1:00:00-1:39:22
BURNIE: I gotta say too, I gotta give a major shout to the fan-group down there, Roo Teeth and Katy, who is coming in for RTX, they put on RTOZ, which was an event that we went to in Sydney, that was a blast!
GAVIN: That was very fun.
BURNIE: We had a lot of fun. And Gavin, did not repeat Brandon's mistake, he did not take all the shots he was offered although he did take quite a few of them.
GAVIN: I did. I- I accepted most drinks but that's it.
BARB: I think Gavin has a higher tolerance than Brandon though.
BURNIE: Oh, I think Vidcon put that to the test. So I- I got lucky enough, I was able to go to the Spider Man premiere, the first day that we were in Vidcon, and I just got flipped off by Barbara, yes it was pretty cool. Um, and, so I kind of, I went without Gavin, uh and when I got back to the hotel it was pretty late, and I went to bed. I just, was asleep, and at 3am I get a phone call that wakes me up, and it's Gavin saying [drunk nonsense], which meant come out- come out and take care of me for an hour. This motherfucker, he was so drunk, it was unbelievable.
GUS: What did you do?
GAVIN: Well, it was a free bar. Open bar.
BURNIE: He went to three different industry parties, that were held the first night of Vidcon. Three different ones. Think about that.
GAVIN: I'll tell you what my problem was. I've never been to a party on my own before so, I wasn't with anyone to talk to, so I was like well, I'll go to the bar, have a few, and I’ll get chatty. And it was good.
BARB: Get chatty.
GAVIN: And afterwards ... yeah.
BURNIE: He says afterwards yeah because he can't remember anything that happened that night. But! We have slowly pieced it together based on other peoples photos and everyone coming up to us and telling us the next day hey I saw Gavin, he was super drunk and he was in a fountain or he was super drunk and he was in an elevator.
GAVIN: I had the best hour long conversation with the double rainbow guy. It was like the best moment of my life.
BARB: How did you get back to the hotel?
GAVIN: I was in the hotel.
BURNIE: For clarification, Vidcon is like the- basically like the YouTube con. So it's like all the people out of YouTube videos are there.
BARB: YouTube status.
BURNIE: So yeah, Mr. double rainbow was there.
GUS: What’s- is he up to the triple rainbow yet? What’s he- what’s he working on?
BARB: What did you guys talk about?
GAVIN: Everything. You know, life. Gandhi. Its probably like, one of the deepest conversations I've ever had.
BURNIE: I tried to get him to go to bed for an hour. Gus, what is my responsibility as a friend, he's that drunk, I’m not drunk at all, it's three in the morning then gets to four in the morning and he- I get him in his room, get him in his bed, he takes the complimentary water that they give him-
GAVIN: No that was 6 bucks, it was Fiji.
BURNIE: Great, even better cause I paid for it, and he's dumping it me and flipping it at me and covering me with water.
GUS: Why are you doing that?
BURNIE: And he's recording it too, and I’m just like I’m gonna f- I said I’m gonna wrap a towel around your head and throw you in the bathtub.
GUS: You’re gonna Whitney Houston his ass?
BURNIE: He's constantly trying to tackle me, constantly trying to knock the phone out of my hands and I’m like Gavin, GO TO SLEEP, and I finally get him in there and I get out of the room and I walk away, and he follows me out of the room, follows me back to the lobby and that's where I left him after an hour of just like, wrestling with him in trying to get him under control.
BARB: Such a troublemaker.
GAVIN: I- I don’t remember- II remember being at the party.
GUS: You would think if he was that drunk he would have passed out.
GAVIN: Yeah. Dude I got- I had the energy that day.
BURNIE: I shoulda, you know what he doesn't remember anything, I just shoulda knocked him out. That's what I shoulda done. I shoulda taken like, his Macbook, his metal Macbook and just brained him with it. That probably would have been better. It would have-
GAVIN: It was fun.
BURNIE: It would have solved a lot of problems for me for sure.
GAVIN: So I got a package today, from a user on the site called Moe Parker. It scared the crap out of me ... pipe bomb from Left 4 Dead.
BURNIE: Oh shit, yeah Moe Parker does a lot of cosplay stuff.
[Pipe bomb starts beeping]
BARB: Yeah. He does.
GAVIN: He says he likes to throw this into a living room full of people who are playing Left 4 Dead, it scares the crap out of them.
BURNIE: I bet it does, cause they get-
BARB: Holy shit that's awesome.
BURNIE: -they get attacked by zombies.
GAVIN: And it's cool, it’s like, it looks exactly like the one from, even with the battery, the one from Left 4 Dead.
BURNIE: Yeah but he should have painted it gray, I mean call me crazy right? Here you hold it up cause its yours.
BARB: Take a picture.
BURNIE: Here we'll make the noise while we do it.
[Pipe bomb starts beeping again.]
GUS: Very important for the picture that it’s making noise.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: But Moe Parker uh, he- he had a crazy cosplay costume at uh-
BARB: The Tank.
GUS: At Comic Con.
BURNIE: Yeah, at Comic Con one year, where he dressed as the tank, and he looked, he was enormous, and he had the huge arms that he was controlling through some kinda-
BARB: He made- he made journals about it, the process of building that thing it was incredible.
BURNIE: Is that his sister? Is Aeona-
BARB: No, no.
BURNIE: A-A-Aowena- his sister?
BARB: Aeona. No, they're just friends.
BURNIE: Okay. And she played Zoey, and then there was some guy playing Bill.
BARB: Yes. I think it was her brother playing Bill.
BURNIE: Playing Bill was her brother. Okay that's where I got confused.
BARB: Yes. I could be mistaken but I think that's what it was.
BURNIE: That was a pretty cool team of cosplayers.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: Yeah. They're really really good. She does a lot of cosplay as well, Aeona. I think she did someone else from Left 4 Dead once too, I forget, the other girl.
BURNIE: Rashell?
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: She sucks. She's so much worse than … Zoe’s-
GUS: Zoe’s better.
BURNIE: What's the perfect Left 4 Dead team?
GUS: The perfect Left 4 Dead team?
GAVIN: Well Ellis would be on it for sure.
BURNIE: I think Coach would be on it too, I like Coach.
BARB: Coach, yeah.
GUS: I like Coach, yeah.
BURNIE: But I like ‘em all, I just don't like- it’s Rochelle and uh, um, I can't say Louis cause I'll sound like a racist. It’s- uh-I don't like Francis very much although a lot of people like Francis.
GUS: Yeah I'm not a big Francis fan.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: I'm not a big Nick fan either.
BURNIE: Uh, yeah I can lose Nick. So we're down to- we’re down to five.
GUS: Down to five. Yeah.
BURNIE: We got Bill, Louis, Zoey, Coach and Ellis. Who are you cutting from that?
BARB: Dream team right here.
GAVIN: Cut Zoey.
GUS: No, I might cut Bill, honestly.
BURNIE: Oh, really? That’s the thing-
GUS: Yeah. Who would you cut?
BURNIE: I don't- you know, they’re coming out with new campaign for Left 4 Dead 2.
GUS: Yes. And, I don't know if you heard this while you were-
BURNIE: I heard it.
GUS: -gone, they released SFM for Team Fortress 2.
BURNIE: I should, well why don't we talk about that for a second and I'll make sure we can talk about what we're about to talk about before we put up the podcast, but we've been working with SFM for probably four years?
GUS: Something like that, yeah.
BURNIE: On different stuff. Uh, one of my favorite people in the entire world, Bay Rate is the lead on developing that, and he showed it to us, the early stuff like four years ago, we've known this has been coming forever, and this is a crazy, crazy tool. In fact, I’m not sure how much they've put out in this initial offering, we gotta take a look at it.
GUS: I've taken a look at it, I’ve looked very extensively so if I'm asked about it I know what to say and what not to say.
BURNIE: Oh yeah, yeah. But it's uh, it was something, one of the coolest secret things we've ever been shown that early.
GUS: So it's, for- y’know, for people who don't know what SFM is, its source filmmaker, it's a utility you can run, I- uh- parallel to the game? It is the game?
BURNIE: It is very hard to explain. It is very hard to explain.
GUS: It's like a program that run- it's like the game, but a program that runs parallel to the game, anyway.
BURNIE: It really only makes sense, the power of it really only makes sense to somebody who has edited for a long time. Like, you can edit a scene but then go into a clip and change the clip.
GUS: Right. So like you have your clip in a time line, you can go in and change elements in the scene, you can change the camera angle, and you can change the animations.
BURNIE: It's so hard to explain.
GAVIN: So if you had a good shot and like there’s someone walking in the background that you don't want, you can just plop ‘em out, and just get rid of em.
GUS: Yeah. Or you're like, oh I wish there was someone in the background, you could put them in.
GAVIN: Oh okay. That's awesome.
GUS: Or you're like, Oh I wish the lighting was a little better, let me put a light over here, boop! Okay, there, perfect.
GAVIN: And you’re also editing with the same-
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Let me give you an example tha- that will say how this will blow your mind based on what you do Gavin. Let's say you're going to make an episode of The Slow Mo guys, you just shoot the whole thing, you shoot your water balloon, and then after the fact you go in and say I want the shots with the water balloon to be 10,000 frames a second. Afterwards. You shoot it with a normal camera and you say, I wanna change the time base of this to whatever.
GAVIN: That would be sweet.
BURNIE: And you can do that in post. Or its like- or it’s like- it’s even like, I don’t like the angle that I got of the water balloon, I’m gonna change the angle and also change the time rate.
GAVIN: I wanna put the camera in the balloon as it pops.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Right.
GUS: Or like oh, the balloon popped 3 minutes in, I wish it had popped 7 minutes in instead.
BURNIE: Yeah. It is- it is- it is hard to explain how powerful the tool is, because we've even worked with it for a long period of time, and we don't have full experience with it in order to use it.
GUS: Yeah, like, I feel like a caveman when I use it, that’s the best way of putting it, it's like this super powerful tool, and I’ll sit there for like an hour making something and I think it's awesome. And then someone who's more experienced will come along and in 5 seconds they'll do everything I did in that one hour. Like, how did- how did you do that?
BURNIE: Yeah. And, they don't touch the mouse! [makes a tapping noise] with the keys, like a piano, and it's like- it’s a totally different shot. And it's like, what in the hell?!
GAVIN: Do you think that’s the future of filmmaking, like say in a hundred years maybe you won't use cameras, you'll have, just blocks in the room that scan the whole room every- you know, hundredth of a second.
GUS: The room- the room won't exist! That's the thing! There's no point to having the room it’ll only exist virtually in the computer.
GAVIN: That will be the next level, but you could have like a scene with actors that is like scanned, and then you just use it digitally afterwards. Inst- instead of recording it from one angle at one time.
BARB: Whoa...
BURNIE: It'll be kids- it’ll be kids that are born now that will grow up with it, that’ll understand it better than we possibly can, cause we're too based in what we're doing now. Like, I’m watching the Matrix movies with my kid, cause he's now ten and so I thought okay, if I can sit there with him and watch it we can fast forward through some stuff, nothing really awful in the Matrix y’know, maybe the stuff where he comes out of the pod the first time. But we just started the second movie, which by the way, y’know, I don't like the second and third Matrix movies, but watching them now I don't mind them so much. Although, they should totally remaster that burly brawl scene, because, man.
GAVIN: There's that- well that jump where it becomes CG.
BURNIE: Where it becomes like a video game almost. Yeah and if they did it today I bet it would look absolutely incredible.
GUS: I'm sure.
BURNIE: They could probably just do it with a re-render.
GUS: Yup. Upres the polygons.
BURNIE: Yeah. Yeah. Well, what the fuck do I know? Anyway, so I was explaining to him the scene where the Nebuchadnezzar ship goes into Zion for the first time, and there, the people- the technology there is all ratty, y’know, cause it’s all the- the human city. but the people running the gate are in this white, clean environment. And he's like how come they don’t have the cool stuff in Zion everywhere, they just have it in that one white room? And I said, oh those people aren’t in a room, they're hooked into a like, a local version of the matrix, so they are in there running it, that's how they interface with the computer programs, and I was like, readied this long explanation for him, and he goes oh that totally makes sense. Like, he completely got it and its like okay, you know, young minds.
GUS: Awesome. I read a bit of trivia about the Matrix the other day, I don’t know if its true or not, but apparently the character of Switch was supposed to be female in the matrix, but male in the real world. And that was the origin of the characters name being Switch.
BURNIE: That sounds very Wachowski .
GUS: Yeah and like, there was supposed to be an androgynous character that just happened to be male in the real world and female in the matrix. Which I thought would've been cool. But I guess they liked the actress so much they used her for both.
BURNIE: Turns out they just had one of the directors do that instead. That’s the way they solved their problem.
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, Burnie Burns!
BURNIE: That became a behind the scenes thing as well. What is it? Larry Wachowski became Lana Wachowski, right?
GUS: I believe so...
GAVIN: So did he- did he have the full works?
BURNIE: Gavin I don’t know. I’m sure that’s his own personal, his or her, her own personal business now. Sorry.
BARB: You got there eventually.
BURNIE: These are complex issues. I’m trying to navigate them as best I can.
GUS: We need a third pronoun.
BURNIE: Whats that?
GUS: We need a third gender pronoun.
BURNIE: We don't need a third pronoun.
BARB: It's.
GUS: It's, it indicates no gender!
BARB: Or both.
BURNIE: No it's true, it's true we do need something besides like.. like
GAVIN: Shmim. Shmeik Shmim.
BURNIE: We do have, when you're writing you have to say his/her, we just need that’s like ones.
GUS: In persons.
BURNIE: A person's thing. Yeah that doesn’t indicate gender in any way.
BARB: Weird.
GUS: I guess a lot of people use 'their'.
BURNIE: We're using this to the context of someone who’s transgendered, which is not the point of this, but I’m deriving from this conversation that we actually- actually do run into that, where I don't want to write his/her all the time, there should be a pronoun for someones thing.
GUS: Their.
GAVIN: Make it up now.
GUS: T-h-e-i-r.
BURNIE: Yes but their implies plural!
GUS: Right that's the problem.
BURNIE: Yeah but that's what people often do.
GUS: They have their own cup.
BURNIE: Yeah.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: But that's not right though.
GUS: Instead of her/her own cup. His or her own cup.
BARB: His or hown.
GAVIN: Why don't you could just make up a nonsense word now and have that become the standard.
BURNIE: That's probably true.
BARB: Lets do it.
GAVIN: This podcast has enough listeners.
BURNIE: I'm sure it can apply.
GUS: So while y'all have been gone we have been playing the shit out of DayZ!
GAVIN: I’m so- I haven’t even played it yet! I’m so jealous!
GUS: Man, that game is so- we’ve been- we’ve been- the game has changed so much in the amount of time we've played it, like, you- you- we've been through so many iterations.
BARB: How many weeks have you been playing?
GUS: A month? I don't know, three weeks?
BURNIE: By the way I just came back and I loaded up yesterday, and I had to catch up on versions, I found a launcher for it, are you using that launcher?
GUS: 6 launcher?
BURNIE: Yes.
GUS: Yeah. It's so much easier now.
BURNIE: If you're not using 6 launcher to play the game you should definitely use that.
GUS: There- there used to be a problem where it was more difficult to get side chat working in sich- 6 launcher, but they’ve disabled side chat altogether in the game.
BURNIE: Oh okay, they did do that?
GUS: Yeah it's gone.
BURNIE: So how do you communicate with people?
GUS: You can only communicate if your within 50 meters of them, in the- like, in the group channel.
BURNIE: Oh is that group or direct? What is direct?
GUS: Direct! I’m sorry direct. The white one.
BURNIE: Okay. There’s group, direct and then vehicle.
GUS: So, yeah. You have to use direct, and direct only works on people within 50 meters of you.
BURNIE: I was on one of our severs yesterday and some fuckin jackass named Thomas kept dragging zombies around! And like, and bringing them in.
BARB: Fuck you Thomas.
BURNIE: Yeah and I- and I got away from him, finally, I had a hatchet and I finally got away from him, and later on it was like Thomas has been killed, I’m like you fucking better be killed, jackass. I'll find your body and shit on it. Sorry.
GUS: Oh, wow.
BURNIE: The thing is- its like, when you drag zombies around they alert the zombies, it's like get- get them out of here. Ge- get- and I can't bring myself to hack the other player to death, even though I should.
GUS: I- I- I've changed, by the way. Since I’ve been playing that game, I have like, I’ve noticed myself. I used to be like wanting to help people and really, y’know-
BURNIE: I saw this coming a mile away.
GUS: No, no. Anytime I see someone I try to kill them. Like, as soon as I get a weapon I’m like yes I’ll kill all those fucking assholes.
GAVIN: Why? You're crazy!
BARB What made you change?
GUS: No no no when you play the game enough you can totally see. Like, whenever I would watch an apocalyptic movie, I was like that’s so unbelievable, why wouldn’t people work together, I don’t understand. I understand now.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Every other person is just a problem.
GAVIN: You've been doing it too long. You know what you’re doing.
GUS: There’s nothing-
BARB: But that's your method on life as well.
GUS: There’s nothing they can bring to the table that assists. It's only additional problems and issues.
BURNIE: You know what would be badass? If you could use other dead survivors as food, and that would change you into like, a cannibal skin. But you are really twisted, but you could do that cause your really disgusting.
GUS: Yeah. You can do that in Fallout, you can eat- you can cannibalize other people, so why not?
BURNIE: Yeah. Be like, uh, Book of Eli too. Where they- the cannibals shake, right, ain’t that the deal?
GUS: Yeah, yeah. So I was playing a couple, or maybe last weekend, and I logged in, y’know, and I spawned along the water, and I started walking north.
BURNIE: With no gun, now.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: No fucking gun.
GUS: Which I think is more awesome.
GAVIN: You don't start with a gun anymore?
GUS: No.
BARB: Yeah, you respawn with no gun now.
GUS: And I got north a little bit, and oh, weird there’s a dead survivor here. So like I loot them and get their stuff, keep walking north along the water. Oh weird, there’s another dead survivor. I found like five dead survivors within like, 200 yards.
BURNIE: I think you're stretching the definition of the word survivor.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Dead survivor.
BARB: Where do you bury the survivors?
GUS: And I was like, yeah I’m just gonna log out. I don't know what was going on, but I quit playing. I was like something is fucked up.
GAVIN: Why didn't you investigate that?
GUS: Five of them already died, you think the five of them were like I’m gonna investigate, I’m gonna see what's going on, and they all end up dead on the beach.
BURNIE: I love it, it's like some guy is making a trail to somewhere he wants to go and he's making it with dead survivor bodies. But how do you get away from a zombie now? Like if they're chasing you, what do you do?
GUS: It's easier to get away now. Like it took me a long time to develop eva- god I have like evasion tactics now. Probably the best way, the easiest way to evade them, is if you see an incline start running up the incline because you can run much faster up an incline than they can, and you can start moving around shrubs. So, if you can break- what you do is you don’t run in a straight line. It's like running away from an alligator. You run in zig-zags away, because it forces them to constantly, like you leave their field of view, and they have to reacquire you. And come at you.
BURNIE: Ok.
GUS: So during that re-acquiring, after you zig-zag, you run behind a bush or my favorite thing is if there’s a wall, run around it and do 180 degrees back.
BARB: Can they swim?
BURNIE & GUS: Yes.
BARB: Are you serious?!
BURNIE: I learned that last night.
GUS: So, zig-
BARB: Shit.
GUS: -so if you can run straight up a hill, or zig-zag on straight ground, going around bushes and obstacles. It, its ju.. it’s hard in towns. Because there’s a lot of cover but there’s even more zombies.
BURNIE: God, it’s the worst.
GUS: So you have to like zig-zag, move for cover.. and then dive and hit the ground. And lots of times they’ll-
BURNIE: So you can just hide?
GUS: Yeah lots of times they just miss you. Like, they won’t be able to reacquire you.
GAVIN: That’s awesome!
BURNIE: Oh okay.
GAVIN: I.. I want to play this game!
GUS: You have to practice. Once you get good at it, I can ... I can totally ... you can beat the shit out of zombies now.
BURNIE: I da.. I da.. man I ha.. I had so much stuff, and I died today. I broke my leg.
GUS: Ooooh.
BURNIE: Last nigh..Last night. I was like, “that’s the worst.”
BARB: So what do you do?
BURNIE: What’s the-
BARB: Do you wait for it to heal?
GUS: You can use morphine ... uh-
BURNIE: Yeah. Morphine is what you need. But you think ... you used to have some when you started. But now you don’t it.
GUS: Yeah you can’t walk..
GAVIN: How-how’d you break it?
GUS: if.. like if your leg’s broken.
BARB: You have to crawl?
GUS: You have to.. You have to like, army man crawl. Uh- until you can find morphine.
BARB: But like, uh does it ever heal itself? Ever?
GUS: Uh. Uh.. I’ve never lived long enough after a broken bone.
BURNIE: Not. Not until you get morphine..
BARB: Because it’s like, actually six weeks in real life. For it to heal.
GUS: That’s right.
BURNIE: You get a cast, and you get eight other survivors to sign it., and then like, then you.. then you’re all good.
GUS: Have you all, have you seen ... there’s a web site... uhh, DayZ
BURNIE: I do like it though, what happens when you have a cast on? What’s the one thing everyone always asks you?
BARB: What happened?
BURNIE: How’d you break it? That’s what Gavin just asked. I broke my leg, he goes, “How’d you break it?” Like, it’s like the first question. Uh, somebody shot me in the leg. Some jackass from the top of a …
hospital.
BARB: That’s so cool that it’s that realistic!
BURNIE: Yeah Barb, it was real cool.
BARB: Shot in the leg…
BURNIE: I was having a great time with all the realism.
GAVIN: Can you get shot in the neck, and be paralyzed- paralyzed from the neck down?
GUS: Get shot in the neck you die.
GAVIN: Just lie on the ground like, “Ugh” for the rest of the day?
GUS: You get internally- internally decapitated-
BARB: Lying there for the zombies?
GUS: -like if you fall off a go-kart.
BURNIE: Your character can go into shock.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: And then you pass out on the ground. So then you’re like waiting for your character to wake back up.
GUS: That’s the worst!
BURNIE: While shit’s roaming around..
GUS: so you see a, like, just like an hour glass appear, then the timer starts going down, and you’re like, “GET THE FUCK UP!”
GAVIN: So you can pass out from shock?
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: And as you bleed out too, your character, like the color drains out of the world and then it gets kinda swimmy after a little while and then like, you can see your heartbeat on the screen like, everything like kinda pulses as your heart beats..
BARB: Didn’t.. It does feel like Left 4 Dead, doesn’t it? When you’re dying, it kinda like- the screen gets all shakey..
GUS: Ohoh.. well, when you’re about to die, it turns black and white.
BARB: Yeah, maybe that’s what I’m talking about..
GUS: Like when you can be incapacitated one more time.
BURNIE: Yeah.
BARB: I just know that when you’re down, on the ground it’s all- everything’s blurry.
GUS: One time, I fucking.. I-I- the first time I ever logged in, I.. I like saw an island, I swam out to it, and I like had to swim around to the back side of the island, I cr-climbed up, there was a lighthouse. I didn’t want to walk back down the island and swim around it so I thought, I’ll just jump off from here into the water and swim back to land… Jumped off into the water, broke my leg, passed out from the pain, sank to the bottom of the water. I was like, “MOTHER FUCKER!”
BARB: I don’t think anything worse could happen to you.
GAVIN: You passed out from the pain before you could swim out?
GUS: Yup!
BURNIE: I do like that they’ve added hatchets to the game, that you can use to like hack-
GUS: Yes!
BURNIE: -now, zombies. Because I like that better.
GUS: It’s.. it’s, it’s since it’s a quiet way to kill them, which is.. what.. what was needed.
BURNIE: Yeah.. Yeah but they’re way more sensitive now, too, like.. I pick up zombies a lot more frequently now.
GUS: Yeah. They’re.. Yeah. They.. They’re.. They’re a lot more alert.
BURNIE: Now when you see a zombie, you’re like, “Fuuuuuck. Now I gotta-get- crawl along”
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: We are probably gonna have a DayZ.. gameplay at RTX on the E-Sports stage.
BURNIE: Oh you think so?
GUS: We’ll be showing it off. Mm hm.
BARB: Speaking of which, this is the last podcast before RTX.
GUS: R.. R.. RTX this weekend.
BURNIE: Wow! How are you guys holding up?
BARB: Ehh..
GUS: Doing OK. I think Barbara said it best when she said, “Trying not to throw up constantly..”
BARB: Every day it gets a little harder not to throw up.
GUS: It- it’s just a lot of anticipation. A lot of.. There’s a lot of moving things, and there’s.. It’s gonna be awesome it’s gonna be fun. Just make sure everything’s.. good to go.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: I realize that after going to Vidcon I think I may have overbooked myself for RTX, like I put myself on a lot of panels. Which I thought.. Barb are you ok? Your left eye is red.
BARB: Is it?
BURNIE: Yep.
BARB: That’s not a surprise.
BURNIE: That’s one of those things you don’t notice. It’s like, suddenly you’ve just got this flaming red eye.
GAVIN: Pink eye.
BURNIE: Maybe so. Did you try to sign a-
BARB: I was playing around with some homeless cats.
BURNIE: -immigration form? She was signing immigration forms with a thermometer. Um, yeah but after Vidcon, I realized that I uh … wow, she’s using her iPhone as a mirror. I never even thought to do that. Your’re using the-
BARB: It has a front facing camera.
GAVIN: Yeah, girls do that.
BURNIE: That’s brilliant actually. Uh, anyway, the uh..
BARB: It is red.
BURNIE: The Vidcon. I realized that I-I-I probably overbooked myself for RTX because I’m in panels, which I thought made me more accessible, but it actually, I should actually be walking around a little bit more, I think.
BARB: Yeah. You’re not on too many.
BURNIE: No?
BARB: I think-
BURNIE: I felt like I was back to back on a few things.
BARB: There’s uh- a time period during one of the days where you’re back to back.
BURNIE: I gotta run!
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: You can do it.
BURNIE: From one to the next.
GUS: Um.. Yeah, there- the- it’s gonna be awesome. Saturday and Sunday.
BURNIE: What are- guys, what are you personally looking forward to the most at RTX?
GUS: Sunday night. No, I-I’m kid- I’m kidding.
BARB: I’m looking forward to just seeing everyone have a good time and make friends because that’s just like, so rewarding for me … to see that.
BURNIE: That’s always cool.
BARB: Best community manager ever!
GAVIN: How many Halo 4 stations are there?
GUS: Uh, I’m not sure yet. We’re-we’re trying to see if we can get some more extras in there. Halo 4’s gonna be crazy!
BURNIE: Yeah, we’ve got a bunch, but we’re trying to get more because we realize a lot of people want to play Halo 4.
GAVIN: I wonder why?
BARB: Surprise, surprise!
GUS: Were-were you making fun of our hand placement during our TV interview the other day?
BURNIE: Yea-
BARB: What were your hands doing?
BURNIE: Yeah. Gus.. Gus and Matt were on a local news station promoting RTX locally and they were like, they were like in their chairs and their hands were like, both very properly placed. I’m like-
GUS: I kept- I- I kept thinking of-
GAVIN: Like are you doing one of these?
GUS: Yeah, I kept thinking of Alec Baldwin in that fucking 30 Rock episode! Like “I need two
coffee cups!”
GAVIN: “I need a couple of mugs. I don’t know what to do with my hands!”
BURNIE: And definitely- there’s definitely- what is that? On-once you are aware of your hands, it’s over!
BARB: Once you’re aware of it!
GUS: Yeah, yeah, like I-I- I became- like you said, I became aware of them right before the camera turned on and I was like, “Fuck! My hands!”
BARB: Try it- try modeling, and figure out what to do with your hands. That’s fucked up, because when you’re on an interview, you can move your hands and talk with your hands, but when you’re modeling, you need to like put them somewhere and it’s always awkward.
BURNIE: I’d be the one who does like, one hand in the pocket, one hand on his hip. And I was defaulting to a hand on the hip during our photos for-
GAVIN: You were standing like a damn teapot!
BURNIE: I was- I said, “I’ve got to stop doing this! Why am I doing this.. for photos?” I felt kind of- I felt kind of-
GUS: You killed Barbara.
BURNIE: Dandy.
BARB: Standing like a damn teapot!
GUS: So going back to Prometheus-
GAVIN: Wow, now both your eyes are red!
GUS: I just remembered something that I wanted clarification on, in Prometheus. Do you guys remember it right? You saw it?
BURNIE: Sure.
GUS: Alright. So David .. the android-
BURNIE: Yes.
GUS: -gets like that- the, the, the uh canister thing.
BURNIE: By the way, the androids are always the best characters in the Alien movies.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: He good.
BARB: He was incredible!
GUS: He took a dot of the black stuff and put it in the dude’s drink. Why did he poison him? Why did he do that? I don’t understand his motivation for doing that.
BARB: For fun!
GAVIN: He wanted to kill him.
GUS: Why?
BARB: He was bored.
BURNIE: Nononononononono! The androids are.. it’s kind of a common thing in the uh, in the Alien movies is that the android wants to infect someone to bring the thing back ... for the corporation. That always takes place.
GUS: Right, but I mean- tha- I-
BURNIE: The best way-
GUS: Oh I see, I see! I di- I didn’t think about it in the context of he infected him, knowing he would have sex with the woman, impregnating her.
BURNIE: I don’t think he knew that in particular, but I think, I don’t-
GAVIN: But it didn’t put anything in him, it just mutated the crap out of him.
GUS: But it was gonna-
BURNIE: What are you talking about?
GUS: It’s like at the beginning of the movie. When the dude at- you know, the spaceship’s taking off and the dude drinks the thing and he like, he gets infected. It’s the same thing-
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: -that he put in the dude’s drink.
GAVIN: The Paul Riser character’s drink?
GUS: So it’s the same thing. He wanted to affect change in him.
BURNIE: Uh-I-uh- also, those big white dudes, didn’t make any sense to me at all.
BARB: I just think he wanted to fuck shit up, to be honest
BURNIE: He uh-
BARB: He bored, he’s a robot.
BURNIE: He- yeah. The robots always- not in- it’s not always the robots, cause in Aliens Bi- not, is it Bishop?
GAVIN: It’s Bishop yeah.
GUS: I think so yeah.
BURNIE: Is it. Yeah. Bishop in Aliens..
GAVIN: Awesome, awesome character. I love that. He’s the- likeable as hell in that movie.
BURNIE: Well he’s the flip, right? So he was the guy, the Paul Riser character who was the corporation guy trying to infect, uh, Ripley and Newt, so they could carry the aliens back.
GUS: Right.
GAVIN: Yeah. He locked them in that lab,
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: -with the facehugger.
BURNIE: That’s a pretty common thing.
GUS: Ok.
BURNIE: Is that once they discover the alien it’s like, the agenda is, “oh, lets get this back and weaponize it. “ You know, and I think it’s in every one of them right?
GAVIN: In Alien one, you- you don’t know he’s an android and in the second one, you think he’s a bad one, but he’s a good- you- you’re led to believe he’s a bad dude but he turns out to be absolute hero.
GUS: I don’t remember anything about Alien Resurrection.
GAVIN: What one was that? I don’t think I even saw that one.
GUS: Was that the one- that was the one with Winona Rider?
GAVIN: Uhh..
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: I only saw the first two.
BURNIE: Or three.
GUS: Yeah, I don’t remember- I remember three being weird. Three was the one by the French director, right?.
GAVIN: Three had Charles Dance, in it?
GUS: I don’t remember.
GAVIN: The guy from Game of Thrones.
BURNIE: Oh. Who is he in Game of Thrones?
GAVIN: He’s the- Lannister, the main guy.
GUS: Ah.
BURNIE: So here’s the other thing about Gav. Is that Gav knows all the names of all the characters in Game of Thrones. I don’t know any of them.
GUS: I know characters.
BURNIE: I know the characters, but not their names. Like, you- you- so you’ve been watching Game of Thrones?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: So who’s the name of the guy who protects Danarys Targarian?
GUS: Uh.
BURNIE: He’s always with her.
GUS: Oh. Yeah, I just said I know all the characters. I don’t know that guy’s name.
BURNIE: Yeah, it’s like- it’s- it’s so many characters..
GAVIN: And his name is Jorah Mortmont.
GUS: Are you serious?
GAVIN: Yeah.
GUS: Are you- are you just saying nonsense? Because it sounds like gibberish.
BURNIE: No, no he’s right. He’s right.
GAVIN: That’s his name.
BURNIE: And also, also, two of the guests at Supanova were two of the cast members of Game of Thrones.
BARB: I know nothing about Game of Thrones.
BURNIE: You should go watch Game of Thrones!
BARB: I don’t even know what it’s about..
GUS: It’s awesome. I thought I was gonna hate it. I don’t know why. Like, I’m a big nerd, I like fantasy stuff but I.. hearing people talk about it, it was like, “nah, that sounds boring, it sounds stupid.” No. it’s awesome!
GAVIN: Do you have a Blue-ray player?
GUS: Ye..
BARB: Yes.
GAVIN: I will lend you my Blue-rays.
GUS: Are they your Blue-rays?
BARB: Yes!
GUS: I thought they were the office Blue-rays?
GAVIN: Well, you.. you made me give ‘em back before I finished, so I bought it.
GUS: Oh. Right!
BURNIE: Really?
GAVIN: Yeah. I bought the entire box set of season one just to see the last episode.
BURNIE: Did you really?
BARB: Well, I will benefit from it.
BURNIE: Well, why didn’t you just get it off of iTunes?
GAVIN: Why didn’t you get it off iTunes?!
BURNIE: I did! Thank you.
GAVIN: Ohh.
GUS: That show’s so good!
BARB: Fight! Fight! Fight!
BURNIE: By the way … I am proven absolutely correct, Australia- Australia and New Zealand is the land of bad internet. We didn’t have a good internet connection the entire time we were there! And New Zealand was fucking miserable!
GAVIN: It was like, it was a dribble. It would have been quicker.. to.. write the website down on a piece of paper than it was to f- effing load it.
BURNIE: You mean mail away for it?
GAVIN: Yeah!
GUS: Mail away!
BARB: How does anybody in New Zealand use the internet then?
GAVIN: It would have been qui, quicker to call someone and have them like, read out.. “Home, About…” and you have them-
GUS: And then they could fax it to you.
GAVIN: Yeah. It was awful.
BURNIE: Well, here’s what we were trying to figure out Barb, is what would happen if someone from New Zealand went somewhere else and got internet and was like-
BARB: It would be like, “Woah!”
BURNIE: “What just happened?!” And it could have just been shitty hotel internet, you know?
GUS: It probably is.
BARB: Yeah.
GAVIN: And the we- and then we came back here, we were in LA and I was getting like, 10 times the speed on my phone while we were going down the highway and then you were on the plane, get- wi- wifi and it was like, the fact that we could get faster internet while in a car and on a plane then we can in a ef…
GUS: There’s probably limited … cables running to the island. If you remember, when I was in Puerto Rico during season one, remember when you would try to call me sometimes and it wouldn’t work?
BURNIE: Yes! I do!
GUS: Like-
BURNIE: I remember..
GUS: -like all the phone lines going to the island would be occupied, would be busy and you would get like, a call could not be completed error.
GAVIN: So how many calls can, can you have?
GUS: I don’t know
GAVIN: In this country. Cause if everyone picks up the phone, it wouldn’t work, right?
BURNIE: No, not like that.
GAVIN: Isn’t that what you said?
BURNIE: No.
BARB: Nuh huh.
BURNIE: It’s meant for like, you know, 10% capacity or something.
GUS: Yeah. If everyone picked up their phone- if everyone had a home phone and picked it up not everyone would get a dial tone.
BURNIE: Yeah it can’t handle it.
GAVIN: So can you buy your own direct line? Like can you buy your own .. phone.
GUS: Probably.
BURNIE: T, T1, right?
BARB: I’m sure you could.
BURNIE: Isn’t it?
GUS: Yeah. You’d probably pay a lot of money for it, though.
BURNIE: You can buy your own trunks.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: It seems like nobody has a home phone anymore though.
BURNIE: I talked about like, we were talking about being on a modem and- and being like, on a 300 Baud modem .. and Gavin goes, “Baud! Ha!” Thinking like, that was a word he thought I- he thought I’d made up. He doesn’t- he’s not familiar with the term Baud range.
GAVIN: I don’t know.
GUS: God!
BURNIE: Or anything like that.
BARB: Wow.
GUS: Fuckin kids.
BURNIE: But he had a 56k modem he said when he was younger.
BARB: Coming from Gavin, the person who makes up the most words I’ve ever met!
BURNIE: It’s a bit.
GUS: It’s a bit!
GAVIN: We, uh, we played- we did a Let’s Play in Worms recently and
GUS: Dung Bingo!
GAVIN: The most fun in that game is just naming worms. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to make up dumb names for worms? It’s really fun.
BARB: What was your favorite one?
GAVIN: Um, Michael made one that was called .. Peef Rimgar, which I thought was pretty good.
GUS: Peef Rimgar was good.
GAVIN: And Dung Bingo.
BURNIE: These are all characters from Game of Thrones too.
GAVIN: I-I-
BARB: That’s what Gavin said on the phone when he was really drunk.
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Did you have a modem? When you had internet as a kid?
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: You did? Ok, so .. at 23, Barbara still had a modem.
GUS: Yes.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: You dialed up and all that.
GUS: There will be a cut off a- it’s coming soon, I feel like.
BURNIE: Well, I was just trying to explain to somebody that I did an interview with, Shira Lazar, who does a show called What’s Trending? at Vidcon, and .. I had to explain to her that when we first started making Red vs Blue, we had to have a version of it that was for dial-up. That was a small- that was the smallest possible version of the show so people could download it over dial-up.
GUS: Yup!
BURNIE: And that’s- when did that go away?
GUS: Uh, oh God.
BURNIE: Very soon!
GUS: Thank God.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Thank God it’s gone. One of the- I remember one of the first things I looked up, like when I first got internet access, you know, a billion years ago cause I’m an- a fuckin old man.
GAVIN: Sloppy pussy?
GUS: Yeah. The first thing I looked up was sloppy pussy. The second thing I looked up was modem commands, so I could turn off that fucking speaker. Every time it dials so I wouldn’t have to hear it every time.
GAVIN: Why’d they put that on?
GUS: It’s “M0”. If you add that to your .. string, it will silence the speaker.
BURNIE: I needed to hear that though, because I need to know when it was connecting.
GUS: No. Fuck that.
BURNIE: And you-
GUS: FUCK that!
BURNIE: And you had to hear it, also too if you got a fift- at UT, University of Texas, they didn’t have 56k banks everywhere, so I had to listen for the 56k tone to make sure I getting one.
GUS: Well, the only modem I ever dialed-up with was .. a 2400 Baud modem, which it didn’t matter what the fuck it sounded like.
BURNIE: 2400?
GUS: Yeah. And like from there, I didn’t have internet for years until, like I did, but the it was like, I was in college and it was like Ethernet.
BURNIE: For reference Gavin, 2400 is like half of New Zealand. That’s essentially what that is.
GUS: You can download 10 Kb/min at that speed.
BARB: Do you think you could live with that speed of internet right now?
BURNIE: Uhhhhhhh.
GUS: No.
BURNIE: No!
GUS: No.
BURNIE: No, there’s no going back.
BARB: Would you rather have no internet or that kind of internet?
BURNIE: I would always want some kind of internet.
GUS: I would take the that, yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Back then, it was like all the internet. Like that I used was all text-based, too.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Like I had a text-based web browser, so I was like, when I was downloading porn as a, you know, a 15 year old kid, you’re like, “Oh, that picture sounds hot. I’m gonna download it and see what it looks like in six minutes.”
BURNIE: Remember ASCII? There was ASCII porn.
GUS: Yup!
BURNIE: Which was like, people were like, drawing naked girls with-
BARB: Yeah! Yeah.
BURNIE: -characters in a string.
GAVIN: Like brackets and slashes.
BURNIE: Like a freaking emoticon!
BURNIE: That’s so bad.
GUS: It was sexy emoticons!
BURNIE: It was so sad.
BARB: Oh Yeah!
BURNIE: But you know what? It was good enough.
GUS: It got the job done!
BARB: That’s so sad!
GAVIN: Did they do animated ones?
BURNIE: What’s that?
GUS: No! How would you animate that?
BARB: Oh come on!
BURNIE: No!
GAVIN: I don’t know! Just change the-
BARB: Thank you for demonstrating, what you were talking about.
GAVIN: That’s for the better of the-
BURNIE: Something I’ve noticed about Gavin which I- I- I don’t know why I’ve noticed it, but it- it bothers me every time I notice now too, whe- when he does the people having sex, do the people having sex hand motion Barbara. Ok, you use one finger, Gavin uses two fingers!
BARB: He uses two fingers!
BURNIE: He uses two fingers. Why do you use two fingers?
GAVIN: It’s all about girth, isn’t it?
GUS: We, we need to make a shirt for you. “Gavin Free: It’s all about girth, isn’t it?”
BARB: I’d buy it.
BURNIE: But you think your default is two fingers.
GAVIN: I wonder if that would sell well?
BURNIE: Why not three? What’d you-
BARB: He’s practicing.
BURNIE: He’s practicing?!
GUS: He’s dreaming.
GAVIN: Free!
GUS: Live the dream, Gavin Free!
BARB: [laughs] Gross!
GUS: Alright, uhh, yeah..
BURNIE: So guess what I showed Gavin yesterday.
GUS: What’s that?
BURNIE: I showed Gavin US one dollar coins.
ALL: Ohhh.
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: And it blew his mind.
GAVIN: They’re cool! You should use them.
BURNIE: Nope!
GUS: No one does.
BARB: They don’t take them anywhere.
BURNIE: It’s not easy.
BARB: I was given those as change from some place and no one else takes them.
GUS: Yeah. A lot of people think you’re trying to, like pass off fake money.
BARB: Do you know what happened in Canada?
GAVIN: People, it’s legal. They have to legally take it though.
BURNIE: Yeah, but you have to fight them.
GUS: Yeah, but you can’t legally convince them.
BURNIE: Right.
GAVIN: You have to legally convince them?
BARB: Legally convince them?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah, you have to go through the whole hassle, so say that..
GUS: Same thing with two dollar bills! Sometimes you fucking try to pay with a two dollar bill, and
they look at you like you’re trying to pull a fast one on them.
GAVIN: Yeah. Someone gave one of those to me at a convention like, five years ago. I was like, what?
GUS: Yeah, you took it me like, is this real?
BURNIE: A what?
GUS & BARB: A two dollar bill.
BURNIE: Oh right. What was the myth about that? That they got rid of the two dollar bill because somebody on the back was wearing a hat.
GUS: Oh right.
BURNIE: You ever see that?
GUS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BARB: Americans don’t like hats.
BURNIE: It- was the drawing- it was a drawing of like, the continental congress. The- the people- err- continental?
GUS: Yeah, continental congress.
BURNIE: Constitutional? Is that what it is, yeah?
GUS: Mhm.
BURNIE: Th-they drafted the constitution.
GAVIN: So who’s on the two?
BURNIE: Uhh-
GAVIN: Sucks to be that guy.
BURNIE: Ha-woo-
BARB: Who’s on the two-sie?
BURNIE: Who’s on the two? Monro-Monroe? I don’t know who’s on the two.
GUS: I have no idea.
BARB: Do you know what happened in Canada? They changed the Loonie which is the one dollar coin-
BURNIE: Yeah.
BARB: -to be a different weight. They like redesigned it so it’s a bit lighter but the fucking dumbasses don’t realise that no vending machine or any like-
GUS: Yep.
BARB: parking meter, they can’t take it because they don’t think it’s a dollar because of the weight.
GAVIN: Well that’ll change.
BARB: So everyplace that takes dollar coins-
BURNIE: It’ll have to. That’s a lot of money to change.
BARB: Yeah. It’s fucking stupid.
GUS: I woul-
BARB: I think that would be like the first thing they would think about when redesigning a coin.
BURNIE: When you said they changed the weight it was the first thing I thought of.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: As soon as you said it. I- well I thought about that and I also thought about blind people. Not being able to identify it.
BARB: Yeah. Well it’s true.
BURNIE: No, it’s true.
BARB: They’re used to a certain weight of it.
GAVIN: I like the Australian money-
GUS: It-
GAVIN: -the paper money. Well, it’s no- it’s- it’s like plastic, you can’t rip it.
GUS: It’s also different sizes, depending on the denomination.
GAVIN: Yeah.
GUS: Don’t know if you noticed.
GAVIN: Well so’s the pound.
BARB: The Canadian bills are also designed to be plastic now.
GUS: Oh, is it?
GAVIN: A fif- a fifty pound note won’t fit in my wallet.
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: It just like, tips over the top.
GUS: Yeah, I-I-I like the- I like the money down there in Australia and New Zealand.
GAVIN: Yeah, it’s cool.
GUS: The Australian one also has like that clear window in it.
GAVIN: Yeah the window.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: No, jeez, Jefferson’s on the two.
GUS: Ah, okay.
BURNIE: So there ya go. Yeah it’s weird that. Is Jefferson on the quarter ... as well?
GUS: Ugh- I don’t know.
BURNIE: We should- this is the kinda stuff we should know off the top of our head.
GUS: I think so. I think it’s Jefferson on the quarter.
BURNIE: Did you know on the back of the penny, there is the Lincoln memorial and there’s a tiny little Lincoln? Tiny, tiny-
BARB: Tiny little Lincoln.
BURNIE: tiny little Lincoln, in there. You can look it up. It’s what we tested our stereo microscopes in seventh grade.
GAVIN: I know who’s on the back of all my money.
GUS: I thought you were gonna tell a joke. I was waiting for a punch line.
BURNIE: No, no that’s it.
BARB: Was that before-
BURNIE: Yeah, he’s jerking it.
BARB: Was that before or after he became the vampire slayer?
BURNIE: Y’know what the design date of- that’s the worst idea ever- y’know what the design date of the uh- the two dollar bill is? 1928.
GUS: Hm.
BURNIE: Wasn’t it introduced- felt like it was introduced in the seventies?
GUS: I felt like it was got rid of in the seventies.
BURNIE: Oh really?
GUS: They still make those?
BURNIE: No, no. Two dollar bills are around.
GUS: They still make ‘em? That sounds so gross.
BURNIE: No, I- the- they probably do. It’s one of those things, they print for one specific reason.
GUS: To piss off convenience store workers.
BURNIE: I also- I gotta tell ya. I find it really fucking weird that we don’t have denominations of cash larger than a hundred dollar bill.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: And people always say that there is one. There’s not!
GUS: There used to be for bank use. It was never like, publicly-
BARB: What was it?
GUS: -dis- uh- dispersed. It was a ten thousand dollar. No-
BARB: Holy shit.
BURNIE: And they can use that to, y’know just make big bank transfers-
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: -like, when before I guess computers, essentially.
GUS: Yeah, before you could do it electronically.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: I think they do it to make, embezzling and like, hiding cash reserves more difficult.
GAVIN: Cause, it like-
BURNIE: Or drug-trafficking.
GUS: Right. Since it takes up more space.
BARB: Cause people are stupid and will lose it. Just like a-
GUS: Well that’s their fault.
BARB: -personal safety pin.
GUS: They didn’t wanna make it easy to hide money from the government.
BURNIE: I-eh-I think you’re right.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Cause like t-to-to have a million dollars in cash, you have to do it in hundreds.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: It actually is a big amount of money, like it would be bigger- as big- as like what you can carry in your arms I think is what we measure.
GUS: It would be ten thousand hundred dollar bills.
BURNIE: Ten thousand hundred dollar bills. Right. So if a stack of hundreds is ten thousand. It would be ... a hundred of those stacks.
GUS: Mhm.
BURNIE: So that would be a- that would be hard.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: I don’t know if you could hold in your hands-
BARB: I don’t think you could hold it.
BURNIE: I don’t think you could physically hold a hundred- a million dollars.
GAVIN: The Euro has a five hundred.
BURNIE: Yeah, right. Casinos have like, what’s the highest chip denomination that casinos have?
GUS: Casinos have chips-
BARB: A thousand?
GUS: -in whatever the fuck you want.
GAVIN: Two million.
BURNIE: God. I wouldn’t trust that. Like, a little token that’s ten grand.
GUS: We promise we’ll give you your money back, for this.
BURNIE: Yeah right, a little clay chip. Yeah.
GUS: Then they fucking change the weight on it while you’re out gambling. Like, oh this one doesn’t weigh right. You’re not getting your money back.
BURNIE: Put it in a vending machine and buy a Lexus. Have you ever seen the- on movies they have like, gold bars that they trade at casinos?
GUS & BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: I’ve never seen those in person. Have you ever seen those in person?
GUS: Uhh, no, I haven’t. Have you seen those gold ATMs?
BURNIE: No.
BARB: What?
GUS: I saw one uh- the last time I was in Vegas, where you can go and you can choose to withdraw money but instead of giving you cash it gives you the appropriate weight in gold.
BURNIE: How is Joel not-
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: -camped outside one of those? It’s in Vegas and it’s a gold dispensing machine.
GUS: Mhm.
BURNIE: You’d think he- he’d be right there at like, the bottom of it.
BARB: Just standing outside like, buy gold, buy gold.
BURNIE: Like Homer Simpson is with donuts.
GAVIN: It gives you lumps of gold?
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: That’s crazy.
BURNIE: Once again I wouldn’t trust it.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: I mean, something like that’s gotta be very precise. Right?
BARB: That’d be a bitch to ship back.
GUS: You’d think so. I mean-uh-wha-what’s gold? Like, eighteen- no seventeen hundred dollars an ounce.
BURNIE: An ounce, yeah.
GUS: An ounce, yeah. You’d be like, I guess it’s an ounce? I dunno, what is an ounce? I don’t even know! Like, if I was holding an ounce I wouldn’t be able to tell you if it was an ounce or not.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: Does it shave off the appropriate amount when you buy it? Is that what it does?
GUS: I think it has pre-determined, uh-
BURNIE: You-you’re ba-
GUS: -specific weights.
BURNIE: So, you’re basically buying. It’s a vending machine for gold, that’s what it is, right?
GUS: Right, right. But they call it an ATM.
BURNIE: Here’s one of these things for experts.
GAVIN: You know those dumb things where you put the penny in and then you like-
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: -pull the lever and it comes out as like- uh-
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: -copper thing.
BURNIE: You’re gonna hate this question.
GUS: [sighs]
BARB: You crank it?
GAVIN: Yeah. Is it really doing that to the penny?
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: He thinks that it hides the penny and spits out a thin one.
GUS: You can watch it, they’re clear.
BURNIE: But, he thinks like, when the gears go past it, it hides your penny and then spits out the souvenir penny.
GUS: Oh.
BURNIE: Like, it does the switch thing.
GAVIN: How can it do that?
GUS: Have you ever used one?
GAVIN: No.
BARB: It compresses it.
GUS: Yeah, I mean you can see it and you can feel it.
BURNIE: He doesn’t think you can squish a penny so I asked the common thing like, every kid in the world has done, have you ever Gavin, put a penny on a railway- railroad track?
GAVIN: No.
BURNIE: He’s never done that before.
GUS: Oh, weird.
BARB: I’ve never done that.
BURNIE: You’ve never done, is that-
GUS: We had a railroad track that ran right next door to my elementary school, so we would always like-
GAVIN: It was just full of pennies.
GUS: -the second and third graders go out there.
BARB: There was a kid who got killed on the railroad next to my high school so, we are not allowed on there.
BURNIE: How’d he get killed?
BARB: He was walking with his headphones on backwards.
BURNIE: He was walking with his headphones-
BARB: Well, not- he wasn’t walking-
GUS: He was walking backwards?
BARB: He wasn’t walking backwards-
GUS: He was asking for it!
BARB: -I mean like, he was walking away from where the train would be coming with his head phones on.
BURNIE: That sucks.
GUS: There was uh-
BARB: Yeah.
GAVIN: That would be such a surprise.
BARB: No kidding.
GUS: Miss Deaf Texas got killed here in Austin. She got hit by a train a few years ago, like in 2004.
GAVIN: Aww. That’s tragic.
BURNIE: Really?
GUS: By Old Torf.
BARB: Did you say Miss Death Texas?
GUS: Deaf.
BARB: ?
GUS: She didn’t hear the train- same thing, she didn’t hear the train coming cause she was deaf and it came from behind her.
BARB: See, if you’re deaf or have headphones on, don’t walk on train tracks.
BURNIE: But, it’s a fucking train too. I think-
GUS: I feel like-
BURNIE & GUS: -you would feel it. Yeah.
BURNIE: That’s crazy.
GAVIN: Well that’s all sound is anyway, isn’t it? Vibration.
GUS: Yes, very good, Doctor Gavin Free.
BURNIE: So you’re saying that all deaf people should hear cause they can feel?
GAVIN: Well-
BURNIE: Is that what you’re saying?
GAVIN: Why can’t-
BARB: Keep going.
GUS: Go on.
GAVIN: I’m-I’m done. I’m out.
BURNIE: Y’know I had-I-I-I met a friend who freaked me out a little bit. Uh- where he talked about that, where basically, your ears are just really sensitive at feeling sound. That’s what they’re doing.
GUS: Interesting. I never thought about it that way.
BURNIE: And then he really freaked me out cause he said that really, you don’t taste food, you just feel it with your tongue and you feel it in a different way.
BARB: Mhm.
BURNIE: Than you fell it with like, with your hands. I thought-
GAVIN: Well, there are different-
BURNIE: -that freaked me out. I dunno, something about that. That you’re feeling stuff on your tongue.
GUS: It’s-
BARB: On all your little taste buds.
GUS: It’s almost like your taste buds are like different shapes and then different flavours are different-
GUS & BURNIE: -shapes-
GUS: -aswell. It’s like a key when they fit, you taste it and you get the sensation. That’d be weird.
BURNIE: I don’t wanna eat anymore.
BARB: You look so grossed out right now.
BURNIE: It’s so gross!
GUS: I-I-I-
BURNIE: It’s really gross.
GUS: -I don’t think that’s how it works but that’s gross.
BARB: It’s fascinating to me.
GAVIN: A guy- there’s this- you meet some strange people at these conventions. The guy at Vidcon, the first conversation he had with me, he thought it would be cool to tell me about- a story about a woman who ate a squid but she popped its nut-
GUS: Oh, I heard about this.
GAVIN: -and then- they, yeah. You talk about it on the podcast?
BURNIE: What?
GAVIN: All the sperm tried to like, inseminate her tongue-
BARB: Oh my god.
GAVIN: -cause they like, were swimming down into her-
GUS: It was in her cheek.
GAVIN: Oh, was it?
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: Cause like-
BURNIE: Wait, wait-
GAVIN: -sperm swim towards heat right? Or-
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: Yeah, so, if you-
GUS: There was a woman in South Korea, I wanna say, who was eating uh- a live, I think it was an octopus not a squid. Uhm- and it- I guess like, what- it cut her in the cheek while she was eating it and it was filled with eggs so like, it dis- while she was eating it, it released eggs and they all went into the cut and like, tried to impregnate in the- in the cheek.
GAVIN: Oh.
GUS: And so, she had like, this pain in her cheek and it was swollen and she had to go see a doctor and they had to remove all this, octopus goo-
BARB: Octopus baby?
GUS: -from her cheek.
BURNIE: That’s not true!
BARB: That’s nasty.
GUS: Yeah, apparently it is.
BURNIE: That’s- no way that’s true. I’m going to Snopes for that. That’s-
GUS: It-it-it-it just came out-
BURNIE: -like a Twilight Zone episode.
GUS: This was like a week or two ago, that this happened.
BURNIE: That’s disgusting.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: That is disgusting.
GAVIN: And I just ate a raw octopus.
BURNIE: Okay, let me-let me give you a challenge here.
BARB: Why?
BURNIE: Would you rather get your cheek impregnated by an octopus or drink out of a spit cup Gavin? Whi-which would you rather-
GUS: That’s this weeks animated adventure!
BURNIE: Is it? The spit cup one?
GUS: Spit cup.
BURNIE: Great.
GAVIN: Uh- nope.
BARB: Spit cup.
GAVIN: Gross, gross, gross.
GUS: Watching the animated adventure you almost puked again.
GAVIN: I know, cause it-
GUS: Which would you rather do?
GAVIN: Oh.
BARB: Your face.
GUS: Get mouth-fucked by an octopus or drink out of a spit cup?
BARB: Gavin’s eyes are tearing right now.
BURNIE: He get- he’s getting that liquid face, like-
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: -his whole face is getting kinda loose and liquidy.
GAVIN: Dear god no.
BARB: [retching noises]
GAVIN: Uh-oh.
BURNIE: Stop, cause you’re gonna make me do it. Stop it.
GUS: Okay, we gotta wrap up. We got- we went real long cause-
BURNIE: [coughs and retches]
GUS: -we’re happy to have you guys back.
BURNIE: God. How did you do that? Eurgh. Just your face makes me grossed.
GUS: So, thanks for listening everyone, we’ll see you all at RTX this weekend.
BARB: Woohoo.
GUS: Where we will record another podcast.
BURNIE: Where do we- where are we gonna go for lunch today?
GAVIN: That was very fun.
BURNIE: We had a lot of fun. And Gavin, did not repeat Brandon's mistake, he did not take all the shots he was offered although he did take quite a few of them.
GAVIN: I did. I- I accepted most drinks but that's it.
BARB: I think Gavin has a higher tolerance than Brandon though.
BURNIE: Oh, I think Vidcon put that to the test. So I- I got lucky enough, I was able to go to the Spider Man premiere, the first day that we were in Vidcon, and I just got flipped off by Barbara, yes it was pretty cool. Um, and, so I kind of, I went without Gavin, uh and when I got back to the hotel it was pretty late, and I went to bed. I just, was asleep, and at 3am I get a phone call that wakes me up, and it's Gavin saying [drunk nonsense], which meant come out- come out and take care of me for an hour. This motherfucker, he was so drunk, it was unbelievable.
GUS: What did you do?
GAVIN: Well, it was a free bar. Open bar.
BURNIE: He went to three different industry parties, that were held the first night of Vidcon. Three different ones. Think about that.
GAVIN: I'll tell you what my problem was. I've never been to a party on my own before so, I wasn't with anyone to talk to, so I was like well, I'll go to the bar, have a few, and I’ll get chatty. And it was good.
BARB: Get chatty.
GAVIN: And afterwards ... yeah.
BURNIE: He says afterwards yeah because he can't remember anything that happened that night. But! We have slowly pieced it together based on other peoples photos and everyone coming up to us and telling us the next day hey I saw Gavin, he was super drunk and he was in a fountain or he was super drunk and he was in an elevator.
GAVIN: I had the best hour long conversation with the double rainbow guy. It was like the best moment of my life.
BARB: How did you get back to the hotel?
GAVIN: I was in the hotel.
BURNIE: For clarification, Vidcon is like the- basically like the YouTube con. So it's like all the people out of YouTube videos are there.
BARB: YouTube status.
BURNIE: So yeah, Mr. double rainbow was there.
GUS: What’s- is he up to the triple rainbow yet? What’s he- what’s he working on?
BARB: What did you guys talk about?
GAVIN: Everything. You know, life. Gandhi. Its probably like, one of the deepest conversations I've ever had.
BURNIE: I tried to get him to go to bed for an hour. Gus, what is my responsibility as a friend, he's that drunk, I’m not drunk at all, it's three in the morning then gets to four in the morning and he- I get him in his room, get him in his bed, he takes the complimentary water that they give him-
GAVIN: No that was 6 bucks, it was Fiji.
BURNIE: Great, even better cause I paid for it, and he's dumping it me and flipping it at me and covering me with water.
GUS: Why are you doing that?
BURNIE: And he's recording it too, and I’m just like I’m gonna f- I said I’m gonna wrap a towel around your head and throw you in the bathtub.
GUS: You’re gonna Whitney Houston his ass?
BURNIE: He's constantly trying to tackle me, constantly trying to knock the phone out of my hands and I’m like Gavin, GO TO SLEEP, and I finally get him in there and I get out of the room and I walk away, and he follows me out of the room, follows me back to the lobby and that's where I left him after an hour of just like, wrestling with him in trying to get him under control.
BARB: Such a troublemaker.
GAVIN: I- I don’t remember- II remember being at the party.
GUS: You would think if he was that drunk he would have passed out.
GAVIN: Yeah. Dude I got- I had the energy that day.
BURNIE: I shoulda, you know what he doesn't remember anything, I just shoulda knocked him out. That's what I shoulda done. I shoulda taken like, his Macbook, his metal Macbook and just brained him with it. That probably would have been better. It would have-
GAVIN: It was fun.
BURNIE: It would have solved a lot of problems for me for sure.
GAVIN: So I got a package today, from a user on the site called Moe Parker. It scared the crap out of me ... pipe bomb from Left 4 Dead.
BURNIE: Oh shit, yeah Moe Parker does a lot of cosplay stuff.
[Pipe bomb starts beeping]
BARB: Yeah. He does.
GAVIN: He says he likes to throw this into a living room full of people who are playing Left 4 Dead, it scares the crap out of them.
BURNIE: I bet it does, cause they get-
BARB: Holy shit that's awesome.
BURNIE: -they get attacked by zombies.
GAVIN: And it's cool, it’s like, it looks exactly like the one from, even with the battery, the one from Left 4 Dead.
BURNIE: Yeah but he should have painted it gray, I mean call me crazy right? Here you hold it up cause its yours.
BARB: Take a picture.
BURNIE: Here we'll make the noise while we do it.
[Pipe bomb starts beeping again.]
GUS: Very important for the picture that it’s making noise.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: But Moe Parker uh, he- he had a crazy cosplay costume at uh-
BARB: The Tank.
GUS: At Comic Con.
BURNIE: Yeah, at Comic Con one year, where he dressed as the tank, and he looked, he was enormous, and he had the huge arms that he was controlling through some kinda-
BARB: He made- he made journals about it, the process of building that thing it was incredible.
BURNIE: Is that his sister? Is Aeona-
BARB: No, no.
BURNIE: A-A-Aowena- his sister?
BARB: Aeona. No, they're just friends.
BURNIE: Okay. And she played Zoey, and then there was some guy playing Bill.
BARB: Yes. I think it was her brother playing Bill.
BURNIE: Playing Bill was her brother. Okay that's where I got confused.
BARB: Yes. I could be mistaken but I think that's what it was.
BURNIE: That was a pretty cool team of cosplayers.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: Yeah. They're really really good. She does a lot of cosplay as well, Aeona. I think she did someone else from Left 4 Dead once too, I forget, the other girl.
BURNIE: Rashell?
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: She sucks. She's so much worse than … Zoe’s-
GUS: Zoe’s better.
BURNIE: What's the perfect Left 4 Dead team?
GUS: The perfect Left 4 Dead team?
GAVIN: Well Ellis would be on it for sure.
BURNIE: I think Coach would be on it too, I like Coach.
BARB: Coach, yeah.
GUS: I like Coach, yeah.
BURNIE: But I like ‘em all, I just don't like- it’s Rochelle and uh, um, I can't say Louis cause I'll sound like a racist. It’s- uh-I don't like Francis very much although a lot of people like Francis.
GUS: Yeah I'm not a big Francis fan.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: I'm not a big Nick fan either.
BURNIE: Uh, yeah I can lose Nick. So we're down to- we’re down to five.
GUS: Down to five. Yeah.
BURNIE: We got Bill, Louis, Zoey, Coach and Ellis. Who are you cutting from that?
BARB: Dream team right here.
GAVIN: Cut Zoey.
GUS: No, I might cut Bill, honestly.
BURNIE: Oh, really? That’s the thing-
GUS: Yeah. Who would you cut?
BURNIE: I don't- you know, they’re coming out with new campaign for Left 4 Dead 2.
GUS: Yes. And, I don't know if you heard this while you were-
BURNIE: I heard it.
GUS: -gone, they released SFM for Team Fortress 2.
BURNIE: I should, well why don't we talk about that for a second and I'll make sure we can talk about what we're about to talk about before we put up the podcast, but we've been working with SFM for probably four years?
GUS: Something like that, yeah.
BURNIE: On different stuff. Uh, one of my favorite people in the entire world, Bay Rate is the lead on developing that, and he showed it to us, the early stuff like four years ago, we've known this has been coming forever, and this is a crazy, crazy tool. In fact, I’m not sure how much they've put out in this initial offering, we gotta take a look at it.
GUS: I've taken a look at it, I’ve looked very extensively so if I'm asked about it I know what to say and what not to say.
BURNIE: Oh yeah, yeah. But it's uh, it was something, one of the coolest secret things we've ever been shown that early.
GUS: So it's, for- y’know, for people who don't know what SFM is, its source filmmaker, it's a utility you can run, I- uh- parallel to the game? It is the game?
BURNIE: It is very hard to explain. It is very hard to explain.
GUS: It's like a program that run- it's like the game, but a program that runs parallel to the game, anyway.
BURNIE: It really only makes sense, the power of it really only makes sense to somebody who has edited for a long time. Like, you can edit a scene but then go into a clip and change the clip.
GUS: Right. So like you have your clip in a time line, you can go in and change elements in the scene, you can change the camera angle, and you can change the animations.
BURNIE: It's so hard to explain.
GAVIN: So if you had a good shot and like there’s someone walking in the background that you don't want, you can just plop ‘em out, and just get rid of em.
GUS: Yeah. Or you're like, oh I wish there was someone in the background, you could put them in.
GAVIN: Oh okay. That's awesome.
GUS: Or you're like, Oh I wish the lighting was a little better, let me put a light over here, boop! Okay, there, perfect.
GAVIN: And you’re also editing with the same-
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Let me give you an example tha- that will say how this will blow your mind based on what you do Gavin. Let's say you're going to make an episode of The Slow Mo guys, you just shoot the whole thing, you shoot your water balloon, and then after the fact you go in and say I want the shots with the water balloon to be 10,000 frames a second. Afterwards. You shoot it with a normal camera and you say, I wanna change the time base of this to whatever.
GAVIN: That would be sweet.
BURNIE: And you can do that in post. Or its like- or it’s like- it’s even like, I don’t like the angle that I got of the water balloon, I’m gonna change the angle and also change the time rate.
GAVIN: I wanna put the camera in the balloon as it pops.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Right.
GUS: Or like oh, the balloon popped 3 minutes in, I wish it had popped 7 minutes in instead.
BURNIE: Yeah. It is- it is- it is hard to explain how powerful the tool is, because we've even worked with it for a long period of time, and we don't have full experience with it in order to use it.
GUS: Yeah, like, I feel like a caveman when I use it, that’s the best way of putting it, it's like this super powerful tool, and I’ll sit there for like an hour making something and I think it's awesome. And then someone who's more experienced will come along and in 5 seconds they'll do everything I did in that one hour. Like, how did- how did you do that?
BURNIE: Yeah. And, they don't touch the mouse! [makes a tapping noise] with the keys, like a piano, and it's like- it’s a totally different shot. And it's like, what in the hell?!
GAVIN: Do you think that’s the future of filmmaking, like say in a hundred years maybe you won't use cameras, you'll have, just blocks in the room that scan the whole room every- you know, hundredth of a second.
GUS: The room- the room won't exist! That's the thing! There's no point to having the room it’ll only exist virtually in the computer.
GAVIN: That will be the next level, but you could have like a scene with actors that is like scanned, and then you just use it digitally afterwards. Inst- instead of recording it from one angle at one time.
BARB: Whoa...
BURNIE: It'll be kids- it’ll be kids that are born now that will grow up with it, that’ll understand it better than we possibly can, cause we're too based in what we're doing now. Like, I’m watching the Matrix movies with my kid, cause he's now ten and so I thought okay, if I can sit there with him and watch it we can fast forward through some stuff, nothing really awful in the Matrix y’know, maybe the stuff where he comes out of the pod the first time. But we just started the second movie, which by the way, y’know, I don't like the second and third Matrix movies, but watching them now I don't mind them so much. Although, they should totally remaster that burly brawl scene, because, man.
GAVIN: There's that- well that jump where it becomes CG.
BURNIE: Where it becomes like a video game almost. Yeah and if they did it today I bet it would look absolutely incredible.
GUS: I'm sure.
BURNIE: They could probably just do it with a re-render.
GUS: Yup. Upres the polygons.
BURNIE: Yeah. Yeah. Well, what the fuck do I know? Anyway, so I was explaining to him the scene where the Nebuchadnezzar ship goes into Zion for the first time, and there, the people- the technology there is all ratty, y’know, cause it’s all the- the human city. but the people running the gate are in this white, clean environment. And he's like how come they don’t have the cool stuff in Zion everywhere, they just have it in that one white room? And I said, oh those people aren’t in a room, they're hooked into a like, a local version of the matrix, so they are in there running it, that's how they interface with the computer programs, and I was like, readied this long explanation for him, and he goes oh that totally makes sense. Like, he completely got it and its like okay, you know, young minds.
GUS: Awesome. I read a bit of trivia about the Matrix the other day, I don’t know if its true or not, but apparently the character of Switch was supposed to be female in the matrix, but male in the real world. And that was the origin of the characters name being Switch.
BURNIE: That sounds very Wachowski .
GUS: Yeah and like, there was supposed to be an androgynous character that just happened to be male in the real world and female in the matrix. Which I thought would've been cool. But I guess they liked the actress so much they used her for both.
BURNIE: Turns out they just had one of the directors do that instead. That’s the way they solved their problem.
GUS: Ladies and gentlemen, Burnie Burns!
BURNIE: That became a behind the scenes thing as well. What is it? Larry Wachowski became Lana Wachowski, right?
GUS: I believe so...
GAVIN: So did he- did he have the full works?
BURNIE: Gavin I don’t know. I’m sure that’s his own personal, his or her, her own personal business now. Sorry.
BARB: You got there eventually.
BURNIE: These are complex issues. I’m trying to navigate them as best I can.
GUS: We need a third pronoun.
BURNIE: Whats that?
GUS: We need a third gender pronoun.
BURNIE: We don't need a third pronoun.
BARB: It's.
GUS: It's, it indicates no gender!
BARB: Or both.
BURNIE: No it's true, it's true we do need something besides like.. like
GAVIN: Shmim. Shmeik Shmim.
BURNIE: We do have, when you're writing you have to say his/her, we just need that’s like ones.
GUS: In persons.
BURNIE: A person's thing. Yeah that doesn’t indicate gender in any way.
BARB: Weird.
GUS: I guess a lot of people use 'their'.
BURNIE: We're using this to the context of someone who’s transgendered, which is not the point of this, but I’m deriving from this conversation that we actually- actually do run into that, where I don't want to write his/her all the time, there should be a pronoun for someones thing.
GUS: Their.
GAVIN: Make it up now.
GUS: T-h-e-i-r.
BURNIE: Yes but their implies plural!
GUS: Right that's the problem.
BURNIE: Yeah but that's what people often do.
GUS: They have their own cup.
BURNIE: Yeah.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: But that's not right though.
GUS: Instead of her/her own cup. His or her own cup.
BARB: His or hown.
GAVIN: Why don't you could just make up a nonsense word now and have that become the standard.
BURNIE: That's probably true.
BARB: Lets do it.
GAVIN: This podcast has enough listeners.
BURNIE: I'm sure it can apply.
GUS: So while y'all have been gone we have been playing the shit out of DayZ!
GAVIN: I’m so- I haven’t even played it yet! I’m so jealous!
GUS: Man, that game is so- we’ve been- we’ve been- the game has changed so much in the amount of time we've played it, like, you- you- we've been through so many iterations.
BARB: How many weeks have you been playing?
GUS: A month? I don't know, three weeks?
BURNIE: By the way I just came back and I loaded up yesterday, and I had to catch up on versions, I found a launcher for it, are you using that launcher?
GUS: 6 launcher?
BURNIE: Yes.
GUS: Yeah. It's so much easier now.
BURNIE: If you're not using 6 launcher to play the game you should definitely use that.
GUS: There- there used to be a problem where it was more difficult to get side chat working in sich- 6 launcher, but they’ve disabled side chat altogether in the game.
BURNIE: Oh okay, they did do that?
GUS: Yeah it's gone.
BURNIE: So how do you communicate with people?
GUS: You can only communicate if your within 50 meters of them, in the- like, in the group channel.
BURNIE: Oh is that group or direct? What is direct?
GUS: Direct! I’m sorry direct. The white one.
BURNIE: Okay. There’s group, direct and then vehicle.
GUS: So, yeah. You have to use direct, and direct only works on people within 50 meters of you.
BURNIE: I was on one of our severs yesterday and some fuckin jackass named Thomas kept dragging zombies around! And like, and bringing them in.
BARB: Fuck you Thomas.
BURNIE: Yeah and I- and I got away from him, finally, I had a hatchet and I finally got away from him, and later on it was like Thomas has been killed, I’m like you fucking better be killed, jackass. I'll find your body and shit on it. Sorry.
GUS: Oh, wow.
BURNIE: The thing is- its like, when you drag zombies around they alert the zombies, it's like get- get them out of here. Ge- get- and I can't bring myself to hack the other player to death, even though I should.
GUS: I- I- I've changed, by the way. Since I’ve been playing that game, I have like, I’ve noticed myself. I used to be like wanting to help people and really, y’know-
BURNIE: I saw this coming a mile away.
GUS: No, no. Anytime I see someone I try to kill them. Like, as soon as I get a weapon I’m like yes I’ll kill all those fucking assholes.
GAVIN: Why? You're crazy!
BARB What made you change?
GUS: No no no when you play the game enough you can totally see. Like, whenever I would watch an apocalyptic movie, I was like that’s so unbelievable, why wouldn’t people work together, I don’t understand. I understand now.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Every other person is just a problem.
GAVIN: You've been doing it too long. You know what you’re doing.
GUS: There’s nothing-
BARB: But that's your method on life as well.
GUS: There’s nothing they can bring to the table that assists. It's only additional problems and issues.
BURNIE: You know what would be badass? If you could use other dead survivors as food, and that would change you into like, a cannibal skin. But you are really twisted, but you could do that cause your really disgusting.
GUS: Yeah. You can do that in Fallout, you can eat- you can cannibalize other people, so why not?
BURNIE: Yeah. Be like, uh, Book of Eli too. Where they- the cannibals shake, right, ain’t that the deal?
GUS: Yeah, yeah. So I was playing a couple, or maybe last weekend, and I logged in, y’know, and I spawned along the water, and I started walking north.
BURNIE: With no gun, now.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: No fucking gun.
GUS: Which I think is more awesome.
GAVIN: You don't start with a gun anymore?
GUS: No.
BARB: Yeah, you respawn with no gun now.
GUS: And I got north a little bit, and oh, weird there’s a dead survivor here. So like I loot them and get their stuff, keep walking north along the water. Oh weird, there’s another dead survivor. I found like five dead survivors within like, 200 yards.
BURNIE: I think you're stretching the definition of the word survivor.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Dead survivor.
BARB: Where do you bury the survivors?
GUS: And I was like, yeah I’m just gonna log out. I don't know what was going on, but I quit playing. I was like something is fucked up.
GAVIN: Why didn't you investigate that?
GUS: Five of them already died, you think the five of them were like I’m gonna investigate, I’m gonna see what's going on, and they all end up dead on the beach.
BURNIE: I love it, it's like some guy is making a trail to somewhere he wants to go and he's making it with dead survivor bodies. But how do you get away from a zombie now? Like if they're chasing you, what do you do?
GUS: It's easier to get away now. Like it took me a long time to develop eva- god I have like evasion tactics now. Probably the best way, the easiest way to evade them, is if you see an incline start running up the incline because you can run much faster up an incline than they can, and you can start moving around shrubs. So, if you can break- what you do is you don’t run in a straight line. It's like running away from an alligator. You run in zig-zags away, because it forces them to constantly, like you leave their field of view, and they have to reacquire you. And come at you.
BURNIE: Ok.
GUS: So during that re-acquiring, after you zig-zag, you run behind a bush or my favorite thing is if there’s a wall, run around it and do 180 degrees back.
BARB: Can they swim?
BURNIE & GUS: Yes.
BARB: Are you serious?!
BURNIE: I learned that last night.
GUS: So, zig-
BARB: Shit.
GUS: -so if you can run straight up a hill, or zig-zag on straight ground, going around bushes and obstacles. It, its ju.. it’s hard in towns. Because there’s a lot of cover but there’s even more zombies.
BURNIE: God, it’s the worst.
GUS: So you have to like zig-zag, move for cover.. and then dive and hit the ground. And lots of times they’ll-
BURNIE: So you can just hide?
GUS: Yeah lots of times they just miss you. Like, they won’t be able to reacquire you.
GAVIN: That’s awesome!
BURNIE: Oh okay.
GAVIN: I.. I want to play this game!
GUS: You have to practice. Once you get good at it, I can ... I can totally ... you can beat the shit out of zombies now.
BURNIE: I da.. I da.. man I ha.. I had so much stuff, and I died today. I broke my leg.
GUS: Ooooh.
BURNIE: Last nigh..Last night. I was like, “that’s the worst.”
BARB: So what do you do?
BURNIE: What’s the-
BARB: Do you wait for it to heal?
GUS: You can use morphine ... uh-
BURNIE: Yeah. Morphine is what you need. But you think ... you used to have some when you started. But now you don’t it.
GUS: Yeah you can’t walk..
GAVIN: How-how’d you break it?
GUS: if.. like if your leg’s broken.
BARB: You have to crawl?
GUS: You have to.. You have to like, army man crawl. Uh- until you can find morphine.
BARB: But like, uh does it ever heal itself? Ever?
GUS: Uh. Uh.. I’ve never lived long enough after a broken bone.
BURNIE: Not. Not until you get morphine..
BARB: Because it’s like, actually six weeks in real life. For it to heal.
GUS: That’s right.
BURNIE: You get a cast, and you get eight other survivors to sign it., and then like, then you.. then you’re all good.
GUS: Have you all, have you seen ... there’s a web site... uhh, DayZ
BURNIE: I do like it though, what happens when you have a cast on? What’s the one thing everyone always asks you?
BARB: What happened?
BURNIE: How’d you break it? That’s what Gavin just asked. I broke my leg, he goes, “How’d you break it?” Like, it’s like the first question. Uh, somebody shot me in the leg. Some jackass from the top of a …
hospital.
BARB: That’s so cool that it’s that realistic!
BURNIE: Yeah Barb, it was real cool.
BARB: Shot in the leg…
BURNIE: I was having a great time with all the realism.
GAVIN: Can you get shot in the neck, and be paralyzed- paralyzed from the neck down?
GUS: Get shot in the neck you die.
GAVIN: Just lie on the ground like, “Ugh” for the rest of the day?
GUS: You get internally- internally decapitated-
BARB: Lying there for the zombies?
GUS: -like if you fall off a go-kart.
BURNIE: Your character can go into shock.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: And then you pass out on the ground. So then you’re like waiting for your character to wake back up.
GUS: That’s the worst!
BURNIE: While shit’s roaming around..
GUS: so you see a, like, just like an hour glass appear, then the timer starts going down, and you’re like, “GET THE FUCK UP!”
GAVIN: So you can pass out from shock?
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: And as you bleed out too, your character, like the color drains out of the world and then it gets kinda swimmy after a little while and then like, you can see your heartbeat on the screen like, everything like kinda pulses as your heart beats..
BARB: Didn’t.. It does feel like Left 4 Dead, doesn’t it? When you’re dying, it kinda like- the screen gets all shakey..
GUS: Ohoh.. well, when you’re about to die, it turns black and white.
BARB: Yeah, maybe that’s what I’m talking about..
GUS: Like when you can be incapacitated one more time.
BURNIE: Yeah.
BARB: I just know that when you’re down, on the ground it’s all- everything’s blurry.
GUS: One time, I fucking.. I-I- the first time I ever logged in, I.. I like saw an island, I swam out to it, and I like had to swim around to the back side of the island, I cr-climbed up, there was a lighthouse. I didn’t want to walk back down the island and swim around it so I thought, I’ll just jump off from here into the water and swim back to land… Jumped off into the water, broke my leg, passed out from the pain, sank to the bottom of the water. I was like, “MOTHER FUCKER!”
BARB: I don’t think anything worse could happen to you.
GAVIN: You passed out from the pain before you could swim out?
GUS: Yup!
BURNIE: I do like that they’ve added hatchets to the game, that you can use to like hack-
GUS: Yes!
BURNIE: -now, zombies. Because I like that better.
GUS: It’s.. it’s, it’s since it’s a quiet way to kill them, which is.. what.. what was needed.
BURNIE: Yeah.. Yeah but they’re way more sensitive now, too, like.. I pick up zombies a lot more frequently now.
GUS: Yeah. They’re.. Yeah. They.. They’re.. They’re a lot more alert.
BURNIE: Now when you see a zombie, you’re like, “Fuuuuuck. Now I gotta-get- crawl along”
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: We are probably gonna have a DayZ.. gameplay at RTX on the E-Sports stage.
BURNIE: Oh you think so?
GUS: We’ll be showing it off. Mm hm.
BARB: Speaking of which, this is the last podcast before RTX.
GUS: R.. R.. RTX this weekend.
BURNIE: Wow! How are you guys holding up?
BARB: Ehh..
GUS: Doing OK. I think Barbara said it best when she said, “Trying not to throw up constantly..”
BARB: Every day it gets a little harder not to throw up.
GUS: It- it’s just a lot of anticipation. A lot of.. There’s a lot of moving things, and there’s.. It’s gonna be awesome it’s gonna be fun. Just make sure everything’s.. good to go.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: I realize that after going to Vidcon I think I may have overbooked myself for RTX, like I put myself on a lot of panels. Which I thought.. Barb are you ok? Your left eye is red.
BARB: Is it?
BURNIE: Yep.
BARB: That’s not a surprise.
BURNIE: That’s one of those things you don’t notice. It’s like, suddenly you’ve just got this flaming red eye.
GAVIN: Pink eye.
BURNIE: Maybe so. Did you try to sign a-
BARB: I was playing around with some homeless cats.
BURNIE: -immigration form? She was signing immigration forms with a thermometer. Um, yeah but after Vidcon, I realized that I uh … wow, she’s using her iPhone as a mirror. I never even thought to do that. Your’re using the-
BARB: It has a front facing camera.
GAVIN: Yeah, girls do that.
BURNIE: That’s brilliant actually. Uh, anyway, the uh..
BARB: It is red.
BURNIE: The Vidcon. I realized that I-I-I probably overbooked myself for RTX because I’m in panels, which I thought made me more accessible, but it actually, I should actually be walking around a little bit more, I think.
BARB: Yeah. You’re not on too many.
BURNIE: No?
BARB: I think-
BURNIE: I felt like I was back to back on a few things.
BARB: There’s uh- a time period during one of the days where you’re back to back.
BURNIE: I gotta run!
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: You can do it.
BURNIE: From one to the next.
GUS: Um.. Yeah, there- the- it’s gonna be awesome. Saturday and Sunday.
BURNIE: What are- guys, what are you personally looking forward to the most at RTX?
GUS: Sunday night. No, I-I’m kid- I’m kidding.
BARB: I’m looking forward to just seeing everyone have a good time and make friends because that’s just like, so rewarding for me … to see that.
BURNIE: That’s always cool.
BARB: Best community manager ever!
GAVIN: How many Halo 4 stations are there?
GUS: Uh, I’m not sure yet. We’re-we’re trying to see if we can get some more extras in there. Halo 4’s gonna be crazy!
BURNIE: Yeah, we’ve got a bunch, but we’re trying to get more because we realize a lot of people want to play Halo 4.
GAVIN: I wonder why?
BARB: Surprise, surprise!
GUS: Were-were you making fun of our hand placement during our TV interview the other day?
BURNIE: Yea-
BARB: What were your hands doing?
BURNIE: Yeah. Gus.. Gus and Matt were on a local news station promoting RTX locally and they were like, they were like in their chairs and their hands were like, both very properly placed. I’m like-
GUS: I kept- I- I kept thinking of-
GAVIN: Like are you doing one of these?
GUS: Yeah, I kept thinking of Alec Baldwin in that fucking 30 Rock episode! Like “I need two
coffee cups!”
GAVIN: “I need a couple of mugs. I don’t know what to do with my hands!”
BURNIE: And definitely- there’s definitely- what is that? On-once you are aware of your hands, it’s over!
BARB: Once you’re aware of it!
GUS: Yeah, yeah, like I-I- I became- like you said, I became aware of them right before the camera turned on and I was like, “Fuck! My hands!”
BARB: Try it- try modeling, and figure out what to do with your hands. That’s fucked up, because when you’re on an interview, you can move your hands and talk with your hands, but when you’re modeling, you need to like put them somewhere and it’s always awkward.
BURNIE: I’d be the one who does like, one hand in the pocket, one hand on his hip. And I was defaulting to a hand on the hip during our photos for-
GAVIN: You were standing like a damn teapot!
BURNIE: I was- I said, “I’ve got to stop doing this! Why am I doing this.. for photos?” I felt kind of- I felt kind of-
GUS: You killed Barbara.
BURNIE: Dandy.
BARB: Standing like a damn teapot!
GUS: So going back to Prometheus-
GAVIN: Wow, now both your eyes are red!
GUS: I just remembered something that I wanted clarification on, in Prometheus. Do you guys remember it right? You saw it?
BURNIE: Sure.
GUS: Alright. So David .. the android-
BURNIE: Yes.
GUS: -gets like that- the, the, the uh canister thing.
BURNIE: By the way, the androids are always the best characters in the Alien movies.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: He good.
BARB: He was incredible!
GUS: He took a dot of the black stuff and put it in the dude’s drink. Why did he poison him? Why did he do that? I don’t understand his motivation for doing that.
BARB: For fun!
GAVIN: He wanted to kill him.
GUS: Why?
BARB: He was bored.
BURNIE: Nononononononono! The androids are.. it’s kind of a common thing in the uh, in the Alien movies is that the android wants to infect someone to bring the thing back ... for the corporation. That always takes place.
GUS: Right, but I mean- tha- I-
BURNIE: The best way-
GUS: Oh I see, I see! I di- I didn’t think about it in the context of he infected him, knowing he would have sex with the woman, impregnating her.
BURNIE: I don’t think he knew that in particular, but I think, I don’t-
GAVIN: But it didn’t put anything in him, it just mutated the crap out of him.
GUS: But it was gonna-
BURNIE: What are you talking about?
GUS: It’s like at the beginning of the movie. When the dude at- you know, the spaceship’s taking off and the dude drinks the thing and he like, he gets infected. It’s the same thing-
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: -that he put in the dude’s drink.
GAVIN: The Paul Riser character’s drink?
GUS: So it’s the same thing. He wanted to affect change in him.
BURNIE: Uh-I-uh- also, those big white dudes, didn’t make any sense to me at all.
BARB: I just think he wanted to fuck shit up, to be honest
BURNIE: He uh-
BARB: He bored, he’s a robot.
BURNIE: He- yeah. The robots always- not in- it’s not always the robots, cause in Aliens Bi- not, is it Bishop?
GAVIN: It’s Bishop yeah.
GUS: I think so yeah.
BURNIE: Is it. Yeah. Bishop in Aliens..
GAVIN: Awesome, awesome character. I love that. He’s the- likeable as hell in that movie.
BURNIE: Well he’s the flip, right? So he was the guy, the Paul Riser character who was the corporation guy trying to infect, uh, Ripley and Newt, so they could carry the aliens back.
GUS: Right.
GAVIN: Yeah. He locked them in that lab,
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: -with the facehugger.
BURNIE: That’s a pretty common thing.
GUS: Ok.
BURNIE: Is that once they discover the alien it’s like, the agenda is, “oh, lets get this back and weaponize it. “ You know, and I think it’s in every one of them right?
GAVIN: In Alien one, you- you don’t know he’s an android and in the second one, you think he’s a bad one, but he’s a good- you- you’re led to believe he’s a bad dude but he turns out to be absolute hero.
GUS: I don’t remember anything about Alien Resurrection.
GAVIN: What one was that? I don’t think I even saw that one.
GUS: Was that the one- that was the one with Winona Rider?
GAVIN: Uhh..
BURNIE: Yeah.
GAVIN: I only saw the first two.
BURNIE: Or three.
GUS: Yeah, I don’t remember- I remember three being weird. Three was the one by the French director, right?.
GAVIN: Three had Charles Dance, in it?
GUS: I don’t remember.
GAVIN: The guy from Game of Thrones.
BURNIE: Oh. Who is he in Game of Thrones?
GAVIN: He’s the- Lannister, the main guy.
GUS: Ah.
BURNIE: So here’s the other thing about Gav. Is that Gav knows all the names of all the characters in Game of Thrones. I don’t know any of them.
GUS: I know characters.
BURNIE: I know the characters, but not their names. Like, you- you- so you’ve been watching Game of Thrones?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: So who’s the name of the guy who protects Danarys Targarian?
GUS: Uh.
BURNIE: He’s always with her.
GUS: Oh. Yeah, I just said I know all the characters. I don’t know that guy’s name.
BURNIE: Yeah, it’s like- it’s- it’s so many characters..
GAVIN: And his name is Jorah Mortmont.
GUS: Are you serious?
GAVIN: Yeah.
GUS: Are you- are you just saying nonsense? Because it sounds like gibberish.
BURNIE: No, no he’s right. He’s right.
GAVIN: That’s his name.
BURNIE: And also, also, two of the guests at Supanova were two of the cast members of Game of Thrones.
BARB: I know nothing about Game of Thrones.
BURNIE: You should go watch Game of Thrones!
BARB: I don’t even know what it’s about..
GUS: It’s awesome. I thought I was gonna hate it. I don’t know why. Like, I’m a big nerd, I like fantasy stuff but I.. hearing people talk about it, it was like, “nah, that sounds boring, it sounds stupid.” No. it’s awesome!
GAVIN: Do you have a Blue-ray player?
GUS: Ye..
BARB: Yes.
GAVIN: I will lend you my Blue-rays.
GUS: Are they your Blue-rays?
BARB: Yes!
GUS: I thought they were the office Blue-rays?
GAVIN: Well, you.. you made me give ‘em back before I finished, so I bought it.
GUS: Oh. Right!
BURNIE: Really?
GAVIN: Yeah. I bought the entire box set of season one just to see the last episode.
BURNIE: Did you really?
BARB: Well, I will benefit from it.
BURNIE: Well, why didn’t you just get it off of iTunes?
GAVIN: Why didn’t you get it off iTunes?!
BURNIE: I did! Thank you.
GAVIN: Ohh.
GUS: That show’s so good!
BARB: Fight! Fight! Fight!
BURNIE: By the way … I am proven absolutely correct, Australia- Australia and New Zealand is the land of bad internet. We didn’t have a good internet connection the entire time we were there! And New Zealand was fucking miserable!
GAVIN: It was like, it was a dribble. It would have been quicker.. to.. write the website down on a piece of paper than it was to f- effing load it.
BURNIE: You mean mail away for it?
GAVIN: Yeah!
GUS: Mail away!
BARB: How does anybody in New Zealand use the internet then?
GAVIN: It would have been qui, quicker to call someone and have them like, read out.. “Home, About…” and you have them-
GUS: And then they could fax it to you.
GAVIN: Yeah. It was awful.
BURNIE: Well, here’s what we were trying to figure out Barb, is what would happen if someone from New Zealand went somewhere else and got internet and was like-
BARB: It would be like, “Woah!”
BURNIE: “What just happened?!” And it could have just been shitty hotel internet, you know?
GUS: It probably is.
BARB: Yeah.
GAVIN: And the we- and then we came back here, we were in LA and I was getting like, 10 times the speed on my phone while we were going down the highway and then you were on the plane, get- wi- wifi and it was like, the fact that we could get faster internet while in a car and on a plane then we can in a ef…
GUS: There’s probably limited … cables running to the island. If you remember, when I was in Puerto Rico during season one, remember when you would try to call me sometimes and it wouldn’t work?
BURNIE: Yes! I do!
GUS: Like-
BURNIE: I remember..
GUS: -like all the phone lines going to the island would be occupied, would be busy and you would get like, a call could not be completed error.
GAVIN: So how many calls can, can you have?
GUS: I don’t know
GAVIN: In this country. Cause if everyone picks up the phone, it wouldn’t work, right?
BURNIE: No, not like that.
GAVIN: Isn’t that what you said?
BURNIE: No.
BARB: Nuh huh.
BURNIE: It’s meant for like, you know, 10% capacity or something.
GUS: Yeah. If everyone picked up their phone- if everyone had a home phone and picked it up not everyone would get a dial tone.
BURNIE: Yeah it can’t handle it.
GAVIN: So can you buy your own direct line? Like can you buy your own .. phone.
GUS: Probably.
BURNIE: T, T1, right?
BARB: I’m sure you could.
BURNIE: Isn’t it?
GUS: Yeah. You’d probably pay a lot of money for it, though.
BURNIE: You can buy your own trunks.
GUS: Yeah.
BARB: It seems like nobody has a home phone anymore though.
BURNIE: I talked about like, we were talking about being on a modem and- and being like, on a 300 Baud modem .. and Gavin goes, “Baud! Ha!” Thinking like, that was a word he thought I- he thought I’d made up. He doesn’t- he’s not familiar with the term Baud range.
GAVIN: I don’t know.
GUS: God!
BURNIE: Or anything like that.
BARB: Wow.
GUS: Fuckin kids.
BURNIE: But he had a 56k modem he said when he was younger.
BARB: Coming from Gavin, the person who makes up the most words I’ve ever met!
BURNIE: It’s a bit.
GUS: It’s a bit!
GAVIN: We, uh, we played- we did a Let’s Play in Worms recently and
GUS: Dung Bingo!
GAVIN: The most fun in that game is just naming worms. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to make up dumb names for worms? It’s really fun.
BARB: What was your favorite one?
GAVIN: Um, Michael made one that was called .. Peef Rimgar, which I thought was pretty good.
GUS: Peef Rimgar was good.
GAVIN: And Dung Bingo.
BURNIE: These are all characters from Game of Thrones too.
GAVIN: I-I-
BARB: That’s what Gavin said on the phone when he was really drunk.
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: Did you have a modem? When you had internet as a kid?
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: You did? Ok, so .. at 23, Barbara still had a modem.
GUS: Yes.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: You dialed up and all that.
GUS: There will be a cut off a- it’s coming soon, I feel like.
BURNIE: Well, I was just trying to explain to somebody that I did an interview with, Shira Lazar, who does a show called What’s Trending? at Vidcon, and .. I had to explain to her that when we first started making Red vs Blue, we had to have a version of it that was for dial-up. That was a small- that was the smallest possible version of the show so people could download it over dial-up.
GUS: Yup!
BURNIE: And that’s- when did that go away?
GUS: Uh, oh God.
BURNIE: Very soon!
GUS: Thank God.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Thank God it’s gone. One of the- I remember one of the first things I looked up, like when I first got internet access, you know, a billion years ago cause I’m an- a fuckin old man.
GAVIN: Sloppy pussy?
GUS: Yeah. The first thing I looked up was sloppy pussy. The second thing I looked up was modem commands, so I could turn off that fucking speaker. Every time it dials so I wouldn’t have to hear it every time.
GAVIN: Why’d they put that on?
GUS: It’s “M0”. If you add that to your .. string, it will silence the speaker.
BURNIE: I needed to hear that though, because I need to know when it was connecting.
GUS: No. Fuck that.
BURNIE: And you-
GUS: FUCK that!
BURNIE: And you had to hear it, also too if you got a fift- at UT, University of Texas, they didn’t have 56k banks everywhere, so I had to listen for the 56k tone to make sure I getting one.
GUS: Well, the only modem I ever dialed-up with was .. a 2400 Baud modem, which it didn’t matter what the fuck it sounded like.
BURNIE: 2400?
GUS: Yeah. And like from there, I didn’t have internet for years until, like I did, but the it was like, I was in college and it was like Ethernet.
BURNIE: For reference Gavin, 2400 is like half of New Zealand. That’s essentially what that is.
GUS: You can download 10 Kb/min at that speed.
BARB: Do you think you could live with that speed of internet right now?
BURNIE: Uhhhhhhh.
GUS: No.
BURNIE: No!
GUS: No.
BURNIE: No, there’s no going back.
BARB: Would you rather have no internet or that kind of internet?
BURNIE: I would always want some kind of internet.
GUS: I would take the that, yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Back then, it was like all the internet. Like that I used was all text-based, too.
BARB: Yeah.
GUS: Like I had a text-based web browser, so I was like, when I was downloading porn as a, you know, a 15 year old kid, you’re like, “Oh, that picture sounds hot. I’m gonna download it and see what it looks like in six minutes.”
BURNIE: Remember ASCII? There was ASCII porn.
GUS: Yup!
BURNIE: Which was like, people were like, drawing naked girls with-
BARB: Yeah! Yeah.
BURNIE: -characters in a string.
GAVIN: Like brackets and slashes.
BURNIE: Like a freaking emoticon!
BURNIE: That’s so bad.
GUS: It was sexy emoticons!
BURNIE: It was so sad.
BARB: Oh Yeah!
BURNIE: But you know what? It was good enough.
GUS: It got the job done!
BARB: That’s so sad!
GAVIN: Did they do animated ones?
BURNIE: What’s that?
GUS: No! How would you animate that?
BARB: Oh come on!
BURNIE: No!
GAVIN: I don’t know! Just change the-
BARB: Thank you for demonstrating, what you were talking about.
GAVIN: That’s for the better of the-
BURNIE: Something I’ve noticed about Gavin which I- I- I don’t know why I’ve noticed it, but it- it bothers me every time I notice now too, whe- when he does the people having sex, do the people having sex hand motion Barbara. Ok, you use one finger, Gavin uses two fingers!
BARB: He uses two fingers!
BURNIE: He uses two fingers. Why do you use two fingers?
GAVIN: It’s all about girth, isn’t it?
GUS: We, we need to make a shirt for you. “Gavin Free: It’s all about girth, isn’t it?”
BARB: I’d buy it.
BURNIE: But you think your default is two fingers.
GAVIN: I wonder if that would sell well?
BURNIE: Why not three? What’d you-
BARB: He’s practicing.
BURNIE: He’s practicing?!
GUS: He’s dreaming.
GAVIN: Free!
GUS: Live the dream, Gavin Free!
BARB: [laughs] Gross!
GUS: Alright, uhh, yeah..
BURNIE: So guess what I showed Gavin yesterday.
GUS: What’s that?
BURNIE: I showed Gavin US one dollar coins.
ALL: Ohhh.
GAVIN: Yeah.
BURNIE: And it blew his mind.
GAVIN: They’re cool! You should use them.
BURNIE: Nope!
GUS: No one does.
BARB: They don’t take them anywhere.
BURNIE: It’s not easy.
BARB: I was given those as change from some place and no one else takes them.
GUS: Yeah. A lot of people think you’re trying to, like pass off fake money.
BARB: Do you know what happened in Canada?
GAVIN: People, it’s legal. They have to legally take it though.
BURNIE: Yeah, but you have to fight them.
GUS: Yeah, but you can’t legally convince them.
BURNIE: Right.
GAVIN: You have to legally convince them?
BARB: Legally convince them?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah, you have to go through the whole hassle, so say that..
GUS: Same thing with two dollar bills! Sometimes you fucking try to pay with a two dollar bill, and
they look at you like you’re trying to pull a fast one on them.
GAVIN: Yeah. Someone gave one of those to me at a convention like, five years ago. I was like, what?
GUS: Yeah, you took it me like, is this real?
BURNIE: A what?
GUS & BARB: A two dollar bill.
BURNIE: Oh right. What was the myth about that? That they got rid of the two dollar bill because somebody on the back was wearing a hat.
GUS: Oh right.
BURNIE: You ever see that?
GUS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BARB: Americans don’t like hats.
BURNIE: It- was the drawing- it was a drawing of like, the continental congress. The- the people- err- continental?
GUS: Yeah, continental congress.
BURNIE: Constitutional? Is that what it is, yeah?
GUS: Mhm.
BURNIE: Th-they drafted the constitution.
GAVIN: So who’s on the two?
BURNIE: Uhh-
GAVIN: Sucks to be that guy.
BURNIE: Ha-woo-
BARB: Who’s on the two-sie?
BURNIE: Who’s on the two? Monro-Monroe? I don’t know who’s on the two.
GUS: I have no idea.
BARB: Do you know what happened in Canada? They changed the Loonie which is the one dollar coin-
BURNIE: Yeah.
BARB: -to be a different weight. They like redesigned it so it’s a bit lighter but the fucking dumbasses don’t realise that no vending machine or any like-
GUS: Yep.
BARB: parking meter, they can’t take it because they don’t think it’s a dollar because of the weight.
GAVIN: Well that’ll change.
BARB: So everyplace that takes dollar coins-
BURNIE: It’ll have to. That’s a lot of money to change.
BARB: Yeah. It’s fucking stupid.
GUS: I woul-
BARB: I think that would be like the first thing they would think about when redesigning a coin.
BURNIE: When you said they changed the weight it was the first thing I thought of.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: As soon as you said it. I- well I thought about that and I also thought about blind people. Not being able to identify it.
BARB: Yeah. Well it’s true.
BURNIE: No, it’s true.
BARB: They’re used to a certain weight of it.
GAVIN: I like the Australian money-
GUS: It-
GAVIN: -the paper money. Well, it’s no- it’s- it’s like plastic, you can’t rip it.
GUS: It’s also different sizes, depending on the denomination.
GAVIN: Yeah.
GUS: Don’t know if you noticed.
GAVIN: Well so’s the pound.
BARB: The Canadian bills are also designed to be plastic now.
GUS: Oh, is it?
GAVIN: A fif- a fifty pound note won’t fit in my wallet.
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: It just like, tips over the top.
GUS: Yeah, I-I-I like the- I like the money down there in Australia and New Zealand.
GAVIN: Yeah, it’s cool.
GUS: The Australian one also has like that clear window in it.
GAVIN: Yeah the window.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: No, jeez, Jefferson’s on the two.
GUS: Ah, okay.
BURNIE: So there ya go. Yeah it’s weird that. Is Jefferson on the quarter ... as well?
GUS: Ugh- I don’t know.
BURNIE: We should- this is the kinda stuff we should know off the top of our head.
GUS: I think so. I think it’s Jefferson on the quarter.
BURNIE: Did you know on the back of the penny, there is the Lincoln memorial and there’s a tiny little Lincoln? Tiny, tiny-
BARB: Tiny little Lincoln.
BURNIE: tiny little Lincoln, in there. You can look it up. It’s what we tested our stereo microscopes in seventh grade.
GAVIN: I know who’s on the back of all my money.
GUS: I thought you were gonna tell a joke. I was waiting for a punch line.
BURNIE: No, no that’s it.
BARB: Was that before-
BURNIE: Yeah, he’s jerking it.
BARB: Was that before or after he became the vampire slayer?
BURNIE: Y’know what the design date of- that’s the worst idea ever- y’know what the design date of the uh- the two dollar bill is? 1928.
GUS: Hm.
BURNIE: Wasn’t it introduced- felt like it was introduced in the seventies?
GUS: I felt like it was got rid of in the seventies.
BURNIE: Oh really?
GUS: They still make those?
BURNIE: No, no. Two dollar bills are around.
GUS: They still make ‘em? That sounds so gross.
BURNIE: No, I- the- they probably do. It’s one of those things, they print for one specific reason.
GUS: To piss off convenience store workers.
BURNIE: I also- I gotta tell ya. I find it really fucking weird that we don’t have denominations of cash larger than a hundred dollar bill.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: And people always say that there is one. There’s not!
GUS: There used to be for bank use. It was never like, publicly-
BARB: What was it?
GUS: -dis- uh- dispersed. It was a ten thousand dollar. No-
BARB: Holy shit.
BURNIE: And they can use that to, y’know just make big bank transfers-
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: -like, when before I guess computers, essentially.
GUS: Yeah, before you could do it electronically.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: I think they do it to make, embezzling and like, hiding cash reserves more difficult.
GAVIN: Cause, it like-
BURNIE: Or drug-trafficking.
GUS: Right. Since it takes up more space.
BARB: Cause people are stupid and will lose it. Just like a-
GUS: Well that’s their fault.
BARB: -personal safety pin.
GUS: They didn’t wanna make it easy to hide money from the government.
BURNIE: I-eh-I think you’re right.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Cause like t-to-to have a million dollars in cash, you have to do it in hundreds.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: It actually is a big amount of money, like it would be bigger- as big- as like what you can carry in your arms I think is what we measure.
GUS: It would be ten thousand hundred dollar bills.
BURNIE: Ten thousand hundred dollar bills. Right. So if a stack of hundreds is ten thousand. It would be ... a hundred of those stacks.
GUS: Mhm.
BURNIE: So that would be a- that would be hard.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: I don’t know if you could hold in your hands-
BARB: I don’t think you could hold it.
BURNIE: I don’t think you could physically hold a hundred- a million dollars.
GAVIN: The Euro has a five hundred.
BURNIE: Yeah, right. Casinos have like, what’s the highest chip denomination that casinos have?
GUS: Casinos have chips-
BARB: A thousand?
GUS: -in whatever the fuck you want.
GAVIN: Two million.
BURNIE: God. I wouldn’t trust that. Like, a little token that’s ten grand.
GUS: We promise we’ll give you your money back, for this.
BURNIE: Yeah right, a little clay chip. Yeah.
GUS: Then they fucking change the weight on it while you’re out gambling. Like, oh this one doesn’t weigh right. You’re not getting your money back.
BURNIE: Put it in a vending machine and buy a Lexus. Have you ever seen the- on movies they have like, gold bars that they trade at casinos?
GUS & BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: I’ve never seen those in person. Have you ever seen those in person?
GUS: Uhh, no, I haven’t. Have you seen those gold ATMs?
BURNIE: No.
BARB: What?
GUS: I saw one uh- the last time I was in Vegas, where you can go and you can choose to withdraw money but instead of giving you cash it gives you the appropriate weight in gold.
BURNIE: How is Joel not-
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: -camped outside one of those? It’s in Vegas and it’s a gold dispensing machine.
GUS: Mhm.
BURNIE: You’d think he- he’d be right there at like, the bottom of it.
BARB: Just standing outside like, buy gold, buy gold.
BURNIE: Like Homer Simpson is with donuts.
GAVIN: It gives you lumps of gold?
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: That’s crazy.
BURNIE: Once again I wouldn’t trust it.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: I mean, something like that’s gotta be very precise. Right?
BARB: That’d be a bitch to ship back.
GUS: You’d think so. I mean-uh-wha-what’s gold? Like, eighteen- no seventeen hundred dollars an ounce.
BURNIE: An ounce, yeah.
GUS: An ounce, yeah. You’d be like, I guess it’s an ounce? I dunno, what is an ounce? I don’t even know! Like, if I was holding an ounce I wouldn’t be able to tell you if it was an ounce or not.
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: Does it shave off the appropriate amount when you buy it? Is that what it does?
GUS: I think it has pre-determined, uh-
BURNIE: You-you’re ba-
GUS: -specific weights.
BURNIE: So, you’re basically buying. It’s a vending machine for gold, that’s what it is, right?
GUS: Right, right. But they call it an ATM.
BURNIE: Here’s one of these things for experts.
GAVIN: You know those dumb things where you put the penny in and then you like-
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: -pull the lever and it comes out as like- uh-
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: -copper thing.
BURNIE: You’re gonna hate this question.
GUS: [sighs]
BARB: You crank it?
GAVIN: Yeah. Is it really doing that to the penny?
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: He thinks that it hides the penny and spits out a thin one.
GUS: You can watch it, they’re clear.
BURNIE: But, he thinks like, when the gears go past it, it hides your penny and then spits out the souvenir penny.
GUS: Oh.
BURNIE: Like, it does the switch thing.
GAVIN: How can it do that?
GUS: Have you ever used one?
GAVIN: No.
BARB: It compresses it.
GUS: Yeah, I mean you can see it and you can feel it.
BURNIE: He doesn’t think you can squish a penny so I asked the common thing like, every kid in the world has done, have you ever Gavin, put a penny on a railway- railroad track?
GAVIN: No.
BURNIE: He’s never done that before.
GUS: Oh, weird.
BARB: I’ve never done that.
BURNIE: You’ve never done, is that-
GUS: We had a railroad track that ran right next door to my elementary school, so we would always like-
GAVIN: It was just full of pennies.
GUS: -the second and third graders go out there.
BARB: There was a kid who got killed on the railroad next to my high school so, we are not allowed on there.
BURNIE: How’d he get killed?
BARB: He was walking with his headphones on backwards.
BURNIE: He was walking with his headphones-
BARB: Well, not- he wasn’t walking-
GUS: He was walking backwards?
BARB: He wasn’t walking backwards-
GUS: He was asking for it!
BARB: -I mean like, he was walking away from where the train would be coming with his head phones on.
BURNIE: That sucks.
GUS: There was uh-
BARB: Yeah.
GAVIN: That would be such a surprise.
BARB: No kidding.
GUS: Miss Deaf Texas got killed here in Austin. She got hit by a train a few years ago, like in 2004.
GAVIN: Aww. That’s tragic.
BURNIE: Really?
GUS: By Old Torf.
BARB: Did you say Miss Death Texas?
GUS: Deaf.
BARB: ?
GUS: She didn’t hear the train- same thing, she didn’t hear the train coming cause she was deaf and it came from behind her.
BARB: See, if you’re deaf or have headphones on, don’t walk on train tracks.
BURNIE: But, it’s a fucking train too. I think-
GUS: I feel like-
BURNIE & GUS: -you would feel it. Yeah.
BURNIE: That’s crazy.
GAVIN: Well that’s all sound is anyway, isn’t it? Vibration.
GUS: Yes, very good, Doctor Gavin Free.
BURNIE: So you’re saying that all deaf people should hear cause they can feel?
GAVIN: Well-
BURNIE: Is that what you’re saying?
GAVIN: Why can’t-
BARB: Keep going.
GUS: Go on.
GAVIN: I’m-I’m done. I’m out.
BURNIE: Y’know I had-I-I-I met a friend who freaked me out a little bit. Uh- where he talked about that, where basically, your ears are just really sensitive at feeling sound. That’s what they’re doing.
GUS: Interesting. I never thought about it that way.
BURNIE: And then he really freaked me out cause he said that really, you don’t taste food, you just feel it with your tongue and you feel it in a different way.
BARB: Mhm.
BURNIE: Than you fell it with like, with your hands. I thought-
GAVIN: Well, there are different-
BURNIE: -that freaked me out. I dunno, something about that. That you’re feeling stuff on your tongue.
GUS: It’s-
BARB: On all your little taste buds.
GUS: It’s almost like your taste buds are like different shapes and then different flavours are different-
GUS & BURNIE: -shapes-
GUS: -aswell. It’s like a key when they fit, you taste it and you get the sensation. That’d be weird.
BURNIE: I don’t wanna eat anymore.
BARB: You look so grossed out right now.
BURNIE: It’s so gross!
GUS: I-I-I-
BURNIE: It’s really gross.
GUS: -I don’t think that’s how it works but that’s gross.
BARB: It’s fascinating to me.
GAVIN: A guy- there’s this- you meet some strange people at these conventions. The guy at Vidcon, the first conversation he had with me, he thought it would be cool to tell me about- a story about a woman who ate a squid but she popped its nut-
GUS: Oh, I heard about this.
GAVIN: -and then- they, yeah. You talk about it on the podcast?
BURNIE: What?
GAVIN: All the sperm tried to like, inseminate her tongue-
BARB: Oh my god.
GAVIN: -cause they like, were swimming down into her-
GUS: It was in her cheek.
GAVIN: Oh, was it?
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: Cause like-
BURNIE: Wait, wait-
GAVIN: -sperm swim towards heat right? Or-
GUS: Yeah.
GAVIN: Yeah, so, if you-
GUS: There was a woman in South Korea, I wanna say, who was eating uh- a live, I think it was an octopus not a squid. Uhm- and it- I guess like, what- it cut her in the cheek while she was eating it and it was filled with eggs so like, it dis- while she was eating it, it released eggs and they all went into the cut and like, tried to impregnate in the- in the cheek.
GAVIN: Oh.
GUS: And so, she had like, this pain in her cheek and it was swollen and she had to go see a doctor and they had to remove all this, octopus goo-
BARB: Octopus baby?
GUS: -from her cheek.
BURNIE: That’s not true!
BARB: That’s nasty.
GUS: Yeah, apparently it is.
BURNIE: That’s- no way that’s true. I’m going to Snopes for that. That’s-
GUS: It-it-it-it just came out-
BURNIE: -like a Twilight Zone episode.
GUS: This was like a week or two ago, that this happened.
BURNIE: That’s disgusting.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: That is disgusting.
GAVIN: And I just ate a raw octopus.
BURNIE: Okay, let me-let me give you a challenge here.
BARB: Why?
BURNIE: Would you rather get your cheek impregnated by an octopus or drink out of a spit cup Gavin? Whi-which would you rather-
GUS: That’s this weeks animated adventure!
BURNIE: Is it? The spit cup one?
GUS: Spit cup.
BURNIE: Great.
GAVIN: Uh- nope.
BARB: Spit cup.
GAVIN: Gross, gross, gross.
GUS: Watching the animated adventure you almost puked again.
GAVIN: I know, cause it-
GUS: Which would you rather do?
GAVIN: Oh.
BARB: Your face.
GUS: Get mouth-fucked by an octopus or drink out of a spit cup?
BARB: Gavin’s eyes are tearing right now.
BURNIE: He get- he’s getting that liquid face, like-
BARB: Yeah.
BURNIE: -his whole face is getting kinda loose and liquidy.
GAVIN: Dear god no.
BARB: [retching noises]
GAVIN: Uh-oh.
BURNIE: Stop, cause you’re gonna make me do it. Stop it.
GUS: Okay, we gotta wrap up. We got- we went real long cause-
BURNIE: [coughs and retches]
GUS: -we’re happy to have you guys back.
BURNIE: God. How did you do that? Eurgh. Just your face makes me grossed.
GUS: So, thanks for listening everyone, we’ll see you all at RTX this weekend.
BARB: Woohoo.
GUS: Where we will record another podcast.
BURNIE: Where do we- where are we gonna go for lunch today?