1:00:00-1:30:00
FAN: Right here.
JOEL: So you like, cut in line.
GUS: Are you, you’re watching the stream, and you’re also sitting here? Is there anyone else doing that, or is he the only one…
MONTY: Holy shit! That was like, a thousand hands
GUS: There’s 10? 15 of you? They’re, you’re experiencing it for real..
JOEL: Is the stream funnier?!
FAN: But the lines are too long.
GUS: No, but they’re in here already.
FAN: But I don’t want to wait in line.
JACK: It’s true, you did call that guy out, and he did not get in line.
GUS: No, that’s right. That’s a bad precedent. Nope, not doing that again. If you’re here, fuck you! Get in line.
FRANK: But they, but you did have some influence on Halo 4. We definitely did uh
animation support with you guys in mind.
BURNIE: Oh yeah?
FRANK: And the audience, so.
BURNIE: What like, like, like more frames per headbob or something?
FAN: Thank you!
FRANK: Noooo! You know, the usual lower weapons and things like teabag Burnie for extra points..
GUS: I be, I believe at your panel here, didn’t you confirm that you were able to drop
weapons?
FRANK: I confirmed a lot of things at that panel, but I had had a lot of booze.
JOEL: How, how are you feeling after that panel?
BURNIE: That’s a good strategy for developer panels, in the future. Just load them up and get all the secrets.
FRANK: Just keep drinking. Put it in your mouth.
BURNIE: Can we go…
JOEL: Can we buy you another drink?
BURNIE: So Jack, you and Geoff were part of the Halo 4 panel, you guys played uh a map right?
JACK: Yes, so we played the first ever Achievement HORSE Maps in Halo 4.
BURNIE: Damnit.
JACK: It was AWESOME. Dude, so some, there’s something intimidating about playing Halo in front of a group of about, what 500, 600 people. However big these rooms are. That, it’s fun, but damn is it very, very intimidating.
BURNIE: I’m pretty sure I’m playing in one of the e-Sports main theater, I’m playing in one of those matches today, and I played last night, uh at. Uh the nice thing about having a convention is that after the hall closes, you get to walk around, walk over and play the stuff that takes a long time to play, so I snuck a game in of Halo 4. Gah, its its very true to the original, all the other Halo games is because I am still shitty at Halo. So I know it’s great, and I got my ass kicked completely.
JACK: I, I will say the e-Sports arena is pretty nice, because you’re hiding behind a
monitor, so no one knows how bad you suck. So it’s like you’re one of five up there, on the board.
BURNIE: Except my name’s gonna be on the screen, right?
JACK: Well, no one knows it’s, no, no it’s not your name, it's like whatever the default names are already built in.
JOEL: I think everyone at this panel realizes how bad we suck..
JACK: Joel’s leaning back in his chair with a microphone.
JOEL: Dude! Wireless microphones
GUS: You’ve got to have the other mike too!
JACK: We’re recording a podcast, Joel!
MONTY: You’re gonna piss off whoever’s editing the podcast.
JOEL: Whoever’s editing the podcast is going to have a great time.
GUS: Thanks for that.
JOEL: Whoever’s editing the podcast is going to have a great time!!
FRANK: NPR on the fly.
JOEL: Saved it!
GUS: Alright. Where were we at?
BURNIE: Yeah where were we at? Who’s next? You! You.
GUS: If you don’t answer, I’m gonna have to give stuff away.
FAN: uuuh. I have two questions. One, with Immersion coming back, will PastCast be coming back as well?
BURNIE: No.
FAN: Why not?
BURNIE: What’s that?
FAN: Why not?
BURNIE: Is that your second question, “Why not?” Because we don’t like it. No, no.
FAN: No. Why won’t you bring PastCast back as well?
BURNIE: Well, we’re not bringing PastCast back because Joel is tired of playing Hitler, so
JOEL: They would make me drive around the city...
BURNIE: Listen, I have had, it was.. Frank is gonna be mortified that we keep bringing this up over and over again, but I have had a moment where I had to pause and really evaluate my life because we just got a new annex that we’ve grown so much that weren’t space next door to the studio. So we were moving things into storage and organizing it, and we were getting rid of old props, you know that we didn’t need anymore, and I actually said these words: someone was holding up, “Do we want to keep that?” I said, “No. Get rid of that. We have way better Nazi flags than that one!”
FRANK: Wow!
BURNIE: So I was like,
JACK: Hey, Burnie, aren’t you half Jewish?
BURNIE: What’s happened? What’s happened to my life, you know, that I have to say something like that? And then somebody else mentioned they, we were cleaning stuff out, and someone hold up this, like this, and they say, “Hey it just feels like it’s illegal to throw out a box of porn this big…” Like we have to burn it or bury it.
GUS: Well, that, that’s what led to our forest porn discussion!
BURNIE: You’re right. So, one of the things we discovered too, on the podcast is that the really ridiculous ways you have to dispose of a flag, or did we talk about the bible? How you..
GUS: We talked about both on the podcast yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah! You have to bury a bible.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Has anyone ever heard that?
GUS: It grows into a bible tree..
JACK: It grows into a bible tree.
BURNIE: It, it, it grows back. Yup. Alright, over here..
FAN: Hi, I’m tbswk on the site.
GUS: Hi tbswk!
FAN: Hi Gus. I’ve been dying to ask this question all weekend actually. I’m really excited about your livestream podcasts stuff, but I’m wondering how you’re going to censor yourselves because occasionally, you say stuff that has to be cut or bleeped, and if…..
FRANK: What do you mean occasionally?
GUS: Well, this, this, this podcast right here is making me evaluate the whole process.
BURNIE: No, it’s a really good question. It’s something we’re gonna have to find like, kinda the sweet spot on.
JACK: No. It is tough. Like Joel and I have actually gone on the radio a whole lot recently with the guys here in Austin, ESPN radio here in Austin, and to like, have to censor yourself, it’s difficult, man because you get so used to being able to say whatever you want, and then not being able to curse is not easy. If when you’re used to it.
GUS: Fuck that!
MONTY: Fuck.
BURNIE: Precisely.
FRANK: What do you guys do at your mom’s house? Really? You just like, blue streak all the way til dinner?
JACK: Where’s Michael?
FRANK: Yeah.
BURNIE: You want to know what I do at Jack’s Mom’s house? Jack actually doesn’t like those jokes. I’ve actually made him mad.
JACK: Wait, wait! My parents were actually up here this weekend.
BURNIE: I know!
JACK: Actually, it was pretty cool. My parents met Geoff’s mom, so it was kind of like this weird thing, where all…
JOEL: Before!
JACK: in the family of Achievement Hunter.
JOEL: Before we go any further, are Jack’s parents in the audience?
JACK: They are not.
JOEL: Alright.
JACK: My dad was here earlier today, but I,I,I, think he took off. He’s not here. Dad are you here? No? Ok, good.
BURNIE: Wouldn’t he be so confused?
JACK: Go on...
BURNIE: To be your parent, and then you meet Geoff, and he has also an enormous beard, and it’s like, what’s happening to my son? It’s like..
GUS: It’s like a cult or something.
BURNIE: Yeah, right!
FRANK: It’s like, something’s gone wrong
JOEL: Jack, didn’t, didn’t you meet like one of the Epic Food Time guys?
GUS: Epic Food Time?
JOEL: And then he had an epic beard, and you guys made out..
FAN: Harley!
JACK: It was Harley from Epic Meal Time, not Epic Food Time.
JOEL: Epic Food Time!
JACK: Yeah, we rubbed, we rubbed..
GUS: It was Starley from Epic Food Time.
BURNIE: Food time…
JACK: No, we rubbed beards together, and it was magic! We actually created the
Higgs-Boson.
BURNIE: So I was. So I was worried about making Jack mad, there, but I forgot to tell you guys this story last week. Uh
JACK: What?
BURNIE: I think, I made, I actually made Gavin mad for the first time. He was mad at me…
GUS: How?!
BURNIE: For like, two hours
GUS: I kicked him in the butthole! What did you do to make him mad?!
BURNIE: I took it up a notch. Uhm.. so we were doing a signing in Australia. And we like, uh, can we just take a break, because there’s a bathroom right across the hall, we need to go to the bathroom. And in Australia, its, the the urinals, the “urinals”, is how he says it, the “urinal”, uh. Is you uh the urinal is that stand on like a platform and you pee against a metal sheet that’s on the wall. It’s like a big open..
FRANK: They, they have those here, like the troughs. Like you’ve all peed.
BURNIE: Like in stadiums or whatever.
JOEL: Yeah, I went to, I went to...
FRANK: Like you chase the soap cakes down to the drain, that’s the whole game..
BURNIE: Right.
GUS: I love that game!
FRANK: Yeah. It’s awesome.
GUS: Is that gonna be a mini game in Halo 4.
JACK: What’s that smell like Burnie? It smell good?
BURNIE: No, no, no.. Take it easy. Take it easy.
FRANK: It smells like pine and failure.
BURNIE: So, there was enough dudes there, we had to follow the male etiquette in the bathroom, like it’s too many guys, so like Gavin went to the end, and I went into one of the stalls. I guess I finished before Gavin. I came out of the stall Gavin’s still going, so I walked up and kicked him in the butt. And the way Gavin describes it, is like. Here’s the metal sheet, and “My knob touched it!” And…. … and he described it as a soft gonging noise that it made. And he, he was furious!
GUS: Oh my GOD!
BURNIE: For like two.. Like, I finally got him to admit that he was really furious at me. And so, like when we got back to the booth, we always have hand sanitizer, and so I said, “Just go scrub it…” and I think he did it, and that didn’t make him any happier after he did that.
GUS: That’s fucking disgusting!
BURNIE: So,
FRANK: Gus is mortified because that would have ended way worse for him.
BURNIE: Yeah. And once again, Gavin…
GUS: I got it.. I gotcha
BURNIE: Whenever he does those motions, he always does two fingers when he does it, so.. He’s uh, he’s very proud of himself.
JACK: Welcome to the Rooster Teeth Podcast, Frank, how are you doing?
BURNIE: Yeah!
JACK: You having fun up here?
BURNIE: Yeah, we’re now at the forty minute mark..
FAN: Thanks guys.. Will we see more spoiler casts?
BURNIE: Oh, I’m sorry, I want to point out too… Hold on one second.
GUS: Someone in the stream, I don’t know if this is true, so you’ll have to fact check this. Rambro01: the platypus’ barb is also used as a penis.
BURNIE: Noooo!
JOEL: Noo!
GUS: No!
FRANK: That might be true though, it’s Australia…
GUS: You’re full of shit, Rambros01! Sorry about that, whoever I interrupted.
BURNIE: Ok, I’m going to text Gavin to tell him that I told that story.
JACK: Can we call him?
GUS: We can cut it out of the podcast if he doesn’t want to hear it.
BURNIE: I’ll call him..
JOEL: Just edit it out!!! No, no, no! Edit it out.
BURNIE: I’m gonna call him. Here we go, I’ll do this.
FAN: Put him on speaker!
BURNIE: No, I’ll see what I can do. Take the next person while I figure this out.
GUS: Ok, who did I cut off?
FAN: Are we going to see more spoiler casts?
GUS: Uhh, yeah. I hope so. I had a lot of fun doing that.
BURNIE: We want to do one for Game of Thrones. Uhh, and..
JACK: And Breaking Bad. Absolutely, Breaking Bad!
BURNIE: That…
JACK: By the way, Breaking Bad starts next Sunday Gus!
GUS: Yeah, have fun in San Diego, I’m gonna watch it.
JACK: awww, son of a bitch! I’ve, I’ve got Tivo going, and I get home Sunday night, so I’ll watch it when I get home, so.
GUS: oh, you’ll probably see it before me then..
FAN: Text him spoilers while he’s on the plane.
GUS: That’s actually a great idea!
JACK: I will end whoever does that!
JOEL:: His beard will will come after you in the night!
GUS: Hey, we’re waiting here…
JACK: Hey, Frank, do you watch Breaking Bad?
BURNIE: No, go on we’ll see.
FRANK: I watched all of Breaking Bad in one, in one sitting, basically, with the DVD
boxsets and some rentals.. Is it on AMC? I want to say it’s AMC.
JACK: Yes.
GUS: Yeah, it is.
FRANK: Oh, thank God! Because I don’t have HBO. Like, everything else is on HBO.
JACK: Or it’s on TV.
GUS: I wanna say, there’s just what..
FRANK: I’ll tell a spoiler right now. From the last.. no I can’t do that..
GUS: What’s on HBO? It’s just basically Game of Thrones on HBO, isn’t it?
BURNIE: I’ve got voicemail.
FRANK: No, they have that True Blood as well.
GUS: Uh..
FRANK: I like it, I’m not ashamed!
BURNIE: I’ve got voicemail here. Hey Gav, it’s Burnie. Hey listen, I’m in a room full of 1000 people, and I’m wondering if it’s OK if I tell them the story where you touched your genitals against a dirty urinal wall? Call me back, let me know. Thanks..
FRANK: Should have done the the noise thing. Dong!
BURNIE: He is, he is single, ladies… in case you’re wondering. Alright.
GUS: So gross!
BURNIE: He was so mad! And, and quite, Gavin mad is like, you can see the wheel turning in his head, the one gear that he has, and it it’s like, I got scared as to what he was contemplating to do to me. Oh..
FAN: Platypi have a double penis!
FRANK: Ahh!
BURNIE: Platypi have a double penis.
FAN: Double penis!
BURNIE: Ok. She stood up to tell us that.
GUS: Has anyone else ever stood up and shouted, “Platypi have a double penis!”?
BURNIE: No.
GUS: Or is this the first time in the world somebody stood up and shouted..
JACK: Bucket list!
BURNIE: Bucket list! Maybe she stood up because there’s one in her chair.
JACK: Oh GOD!
BURNIE: Do you really think, was that a burn, the platypus was
JACK: No! It was gross!
BURNIE: Oh, OK.
JACK: That’s not a burn, that’s disgusting!
MONTY: Let’s move on..
GUS: OK. Next!
MONTY: Let’s go to the next question.
JACK: Monty’s excited! Wait, wait, stay right here!
MONTY: Let’s not stay here.
BURNIE: Monty made a comment.
MONTY: Let’s move on.
BURNIE: How are we doing on time?
GUS: Oh, huh, I donno.
BURNIE: Gah! Why’d I ask Gus that? I, that’s the first time in the history of the podcast that I’ve asked Gus, “How are we doing on time?”
GUS: Technically, the panel is supposed to end now, but we started a little late, so we can go a little later.
BURNIE:Oh, OK, that’s the first time Gus has ever said that. Woo!
JOEL: Is there uh, is there like, a
BURNIE: Our goal is to make Frank miss his plane. So, that’s our goal today. Who’s next?
FAN: So I have a comment and a question. Back in podcast 84, you guys were talking about pacemakers, and what they do, and how you would never understand the traumatic experience you’d have to have to get one.. I’ve had one since I was twelve years old, so about 10 years, through a series of heart defects. Um, but my question is: since you brought FreddyW to this event, will he be doing more collaborations with you guys in the future?
JACK: How, how is that question related to your comment?
BURNIE: I was like..
JACK: Cause that was a weird turn.
GUS: Like, that was a really…
JOEL: I, I, I mean, has this panel messed with anything up? Well, if we need to sign a medical release..
BURNIE: So, so let me, so fill me in here though. Cause I’m curious about the pacemaker, so.. it, it, does it regulate your heart, like at a steady rate? Is that what it does?
FAN: Yeah, so.. my nat…
BURNIE: So what happens if you start running?
JOEL: So does it make Burnie’s jokes any funnier?
BURNIE: No!
FAN: Possibly.. No. W, w, my natural heartbeat is around 20 beats per minute,
BURNIE: WHAT?
FAN: So what it does.. I don’t know, it’s retarded.
BURNIE: Yeah!
FAN: My heart stops..
BURNIE: Yeah, so you have a retarded heart?
JOEL: Did you just call your
FAN: Yeah. I have like, a heart murmur.
BURNIE: OK.
FAN: And, so what the pacemaker does is it keeps it at about 60 at rest, and
BURNIE: OK.
FAN: And if I exercise and go above 180, it will act as a defibrillator and shock me to re-steady the heart rate.
BURNIE: Whoa! I gotta get one of those for Michael! That’d be awesome! Uh, no, so to answer your question, we hope with uh FreddyW, we’re obviously big fans. As you know he won Drunk Tank Video of the Year 2010?
GUS: oh, shit! I should get him his trophy before he leaves town.
BURNIE: Probably so, you should. So yeah, we love Freddy, and we would love to work with him. Uh so we’ll see. Hopefully having him as our uh keynote will guilt him into working with us. Frank was our keynote at last year’s RTX. I don’t know if you know that or not.
FRANK: Yeah, no, that was a huge success, you’re welcome!
BURNIE: Yeah! Fra, Fra, Fra, Frank got up and did five minutes of we’re gonna sue the hell out of you material.
GUS: Yeah, he showed up and served us with legal paperwork. We brought you back.
FRANK: That wasn’t a keynote, that was a way to trick you into accepting the paperwork.
BURNIE: Yeah. That’s where we got served.
FAN: Uh, quick two part question: uh will 343 ever have anything comparable to Bungie Day?
FRANK: uhh, so Bungie Day was actually yesterday,
BURNIE: Yeah!
FRANK: uhh, Yeah, exactly. And they uh, they had some announcements right? They, they did a little, like a new logo and some new t-shirts and stuff, but they also announced they’re working with Paul McCartney, and Marty O’Donnell is working with Paul McCartney on some music.
BURNIE: Wow!
FRANK: So that is uh, I don’t know. Is there any a band bigger than the Beatles?
BURNIE: I don’t think there is a band, ever, bigger than the Beatles.
FRANK: Well, Aha, obviously.
GUS: Well, even Jesus and the apostles was smaller than the Beatles.
FRANK: Yes, uh, yeah. So we’re not going to uh we’re not gonna, you know use the same template, and just change the day. We have an internal 343 Day, which is, Allison, what is, what’s 343 Day? What’s the actual day? Because I’m terrible at this.
BURNIE: It’s gotta be in December,right?
FRANK: It’s because American dates are backwards.
GUS: She, she, she said, “Oh, shit!”
FRANK: Yeah, I remember…
JACK: It’s March 43rd, right?
ALLISON: it’s December..
BURNIE: March 43rd?
FRANK: It’s the 343rd day of the year, which is near Christmas.
ALLISON: March 4,23rd would be a lot easier to remember.
ALLISION: There’s no math.
FRANK: Yeah, I can’t do math.
JACK: I, I said March 43rd. Yeah, so do math on that.
FRANK: Yeah. Anyway, it’s internal, so we just like, we have pancakes and what not. Yeah, we drink a lot.
BURNIE: Yeah that’d be real awkward if that fell on Pearl Harbor Day or something like that. Cause that’s at the beginning of December.
FRANK: Yeah, yeah. It’s one of those things where, like Bungie built this like, amazing culture over, or at least in the Halo period over ten years. Obviously it goes way before that. And we’re not, we’re not Bungie, like we are, we are built on their foundations, and we can’t be more grateful or excited about that, but we, we’ve got to have our own culture, so it’s just organic and natural. That’s it. This is the most boring, dry answer at this whole thing. Should I say a swear?
JACK: Yes!
JOEL: You could, you could..
FRANK: Ok, uh butts.
JACK: We should do like James Lipton. What’s your favorite curse word?
FRANK: I uh like to juxtapose curse words with regular words, but , in an arbitrary fashion. Like ass basket, shit kabob, and so on. Like you should try it. It’s really easy. Like,…
JACK : Shit kabob..
FRANK: Yeah.
JACK: That’s just a terrible visual actually.
BURNIE: Yeah, yeah it’s awful.
FRANK: I uh, I will never be on epic meals, so….
BURNIE: Epic, Epic Food Time. Hey, so where’s the camera, over here? Is that the
GUS: No it’s straight ahead at the back.
BURNIE: Ok, so Gavin sent me a photo of his reaction.
GUS: You, you want to zoom in?
BURNIE: THAT’S the camera? Alright, see if you can get this all the way down there.
That’s..
GUS: It’s not on.
FRANK: It’s off. Well, let’s let’s, we can we can all do that face though, right?
BURNIE: It’s really easy to fix. Yeah, so that’s what, that’s what Gavin’s …. And oddly
enough, the background it looks like he’s in a free clinic, somewhere, so uh… it’s
appropriate.
FRANK: Yeah, and you couldn’t hear from up here, but there was a noise too. It was like, Bong.
BURNIE: That’s it. That’s my new message tone. Where were we? You want to do one from there?
GUS: uhh yeah, well I was gonna say real fast that 343 Day is December 19th.
FRANK: There you go. Typically yeah, but leap years..
BURNIE: oh.
FRANK: That’s some, there’s probably daylight savings time as well, what a racket.
BURNIE: That can’t be right! 343 is, 65, it’s 20 days prior to the end of the year. 65 minus 43
GUS: Yeah, 65 minus 43 is 23, and 2 days from 29th to the 31st..
BURNIE: T,t,t Ok. My math.
GUS: MATH!
FAN: Math is hard!
BURNIE: What did you say, what did you say, it’s the 19th.
JOEL: Maybe you change the name of the company..
BURNIE: December 19th is 11 days after, before the end of the year.
GUS: Oh, you’re right, it’s 12 days.
BURNIE: Well, yeah.
FANS: Math is hard. Math sucks!
BURNIE: Yeah! Math is the worst.
GUS: It’s gotta be December 9th. For the record..
JOEL: How about #1 industries?
GUS: I got that information from Allison, so thanks for feeding me bad info.
JACK: January 1st Incorporated.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: There you go. Over here. Over there.
FAN: Alright. I’m Brendon from California, uh, so I’ve met a lot of the younger employees of Rooster Teeth while I’ve been here, and I’ve got to ask: Favorites?
BURNIE: Our favorite youngest member?
FAN: Yeah. Of the younger guys.
JOEL: Right here, brother!!! Right fuckin here!!! I’m.. young!
GUS: You, you called yourself the oldest pers.. You called yourself on the, on the stage, earlier.
FRANK: No, he said he was the oldest person in the room.
BURNIE: In the room!
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: YOUNG!!!!
FAN: Keep saying it!
JACK: Joel is wasted right now, by the way.
BURNIE: Are you? Joel, are you drunk?
JOEL: Young!
GUS: I uh have a different favorite, depending on who’s doing me the most favors.. and helping me out. So whoever gets me a beer, you’re my favorite! Just sayin’
BURNIE: I try not to pick a favorite among the youngest employees. My goal is to find which one is the hardest to kill. That’s what I’m trying to do. It’s a long running selection process. I know that
FAN: It’s not Gavin then.
BURNIE: No. It’s not Gavin. And, we’ve determined that Brandon is immune to electricity,
JOEL: You know, you know. After Gavin’s experience, he’s no longer young.
BURNIE: I’m pretty sure that Michael can’t be poisoned, so, you know, we’ll find out.
Actually, I think I know what happened. I think I have a theory on Michael. I think Geoff’s liver just escaped and.. it picked up a controller and made Rage Quit.
GUS: I think. I think something happened in the office the other day that we didn’t talk about. Have we talked about this in the podcast? About Gavin and Michael’s stupid bet with the Barbeque sauce?
JACK: Oh, God!
FANS: No! No!
GUS: Did we talk about this in the podcast?
JACK: No we haven’t.
FANS: NOOOOOOO!
JACK: We filmed that, right?
GUS: We filmed it, but it was so uneventful, we’re never going to put it out. Um.
BURNIE: No, Michael’s great in that actually.
GUS: Yeah? Uh, so Gavin likes making stupid bets, and
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: he, he got a, I think he took it from a restaurant, it was bottle of Barbeque sauce..
BURNIE: It’s about this big.
GUS: Yeah. And he walked into Achievement Hunter, and he told Michael, “I’ll give you $500 dollars if you can drink this entire bottle of Barbeque sauce. So of course, Michael said, “Done! Let’s do this.”
JACK: No, no hesitation, just let’s do this. Alright, yep!
GUS: And um, as soon as he was, he was so confident, that Gavin was immediately like, “Wait, wait, wait, wait! Um, if you uh, can, I’ll give you $500 if you can drink it, but if you can’t drink it, you’ll have to pay me $100. So Michael was like, okay. So then, his confidence again, made Gavin nervous, and he was like “N-no no w-w-wait. If you can drink all this barbecue sauce, in you know one go I’ll give you n- in three minutes...”
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: “…I’ll give you a hundred dollars.” Michael was like, “Okay.” So we went to the kitchen and Michael sat there and i-in a container that big and just pounded one large gulp of barbecue sauce…
CROWD: Awhhhh…
JOEL: A-Actually…
BURNIE: There’s a really great moment in that video, because this is exactly how it went.
Michael had started they go 3, 2, 1, he goes… “YOU’RE FUCKED”, and then he drank the rest of it. He got- he got one taste of it, and he knew he was gonna win. And Gavin was out 250 bucks so… Gotta admire pure confidence. Michael’s got it.
GUS: Yeah he-
FAN: Represent New Jersey!
BURNIE: What was that?
FAN: Yeah New Jersey!
BURNIE: Oh there you go. Jersey represented.
GUS: Yeah, Gavin started to try to solicit other people, like he started the reverse bidding
process, like Will anyone drink this for less than 500 dollars? Will someone drink it for 400? He worked his way down.
BURNIE: Y’know h-h tried t- he tried t- did w-we talked about the toilet seats in- in Japan when we were there last time too.
FANS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah. And he tried to convince me to let the toilet seats, spray me for a hundred
dollars, d- I-I’m a grown man, I’m not gonna let a toilet seat spray me with water, it’s not gonna happen.
GUS: See I w-
JOEL: S-
GUS: I-I resisted for a long time as well, this was like the bidet.
FRANK: No, you gotta just embrace it, it’s fantastic.
BURNIE: No, god. You should spend some time with Gavin that w-
GUS: It would –
BURNIE: -You wouldn’t want to embrace anything.
GUS: It’s like a Massing Gale commercial, I was so clean.
BURNIE: So I-I priced those out it’s only like 600 bucks for those toilets seats-
GUS: You can ge-
BURNIE: Which is a lot of money, but it’s like-
GUS: You can get them for cheaper.
BURNIE: It’ll change you for life.
FRANK: Th-They also have heating, which is- which sounds good they’re- I live in a cold place, you guys don’t, you live in Austin, it’s like a- ch-co- crooked sheriff’s underwear out there, but y- but when y- when you live in a cold place, a cold toilet seat is very unpleasant, right? So, but what I discovered is if you sit on a warm toilet seat in Japan, it’s like someone was just there.
BURNIE: Yeah.
FRANK: Which is not…
JOEL: You see the problem is-
FRANK: It’s like a fat ghost.
JOEL: If Burnie gets one of those he’s never getting up. That’s it.
BURNIE: I live there.
GUS: We have uh, a question on the stream here I thought I might ask.
BURNIE: Go for it.
GUS: So Caboose34 said,” Question for Frank: How did you find out about Rooster Teeth and what was your first interaction with us?”
FRANK: Uhm someone just sent a link, same-same way I found out about the birds and the
bees. The two things are actually quite-quite confused in my mind but uhh…
BURNIE: Somebody just sent you a link.
FRANK: Somebody’s- somebody sent a link and said we- look what people are doing with Halo and we were- minds were blown. That was it.
BURNIE: Right.
FRANK: I think that was in an official Xbox magazine when that happened, so that was quite a long time ago. About ten or eleven years.
BURNIE: Have you ever heard the story on how that worked out on our end? So Gus would-Gus would track- this was before YouTube, so all the videos were served off of our server. And then Gus would sit there and watch the IP logs as they went by.
GUS: It was l- It was like some shitty service where like Freewebcounter.com or something.
BURNIE: Yeah. Yeah you know I have a screenshot of our first web hit. Of our f-
GUS: Really?
BURNIE: Yeah of our first hit was me checking the server. But uh, Gus would watch them go by, and it was like… you could watch things spread virally because you would get a hit from like Dell.com from the people who work at Dell and then you see 1, and then another 5 would hit a couple minutes later, and then like 20 more would hit, and then we’d see that and then they go to other places like, y’know, some insurance company we’d see that- domains coming in hitting for the IP. And like, I guess then like- 2 or 3 days into the adventure, we got 1 hit from Microsoft, and then we got a thousand hits from Microsoft, and then it went everywhere, and I think it was the next day that the phone rang and it was Bungie and Microsoft on the other line. And uh we got very fortunate they were like- they liked what we were doing, they thought it was interesting and innovative, and they said we just want to make sure you go about this the right way so you can continue to do this so… It was cool, really cool, ‘cause uh obviously that story could’ve ended much differently uhhh, if-if that phone call had not-
FAN: N’ we wouldn’t be here today.
BURNIE: -if it was the phone call everyone expected us to get.
FAN: And then we wouldn’t be here today.
BURNIE: And wh-what? And we might not be here today that’s a good way to put it, so, thank you very much Frank.
FRANK: Uh you’re welcome. It was all me.
FAN: Yeah, m-my name is Heath Garcia, I’m from Corpus Christi, or how Joel i-
GUS: I’m sorry.
FAN: Joel- Joel puts it… a medical needle in the sand, thanks so much for that.
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: What kind of shoes do you guys wear down there? Like metal …
FAN: Anyway, my question is this, uhm, since y’all rebranded from the Drunk Tank to the
Rooster Teeth Podcast y’all have sponsors, are there any other doors that have opened since doing that that things are in the future or uh other collaborations with other people? Or groups.
BURNIE: Pfff, yeah. We’re all getting lucrative endorsement deals.
FAN: Do yo-
GUS: N-No, I-I-I sure love my Tri-Force replica.
JOEL: He’s not the youngest one.
BURNIE: Wow Allan, you’re just an enabler. Look at you.
JOEL: YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH.
BURNIE: That’s what Joel needs, another beer.
GUS: Thanks Allan.
BURNIE: I know, I’m workin’ on it. Uhh, no no, I mean we just- uhh there was a recommendation from iTunes and uh some of our partners for sponsorships is that- I think we learned after “Drunk Gamers” w- all we wanted was free video games when we made Drunk Gamers, but nobody wanted their videogames reviewed by a bunch of drunks. Y’thought we would’ve learned our lesson when we named our Podcast the Drunk Tank.
GUS: Well the Drunk Tank name was a holdover from the Drunk Gamers website.
BURNIE: It was. So we literally did not learn our lesson.
GUS: We-
BURNIE: Yeah. We reincorporated something that failed before.
GUS: Yeah we actually got –chuckle- Yeah I- I w-we were really dumb to do that.
BURNIE: There’s a really cool offshoot though, especially after what has happened with the
podcast being called the Drunk Tank and that is that people tend to bring us booze at events, which is like the greatest thing ever. We did this uhh tour down in Australia for DVDs, Gavin and I were on? And every day we’d go back to the Green Room and like the other specials guests had gotten like a stuffed Koala or like a towel that said Australia on it and Gavin and I showed up with essentially like a full bar every day. And just set it down and basically got the entire Green Room drunk.
GUS: Someone gave me a bottle of a Johnny Walker Blue here at uhh RTX.
BURNIE: Get outta here!
FRANK: Wow.
BURNIE: Really?
GUS: I’m not telling you where it is, I’ve hidden it in this convention centre.
FAN: Is it with Joel?
FRANK: I think Joel has hidden it in Joel.
BURNIE: I… I think just by you saying that, it’ll cost us 100 thousand dollars in damages now where people’ll do it at convention centres now ripping it apart, so.
JOEL: Hid in my liver.
BURNIE: What you wanna do? Another question or from the stream?
GUS: Uhmm let me give another one of these uhh replicas away here.
BURNIE: Okay.
JACK: To the stream?
GUS: If you don’t mind. No.
FAN: Over here, I’ll take it.
GUS: So also made by uhh Tri-Force is this COG Snub pistol from Gears of War.
JOEL: Wow.
FANS: Whoooo!
GUS: Uhhmm, we sent someone down the line to talk to people, we’re gonna give this one to… Chase Bond.
FRANK: That’s not a real name!
BURNIE: WOW. WOW.
GUS: I-It’s oka-
FRANK: It’s like a teeny smoke grenade.
GUS: They described it- it-it-
FRANK: This might be-
GUS: On my screen it- i-it-
FRANK: -Tee-
GUS: On my screen it says: Chase Bond, colon, spikey hair dude. I think
you’re him. It says-
JACK: Wow.
GUS: -You have a unique talent, that you have odd veins that you can make move? Y-… Ge… Get up… Get up here.
FRANK: Yeah I don’t wanna see that.
FANS: Eughhhhh…
FRANK: I don’t wanna see weird…
JOEL: Weird biology things.
JACK: For- for what it’s worth I feel exactly the way you do, audience.
BURNIE: Yeah, I’m kinda…
GUS: I-I gotta see this.
FAN: Do that with the beard.
BURNIE: Wh-wh-what-
GUS: Move over here so the camera can see you.
FANS: That way! That way!
CHASE: That’s what my hair looks like?
BURNIE: Yeah. Yeah.
CHASE: This is great. Alright. Uhm, you need to give me a second…
MONTY: Move the water bottle.
FANS: Move the water bottle.
MONTY: OH.
FANS: OHHHH.
BURNIE: OH THAT’S-
FAN: AUUGHHHHH!
GUS: AUGGHHHHHHHHH.
FAN: ?
FRANK: Whoa. Nice.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: F-For being a freak of nature I’m gonna give you this COG Snub Pistol from uhh Tri-Force. I’ll get you the box over here.
JACK: I think we just broke Burnie by the way.
BURNIE: NO, I jus- How the fuck do you discover that?! That you could do that? I mean, I might be able to do that, I wouldn’t know, I’ve never sat at home going I hate you hand. I’m gonna choke you.
CHASE: Not that one. You need that.
BURNIE: Yeah I’ll go my lefty. So how did you discover that you could do that?
CHASE: -mumbling-
BURNIE: You don’t know? Okay that’s a good enough answer. You don’t know? You just figured it out one day?
CHASE: I think I- No, I was just fucking with my hand one day and…
JACK: Quote unquote he was “fucking with his hand”. I want to make sure we have this
correctly. He was fucking with his hand.
BURNIE: One day.
JACK: One day.
BURNIE: One day.
JACK: And then he discovered it. Moving on.
BURNIE: Yeah, have you tried to progress your talent? Have you like tried to spend the day
fucking with your feet or anything like that? Just for the hell of it?
JACK: Burnie, can you read the sign down in front of us right now, just-
BURNIE: Check your beer, it is 3:45 and you’ve been on for an hour and a half.
JACK: We got an alert that we got a beer check-
BURNIE: Beer check.
JACK: Beer check! Thank you.
BURNIE: Now let’s take a couple more questions then. Ay, listen, i-in m- m-my tradition we’re gonna keep the podcast going. Hey where you going for lunch. Today. Tell us.
FAN: Me?
BURNIE: Yeah.
FAN: Uhm I was gonna ask you guys the same question- I’m going to Kreuz tonight.
BURNIE: Are you guys really? Oh, listen you’re not going to Kreuz, uh Kreuz is
closed on Sunday.
FAN: Oh thank you.
BURNIE: That’s something we probably-
FAN: Sweet.
BURNIE: -shoulda let you know about so…
FAN: Where- Where should I go?
BURNIE: We talk about a lot of places that we eat on the podcast, like local places. Kreuz is this awesome barbecue place-
FAN: Well where is som-
BURNIE: -We go there with E occasionally when he’s down here uhhh I-
JACK: Have we seen-
FAN: I’ve already been to Garage Mahal and Gourdough’s and Chocongalbi.
BURNIE: Uh if you’re in- I made a whole tweet about this the other day, but if you’re around here, you go to Bacon which is an all bacon restaurant.
FAN: Ohh.
BURNIE: Uhhhmm, and that’s nearby.
CROWD: BACONN!
BURNIE: There is Frank which is- y-you can go in honor of Frank which is-
FRANK: I’ll make it lunch.
BURNIE: Yeah, and uhh, yeah go to his place. He’ll cook you up something. A Stewart Dog-
JACK: Stewart Dog is a hot dog place by the way.
BURNIE: Yeah, and uhh-
FAN: Thank you.
BURNIE: And uh there’s other places downtown, you can head down to all those places south congress, you can go to Homeslice Pizza and some of the other places we’ve mentioned or Hop Doddy’s so…
FAN: Should I be taking notes?
BURNIE: Nah, you can just look it up on Twitter, I tweeted about it a couple days ago. So.
FAN: Alright. Thanks a lot.
BURNIE: Alright. Come over here.
JOEL: So you like, cut in line.
GUS: Are you, you’re watching the stream, and you’re also sitting here? Is there anyone else doing that, or is he the only one…
MONTY: Holy shit! That was like, a thousand hands
GUS: There’s 10? 15 of you? They’re, you’re experiencing it for real..
JOEL: Is the stream funnier?!
FAN: But the lines are too long.
GUS: No, but they’re in here already.
FAN: But I don’t want to wait in line.
JACK: It’s true, you did call that guy out, and he did not get in line.
GUS: No, that’s right. That’s a bad precedent. Nope, not doing that again. If you’re here, fuck you! Get in line.
FRANK: But they, but you did have some influence on Halo 4. We definitely did uh
animation support with you guys in mind.
BURNIE: Oh yeah?
FRANK: And the audience, so.
BURNIE: What like, like, like more frames per headbob or something?
FAN: Thank you!
FRANK: Noooo! You know, the usual lower weapons and things like teabag Burnie for extra points..
GUS: I be, I believe at your panel here, didn’t you confirm that you were able to drop
weapons?
FRANK: I confirmed a lot of things at that panel, but I had had a lot of booze.
JOEL: How, how are you feeling after that panel?
BURNIE: That’s a good strategy for developer panels, in the future. Just load them up and get all the secrets.
FRANK: Just keep drinking. Put it in your mouth.
BURNIE: Can we go…
JOEL: Can we buy you another drink?
BURNIE: So Jack, you and Geoff were part of the Halo 4 panel, you guys played uh a map right?
JACK: Yes, so we played the first ever Achievement HORSE Maps in Halo 4.
BURNIE: Damnit.
JACK: It was AWESOME. Dude, so some, there’s something intimidating about playing Halo in front of a group of about, what 500, 600 people. However big these rooms are. That, it’s fun, but damn is it very, very intimidating.
BURNIE: I’m pretty sure I’m playing in one of the e-Sports main theater, I’m playing in one of those matches today, and I played last night, uh at. Uh the nice thing about having a convention is that after the hall closes, you get to walk around, walk over and play the stuff that takes a long time to play, so I snuck a game in of Halo 4. Gah, its its very true to the original, all the other Halo games is because I am still shitty at Halo. So I know it’s great, and I got my ass kicked completely.
JACK: I, I will say the e-Sports arena is pretty nice, because you’re hiding behind a
monitor, so no one knows how bad you suck. So it’s like you’re one of five up there, on the board.
BURNIE: Except my name’s gonna be on the screen, right?
JACK: Well, no one knows it’s, no, no it’s not your name, it's like whatever the default names are already built in.
JOEL: I think everyone at this panel realizes how bad we suck..
JACK: Joel’s leaning back in his chair with a microphone.
JOEL: Dude! Wireless microphones
GUS: You’ve got to have the other mike too!
JACK: We’re recording a podcast, Joel!
MONTY: You’re gonna piss off whoever’s editing the podcast.
JOEL: Whoever’s editing the podcast is going to have a great time.
GUS: Thanks for that.
JOEL: Whoever’s editing the podcast is going to have a great time!!
FRANK: NPR on the fly.
JOEL: Saved it!
GUS: Alright. Where were we at?
BURNIE: Yeah where were we at? Who’s next? You! You.
GUS: If you don’t answer, I’m gonna have to give stuff away.
FAN: uuuh. I have two questions. One, with Immersion coming back, will PastCast be coming back as well?
BURNIE: No.
FAN: Why not?
BURNIE: What’s that?
FAN: Why not?
BURNIE: Is that your second question, “Why not?” Because we don’t like it. No, no.
FAN: No. Why won’t you bring PastCast back as well?
BURNIE: Well, we’re not bringing PastCast back because Joel is tired of playing Hitler, so
JOEL: They would make me drive around the city...
BURNIE: Listen, I have had, it was.. Frank is gonna be mortified that we keep bringing this up over and over again, but I have had a moment where I had to pause and really evaluate my life because we just got a new annex that we’ve grown so much that weren’t space next door to the studio. So we were moving things into storage and organizing it, and we were getting rid of old props, you know that we didn’t need anymore, and I actually said these words: someone was holding up, “Do we want to keep that?” I said, “No. Get rid of that. We have way better Nazi flags than that one!”
FRANK: Wow!
BURNIE: So I was like,
JACK: Hey, Burnie, aren’t you half Jewish?
BURNIE: What’s happened? What’s happened to my life, you know, that I have to say something like that? And then somebody else mentioned they, we were cleaning stuff out, and someone hold up this, like this, and they say, “Hey it just feels like it’s illegal to throw out a box of porn this big…” Like we have to burn it or bury it.
GUS: Well, that, that’s what led to our forest porn discussion!
BURNIE: You’re right. So, one of the things we discovered too, on the podcast is that the really ridiculous ways you have to dispose of a flag, or did we talk about the bible? How you..
GUS: We talked about both on the podcast yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah! You have to bury a bible.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Has anyone ever heard that?
GUS: It grows into a bible tree..
JACK: It grows into a bible tree.
BURNIE: It, it, it grows back. Yup. Alright, over here..
FAN: Hi, I’m tbswk on the site.
GUS: Hi tbswk!
FAN: Hi Gus. I’ve been dying to ask this question all weekend actually. I’m really excited about your livestream podcasts stuff, but I’m wondering how you’re going to censor yourselves because occasionally, you say stuff that has to be cut or bleeped, and if…..
FRANK: What do you mean occasionally?
GUS: Well, this, this, this podcast right here is making me evaluate the whole process.
BURNIE: No, it’s a really good question. It’s something we’re gonna have to find like, kinda the sweet spot on.
JACK: No. It is tough. Like Joel and I have actually gone on the radio a whole lot recently with the guys here in Austin, ESPN radio here in Austin, and to like, have to censor yourself, it’s difficult, man because you get so used to being able to say whatever you want, and then not being able to curse is not easy. If when you’re used to it.
GUS: Fuck that!
MONTY: Fuck.
BURNIE: Precisely.
FRANK: What do you guys do at your mom’s house? Really? You just like, blue streak all the way til dinner?
JACK: Where’s Michael?
FRANK: Yeah.
BURNIE: You want to know what I do at Jack’s Mom’s house? Jack actually doesn’t like those jokes. I’ve actually made him mad.
JACK: Wait, wait! My parents were actually up here this weekend.
BURNIE: I know!
JACK: Actually, it was pretty cool. My parents met Geoff’s mom, so it was kind of like this weird thing, where all…
JOEL: Before!
JACK: in the family of Achievement Hunter.
JOEL: Before we go any further, are Jack’s parents in the audience?
JACK: They are not.
JOEL: Alright.
JACK: My dad was here earlier today, but I,I,I, think he took off. He’s not here. Dad are you here? No? Ok, good.
BURNIE: Wouldn’t he be so confused?
JACK: Go on...
BURNIE: To be your parent, and then you meet Geoff, and he has also an enormous beard, and it’s like, what’s happening to my son? It’s like..
GUS: It’s like a cult or something.
BURNIE: Yeah, right!
FRANK: It’s like, something’s gone wrong
JOEL: Jack, didn’t, didn’t you meet like one of the Epic Food Time guys?
GUS: Epic Food Time?
JOEL: And then he had an epic beard, and you guys made out..
FAN: Harley!
JACK: It was Harley from Epic Meal Time, not Epic Food Time.
JOEL: Epic Food Time!
JACK: Yeah, we rubbed, we rubbed..
GUS: It was Starley from Epic Food Time.
BURNIE: Food time…
JACK: No, we rubbed beards together, and it was magic! We actually created the
Higgs-Boson.
BURNIE: So I was. So I was worried about making Jack mad, there, but I forgot to tell you guys this story last week. Uh
JACK: What?
BURNIE: I think, I made, I actually made Gavin mad for the first time. He was mad at me…
GUS: How?!
BURNIE: For like, two hours
GUS: I kicked him in the butthole! What did you do to make him mad?!
BURNIE: I took it up a notch. Uhm.. so we were doing a signing in Australia. And we like, uh, can we just take a break, because there’s a bathroom right across the hall, we need to go to the bathroom. And in Australia, its, the the urinals, the “urinals”, is how he says it, the “urinal”, uh. Is you uh the urinal is that stand on like a platform and you pee against a metal sheet that’s on the wall. It’s like a big open..
FRANK: They, they have those here, like the troughs. Like you’ve all peed.
BURNIE: Like in stadiums or whatever.
JOEL: Yeah, I went to, I went to...
FRANK: Like you chase the soap cakes down to the drain, that’s the whole game..
BURNIE: Right.
GUS: I love that game!
FRANK: Yeah. It’s awesome.
GUS: Is that gonna be a mini game in Halo 4.
JACK: What’s that smell like Burnie? It smell good?
BURNIE: No, no, no.. Take it easy. Take it easy.
FRANK: It smells like pine and failure.
BURNIE: So, there was enough dudes there, we had to follow the male etiquette in the bathroom, like it’s too many guys, so like Gavin went to the end, and I went into one of the stalls. I guess I finished before Gavin. I came out of the stall Gavin’s still going, so I walked up and kicked him in the butt. And the way Gavin describes it, is like. Here’s the metal sheet, and “My knob touched it!” And…. … and he described it as a soft gonging noise that it made. And he, he was furious!
GUS: Oh my GOD!
BURNIE: For like two.. Like, I finally got him to admit that he was really furious at me. And so, like when we got back to the booth, we always have hand sanitizer, and so I said, “Just go scrub it…” and I think he did it, and that didn’t make him any happier after he did that.
GUS: That’s fucking disgusting!
BURNIE: So,
FRANK: Gus is mortified because that would have ended way worse for him.
BURNIE: Yeah. And once again, Gavin…
GUS: I got it.. I gotcha
BURNIE: Whenever he does those motions, he always does two fingers when he does it, so.. He’s uh, he’s very proud of himself.
JACK: Welcome to the Rooster Teeth Podcast, Frank, how are you doing?
BURNIE: Yeah!
JACK: You having fun up here?
BURNIE: Yeah, we’re now at the forty minute mark..
FAN: Thanks guys.. Will we see more spoiler casts?
BURNIE: Oh, I’m sorry, I want to point out too… Hold on one second.
GUS: Someone in the stream, I don’t know if this is true, so you’ll have to fact check this. Rambro01: the platypus’ barb is also used as a penis.
BURNIE: Noooo!
JOEL: Noo!
GUS: No!
FRANK: That might be true though, it’s Australia…
GUS: You’re full of shit, Rambros01! Sorry about that, whoever I interrupted.
BURNIE: Ok, I’m going to text Gavin to tell him that I told that story.
JACK: Can we call him?
GUS: We can cut it out of the podcast if he doesn’t want to hear it.
BURNIE: I’ll call him..
JOEL: Just edit it out!!! No, no, no! Edit it out.
BURNIE: I’m gonna call him. Here we go, I’ll do this.
FAN: Put him on speaker!
BURNIE: No, I’ll see what I can do. Take the next person while I figure this out.
GUS: Ok, who did I cut off?
FAN: Are we going to see more spoiler casts?
GUS: Uhh, yeah. I hope so. I had a lot of fun doing that.
BURNIE: We want to do one for Game of Thrones. Uhh, and..
JACK: And Breaking Bad. Absolutely, Breaking Bad!
BURNIE: That…
JACK: By the way, Breaking Bad starts next Sunday Gus!
GUS: Yeah, have fun in San Diego, I’m gonna watch it.
JACK: awww, son of a bitch! I’ve, I’ve got Tivo going, and I get home Sunday night, so I’ll watch it when I get home, so.
GUS: oh, you’ll probably see it before me then..
FAN: Text him spoilers while he’s on the plane.
GUS: That’s actually a great idea!
JACK: I will end whoever does that!
JOEL:: His beard will will come after you in the night!
GUS: Hey, we’re waiting here…
JACK: Hey, Frank, do you watch Breaking Bad?
BURNIE: No, go on we’ll see.
FRANK: I watched all of Breaking Bad in one, in one sitting, basically, with the DVD
boxsets and some rentals.. Is it on AMC? I want to say it’s AMC.
JACK: Yes.
GUS: Yeah, it is.
FRANK: Oh, thank God! Because I don’t have HBO. Like, everything else is on HBO.
JACK: Or it’s on TV.
GUS: I wanna say, there’s just what..
FRANK: I’ll tell a spoiler right now. From the last.. no I can’t do that..
GUS: What’s on HBO? It’s just basically Game of Thrones on HBO, isn’t it?
BURNIE: I’ve got voicemail.
FRANK: No, they have that True Blood as well.
GUS: Uh..
FRANK: I like it, I’m not ashamed!
BURNIE: I’ve got voicemail here. Hey Gav, it’s Burnie. Hey listen, I’m in a room full of 1000 people, and I’m wondering if it’s OK if I tell them the story where you touched your genitals against a dirty urinal wall? Call me back, let me know. Thanks..
FRANK: Should have done the the noise thing. Dong!
BURNIE: He is, he is single, ladies… in case you’re wondering. Alright.
GUS: So gross!
BURNIE: He was so mad! And, and quite, Gavin mad is like, you can see the wheel turning in his head, the one gear that he has, and it it’s like, I got scared as to what he was contemplating to do to me. Oh..
FAN: Platypi have a double penis!
FRANK: Ahh!
BURNIE: Platypi have a double penis.
FAN: Double penis!
BURNIE: Ok. She stood up to tell us that.
GUS: Has anyone else ever stood up and shouted, “Platypi have a double penis!”?
BURNIE: No.
GUS: Or is this the first time in the world somebody stood up and shouted..
JACK: Bucket list!
BURNIE: Bucket list! Maybe she stood up because there’s one in her chair.
JACK: Oh GOD!
BURNIE: Do you really think, was that a burn, the platypus was
JACK: No! It was gross!
BURNIE: Oh, OK.
JACK: That’s not a burn, that’s disgusting!
MONTY: Let’s move on..
GUS: OK. Next!
MONTY: Let’s go to the next question.
JACK: Monty’s excited! Wait, wait, stay right here!
MONTY: Let’s not stay here.
BURNIE: Monty made a comment.
MONTY: Let’s move on.
BURNIE: How are we doing on time?
GUS: Oh, huh, I donno.
BURNIE: Gah! Why’d I ask Gus that? I, that’s the first time in the history of the podcast that I’ve asked Gus, “How are we doing on time?”
GUS: Technically, the panel is supposed to end now, but we started a little late, so we can go a little later.
BURNIE:Oh, OK, that’s the first time Gus has ever said that. Woo!
JOEL: Is there uh, is there like, a
BURNIE: Our goal is to make Frank miss his plane. So, that’s our goal today. Who’s next?
FAN: So I have a comment and a question. Back in podcast 84, you guys were talking about pacemakers, and what they do, and how you would never understand the traumatic experience you’d have to have to get one.. I’ve had one since I was twelve years old, so about 10 years, through a series of heart defects. Um, but my question is: since you brought FreddyW to this event, will he be doing more collaborations with you guys in the future?
JACK: How, how is that question related to your comment?
BURNIE: I was like..
JACK: Cause that was a weird turn.
GUS: Like, that was a really…
JOEL: I, I, I mean, has this panel messed with anything up? Well, if we need to sign a medical release..
BURNIE: So, so let me, so fill me in here though. Cause I’m curious about the pacemaker, so.. it, it, does it regulate your heart, like at a steady rate? Is that what it does?
FAN: Yeah, so.. my nat…
BURNIE: So what happens if you start running?
JOEL: So does it make Burnie’s jokes any funnier?
BURNIE: No!
FAN: Possibly.. No. W, w, my natural heartbeat is around 20 beats per minute,
BURNIE: WHAT?
FAN: So what it does.. I don’t know, it’s retarded.
BURNIE: Yeah!
FAN: My heart stops..
BURNIE: Yeah, so you have a retarded heart?
JOEL: Did you just call your
FAN: Yeah. I have like, a heart murmur.
BURNIE: OK.
FAN: And, so what the pacemaker does is it keeps it at about 60 at rest, and
BURNIE: OK.
FAN: And if I exercise and go above 180, it will act as a defibrillator and shock me to re-steady the heart rate.
BURNIE: Whoa! I gotta get one of those for Michael! That’d be awesome! Uh, no, so to answer your question, we hope with uh FreddyW, we’re obviously big fans. As you know he won Drunk Tank Video of the Year 2010?
GUS: oh, shit! I should get him his trophy before he leaves town.
BURNIE: Probably so, you should. So yeah, we love Freddy, and we would love to work with him. Uh so we’ll see. Hopefully having him as our uh keynote will guilt him into working with us. Frank was our keynote at last year’s RTX. I don’t know if you know that or not.
FRANK: Yeah, no, that was a huge success, you’re welcome!
BURNIE: Yeah! Fra, Fra, Fra, Frank got up and did five minutes of we’re gonna sue the hell out of you material.
GUS: Yeah, he showed up and served us with legal paperwork. We brought you back.
FRANK: That wasn’t a keynote, that was a way to trick you into accepting the paperwork.
BURNIE: Yeah. That’s where we got served.
FAN: Uh, quick two part question: uh will 343 ever have anything comparable to Bungie Day?
FRANK: uhh, so Bungie Day was actually yesterday,
BURNIE: Yeah!
FRANK: uhh, Yeah, exactly. And they uh, they had some announcements right? They, they did a little, like a new logo and some new t-shirts and stuff, but they also announced they’re working with Paul McCartney, and Marty O’Donnell is working with Paul McCartney on some music.
BURNIE: Wow!
FRANK: So that is uh, I don’t know. Is there any a band bigger than the Beatles?
BURNIE: I don’t think there is a band, ever, bigger than the Beatles.
FRANK: Well, Aha, obviously.
GUS: Well, even Jesus and the apostles was smaller than the Beatles.
FRANK: Yes, uh, yeah. So we’re not going to uh we’re not gonna, you know use the same template, and just change the day. We have an internal 343 Day, which is, Allison, what is, what’s 343 Day? What’s the actual day? Because I’m terrible at this.
BURNIE: It’s gotta be in December,right?
FRANK: It’s because American dates are backwards.
GUS: She, she, she said, “Oh, shit!”
FRANK: Yeah, I remember…
JACK: It’s March 43rd, right?
ALLISON: it’s December..
BURNIE: March 43rd?
FRANK: It’s the 343rd day of the year, which is near Christmas.
ALLISON: March 4,23rd would be a lot easier to remember.
ALLISION: There’s no math.
FRANK: Yeah, I can’t do math.
JACK: I, I said March 43rd. Yeah, so do math on that.
FRANK: Yeah. Anyway, it’s internal, so we just like, we have pancakes and what not. Yeah, we drink a lot.
BURNIE: Yeah that’d be real awkward if that fell on Pearl Harbor Day or something like that. Cause that’s at the beginning of December.
FRANK: Yeah, yeah. It’s one of those things where, like Bungie built this like, amazing culture over, or at least in the Halo period over ten years. Obviously it goes way before that. And we’re not, we’re not Bungie, like we are, we are built on their foundations, and we can’t be more grateful or excited about that, but we, we’ve got to have our own culture, so it’s just organic and natural. That’s it. This is the most boring, dry answer at this whole thing. Should I say a swear?
JACK: Yes!
JOEL: You could, you could..
FRANK: Ok, uh butts.
JACK: We should do like James Lipton. What’s your favorite curse word?
FRANK: I uh like to juxtapose curse words with regular words, but , in an arbitrary fashion. Like ass basket, shit kabob, and so on. Like you should try it. It’s really easy. Like,…
JACK : Shit kabob..
FRANK: Yeah.
JACK: That’s just a terrible visual actually.
BURNIE: Yeah, yeah it’s awful.
FRANK: I uh, I will never be on epic meals, so….
BURNIE: Epic, Epic Food Time. Hey, so where’s the camera, over here? Is that the
GUS: No it’s straight ahead at the back.
BURNIE: Ok, so Gavin sent me a photo of his reaction.
GUS: You, you want to zoom in?
BURNIE: THAT’S the camera? Alright, see if you can get this all the way down there.
That’s..
GUS: It’s not on.
FRANK: It’s off. Well, let’s let’s, we can we can all do that face though, right?
BURNIE: It’s really easy to fix. Yeah, so that’s what, that’s what Gavin’s …. And oddly
enough, the background it looks like he’s in a free clinic, somewhere, so uh… it’s
appropriate.
FRANK: Yeah, and you couldn’t hear from up here, but there was a noise too. It was like, Bong.
BURNIE: That’s it. That’s my new message tone. Where were we? You want to do one from there?
GUS: uhh yeah, well I was gonna say real fast that 343 Day is December 19th.
FRANK: There you go. Typically yeah, but leap years..
BURNIE: oh.
FRANK: That’s some, there’s probably daylight savings time as well, what a racket.
BURNIE: That can’t be right! 343 is, 65, it’s 20 days prior to the end of the year. 65 minus 43
GUS: Yeah, 65 minus 43 is 23, and 2 days from 29th to the 31st..
BURNIE: T,t,t Ok. My math.
GUS: MATH!
FAN: Math is hard!
BURNIE: What did you say, what did you say, it’s the 19th.
JOEL: Maybe you change the name of the company..
BURNIE: December 19th is 11 days after, before the end of the year.
GUS: Oh, you’re right, it’s 12 days.
BURNIE: Well, yeah.
FANS: Math is hard. Math sucks!
BURNIE: Yeah! Math is the worst.
GUS: It’s gotta be December 9th. For the record..
JOEL: How about #1 industries?
GUS: I got that information from Allison, so thanks for feeding me bad info.
JACK: January 1st Incorporated.
GUS: yeah.
BURNIE: There you go. Over here. Over there.
FAN: Alright. I’m Brendon from California, uh, so I’ve met a lot of the younger employees of Rooster Teeth while I’ve been here, and I’ve got to ask: Favorites?
BURNIE: Our favorite youngest member?
FAN: Yeah. Of the younger guys.
JOEL: Right here, brother!!! Right fuckin here!!! I’m.. young!
GUS: You, you called yourself the oldest pers.. You called yourself on the, on the stage, earlier.
FRANK: No, he said he was the oldest person in the room.
BURNIE: In the room!
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: YOUNG!!!!
FAN: Keep saying it!
JACK: Joel is wasted right now, by the way.
BURNIE: Are you? Joel, are you drunk?
JOEL: Young!
GUS: I uh have a different favorite, depending on who’s doing me the most favors.. and helping me out. So whoever gets me a beer, you’re my favorite! Just sayin’
BURNIE: I try not to pick a favorite among the youngest employees. My goal is to find which one is the hardest to kill. That’s what I’m trying to do. It’s a long running selection process. I know that
FAN: It’s not Gavin then.
BURNIE: No. It’s not Gavin. And, we’ve determined that Brandon is immune to electricity,
JOEL: You know, you know. After Gavin’s experience, he’s no longer young.
BURNIE: I’m pretty sure that Michael can’t be poisoned, so, you know, we’ll find out.
Actually, I think I know what happened. I think I have a theory on Michael. I think Geoff’s liver just escaped and.. it picked up a controller and made Rage Quit.
GUS: I think. I think something happened in the office the other day that we didn’t talk about. Have we talked about this in the podcast? About Gavin and Michael’s stupid bet with the Barbeque sauce?
JACK: Oh, God!
FANS: No! No!
GUS: Did we talk about this in the podcast?
JACK: No we haven’t.
FANS: NOOOOOOO!
JACK: We filmed that, right?
GUS: We filmed it, but it was so uneventful, we’re never going to put it out. Um.
BURNIE: No, Michael’s great in that actually.
GUS: Yeah? Uh, so Gavin likes making stupid bets, and
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: he, he got a, I think he took it from a restaurant, it was bottle of Barbeque sauce..
BURNIE: It’s about this big.
GUS: Yeah. And he walked into Achievement Hunter, and he told Michael, “I’ll give you $500 dollars if you can drink this entire bottle of Barbeque sauce. So of course, Michael said, “Done! Let’s do this.”
JACK: No, no hesitation, just let’s do this. Alright, yep!
GUS: And um, as soon as he was, he was so confident, that Gavin was immediately like, “Wait, wait, wait, wait! Um, if you uh, can, I’ll give you $500 if you can drink it, but if you can’t drink it, you’ll have to pay me $100. So Michael was like, okay. So then, his confidence again, made Gavin nervous, and he was like “N-no no w-w-wait. If you can drink all this barbecue sauce, in you know one go I’ll give you n- in three minutes...”
JACK: Yeah.
GUS: “…I’ll give you a hundred dollars.” Michael was like, “Okay.” So we went to the kitchen and Michael sat there and i-in a container that big and just pounded one large gulp of barbecue sauce…
CROWD: Awhhhh…
JOEL: A-Actually…
BURNIE: There’s a really great moment in that video, because this is exactly how it went.
Michael had started they go 3, 2, 1, he goes… “YOU’RE FUCKED”, and then he drank the rest of it. He got- he got one taste of it, and he knew he was gonna win. And Gavin was out 250 bucks so… Gotta admire pure confidence. Michael’s got it.
GUS: Yeah he-
FAN: Represent New Jersey!
BURNIE: What was that?
FAN: Yeah New Jersey!
BURNIE: Oh there you go. Jersey represented.
GUS: Yeah, Gavin started to try to solicit other people, like he started the reverse bidding
process, like Will anyone drink this for less than 500 dollars? Will someone drink it for 400? He worked his way down.
BURNIE: Y’know h-h tried t- he tried t- did w-we talked about the toilet seats in- in Japan when we were there last time too.
FANS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah. And he tried to convince me to let the toilet seats, spray me for a hundred
dollars, d- I-I’m a grown man, I’m not gonna let a toilet seat spray me with water, it’s not gonna happen.
GUS: See I w-
JOEL: S-
GUS: I-I resisted for a long time as well, this was like the bidet.
FRANK: No, you gotta just embrace it, it’s fantastic.
BURNIE: No, god. You should spend some time with Gavin that w-
GUS: It would –
BURNIE: -You wouldn’t want to embrace anything.
GUS: It’s like a Massing Gale commercial, I was so clean.
BURNIE: So I-I priced those out it’s only like 600 bucks for those toilets seats-
GUS: You can ge-
BURNIE: Which is a lot of money, but it’s like-
GUS: You can get them for cheaper.
BURNIE: It’ll change you for life.
FRANK: Th-They also have heating, which is- which sounds good they’re- I live in a cold place, you guys don’t, you live in Austin, it’s like a- ch-co- crooked sheriff’s underwear out there, but y- but when y- when you live in a cold place, a cold toilet seat is very unpleasant, right? So, but what I discovered is if you sit on a warm toilet seat in Japan, it’s like someone was just there.
BURNIE: Yeah.
FRANK: Which is not…
JOEL: You see the problem is-
FRANK: It’s like a fat ghost.
JOEL: If Burnie gets one of those he’s never getting up. That’s it.
BURNIE: I live there.
GUS: We have uh, a question on the stream here I thought I might ask.
BURNIE: Go for it.
GUS: So Caboose34 said,” Question for Frank: How did you find out about Rooster Teeth and what was your first interaction with us?”
FRANK: Uhm someone just sent a link, same-same way I found out about the birds and the
bees. The two things are actually quite-quite confused in my mind but uhh…
BURNIE: Somebody just sent you a link.
FRANK: Somebody’s- somebody sent a link and said we- look what people are doing with Halo and we were- minds were blown. That was it.
BURNIE: Right.
FRANK: I think that was in an official Xbox magazine when that happened, so that was quite a long time ago. About ten or eleven years.
BURNIE: Have you ever heard the story on how that worked out on our end? So Gus would-Gus would track- this was before YouTube, so all the videos were served off of our server. And then Gus would sit there and watch the IP logs as they went by.
GUS: It was l- It was like some shitty service where like Freewebcounter.com or something.
BURNIE: Yeah. Yeah you know I have a screenshot of our first web hit. Of our f-
GUS: Really?
BURNIE: Yeah of our first hit was me checking the server. But uh, Gus would watch them go by, and it was like… you could watch things spread virally because you would get a hit from like Dell.com from the people who work at Dell and then you see 1, and then another 5 would hit a couple minutes later, and then like 20 more would hit, and then we’d see that and then they go to other places like, y’know, some insurance company we’d see that- domains coming in hitting for the IP. And like, I guess then like- 2 or 3 days into the adventure, we got 1 hit from Microsoft, and then we got a thousand hits from Microsoft, and then it went everywhere, and I think it was the next day that the phone rang and it was Bungie and Microsoft on the other line. And uh we got very fortunate they were like- they liked what we were doing, they thought it was interesting and innovative, and they said we just want to make sure you go about this the right way so you can continue to do this so… It was cool, really cool, ‘cause uh obviously that story could’ve ended much differently uhhh, if-if that phone call had not-
FAN: N’ we wouldn’t be here today.
BURNIE: -if it was the phone call everyone expected us to get.
FAN: And then we wouldn’t be here today.
BURNIE: And wh-what? And we might not be here today that’s a good way to put it, so, thank you very much Frank.
FRANK: Uh you’re welcome. It was all me.
FAN: Yeah, m-my name is Heath Garcia, I’m from Corpus Christi, or how Joel i-
GUS: I’m sorry.
FAN: Joel- Joel puts it… a medical needle in the sand, thanks so much for that.
GUS: Yeah.
JOEL: What kind of shoes do you guys wear down there? Like metal …
FAN: Anyway, my question is this, uhm, since y’all rebranded from the Drunk Tank to the
Rooster Teeth Podcast y’all have sponsors, are there any other doors that have opened since doing that that things are in the future or uh other collaborations with other people? Or groups.
BURNIE: Pfff, yeah. We’re all getting lucrative endorsement deals.
FAN: Do yo-
GUS: N-No, I-I-I sure love my Tri-Force replica.
JOEL: He’s not the youngest one.
BURNIE: Wow Allan, you’re just an enabler. Look at you.
JOEL: YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH.
BURNIE: That’s what Joel needs, another beer.
GUS: Thanks Allan.
BURNIE: I know, I’m workin’ on it. Uhh, no no, I mean we just- uhh there was a recommendation from iTunes and uh some of our partners for sponsorships is that- I think we learned after “Drunk Gamers” w- all we wanted was free video games when we made Drunk Gamers, but nobody wanted their videogames reviewed by a bunch of drunks. Y’thought we would’ve learned our lesson when we named our Podcast the Drunk Tank.
GUS: Well the Drunk Tank name was a holdover from the Drunk Gamers website.
BURNIE: It was. So we literally did not learn our lesson.
GUS: We-
BURNIE: Yeah. We reincorporated something that failed before.
GUS: Yeah we actually got –chuckle- Yeah I- I w-we were really dumb to do that.
BURNIE: There’s a really cool offshoot though, especially after what has happened with the
podcast being called the Drunk Tank and that is that people tend to bring us booze at events, which is like the greatest thing ever. We did this uhh tour down in Australia for DVDs, Gavin and I were on? And every day we’d go back to the Green Room and like the other specials guests had gotten like a stuffed Koala or like a towel that said Australia on it and Gavin and I showed up with essentially like a full bar every day. And just set it down and basically got the entire Green Room drunk.
GUS: Someone gave me a bottle of a Johnny Walker Blue here at uhh RTX.
BURNIE: Get outta here!
FRANK: Wow.
BURNIE: Really?
GUS: I’m not telling you where it is, I’ve hidden it in this convention centre.
FAN: Is it with Joel?
FRANK: I think Joel has hidden it in Joel.
BURNIE: I… I think just by you saying that, it’ll cost us 100 thousand dollars in damages now where people’ll do it at convention centres now ripping it apart, so.
JOEL: Hid in my liver.
BURNIE: What you wanna do? Another question or from the stream?
GUS: Uhmm let me give another one of these uhh replicas away here.
BURNIE: Okay.
JACK: To the stream?
GUS: If you don’t mind. No.
FAN: Over here, I’ll take it.
GUS: So also made by uhh Tri-Force is this COG Snub pistol from Gears of War.
JOEL: Wow.
FANS: Whoooo!
GUS: Uhhmm, we sent someone down the line to talk to people, we’re gonna give this one to… Chase Bond.
FRANK: That’s not a real name!
BURNIE: WOW. WOW.
GUS: I-It’s oka-
FRANK: It’s like a teeny smoke grenade.
GUS: They described it- it-it-
FRANK: This might be-
GUS: On my screen it- i-it-
FRANK: -Tee-
GUS: On my screen it says: Chase Bond, colon, spikey hair dude. I think
you’re him. It says-
JACK: Wow.
GUS: -You have a unique talent, that you have odd veins that you can make move? Y-… Ge… Get up… Get up here.
FRANK: Yeah I don’t wanna see that.
FANS: Eughhhhh…
FRANK: I don’t wanna see weird…
JOEL: Weird biology things.
JACK: For- for what it’s worth I feel exactly the way you do, audience.
BURNIE: Yeah, I’m kinda…
GUS: I-I gotta see this.
FAN: Do that with the beard.
BURNIE: Wh-wh-what-
GUS: Move over here so the camera can see you.
FANS: That way! That way!
CHASE: That’s what my hair looks like?
BURNIE: Yeah. Yeah.
CHASE: This is great. Alright. Uhm, you need to give me a second…
MONTY: Move the water bottle.
FANS: Move the water bottle.
MONTY: OH.
FANS: OHHHH.
BURNIE: OH THAT’S-
FAN: AUUGHHHHH!
GUS: AUGGHHHHHHHHH.
FAN: ?
FRANK: Whoa. Nice.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: F-For being a freak of nature I’m gonna give you this COG Snub Pistol from uhh Tri-Force. I’ll get you the box over here.
JACK: I think we just broke Burnie by the way.
BURNIE: NO, I jus- How the fuck do you discover that?! That you could do that? I mean, I might be able to do that, I wouldn’t know, I’ve never sat at home going I hate you hand. I’m gonna choke you.
CHASE: Not that one. You need that.
BURNIE: Yeah I’ll go my lefty. So how did you discover that you could do that?
CHASE: -mumbling-
BURNIE: You don’t know? Okay that’s a good enough answer. You don’t know? You just figured it out one day?
CHASE: I think I- No, I was just fucking with my hand one day and…
JACK: Quote unquote he was “fucking with his hand”. I want to make sure we have this
correctly. He was fucking with his hand.
BURNIE: One day.
JACK: One day.
BURNIE: One day.
JACK: And then he discovered it. Moving on.
BURNIE: Yeah, have you tried to progress your talent? Have you like tried to spend the day
fucking with your feet or anything like that? Just for the hell of it?
JACK: Burnie, can you read the sign down in front of us right now, just-
BURNIE: Check your beer, it is 3:45 and you’ve been on for an hour and a half.
JACK: We got an alert that we got a beer check-
BURNIE: Beer check.
JACK: Beer check! Thank you.
BURNIE: Now let’s take a couple more questions then. Ay, listen, i-in m- m-my tradition we’re gonna keep the podcast going. Hey where you going for lunch. Today. Tell us.
FAN: Me?
BURNIE: Yeah.
FAN: Uhm I was gonna ask you guys the same question- I’m going to Kreuz tonight.
BURNIE: Are you guys really? Oh, listen you’re not going to Kreuz, uh Kreuz is
closed on Sunday.
FAN: Oh thank you.
BURNIE: That’s something we probably-
FAN: Sweet.
BURNIE: -shoulda let you know about so…
FAN: Where- Where should I go?
BURNIE: We talk about a lot of places that we eat on the podcast, like local places. Kreuz is this awesome barbecue place-
FAN: Well where is som-
BURNIE: -We go there with E occasionally when he’s down here uhhh I-
JACK: Have we seen-
FAN: I’ve already been to Garage Mahal and Gourdough’s and Chocongalbi.
BURNIE: Uh if you’re in- I made a whole tweet about this the other day, but if you’re around here, you go to Bacon which is an all bacon restaurant.
FAN: Ohh.
BURNIE: Uhhhmm, and that’s nearby.
CROWD: BACONN!
BURNIE: There is Frank which is- y-you can go in honor of Frank which is-
FRANK: I’ll make it lunch.
BURNIE: Yeah, and uhh, yeah go to his place. He’ll cook you up something. A Stewart Dog-
JACK: Stewart Dog is a hot dog place by the way.
BURNIE: Yeah, and uhh-
FAN: Thank you.
BURNIE: And uh there’s other places downtown, you can head down to all those places south congress, you can go to Homeslice Pizza and some of the other places we’ve mentioned or Hop Doddy’s so…
FAN: Should I be taking notes?
BURNIE: Nah, you can just look it up on Twitter, I tweeted about it a couple days ago. So.
FAN: Alright. Thanks a lot.
BURNIE: Alright. Come over here.