probably in this office.
BURNIE: You have any bad habits from men?
GUS: See see see “he burps and farts in front of you” is #2
GAVIN: Huh
BURNIE: What’s #1?
BARB: Who gives a shit?
GUS: Uh uh this is in order- they don’t rank them, there’s an order they list them.
BURNIE: Okay
GUS: He has a creepy hairdo
BURNIE: Creepy hairdo?
GUS: Sorry sorry crappy hairdo.
BURNIE: What’s a crappy hairdo?
BARB: Creepy hairdo?
BURNIE: I guess it all depends on anything
GAVIN: I will-
BARB: I gotta say I don’t like, disgusting mustaches.
GUS: He burps and farts in front of you.
BURNIE: Let me ask you a question; let me ask you a question.
BARB: Sup
BURNIE: Why would you start dating someone with a crappy hairdo? Like- he wouldn’t make it past the first round.
GUS: Maybe he got a crappy hairdo after you started dating.
BURNIE: Oh
BARB: yeah.
BURNIE: Hmm okay.
GUS: Ahhhh he dresses like a hobo.
BURNIE: He’s like, I got the girlfriend now,
GUS: That’s everyone in this office!
BURNIE: let’s go for the flat-top
GUS: Uhhh He’s glued to the TV on gameday.
GAVIN: What does that mean? Oh the football.
GUS: yeah. He leaves his dishes in the sink.
BURNIE: He grew an enormous beard.
GUS: He gives you beard burn.
BARB: That’s one of them.
GUS: He forgets important occasions.
BURNIE: Are we done with beards?