00:00-30:00
GUS: This podcast is brought you by Audible.com the internet’s leading provider of audiobooks, with more than a hundred thousand downloadable titles across all types of literature, including fiction, non-fiction, and periodicals. For a free audiobook of your choice, go to audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. How’s everyone doin’? Welcome to Podcast number 175!
MILES: W-W-W-W-W-W-ONE SEVENTY FIVE.
BURNIE: We got our dubstep host in here.
GUS: We got uhh- right now it’s Gus, Miles and Burnie in here.
BURNIE: YEAHHH!
GUS: Keepin’ it real.
BURNIE: I am so happy- I have to give a big fat thank you to everybody who went to Comic Con this year, and made it so that I did not have to go to Comic Con this year.
GUS: How ‘bout you give a big fat somethin’ else.
BURNIE: I don’t know what that means. But if it were not for that this podcast would’ve started with a gigantic yawn, because man, that was a run of conventions that we did, and live events.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: The capper of which, at least for us, the capper which Gus, was RTX.
GUS: Ye-ye-yeahh! Yes. It’s weird that we haven’t had a podcast since then, I guess we recorded one… at the event.
MILES: Oh that’s weird.
BURNIE: You seem confused of this.
GUS: Yeah, I-I’m pulling- I’m totally confused, I have no idea what’s going on.
BURNIE: Yeah, so RTX- you’re saying that ‘cause it seemed like a long time ago that we had RTX, but it-
GUS: It was… Yeah, a week ago?
BURNIE: It was one podcast ago.
GUS: Over one week ago, last podcast? Jesus.
BURNIE: And the last one we did a live streamed version of the audience attended podcast.
GUS: D-Did you listen to that? It was really interesting to listen to.
BURNIE: Yeah!
GUS: Hearing the uhh people laugh and-
BURNIE: Well I think the comic point is to laugh as opposed to not laughing?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Too bad you didn’t save your Garfield joke for the live audience.
GUS: P-People like the Garfield joke.
MILES: No…
GUS: I got plenty of people defending me on Twitter about it.
BURNIE: People love watching you bomb with that fucking awful joke. I was in Australia, and I thought it was so awkward I could feel the awkwardness all across the world.
MILES: God.
BURNIE: I was like when you were like- whenever you have a bombed joke, Gus? You just wanna get away from it.
GUS: Yeah. Y’know, ‘cause n-normally what I do is I just cut it. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed that in the past. If I tell a joke that’s awful, gets no reception, it gets cut.
MILES: You son of a bitch.
BURNIE: Yeah but n- now what Lindsay’s doing is she won’t cut it.
GUS: No, Lindsay just leaves it in there.
BURNIE: I want Lindsay in here, I wonder if we can talk about her cutting process.
GUS: Uhmm, so- so recording in front of an audience was really interesting. Uhhhmmm… I felt like- i-it was definitely different. I-I-I felt like some people… I don’t know i-i-it just weird, I felt like we were having to react to people being there more. Of like, I was more aware of the audience.
MILES: It was like a sitcom where you had to wait for the shitty laugh track to subside before you keep going.
BURNIE: That’s how we look at the audience Miles, a shitty laugh track.
MILES: Yes.
GUS: Thanks. You just insulted everyone.
MILES: Sorry audience.
BURNIE: Miles is filling in for Jack on this podcast apparently.
MILES: Uhh what’s up guys-
GUS: What’s up internet.
MILES: -let me tell you about my new fleshlight. GOD this sucks.
BURNIE: Okay, whe-where is Jack today? How come he’s not here, ‘cause I know he’s back in the office.
GUS: I forgot that he wouldn’t be he- I forgot that he would be back in time, so I booked Miles.
MILES: Take that!
BURNIE: Is that Jack? What’s up. Except what would happen with your people, once you were booked you were locked in and that’s it?
MILES: I just thought that I was gonna be writing in here, he goes, “What are you doing in here?” “Uhhh I’ll be on the podcast, I-“
GUS: I’ll be honest. I thought he was Burnie. He was in the conference room on his laptop-
BURNIE: Three-
GUS: - writing-
BURNIE: -people.
GUS: -I was like, “Hey you gonna be on the podcast?” He was like,” Yeah.” I was like oh shit it’s Miles, I have to commit.
BURNIE: So now you’re committed?
GUS: You guys are starting to look a lot alike, I don’t know if y’all have noticed that.
MILES: Andd-
BURNIE: People keep telling me that, I don’t know if they tell you that-
MILES: No I get that too. I-I-uhhh Joel says I can’t wear uhh like flannel shirts or something like that ‘cause I’ll look like you or something like that.
BURNIE: I get fuckin’ sick of Joel. Can I tell you? I-I’m just sick of Joel. ‘Cause Joel constantly prods me all the time, he’s makin’ fun of me all the time. But when I poke fun at Joel back, he can’t take it!
GUS: Oh no. D-Don’t ask him about the Higgs Boson. After that last podcast, jesus.
BURNIE: He just can’t- he just can’t take it.
GUS: He’s supposed to be here right now! He said he would be here, I have no idea where he is. He’s not in his office, I called him, I texted him…
BURNIE: Joel’s gonna start talking shit about us.
MILES: J-J-J-Joel’s-Joel’s-
BURNIE: And now he has a chance.
GUS: We throwing you under the fucking bus.
BURNIE: Not hard. Not hard.
GUS: So did you feel l-weird? I-I-I’m sorry, I keep going back to it. Doing the podcast in front of people, I felt like th-there was a different rhythm to it almost.
BURNIE: Well we also took questions-
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: -which is a little different. I mean not everyone has been to a Rooster Teeth Panel, but it’s just-
GUS: Th-
BURNIE: -basically like the podcast where- but it all- audience gets the microphone for about thirty seconds-
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: -and then once that spotlight swings around and hit you-hits you, that spotlight can burn pretty bright.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: When w-we-we- focus on you, ‘cause we don’t care if you came all the way from, y’know Upstate New York. We’re still gonna fucking make fun of you.
GUS: Yeah. You’re in our show now bitch!
BURNIE: Yeah! You’re part of the process.
LINDSAY: FBI! Freeze!
MILES: LINDSAY TUGGEYYYYY!
BURNIE: Lindsay Tuggey just joined us, hey Lindsay we’re in here bitching about the fact that you don’t cut some of the stuff that we cut out of the editing process.
LINDSAY: Well-
GUS: Like my bad jokes.
LINDSAY: -where are my headphones?
GUS: Let me tu-let me turn on the volume up. Right there. There you go.
BURNIE: Give her a pair of headphones for you too.
GUS: Why don’t you sit over there. Sit over here.
LINDSAY: Switch!
BURNIE: So Lindsay Tuggey is joining us, she is the-
LINDSAY: Oh!
BURNIE: -lovely young lady who edits the podcast between when we record it, and when we put it out.
LINDSAY: Yes, I’m-
BURNIE: What is the- what is the big thing you edit out of the podcast? What’s your process?
LINDSAY: Let’s see…
BURNIE: Miss-
LINDSAY: Aside from the thing of Pandora which I got yelled at for at a low level-
GUS: God. Goddammit. She listens to Pandora while she edits the podcast.
LINDSAY: It’s a very very low level, it wouldn’t interfe-
GUS: I-I-I wonder why stuff doesn’t get cut that we want cut. Could it be that you’re listening to something else?
LINDSAY: That’s not true!
BURNIE: How do you listen to two things at once? That would drive me crazy.
MILES: You could do it.
LINDSAY: I don’t know. I-I guess-
GUS: Sh-She’s got two ears.
LINDSAY: Duh!
BURNIE: O-Oh yeah.
MILES: Is that-
LINDSAY: I’m...
MILES: -Is that one of your great jokes that we’re not gonna cut out of this thing?
LINDSAY: That’s gonna be boost volume at that point.
BURNIE: Sh-She has mine.
LINDSAY: I’ll get a +12 Gain on that please?
GUS: Get a- insert the crickets, get a little soundboard going.
MILES: Fuck, we have enough of them here, we don’t need to insert anything.
LINDSAY: Cue siren clip.
BURNIE: Any- I mean… It’s a hard thing to do, to edit what is typically what, an hour and fifteen minute podcast every single week?
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And then she has to go in, and insert all the links for the link dump ‘cause they’re embedded in the mp4 5A.
GUS: M4A…
BURNIE: What is it?
LINDSAY: M4A.
GUS: M4A.
BURNIE: M4A.
LINDSAY: And m-mp3s don’t have any of the embeddings.
BURNIE: Fuck- can they stop makin’ formats? They just gotta call it mp3, but just add new things to it.
LINDSAY: Sound.
GUS: mp-mp3 2!
BURNIE: No no, like these are just-
LINDSAY: mp3 PO!
BURNIE: -the current version of mp3. I mean how many different audio formats have there been-
GUS: I don’t know…
BURNIE: - over the course of the internet’s history, Gus?
GUS: I do- D-Do you remember- the first one I remember finding and interacting with was the .au file.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Do you remember those?
BURNIE: I think it was a song-
LINSDAY: From Australia.
BURNIE: -micro system’s audio file.
GUS: It is- no it’s a southern micro system-
LINDSAY: Oh really?
GUS: -it’s not from Australia.
LINSDAY: No? It’s not foreign? Okay.
GUS: That’s the first one I encounter.
BURNIE: It’s basically just Paul Hogan reading everything to you, as Crocodile Dundee, that’s- that’s-
LINDSAY: That’s awesome.
BURNIE: -everything on the internet.
LINDSAY: That’s not a site.
GUS: There’ve been so many.
BURNIE: But listen… I don’t know what it is, I-I don’t try to not to think of myself as like one of those people who are brand loyal or anything like that, but there are certain formats that I categorically hate. I just- I’m not doin- I-I’m not messin’ with them.
GUS: Like what.
LINDSAY: I agree.
BURNIE: Like for-for audio? It’s AIFF. For some reason, whatever that reason is, I see that format and I’m like that sucks.
GUS: AFFs are awesome!
BURNIE: Fuck them.
LINDSAY: AFFs are awesome.
BURNIE: D-you, do you not like that one?
GUS: No, they’re great. I-I like that, but I like the AF-
BURNIE: Okay but what’s the ones you hate then? Like au.
GUS: Awh, I hate au. Hate au so much. Uhmm-
BURNIE: I know with images, like we’re seem to core in an era now where we have to use .png files?
MILES: PNG’s the best.
LINDSAY: W-We talked about PNGs, especially Miles knows-
MILES: Yes.
LINDSAY: -as an animator like that is the best because you- where’s it can fit in anything. It can fit in Final Cut and I can layer it over a bunch of shit, or you can-
GUS: No.
LINDSAY: -toss it in Photoshop and it’d still be awesome.
GUS: Y-You’re in TIFF’s house baby! You gotta step back!
BURNIE: I fuckin’ hate TIFFs too! I JUST wanna use JPEGs, that’s it.
GUS: Yeah but-
LINDSAY: I like her treats, of th-
GUS: It’s-it’s a lossy format, when you’re working in production, you need to have-
MILES: Yeaaaaahhhh.
GUS: -something flossless.
BURNIE: It’s going on the fucking internet, who cares. I mean, seriously, a lossy format?
GUS: O-Okay, y’all heard that. When we’re working on-
LINDSAY: Yeah I was like- That Red vs Blue’s on the internet, right?
GUS: Yeah.
LINDSAY: Nobody cares.
BURNIE: yeah well you’re JPEG impression for our videos. Man, do you remember when we started Red vs Blue?
GUS: I do!
BURNIE: And we had to host all the files ourselves?
GUS: Yeah that sucked.
BURNIE: Do you know one of the biggest cost savings in the history of the company is when, just randomly one day, Adobe decided to turn Flash into a video codec? and then they put that out, because our files went from like a postage stamp sized video-
LINDSAY: Ping!
BURNIE: -that was about 90 megs for a minute and a half? No we can do four five minutes for eighteen meg.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Twenty five meg.
LINDSAY: It’s beaut-
GUS: It’s awesome.
LINDSAY: -iful.
BURNIE: So even though we’re talking about our show is getting more and more popular, it’s like all of a sudden our bandwith just drop to the floor. That’s a big deal!
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Especially before YouTube, when-
LINDSAY: It’s a payoff.
BURNIE: - we actually get paid for all that stuff.
LINDSAY: Yeah.
GUS: And now Flash is going away.
BURNIE: Is it?
GUS: Yeah it’s pr-
BURNIE: Well wh-what’s the- what’s the- mp4?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah. Once again… just new format. I don’t wanna fuck-
GUS: Its progress, you like it when Flash got introduced!
BURNIE: Okay.
GUS: You liked the new format.
BURNIE: It is true, but also video codecs are like one of those things now. We’re losing parts of the internet, and the internet is s’posed to be a self-documenting, like self-journaling entity. And so it’s like when you go back to look at something, and either HTML formats change, Gus…
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: … or video formats change, you can’t get those codecs anymore.
GUS: Ah, you can for the most part.
BURNIE: You can get the Cinepac Codec by Radius? Where are you gonna get that thing.
GUS: C’mon, whoever posted shit on the internet with a Cinepac?
BURNIE: They did back in 2001!
MILES: This is the nerdiest fucking conversation-
LINDSAY: I know!
MILES: -That’s we’ve ever had on the podcast.
LINDSAY: They’re speaking Chinese over here! Miles and I are like what the fuucckkk.
GUS: I remember that.
BURNIE: Yeah, I mean the internet is essentially one enormous back catalog, and it is cool to go back and see stuff.
GUS: Until someone doesn’t pay their fucking hosting bill and their site’s offline.
BURNIE: There you go. OR the HTML formats change and the browser can’t read th-the page or it looks all-
GUS: Yeah, and it’s all fucked up.
LINDSAY: Have you ever gone back to an old site that you like watched before, and you’re like what the hell this is totally different, like something you used to love? I-I went to ebaumsworld recently, that was weird. Pause.
MILES: Pokemon website…
GUS: Whooaaa.
LINDSAY: Yeeeaaaahhhh.
MILES: Uhh Spacejam’s official homepage?
GUS: Whooaaaa.
BURNIE: H-oh my god. I think Lindsay just informed us that she used to visit ebaumsworld.
LINDSAY: Hell yeah, I used to go to ebaums-
MILES: Did you really use to go to ebaumsworld?
LINDSAY: Fuck yeah.
BURNIE: People who made content for the internet? Because it would just fuckin’ piss us off because those guys would just rehost everything we’ve made.
LINDSAY: Yeah.
BURNIE: And put “ebaumworld” on it?
GUS: Yeah, their watermark.
BURNIE: And their ads on it?
GUS: Tha-that’s still a business model, t-they’re still fucking sites that do that.
BURNIE: Man where did I see that-
MILES: What is one…
BURNIE: -just recently wh-
MILES: Is it funny?
BURNIE: People were strippin’ that- but it’s funny news agencies do that now, like CBS and- I shouldn’t throw. Names around, though CBS does that, but uhh, yeah people would take videos and then just strip everything off of it.
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And you’re supposed to be excited because they reposted your video and you’re getting po-
LINDSAY: ?
GUS: Oh that’s right and we got a fucking stupid ass argument with Brandon!
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: When that fuckin’ website re-hosted our Siri video.
LINDSAY: I remember that.
BURNIE: Right.
MILES: Ooooohhh, yeah.
LINDSAY: Yeup.
GUS: Motherfuckers.
MILES: That thing…
BURNIE: I used to refer to the Huffington Post-
GUS: They…
BURNIE: -as a shithole website.
GUS: Shithole. Get off your fuckin’ BlackBerry!
BURNIE: Wha-what is the Huff- I never go there.
LINDSAY: Hufflepuff’s house.
GUS: It’s just like a-like a news aggravator, it’s l-it’s like what you said, it’s like ebaumsworld but for news.
BURNIE: Oh okay. And somehow our Siri video qualifies as news?
GUS: Yeah, it’s got other sites.
LINDSAY: It’s informative. I learned a lot.
BURNIE: Tell me how to be angry at it though- I don- is it like a liberal rag? Like if I’m- am I leaning Conservative here in calling it a Liberal rag?
GUS: I th-I think that’s a fair assessment.
BURNIE: Okay, good. I just have to know how to hate stuff, it’s important to me.
GUS: You gotta know the context.
BURNIE: I do.
GUS: Liberal rag: Check. Steals content: Check.
BURNIE: Well it’s one of those things, it’s tough-
GUS: BlackBerry user…
BURNIE: Because i-i-it’s tough to get a video that just goes nuts. Y’know we make videos… All week, all month-
GUS: Mmhmm, mm.
BURNIE: - all year, and then occasionally we have one that goes wild and goes crazy.
LINDSAY: Those gems.
BURNIE: And it’s like, y’know, what you work towards, or get that, and for a lot of people it’s their only video, y’know and then they make one-
LINDSAY: Yeah. That’s your piano pet. Keyboard pet. WOW. Did I just mess that up?
GUS: Oooh…
LINDSAY: I had to deal with cats today, I had to, Joe…
BURNIE: You could be the-
LINDSAY: Fuck.
BURNIE: You can make a Bodville version of Keyboard Cat.
MILES: Dun da da da nao, da bruta-ta!
GUS: ?? Piano Cat?
LINdSAY: Doon do do do doo-
BURNIE: Alright, if we’re talking about keyboard cat, we gotta talk about something that was big in the news this week.
MILES: I hope it was Keyboard Cat.
BURNIE: Well, Key- how did you first hear about Keyboard Cat? Gus?
GUS: Uhhhh… God, I don’t know, a few years ago. I saw Becca tweeted something about it, so I heard about it.
BURNIE: Well I first heard about it on Digg.com.
MILES: Ohhh. Right. Okay.
BURNIE: ‘Cause it was a big thing going around about Digg.
MILES: Okay.
BURNIE: And I don’t know fi you guys heard, but Digg.com sold this week.
GUS: Really.
MILES: W-
BURNIE: Digg a few years ago D- uhhh… Made me more than a few years ago at this point, but Digg was- w-ws- was a site, kind of like Reddit-
MILES: R-R-Right. Right.
BURNIE: -kinda like Fark, or Reddit, and uhh, it was the most popular site. Like us with our video on the front page of Digg was a big fucking deal. Big deal, because it meant a lot of traffic.
GUS: Mm.
BURNIE: But-
GUS: Big with-
LINDSAY: Was it a big deal?
GUS: Big with 2g. BIGG.
BURNIE: Biggest. But, y’know, I gotta say though too- I-I am saying it was a big deal, but that’s the kind of thing you do all the time, you- y’know- Oh! Our websi- Our video got on the front page of Reddit, or a video got on the front page of Digg, whatever. It never means as much traffic, either, as you think it does. It’s like it’s not quite as big a deal. It is a cool marketing deal, ‘cause you have a lot of people outside commenting on it, discovering-
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: -something for the first time? But it really doesn’t amount to all that many views.
MILES: Unless it gets on Reddit, you get a lot of karma. Just throwin’ that out there. I mean… Up votes everywhere.
GUS: Wh-wh-wha-
BURNIE: Here’s-
LINDSAY: It adds a whole lot of rumors.
BURNIE: A-As a website that karma actually counts for something, it’s kinda weird people chase all that karma on Reddit for-
MILES: It is weird, I don’t really get that.
BURNIE: Nothing.
GUS: Yeah.
MILES: Like I said I don’t understand wh-why people like karma, but then if I-I post something and get a buncha down votes, I-I suddenly just feel really bad n…
LINDSAY: Really?
MILES: Yeah.
LINDSAY: I just don’t give a shit.
GUS: I go-
MILES: See that’s wh-wh-what I’m stressing-
LINDSAY: Ieeuu dunno.
MILES: -going for.
LINDSAY: Down vote me bitch.
BURNIE: See that’s a d- once again that fear of rejection crops up again.
GUS: Here- gone wild, here I come!
MILES: Oh GOD.
BURNIE: Se- Let’s go back to-
GUS: Light mirror!
BURNIE: Let’s go back to that one second, I want- I want to- I want to get known here, I’m gonna have known what the motivation is behind “Gone Wild” posts.
MILES: What the motivation is, is-
LINDSAY: Gone wild.
MILES: “Oh people look at me, tell me I’m pretty!”
LINDSAY: Yep.
MILES: That’s the motivation of people posting on Gone Wild.
GUS: You said we’re going back to that.
BURNIE: E- Miles is like I’m not waiting. I’m jumping right into this. But-
LINDSAY: That doesn’t make any sense.
BURNIE: -Digg.com sold this week-
MILES: Right.
BURNIE: -and they sold for five hundred thousand dollars. And, about three years ago, maybe a little more at this point… They were in talks to be purchased by Google for two hundred million dollars.
LINDSAY: Damn.
BURNIE: So is a classic example of…
GUS: J-
BURNIE: The window.
GUS: Just for clarification, I saw an Arch Technical article that said that five hundred thousand dollars what not the actual total aggregate price. That was for a portion of Digg.com.
BURNIE: That was. Bought by…
GUS: Some weird investment company.
BURNIE: Right, like internet started, they were gonna merge it with News.me?
GUS: Right, something fucked up like that.
MILES: Sounds really good, I’m getting excited about this.
GUS: But you combine all the different assets that were purchased. Th- the final total price for everything put together was about sixteen million dollars.
BURNIE: And one point is was about worth two hundred million speculative.
GUS: Yeah, it’s still a huge difference.
BURNIE: And I think that if you look at them like there’s … I think it’s Tech Crunch that if you ever look up a site they also tell you all their funding they’ve got because a lot of these- lot of these sites are funded by venture capitalists where they go through all the funding. I think Digg was up to like 28 millions dollars in venture capital funding?
LINDSAY: Damn.
GUS: Whooooow-whoooow-whoooooowww.
BURNIE: Yeah, ahaha. And people always y’know- people essentially get really excited about that. They go, “ Wow this company raised, y’know, eight million dollars in this round of financing!”
MILES: WHOOOO!
BURNIE: Wow, Kerry just showed up with four beers.
MILES: That’s mine.
LINDSAY: Hey.
GUS: S-So what happened in that case?
LINDSAY: It’s the beer.
GUS: So, have a seat Kara.
KARA: Thank you!
GUS: So- so, let’s say I’m a Venture Capitalist, I step in, I give Digg 28 million dollars. They sell for a total of 16, am I shit out of luck, do I lose 12 million dollars?
MILES: Yeah.
BURNIE: Well yeah, I mean the money’s gone.
KARA: Is this k-
GUS: The-they didn’t… I don’t think so.
KARA: Yes.
MILES: Don’t use your teeth on the beer bottle.
GUS: They don’t get a cut of advertising during the run, like they don’t get any revenue?
BURNIE: Oh, I’m sure it’s all different. I’m sure it’s all different, but I don’t think Digg ever approached profitability. In the entire time that they ran, like even when it’s- it’s Heyday it’s approaching profitability.
GUS: Wow.
BURNIE: I mean they were- I-I-I don’t know this is total speculation.
MILES: Stop now. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
BURNIE: So I go- OH MY GOD! SHE JUS-
LINDSAY: Kara just took off her beer bottle cap with her to- well. Her teeth. Tongue.
MILES: With her teeth.
LINDSAY: My brain is gone.
MILES: Euuuuwww.
LINDSAY: Wow.
BURNIE: Wow.
LINDSAY: That was still intimidating.
MILES: I should take a picture of that.
LINDSAY: She was staring right at me too, that was so intimidating!
BURNIE: How could she take that bottle cap off with her teeth? What the ffff-
GUS: Uh-
LINDSAY: She’s a shark.
BURNIE: Uh, Lindsay, let me give this to you.
LINDSAY: Thanks.
BURNIE: The other part of what we’re supposed to do is we’re supposed to give-
LINDSAY: And IIIIIIIII-E-IIIIIIII-
BURNIE: -Lindsay…
LINDSAY: -will always… loveeee youuuuuu.
MILES: I don’t know what just happened, but I liked it.
BURNIE: Hey.
KARA: That’s awesome.
BURNIE: What are you wearing?
LINDSAY: A shirt?
BURNIE: No, I k- from you f- Wh-what is- what is that?
LINDSAY: Don’t, that’s a ring?
BURNIE: Did you get engaged?!
LINDSAY: No, I’m not engaged, just a-
GUS: Wh-why are y- why are you wearing a fucking engagement ring then?
BURNIE: You’re wearing-
LINDSAY: It’s not an engagement ring, it was a gift! It’s a pr-
GUS: It’s on the ring- it’s on the finger. There’s one finger you d- do you have anything on that finger?
BURNIE: We’re talking about Lindsay by the way here.
GUS: Ahaha, look at her.
MILES: Wat.
BURNIE: Wh-Wh- so what’s goin’ on with that, I just noticed that.
LINDSAY: I was given this a long time ago. By a Mis-
GUS: Sure you were.
LINDSAY: I’m just- I’m serious, by a Mister Jones next door.
KARA: ?
LINDSAY: HUHHH.
KARA: Crackhead.
LINDSAY: Can you bite it?
KARA: Yeah.
GUS: Someone needs to take a b-
LINDSAY: No.
GUS: Someone needs to take a video of her doing that.
BURNIE: Alright hold on-
KARA: Yeah.
BURNIE: Let me take a- let me take a video of Kara…
KARA: Hey welcome guys, this is Kara, nice to see y’all, thanks for the intro.
LINDSAY: Bite it. Bite it Kara!
MILES: Biting the bottle caps off of beer.
KARA: No one thinks I can do it.
LINDSAY: Being a badass.
LINDSAY: Texas.
BURNIE: Alright hold on here we go.
MILES: Oh god.
BURNIE: We gotta have a video going on here, okay here we go, here’s a video of-
MILES: Eughhhh.
KARA: Okay I’ve gotta- I’ve gotta find- close to the mic, so people can hear.
BURNIE: I’m might get the background of the Gears of War bust that-
wait-wait-wait-wait-no-no-no-no-! Alright. Now do it.
MILES: Eughh!
LINDSAY: Nice!
MILES: Eughhh.
GUS: Oh my god!
LINDSAY: God.
BURNIE: That is impressive.
MILES: That’s… disgusting.
LINDSAY: Sure.
MILES: That made me cringe.
BURNIE: How did you learn that you could do that?
KARA: I- It’s really not hard, I think I just tried one time and I could do it?
GUS: L-Let me guess, you were drunk.
KARA: Probably.
GUS: Eughh don’t you do it-! Eugh!
KARA: No no no, you’re gonna hurt yourself.
BURNIE: Well don’t tell me that after you’re gonna embarrass me.
KARA: Well you have to know how to do it.
BURNIE: She’s like, “Put it down old man.”
KARA: Yeah, Burnie can’t do it.
GUS: Eughh,
LINDSAY: Jeez.
GUS: I ca- I can’t look!
LINDSAY: Is it like at parties you can-
BURNIE: I’m gonna open a beer with a set of keys though, I’m not gonna waste my beautiful teeth on that.
LINDSAY: No, open it with your bellybutton.
BURNIE: No you’re not- you’re not… you have beautiful teeth Kara, I’d hate to see you with a big crack on- you’d look like a hockey player.
KARA: Awh thanks-
BURNIE: HE we should g-
KARA: -Yeah that would not be good.
BURNIE: No I just said I don’t want you to do it.
KARA: Oh.
BURNIE: Alright. So…
MILES: ??
BURNIE: Obviously- obviously with this Digg discussion-
LINDSAY: Hello.
BURNIE: -People were all over like- plll- oh, haha-
GUS: Yeah.
LINDSAY: Oh.
BURNIE: Y’know, Digg didn’t sell for enough money. And they’re all- they’re comparing it to Reddit a lot because Reddit, y’know, went into vogue as Digg was falling out of favour. But, there’s another- there’s-there’s a flipside to this as well. I think yeah Reddit’s really popular, but people don’t realize is that the window works on both sides, is that- of like, when is the prime time to get out of like this company or you’re gonna sell the company or whatever.
MILES: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And- I mean you could make the argument that Reddit sold too soon. They sold to Conde Nast in like, I think 2008.
GUS: Yeah.
MILES: Wow.
BURNIE: D-D- Miles do you even know who Conde Nast is?
MILES: I- I’mm gonna be honest with you, I have no idea.
KARA: No.
BURNIE: See.
LINDSAY: Conde Nast uhh…
BURNIE: It’s a huge publishing company like- Conde Nast Traveller right?
MILES: Okay.
BURNIE: Is the big…
GUS: I think i- yeah yeah, th-
BURNIE: Not-
GUS: -That’s one of their ??
KARA: ??
BURNIE: I want to say it’s a seven billion dollar a year company.
GUS: Yeah.
MILES: Whooaaa.
BURNIE: And the-the owners of-
LINDSAY: I’m listening.
BURNIE: -Reddit reportedly sold for about six to seven million dollars in 2008. And now Reddit’s worth about a hundred and ninty- two hundred million.
LINDSAY: Dang.
BURNIE: So there- there’s two flip sides to this, I mean it’s like you can sell a time through mission window or you sell too early and you just watch your thing grow.
GUS: It’s like-
LINDSAY: Yeah.
MILES: Yeah.
GUS: - the guys who sold MySpace.
LINDSAY: Right,
GUS: They-they fuckin’… hit it. Dead on.
BURNIE: You know I’m friends with that guy, Tom, on MySpace.
MILES: We’re all friends with him.
BURNIE: I should reply to him and ask him. Does that mean I can private message Tom? And ask him how things are going?
LINDSAY: Some time.
GUS: I remember after MySpace sold for five hundred million, and then- I think Yahoo of- was trying to buy Facebook for two billion dollars and Mark Zuckerberg turned them down, I thought that is the dumbest guy in the world.
BURNIE: Yeah, MySpace was bought for five hundred million dollars by Fox.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: And it was like, “PFFFTTT. WHAT?” Five hundred million dollars for MySpace, it seemed ridiculous, half a billion dollars.
GUS: Mmm.
BURNIE: And then, Mark Zuckerberg made the comment that he wouldn’t sell Facebook… Facebook w-was wor- was worth at least a billion. Everybody’s like… Shut up Mark Zuckerberg. Idiot. And then sure enough he turned out to be right. And he turned down 2 billion, and now it’s worth what?
GUS: I… Uhh hundred billion a believe.
KARA: Like ten- A hundred?
BURNIE: Jesus.
KARA: Wow.
GUS: We uh, I don’t know if you remember this but uh-
KARA: It’s like a dollar a friend on Facebook.
GUS: I don’t know if you remember this but, after Facebook turned down the 2 billion acquisition offer. We wrote... Rooster Teeth wrote and distributed a press release...
BURNIE: Right!
GUS: Saying we would entertain any buyout offers for 2 billion dollars if anyone was interested in buying a social network.
BURNIE: We’re NOT dicks!
GUS: We’d be totally cool about it. We’re not like Facebook. We’ll sell our company for 2 billion dollars.
BURNIE: We won’t embarrass you in the news and say “Naw we ain’t... We’re not gonna take your offer”.
GUS: Sadly, nobody took the offer.
BURNIE: It was sad. It was a really sad day.
GUS: I had already priced out the Maybach that I wanted and everything.
BURNIE: There was this dude in Nigeria seemed like -
KARA: Oh goodness...
BURNIE: But the way to get the check seemed a little difficult.
GUS: Alright here I’m gonna read this here real fast. UHH just a reminder. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. The internet's leading provider of Audiobooks with more than a hundred thousand downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times best sellers. For our listeners, Audible is offering a free audio book to give you the chance to try out their service. One audiobook to consider is, 50 Shades of Grey.
EVERYBODY: Laughter!
GUS: For a free audiobook of your choice go to audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. That’s audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. Why’d ya’ll laugh?
MILES: AAHHHUHHHHHGG gunna open another bottle with her teeth!
KARA: Ya’ll need a bottle opener in here.
BURNIE: So Gus. Have you read 50 Shades of Grey?
GUS: I read a free excerpt that you can read on Amazon.
BURNIE: Let me guess... Was it racy?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: OK.
GUS: But it was... it was... really weird and I realized why afterwards. Um I guess the author is British but she was writing American characters.
BURNIE: OK.
GUS: So every now and then you’ll get a weird thing like an American will refer to an elevator as a lift. Something like that.
BURNIE: They would stop mid-sex to eat cheeseburgers. Basically.
KARA: Is that when you go and get Gavin? Gavin what does it say! Tell me please.
GUS: Is this hot? I don’t know! Where is Gavin? Does Gavin come back today?
BURNIE: I believe Gavin is on a plane right now. Coming back from the UK.
GUS: Nice.
BURNIE: And while he was there I believe he shot some more slow-mo guys stuff.
MILES: YEAAHHHHH!
BURNIE: So if you’re a slow-mo guys fan, you should expect to see even more in the future. He shoots a lot at once. He shoots like 10 episodes in a week. You know... maybe potentially even more.
LINDSAY: Yeah he was telling us that he and... I can’t remember his friend's name...
GUS / BURNIE: Dan!
LINDSAY: Thank you! He says that they will just get together one afternoon and just like film 10 episodes because why the hell not!
MILES: So what do you wanna film in slow-motion today?
LINDSAY: UMmm my cat running up this fence.
KARA: What shall we explode today.
BURNIE: It really is awesome to have a camera that when you point it at something, it just makes it awesome. Like we’re gonna film the gutter. Pouring rain down the curb and it’s gonna look like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Like that’s a good investment in a piece of equipment. I don’t own any pieces of equipment that are like that.
GUS: Those things are fucking expensive though.
MILES: I feel like there's a flip side though. I feel like there's some things you can film that are like a million times worse in slow motion.
GUS: Examples? C’mon you have to.
MILES: Like vomiting!
EVERYBODY: EWWWWuhhhhhghhh!
GUS: I gotta see it now!
MILES: Gavin get on that, right?
GUS: Like I could see Kara opening a beer bottle in slow motion.
MILES: They put in that awesome slow motion music that they do for every video. Buwaaaaa. Then the dude like falling out of like 6th street bar like wruuuuuugh. You get to see like the horror in the faces of his friends.
GUS: Did I ever tell you that, when I was in Amsterdam, I saw someone thrown out of a bar like in a cartoon. The bouncer picked him up by like the collar of his shirt and the belt and WHOOPED him out like into the street and the guy landed on his chest. The guy - just like a cartoon - stood up and dusted himself off and then kept walking down the street.
MILES: One of these days I wanna see a fight that like escalates to such a level that it creates a small dust cloud where I can only see like fists and legs. That’s what I wanna see.
LINDSAY: The shoe is winning!
BURNIE: Then the dude was hit by a lightning and was just like a black cinder and that was it.
MILES: And his eyeballs stay behind and they blink once.
LINDSAY: Is this before or after he gets hit with the anvil.
MILES: Oh it’s after. It’s after. You gotta finish with the lightning.
BURNIE: So that must be like a bouncers dream. Like ALL MY LIFE I have prepared for this. I’m just gonna chunk this guy out into the street.
MILES: Like he updates his twitter “Finally just tossed some asshole outta the bar. #Awesome!!!!”
BURNIE: Do you know why he was tossed out
GUS: No I was not in that bar. I had just... I had just gotten into Amsterdam and walked off the train and was like “OH look there’s where the red light district and all the bars are. Let’s walk over there” And the first thing I saw. At the first bar in the red light district was some dude thrown out by his collar and belt.
BURNIE: The best part of that story is that Gus is off the train STRAIGHT to the red light district.
GUS: Where else are you gonna o. Honestly, I -
BURNIE: Check in!
GUS: When I went to Amsterdam, I don’t know if you know this story. Um... I was in London with Jason and Joel actually and we had some time in between the events that we were there for. UM, we had like 4 days to kill. So we were like let’s go down to the train station and we’ll go down to Amsterdam. Joel was like NO. I’m not going to Amsterdam. I’m like fine. So Jason and I go to Amsterdam. We literally have the idea. Walk straight to the train station. Had no luggage. Had no hotel waiting for us in Amsterdam. We’ll just figure it out when we get there. So I got there and had nothing! We were like “if worse comes to worse then we’ll sleep in a train station.”
BURNIE: If worse comes to worse.....
GUS: If worse comes to worse I might have been doing some awful things.
LINDSAY: It’s OK Gus. Liam Neeson will find you.
GUS: Had no plans. Just showed up. Wanna have fun.
BURNIE: If worse comes to worse then you’re behind one of those windows trying to earn money.
GUS: I guarantee you that I would not have been on the main avenue. I’d have been on like the side alley.
LINDSAY: Would you have tassels?
BURNIE: It’s great when you have those moments when you’re like... wow that girl looks just like Angelina Jolie. Wait a minute... Girl? Girl... Is that like???
GUS: UH - OH!
BURNIE: You guys ever been to Amsterdam.
MILES: No... I don’t get out much.
BURNIE: It’s pretty interesting. They’re toning down on a lot of that stuff though.
GUS: Yeah I think I read that it’s going to be illegal for non citizens to do drugs in the red light district.
MILES: I heard about that.
BURNIE: That is correct. Like only their citizens are responsible enough to do drugs.
MILES: Well that’s probably true.
BURNIE: Well I think the big deal is that their citizens understand the laws and when they take mushrooms and dive into a canal and die their family doesn’t sue. You know.
LINDSAY: Well he’s stupid.
BURNIE: Yeah they’re just embarrassed by it. I remember when I was in Japan recently. We were under a bridge and there was all these kind of uniform boxes. Some of them had feet kind of sticking out of them. Like someone laying down. And we had a guide taking us around. Someone we knew there. And I asked her “what’s with all these little boxes”. And she goes, “OH that’s where homeless people go. They go there so you don’t have to see them being homeless because they’re ashamed by it.
MILES: WHOOOOAAA
BURNIE: I was like... yeah we could use a little bit of that! Yeah that’s not in America where nobody's ashamed to be homeless.
LINDSAY: Yeah well they’re all about honor still... I feel like they’re more honorable here... I mean there than here. Here we’re just live whateves we don’t give a shit.
KARA: People fake homelessness to get some money on the side of the street.
BURNIE: You believe that? Kara do you believe that there are homeless people on the side of the street faking it?
KARA: I know for a fact. I saw a guy, one time about 2 years ago in Austin, I was sitting in traffic waiting on a light and I literally saw this older man get out of a car with a cardboard sign and took off his nicer button down shirt. Puts on this raggedy one. Walks up to the corner. Sits down and holds up the sign. And I’m looking like “Did I really just see that!”
MILES: Maybe he’s a method actor.
KARA: Come on you could get a better job you know...
GUS: Are you sure he didn’t just come from a job interview like the halfway house didn’t give him a ride and he’s just taking care of his clean shirt.
BURNIE: Gus since when do you dig that deep when people throw down.
GUS: I just wanted to because it’s Kara.
BURNIE: Oh I see. Kara I’m just imagining you’re gonna start spitting bottle caps at people.
LINDSAY: Wasn’t there that famous homeless person in New York. Was a lady that they found out was worth a couple billion or I’m sorry a million because she had saved up for like years and years and that’s all she did was be homeless.
BURNIE: I think that was a welfare case actually. Like she had a - well it was like a pyramid scheme but with welfare but within one family. They just had an enormous amount of social services coming into this one household. It was a ridiculous amount of money. But did you guys hear about the ummm... There’s a homeless guy... Gus stop me when this sounds illegal. There’s a homeless guy in Austin who is doing aggressive panhandling.
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: It’s what they’re calling it. Where they’ll get in your car -
EVERYBODY: WHOOAAA!
BURNIE: - and then he’ll tell you to give him money. And then he wants money. He usually wants about 5 dollars and if people don’t have money he’ll say, “well why don’t we just go to an ATM.” And people just usually take him.
LINDSAY: I’m all out of money but here’s a shotgun shell bitch!
BURNIE: And they’re calling it... they’re just calling that aggressive panhandling. They’re not calling it mugging.
MILES: I call it fucking horrifying!
LINDSAY: Isn’t that kind of like breaking and entering?
GUS: Don’t people lock their car doors? Don’t most cars automatically lock as soon as you put them in drive?
MILES: Not mine...
BURNIE: People in weird social situations will make bad decisions. Like if the guy knocks they might open their door. I’m trying to find the article.
*Bang* Bang* from KARA’s bottle.
GUS: Quit hitting the fucking table.
KARA: *Continues banging*
LINDSAY: We want more!
KARA: What are you gonna do Gus?
BURNIE: Oh look at this... She’s fronting now.
MILES: Put a couple of bottle caps in here and she’ll say anything.
GUS: Um there’s one guy. There’s one person in town who hangs out in the area where I live. UH his name is Nathan. And he’s a blind dude.
BURNIE: Yeah?
GUS: Or he’s like partially blind and he walks around with a cane... and uh he always acts like he’s lost. He’s like “where am I... I don’t know.” and then he guilts people into giving him a trip to go get a new cane or something.
MILES: What’s this guy look like?
GUS: He’s like a tall, black dude who...
MILES: OH WAIT I KNOW THAT GUY!
GUS: Yeah?
MILES: I know he did the same thing!
GUS: OH I just need a couples dollars so I can get a new cane from the Texas school for the Blind. He gets a few dollars from you. Asks you to take him to Texas school for the blind. Then on the way he’s like no I gotta stop by my friends house first.
LINDSAY: Miles is reliving all this stuff and is like holy shit!
MILES: W-W-W-W-W-W-ONE SEVENTY FIVE.
BURNIE: We got our dubstep host in here.
GUS: We got uhh- right now it’s Gus, Miles and Burnie in here.
BURNIE: YEAHHH!
GUS: Keepin’ it real.
BURNIE: I am so happy- I have to give a big fat thank you to everybody who went to Comic Con this year, and made it so that I did not have to go to Comic Con this year.
GUS: How ‘bout you give a big fat somethin’ else.
BURNIE: I don’t know what that means. But if it were not for that this podcast would’ve started with a gigantic yawn, because man, that was a run of conventions that we did, and live events.
GUS: Yes.
BURNIE: The capper of which, at least for us, the capper which Gus, was RTX.
GUS: Ye-ye-yeahh! Yes. It’s weird that we haven’t had a podcast since then, I guess we recorded one… at the event.
MILES: Oh that’s weird.
BURNIE: You seem confused of this.
GUS: Yeah, I-I’m pulling- I’m totally confused, I have no idea what’s going on.
BURNIE: Yeah, so RTX- you’re saying that ‘cause it seemed like a long time ago that we had RTX, but it-
GUS: It was… Yeah, a week ago?
BURNIE: It was one podcast ago.
GUS: Over one week ago, last podcast? Jesus.
BURNIE: And the last one we did a live streamed version of the audience attended podcast.
GUS: D-Did you listen to that? It was really interesting to listen to.
BURNIE: Yeah!
GUS: Hearing the uhh people laugh and-
BURNIE: Well I think the comic point is to laugh as opposed to not laughing?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Too bad you didn’t save your Garfield joke for the live audience.
GUS: P-People like the Garfield joke.
MILES: No…
GUS: I got plenty of people defending me on Twitter about it.
BURNIE: People love watching you bomb with that fucking awful joke. I was in Australia, and I thought it was so awkward I could feel the awkwardness all across the world.
MILES: God.
BURNIE: I was like when you were like- whenever you have a bombed joke, Gus? You just wanna get away from it.
GUS: Yeah. Y’know, ‘cause n-normally what I do is I just cut it. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed that in the past. If I tell a joke that’s awful, gets no reception, it gets cut.
MILES: You son of a bitch.
BURNIE: Yeah but n- now what Lindsay’s doing is she won’t cut it.
GUS: No, Lindsay just leaves it in there.
BURNIE: I want Lindsay in here, I wonder if we can talk about her cutting process.
GUS: Uhmm, so- so recording in front of an audience was really interesting. Uhhhmmm… I felt like- i-it was definitely different. I-I-I felt like some people… I don’t know i-i-it just weird, I felt like we were having to react to people being there more. Of like, I was more aware of the audience.
MILES: It was like a sitcom where you had to wait for the shitty laugh track to subside before you keep going.
BURNIE: That’s how we look at the audience Miles, a shitty laugh track.
MILES: Yes.
GUS: Thanks. You just insulted everyone.
MILES: Sorry audience.
BURNIE: Miles is filling in for Jack on this podcast apparently.
MILES: Uhh what’s up guys-
GUS: What’s up internet.
MILES: -let me tell you about my new fleshlight. GOD this sucks.
BURNIE: Okay, whe-where is Jack today? How come he’s not here, ‘cause I know he’s back in the office.
GUS: I forgot that he wouldn’t be he- I forgot that he would be back in time, so I booked Miles.
MILES: Take that!
BURNIE: Is that Jack? What’s up. Except what would happen with your people, once you were booked you were locked in and that’s it?
MILES: I just thought that I was gonna be writing in here, he goes, “What are you doing in here?” “Uhhh I’ll be on the podcast, I-“
GUS: I’ll be honest. I thought he was Burnie. He was in the conference room on his laptop-
BURNIE: Three-
GUS: - writing-
BURNIE: -people.
GUS: -I was like, “Hey you gonna be on the podcast?” He was like,” Yeah.” I was like oh shit it’s Miles, I have to commit.
BURNIE: So now you’re committed?
GUS: You guys are starting to look a lot alike, I don’t know if y’all have noticed that.
MILES: Andd-
BURNIE: People keep telling me that, I don’t know if they tell you that-
MILES: No I get that too. I-I-uhhh Joel says I can’t wear uhh like flannel shirts or something like that ‘cause I’ll look like you or something like that.
BURNIE: I get fuckin’ sick of Joel. Can I tell you? I-I’m just sick of Joel. ‘Cause Joel constantly prods me all the time, he’s makin’ fun of me all the time. But when I poke fun at Joel back, he can’t take it!
GUS: Oh no. D-Don’t ask him about the Higgs Boson. After that last podcast, jesus.
BURNIE: He just can’t- he just can’t take it.
GUS: He’s supposed to be here right now! He said he would be here, I have no idea where he is. He’s not in his office, I called him, I texted him…
BURNIE: Joel’s gonna start talking shit about us.
MILES: J-J-J-Joel’s-Joel’s-
BURNIE: And now he has a chance.
GUS: We throwing you under the fucking bus.
BURNIE: Not hard. Not hard.
GUS: So did you feel l-weird? I-I-I’m sorry, I keep going back to it. Doing the podcast in front of people, I felt like th-there was a different rhythm to it almost.
BURNIE: Well we also took questions-
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: -which is a little different. I mean not everyone has been to a Rooster Teeth Panel, but it’s just-
GUS: Th-
BURNIE: -basically like the podcast where- but it all- audience gets the microphone for about thirty seconds-
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: -and then once that spotlight swings around and hit you-hits you, that spotlight can burn pretty bright.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: When w-we-we- focus on you, ‘cause we don’t care if you came all the way from, y’know Upstate New York. We’re still gonna fucking make fun of you.
GUS: Yeah. You’re in our show now bitch!
BURNIE: Yeah! You’re part of the process.
LINDSAY: FBI! Freeze!
MILES: LINDSAY TUGGEYYYYY!
BURNIE: Lindsay Tuggey just joined us, hey Lindsay we’re in here bitching about the fact that you don’t cut some of the stuff that we cut out of the editing process.
LINDSAY: Well-
GUS: Like my bad jokes.
LINDSAY: -where are my headphones?
GUS: Let me tu-let me turn on the volume up. Right there. There you go.
BURNIE: Give her a pair of headphones for you too.
GUS: Why don’t you sit over there. Sit over here.
LINDSAY: Switch!
BURNIE: So Lindsay Tuggey is joining us, she is the-
LINDSAY: Oh!
BURNIE: -lovely young lady who edits the podcast between when we record it, and when we put it out.
LINDSAY: Yes, I’m-
BURNIE: What is the- what is the big thing you edit out of the podcast? What’s your process?
LINDSAY: Let’s see…
BURNIE: Miss-
LINDSAY: Aside from the thing of Pandora which I got yelled at for at a low level-
GUS: God. Goddammit. She listens to Pandora while she edits the podcast.
LINDSAY: It’s a very very low level, it wouldn’t interfe-
GUS: I-I-I wonder why stuff doesn’t get cut that we want cut. Could it be that you’re listening to something else?
LINDSAY: That’s not true!
BURNIE: How do you listen to two things at once? That would drive me crazy.
MILES: You could do it.
LINDSAY: I don’t know. I-I guess-
GUS: Sh-She’s got two ears.
LINDSAY: Duh!
BURNIE: O-Oh yeah.
MILES: Is that-
LINDSAY: I’m...
MILES: -Is that one of your great jokes that we’re not gonna cut out of this thing?
LINDSAY: That’s gonna be boost volume at that point.
BURNIE: Sh-She has mine.
LINDSAY: I’ll get a +12 Gain on that please?
GUS: Get a- insert the crickets, get a little soundboard going.
MILES: Fuck, we have enough of them here, we don’t need to insert anything.
LINDSAY: Cue siren clip.
BURNIE: Any- I mean… It’s a hard thing to do, to edit what is typically what, an hour and fifteen minute podcast every single week?
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And then she has to go in, and insert all the links for the link dump ‘cause they’re embedded in the mp4 5A.
GUS: M4A…
BURNIE: What is it?
LINDSAY: M4A.
GUS: M4A.
BURNIE: M4A.
LINDSAY: And m-mp3s don’t have any of the embeddings.
BURNIE: Fuck- can they stop makin’ formats? They just gotta call it mp3, but just add new things to it.
LINDSAY: Sound.
GUS: mp-mp3 2!
BURNIE: No no, like these are just-
LINDSAY: mp3 PO!
BURNIE: -the current version of mp3. I mean how many different audio formats have there been-
GUS: I don’t know…
BURNIE: - over the course of the internet’s history, Gus?
GUS: I do- D-Do you remember- the first one I remember finding and interacting with was the .au file.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: Do you remember those?
BURNIE: I think it was a song-
LINSDAY: From Australia.
BURNIE: -micro system’s audio file.
GUS: It is- no it’s a southern micro system-
LINDSAY: Oh really?
GUS: -it’s not from Australia.
LINSDAY: No? It’s not foreign? Okay.
GUS: That’s the first one I encounter.
BURNIE: It’s basically just Paul Hogan reading everything to you, as Crocodile Dundee, that’s- that’s-
LINDSAY: That’s awesome.
BURNIE: -everything on the internet.
LINDSAY: That’s not a site.
GUS: There’ve been so many.
BURNIE: But listen… I don’t know what it is, I-I don’t try to not to think of myself as like one of those people who are brand loyal or anything like that, but there are certain formats that I categorically hate. I just- I’m not doin- I-I’m not messin’ with them.
GUS: Like what.
LINDSAY: I agree.
BURNIE: Like for-for audio? It’s AIFF. For some reason, whatever that reason is, I see that format and I’m like that sucks.
GUS: AFFs are awesome!
BURNIE: Fuck them.
LINDSAY: AFFs are awesome.
BURNIE: D-you, do you not like that one?
GUS: No, they’re great. I-I like that, but I like the AF-
BURNIE: Okay but what’s the ones you hate then? Like au.
GUS: Awh, I hate au. Hate au so much. Uhmm-
BURNIE: I know with images, like we’re seem to core in an era now where we have to use .png files?
MILES: PNG’s the best.
LINDSAY: W-We talked about PNGs, especially Miles knows-
MILES: Yes.
LINDSAY: -as an animator like that is the best because you- where’s it can fit in anything. It can fit in Final Cut and I can layer it over a bunch of shit, or you can-
GUS: No.
LINDSAY: -toss it in Photoshop and it’d still be awesome.
GUS: Y-You’re in TIFF’s house baby! You gotta step back!
BURNIE: I fuckin’ hate TIFFs too! I JUST wanna use JPEGs, that’s it.
GUS: Yeah but-
LINDSAY: I like her treats, of th-
GUS: It’s-it’s a lossy format, when you’re working in production, you need to have-
MILES: Yeaaaaahhhh.
GUS: -something flossless.
BURNIE: It’s going on the fucking internet, who cares. I mean, seriously, a lossy format?
GUS: O-Okay, y’all heard that. When we’re working on-
LINDSAY: Yeah I was like- That Red vs Blue’s on the internet, right?
GUS: Yeah.
LINDSAY: Nobody cares.
BURNIE: yeah well you’re JPEG impression for our videos. Man, do you remember when we started Red vs Blue?
GUS: I do!
BURNIE: And we had to host all the files ourselves?
GUS: Yeah that sucked.
BURNIE: Do you know one of the biggest cost savings in the history of the company is when, just randomly one day, Adobe decided to turn Flash into a video codec? and then they put that out, because our files went from like a postage stamp sized video-
LINDSAY: Ping!
BURNIE: -that was about 90 megs for a minute and a half? No we can do four five minutes for eighteen meg.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Twenty five meg.
LINDSAY: It’s beaut-
GUS: It’s awesome.
LINDSAY: -iful.
BURNIE: So even though we’re talking about our show is getting more and more popular, it’s like all of a sudden our bandwith just drop to the floor. That’s a big deal!
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Especially before YouTube, when-
LINDSAY: It’s a payoff.
BURNIE: - we actually get paid for all that stuff.
LINDSAY: Yeah.
GUS: And now Flash is going away.
BURNIE: Is it?
GUS: Yeah it’s pr-
BURNIE: Well wh-what’s the- what’s the- mp4?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah. Once again… just new format. I don’t wanna fuck-
GUS: Its progress, you like it when Flash got introduced!
BURNIE: Okay.
GUS: You liked the new format.
BURNIE: It is true, but also video codecs are like one of those things now. We’re losing parts of the internet, and the internet is s’posed to be a self-documenting, like self-journaling entity. And so it’s like when you go back to look at something, and either HTML formats change, Gus…
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: … or video formats change, you can’t get those codecs anymore.
GUS: Ah, you can for the most part.
BURNIE: You can get the Cinepac Codec by Radius? Where are you gonna get that thing.
GUS: C’mon, whoever posted shit on the internet with a Cinepac?
BURNIE: They did back in 2001!
MILES: This is the nerdiest fucking conversation-
LINDSAY: I know!
MILES: -That’s we’ve ever had on the podcast.
LINDSAY: They’re speaking Chinese over here! Miles and I are like what the fuucckkk.
GUS: I remember that.
BURNIE: Yeah, I mean the internet is essentially one enormous back catalog, and it is cool to go back and see stuff.
GUS: Until someone doesn’t pay their fucking hosting bill and their site’s offline.
BURNIE: There you go. OR the HTML formats change and the browser can’t read th-the page or it looks all-
GUS: Yeah, and it’s all fucked up.
LINDSAY: Have you ever gone back to an old site that you like watched before, and you’re like what the hell this is totally different, like something you used to love? I-I went to ebaumsworld recently, that was weird. Pause.
MILES: Pokemon website…
GUS: Whooaaa.
LINDSAY: Yeeeaaaahhhh.
MILES: Uhh Spacejam’s official homepage?
GUS: Whooaaaa.
BURNIE: H-oh my god. I think Lindsay just informed us that she used to visit ebaumsworld.
LINDSAY: Hell yeah, I used to go to ebaums-
MILES: Did you really use to go to ebaumsworld?
LINDSAY: Fuck yeah.
BURNIE: People who made content for the internet? Because it would just fuckin’ piss us off because those guys would just rehost everything we’ve made.
LINDSAY: Yeah.
BURNIE: And put “ebaumworld” on it?
GUS: Yeah, their watermark.
BURNIE: And their ads on it?
GUS: Tha-that’s still a business model, t-they’re still fucking sites that do that.
BURNIE: Man where did I see that-
MILES: What is one…
BURNIE: -just recently wh-
MILES: Is it funny?
BURNIE: People were strippin’ that- but it’s funny news agencies do that now, like CBS and- I shouldn’t throw. Names around, though CBS does that, but uhh, yeah people would take videos and then just strip everything off of it.
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And you’re supposed to be excited because they reposted your video and you’re getting po-
LINDSAY: ?
GUS: Oh that’s right and we got a fucking stupid ass argument with Brandon!
BURNIE: Yeah.
GUS: When that fuckin’ website re-hosted our Siri video.
LINDSAY: I remember that.
BURNIE: Right.
MILES: Ooooohhh, yeah.
LINDSAY: Yeup.
GUS: Motherfuckers.
MILES: That thing…
BURNIE: I used to refer to the Huffington Post-
GUS: They…
BURNIE: -as a shithole website.
GUS: Shithole. Get off your fuckin’ BlackBerry!
BURNIE: Wha-what is the Huff- I never go there.
LINDSAY: Hufflepuff’s house.
GUS: It’s just like a-like a news aggravator, it’s l-it’s like what you said, it’s like ebaumsworld but for news.
BURNIE: Oh okay. And somehow our Siri video qualifies as news?
GUS: Yeah, it’s got other sites.
LINDSAY: It’s informative. I learned a lot.
BURNIE: Tell me how to be angry at it though- I don- is it like a liberal rag? Like if I’m- am I leaning Conservative here in calling it a Liberal rag?
GUS: I th-I think that’s a fair assessment.
BURNIE: Okay, good. I just have to know how to hate stuff, it’s important to me.
GUS: You gotta know the context.
BURNIE: I do.
GUS: Liberal rag: Check. Steals content: Check.
BURNIE: Well it’s one of those things, it’s tough-
GUS: BlackBerry user…
BURNIE: Because i-i-it’s tough to get a video that just goes nuts. Y’know we make videos… All week, all month-
GUS: Mmhmm, mm.
BURNIE: - all year, and then occasionally we have one that goes wild and goes crazy.
LINDSAY: Those gems.
BURNIE: And it’s like, y’know, what you work towards, or get that, and for a lot of people it’s their only video, y’know and then they make one-
LINDSAY: Yeah. That’s your piano pet. Keyboard pet. WOW. Did I just mess that up?
GUS: Oooh…
LINDSAY: I had to deal with cats today, I had to, Joe…
BURNIE: You could be the-
LINDSAY: Fuck.
BURNIE: You can make a Bodville version of Keyboard Cat.
MILES: Dun da da da nao, da bruta-ta!
GUS: ?? Piano Cat?
LINdSAY: Doon do do do doo-
BURNIE: Alright, if we’re talking about keyboard cat, we gotta talk about something that was big in the news this week.
MILES: I hope it was Keyboard Cat.
BURNIE: Well, Key- how did you first hear about Keyboard Cat? Gus?
GUS: Uhhhh… God, I don’t know, a few years ago. I saw Becca tweeted something about it, so I heard about it.
BURNIE: Well I first heard about it on Digg.com.
MILES: Ohhh. Right. Okay.
BURNIE: ‘Cause it was a big thing going around about Digg.
MILES: Okay.
BURNIE: And I don’t know fi you guys heard, but Digg.com sold this week.
GUS: Really.
MILES: W-
BURNIE: Digg a few years ago D- uhhh… Made me more than a few years ago at this point, but Digg was- w-ws- was a site, kind of like Reddit-
MILES: R-R-Right. Right.
BURNIE: -kinda like Fark, or Reddit, and uhh, it was the most popular site. Like us with our video on the front page of Digg was a big fucking deal. Big deal, because it meant a lot of traffic.
GUS: Mm.
BURNIE: But-
GUS: Big with-
LINDSAY: Was it a big deal?
GUS: Big with 2g. BIGG.
BURNIE: Biggest. But, y’know, I gotta say though too- I-I am saying it was a big deal, but that’s the kind of thing you do all the time, you- y’know- Oh! Our websi- Our video got on the front page of Reddit, or a video got on the front page of Digg, whatever. It never means as much traffic, either, as you think it does. It’s like it’s not quite as big a deal. It is a cool marketing deal, ‘cause you have a lot of people outside commenting on it, discovering-
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: -something for the first time? But it really doesn’t amount to all that many views.
MILES: Unless it gets on Reddit, you get a lot of karma. Just throwin’ that out there. I mean… Up votes everywhere.
GUS: Wh-wh-wha-
BURNIE: Here’s-
LINDSAY: It adds a whole lot of rumors.
BURNIE: A-As a website that karma actually counts for something, it’s kinda weird people chase all that karma on Reddit for-
MILES: It is weird, I don’t really get that.
BURNIE: Nothing.
GUS: Yeah.
MILES: Like I said I don’t understand wh-why people like karma, but then if I-I post something and get a buncha down votes, I-I suddenly just feel really bad n…
LINDSAY: Really?
MILES: Yeah.
LINDSAY: I just don’t give a shit.
GUS: I go-
MILES: See that’s wh-wh-what I’m stressing-
LINDSAY: Ieeuu dunno.
MILES: -going for.
LINDSAY: Down vote me bitch.
BURNIE: See that’s a d- once again that fear of rejection crops up again.
GUS: Here- gone wild, here I come!
MILES: Oh GOD.
BURNIE: Se- Let’s go back to-
GUS: Light mirror!
BURNIE: Let’s go back to that one second, I want- I want to- I want to get known here, I’m gonna have known what the motivation is behind “Gone Wild” posts.
MILES: What the motivation is, is-
LINDSAY: Gone wild.
MILES: “Oh people look at me, tell me I’m pretty!”
LINDSAY: Yep.
MILES: That’s the motivation of people posting on Gone Wild.
GUS: You said we’re going back to that.
BURNIE: E- Miles is like I’m not waiting. I’m jumping right into this. But-
LINDSAY: That doesn’t make any sense.
BURNIE: -Digg.com sold this week-
MILES: Right.
BURNIE: -and they sold for five hundred thousand dollars. And, about three years ago, maybe a little more at this point… They were in talks to be purchased by Google for two hundred million dollars.
LINDSAY: Damn.
BURNIE: So is a classic example of…
GUS: J-
BURNIE: The window.
GUS: Just for clarification, I saw an Arch Technical article that said that five hundred thousand dollars what not the actual total aggregate price. That was for a portion of Digg.com.
BURNIE: That was. Bought by…
GUS: Some weird investment company.
BURNIE: Right, like internet started, they were gonna merge it with News.me?
GUS: Right, something fucked up like that.
MILES: Sounds really good, I’m getting excited about this.
GUS: But you combine all the different assets that were purchased. Th- the final total price for everything put together was about sixteen million dollars.
BURNIE: And one point is was about worth two hundred million speculative.
GUS: Yeah, it’s still a huge difference.
BURNIE: And I think that if you look at them like there’s … I think it’s Tech Crunch that if you ever look up a site they also tell you all their funding they’ve got because a lot of these- lot of these sites are funded by venture capitalists where they go through all the funding. I think Digg was up to like 28 millions dollars in venture capital funding?
LINDSAY: Damn.
GUS: Whooooow-whoooow-whoooooowww.
BURNIE: Yeah, ahaha. And people always y’know- people essentially get really excited about that. They go, “ Wow this company raised, y’know, eight million dollars in this round of financing!”
MILES: WHOOOO!
BURNIE: Wow, Kerry just showed up with four beers.
MILES: That’s mine.
LINDSAY: Hey.
GUS: S-So what happened in that case?
LINDSAY: It’s the beer.
GUS: So, have a seat Kara.
KARA: Thank you!
GUS: So- so, let’s say I’m a Venture Capitalist, I step in, I give Digg 28 million dollars. They sell for a total of 16, am I shit out of luck, do I lose 12 million dollars?
MILES: Yeah.
BURNIE: Well yeah, I mean the money’s gone.
KARA: Is this k-
GUS: The-they didn’t… I don’t think so.
KARA: Yes.
MILES: Don’t use your teeth on the beer bottle.
GUS: They don’t get a cut of advertising during the run, like they don’t get any revenue?
BURNIE: Oh, I’m sure it’s all different. I’m sure it’s all different, but I don’t think Digg ever approached profitability. In the entire time that they ran, like even when it’s- it’s Heyday it’s approaching profitability.
GUS: Wow.
BURNIE: I mean they were- I-I-I don’t know this is total speculation.
MILES: Stop now. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
BURNIE: So I go- OH MY GOD! SHE JUS-
LINDSAY: Kara just took off her beer bottle cap with her to- well. Her teeth. Tongue.
MILES: With her teeth.
LINDSAY: My brain is gone.
MILES: Euuuuwww.
LINDSAY: Wow.
BURNIE: Wow.
LINDSAY: That was still intimidating.
MILES: I should take a picture of that.
LINDSAY: She was staring right at me too, that was so intimidating!
BURNIE: How could she take that bottle cap off with her teeth? What the ffff-
GUS: Uh-
LINDSAY: She’s a shark.
BURNIE: Uh, Lindsay, let me give this to you.
LINDSAY: Thanks.
BURNIE: The other part of what we’re supposed to do is we’re supposed to give-
LINDSAY: And IIIIIIIII-E-IIIIIIII-
BURNIE: -Lindsay…
LINDSAY: -will always… loveeee youuuuuu.
MILES: I don’t know what just happened, but I liked it.
BURNIE: Hey.
KARA: That’s awesome.
BURNIE: What are you wearing?
LINDSAY: A shirt?
BURNIE: No, I k- from you f- Wh-what is- what is that?
LINDSAY: Don’t, that’s a ring?
BURNIE: Did you get engaged?!
LINDSAY: No, I’m not engaged, just a-
GUS: Wh-why are y- why are you wearing a fucking engagement ring then?
BURNIE: You’re wearing-
LINDSAY: It’s not an engagement ring, it was a gift! It’s a pr-
GUS: It’s on the ring- it’s on the finger. There’s one finger you d- do you have anything on that finger?
BURNIE: We’re talking about Lindsay by the way here.
GUS: Ahaha, look at her.
MILES: Wat.
BURNIE: Wh-Wh- so what’s goin’ on with that, I just noticed that.
LINDSAY: I was given this a long time ago. By a Mis-
GUS: Sure you were.
LINDSAY: I’m just- I’m serious, by a Mister Jones next door.
KARA: ?
LINDSAY: HUHHH.
KARA: Crackhead.
LINDSAY: Can you bite it?
KARA: Yeah.
GUS: Someone needs to take a b-
LINDSAY: No.
GUS: Someone needs to take a video of her doing that.
BURNIE: Alright hold on-
KARA: Yeah.
BURNIE: Let me take a- let me take a video of Kara…
KARA: Hey welcome guys, this is Kara, nice to see y’all, thanks for the intro.
LINDSAY: Bite it. Bite it Kara!
MILES: Biting the bottle caps off of beer.
KARA: No one thinks I can do it.
LINDSAY: Being a badass.
LINDSAY: Texas.
BURNIE: Alright hold on here we go.
MILES: Oh god.
BURNIE: We gotta have a video going on here, okay here we go, here’s a video of-
MILES: Eughhhh.
KARA: Okay I’ve gotta- I’ve gotta find- close to the mic, so people can hear.
BURNIE: I’m might get the background of the Gears of War bust that-
wait-wait-wait-wait-no-no-no-no-! Alright. Now do it.
MILES: Eughh!
LINDSAY: Nice!
MILES: Eughhh.
GUS: Oh my god!
LINDSAY: God.
BURNIE: That is impressive.
MILES: That’s… disgusting.
LINDSAY: Sure.
MILES: That made me cringe.
BURNIE: How did you learn that you could do that?
KARA: I- It’s really not hard, I think I just tried one time and I could do it?
GUS: L-Let me guess, you were drunk.
KARA: Probably.
GUS: Eughh don’t you do it-! Eugh!
KARA: No no no, you’re gonna hurt yourself.
BURNIE: Well don’t tell me that after you’re gonna embarrass me.
KARA: Well you have to know how to do it.
BURNIE: She’s like, “Put it down old man.”
KARA: Yeah, Burnie can’t do it.
GUS: Eughh,
LINDSAY: Jeez.
GUS: I ca- I can’t look!
LINDSAY: Is it like at parties you can-
BURNIE: I’m gonna open a beer with a set of keys though, I’m not gonna waste my beautiful teeth on that.
LINDSAY: No, open it with your bellybutton.
BURNIE: No you’re not- you’re not… you have beautiful teeth Kara, I’d hate to see you with a big crack on- you’d look like a hockey player.
KARA: Awh thanks-
BURNIE: HE we should g-
KARA: -Yeah that would not be good.
BURNIE: No I just said I don’t want you to do it.
KARA: Oh.
BURNIE: Alright. So…
MILES: ??
BURNIE: Obviously- obviously with this Digg discussion-
LINDSAY: Hello.
BURNIE: -People were all over like- plll- oh, haha-
GUS: Yeah.
LINDSAY: Oh.
BURNIE: Y’know, Digg didn’t sell for enough money. And they’re all- they’re comparing it to Reddit a lot because Reddit, y’know, went into vogue as Digg was falling out of favour. But, there’s another- there’s-there’s a flipside to this as well. I think yeah Reddit’s really popular, but people don’t realize is that the window works on both sides, is that- of like, when is the prime time to get out of like this company or you’re gonna sell the company or whatever.
MILES: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: And- I mean you could make the argument that Reddit sold too soon. They sold to Conde Nast in like, I think 2008.
GUS: Yeah.
MILES: Wow.
BURNIE: D-D- Miles do you even know who Conde Nast is?
MILES: I- I’mm gonna be honest with you, I have no idea.
KARA: No.
BURNIE: See.
LINDSAY: Conde Nast uhh…
BURNIE: It’s a huge publishing company like- Conde Nast Traveller right?
MILES: Okay.
BURNIE: Is the big…
GUS: I think i- yeah yeah, th-
BURNIE: Not-
GUS: -That’s one of their ??
KARA: ??
BURNIE: I want to say it’s a seven billion dollar a year company.
GUS: Yeah.
MILES: Whooaaa.
BURNIE: And the-the owners of-
LINDSAY: I’m listening.
BURNIE: -Reddit reportedly sold for about six to seven million dollars in 2008. And now Reddit’s worth about a hundred and ninty- two hundred million.
LINDSAY: Dang.
BURNIE: So there- there’s two flip sides to this, I mean it’s like you can sell a time through mission window or you sell too early and you just watch your thing grow.
GUS: It’s like-
LINDSAY: Yeah.
MILES: Yeah.
GUS: - the guys who sold MySpace.
LINDSAY: Right,
GUS: They-they fuckin’… hit it. Dead on.
BURNIE: You know I’m friends with that guy, Tom, on MySpace.
MILES: We’re all friends with him.
BURNIE: I should reply to him and ask him. Does that mean I can private message Tom? And ask him how things are going?
LINDSAY: Some time.
GUS: I remember after MySpace sold for five hundred million, and then- I think Yahoo of- was trying to buy Facebook for two billion dollars and Mark Zuckerberg turned them down, I thought that is the dumbest guy in the world.
BURNIE: Yeah, MySpace was bought for five hundred million dollars by Fox.
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: And it was like, “PFFFTTT. WHAT?” Five hundred million dollars for MySpace, it seemed ridiculous, half a billion dollars.
GUS: Mmm.
BURNIE: And then, Mark Zuckerberg made the comment that he wouldn’t sell Facebook… Facebook w-was wor- was worth at least a billion. Everybody’s like… Shut up Mark Zuckerberg. Idiot. And then sure enough he turned out to be right. And he turned down 2 billion, and now it’s worth what?
GUS: I… Uhh hundred billion a believe.
KARA: Like ten- A hundred?
BURNIE: Jesus.
KARA: Wow.
GUS: We uh, I don’t know if you remember this but uh-
KARA: It’s like a dollar a friend on Facebook.
GUS: I don’t know if you remember this but, after Facebook turned down the 2 billion acquisition offer. We wrote... Rooster Teeth wrote and distributed a press release...
BURNIE: Right!
GUS: Saying we would entertain any buyout offers for 2 billion dollars if anyone was interested in buying a social network.
BURNIE: We’re NOT dicks!
GUS: We’d be totally cool about it. We’re not like Facebook. We’ll sell our company for 2 billion dollars.
BURNIE: We won’t embarrass you in the news and say “Naw we ain’t... We’re not gonna take your offer”.
GUS: Sadly, nobody took the offer.
BURNIE: It was sad. It was a really sad day.
GUS: I had already priced out the Maybach that I wanted and everything.
BURNIE: There was this dude in Nigeria seemed like -
KARA: Oh goodness...
BURNIE: But the way to get the check seemed a little difficult.
GUS: Alright here I’m gonna read this here real fast. UHH just a reminder. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. The internet's leading provider of Audiobooks with more than a hundred thousand downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times best sellers. For our listeners, Audible is offering a free audio book to give you the chance to try out their service. One audiobook to consider is, 50 Shades of Grey.
EVERYBODY: Laughter!
GUS: For a free audiobook of your choice go to audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. That’s audiblepodcast.com/roosterteeth. Why’d ya’ll laugh?
MILES: AAHHHUHHHHHGG gunna open another bottle with her teeth!
KARA: Ya’ll need a bottle opener in here.
BURNIE: So Gus. Have you read 50 Shades of Grey?
GUS: I read a free excerpt that you can read on Amazon.
BURNIE: Let me guess... Was it racy?
GUS: Yeah.
BURNIE: OK.
GUS: But it was... it was... really weird and I realized why afterwards. Um I guess the author is British but she was writing American characters.
BURNIE: OK.
GUS: So every now and then you’ll get a weird thing like an American will refer to an elevator as a lift. Something like that.
BURNIE: They would stop mid-sex to eat cheeseburgers. Basically.
KARA: Is that when you go and get Gavin? Gavin what does it say! Tell me please.
GUS: Is this hot? I don’t know! Where is Gavin? Does Gavin come back today?
BURNIE: I believe Gavin is on a plane right now. Coming back from the UK.
GUS: Nice.
BURNIE: And while he was there I believe he shot some more slow-mo guys stuff.
MILES: YEAAHHHHH!
BURNIE: So if you’re a slow-mo guys fan, you should expect to see even more in the future. He shoots a lot at once. He shoots like 10 episodes in a week. You know... maybe potentially even more.
LINDSAY: Yeah he was telling us that he and... I can’t remember his friend's name...
GUS / BURNIE: Dan!
LINDSAY: Thank you! He says that they will just get together one afternoon and just like film 10 episodes because why the hell not!
MILES: So what do you wanna film in slow-motion today?
LINDSAY: UMmm my cat running up this fence.
KARA: What shall we explode today.
BURNIE: It really is awesome to have a camera that when you point it at something, it just makes it awesome. Like we’re gonna film the gutter. Pouring rain down the curb and it’s gonna look like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Like that’s a good investment in a piece of equipment. I don’t own any pieces of equipment that are like that.
GUS: Those things are fucking expensive though.
MILES: I feel like there's a flip side though. I feel like there's some things you can film that are like a million times worse in slow motion.
GUS: Examples? C’mon you have to.
MILES: Like vomiting!
EVERYBODY: EWWWWuhhhhhghhh!
GUS: I gotta see it now!
MILES: Gavin get on that, right?
GUS: Like I could see Kara opening a beer bottle in slow motion.
MILES: They put in that awesome slow motion music that they do for every video. Buwaaaaa. Then the dude like falling out of like 6th street bar like wruuuuuugh. You get to see like the horror in the faces of his friends.
GUS: Did I ever tell you that, when I was in Amsterdam, I saw someone thrown out of a bar like in a cartoon. The bouncer picked him up by like the collar of his shirt and the belt and WHOOPED him out like into the street and the guy landed on his chest. The guy - just like a cartoon - stood up and dusted himself off and then kept walking down the street.
MILES: One of these days I wanna see a fight that like escalates to such a level that it creates a small dust cloud where I can only see like fists and legs. That’s what I wanna see.
LINDSAY: The shoe is winning!
BURNIE: Then the dude was hit by a lightning and was just like a black cinder and that was it.
MILES: And his eyeballs stay behind and they blink once.
LINDSAY: Is this before or after he gets hit with the anvil.
MILES: Oh it’s after. It’s after. You gotta finish with the lightning.
BURNIE: So that must be like a bouncers dream. Like ALL MY LIFE I have prepared for this. I’m just gonna chunk this guy out into the street.
MILES: Like he updates his twitter “Finally just tossed some asshole outta the bar. #Awesome!!!!”
BURNIE: Do you know why he was tossed out
GUS: No I was not in that bar. I had just... I had just gotten into Amsterdam and walked off the train and was like “OH look there’s where the red light district and all the bars are. Let’s walk over there” And the first thing I saw. At the first bar in the red light district was some dude thrown out by his collar and belt.
BURNIE: The best part of that story is that Gus is off the train STRAIGHT to the red light district.
GUS: Where else are you gonna o. Honestly, I -
BURNIE: Check in!
GUS: When I went to Amsterdam, I don’t know if you know this story. Um... I was in London with Jason and Joel actually and we had some time in between the events that we were there for. UM, we had like 4 days to kill. So we were like let’s go down to the train station and we’ll go down to Amsterdam. Joel was like NO. I’m not going to Amsterdam. I’m like fine. So Jason and I go to Amsterdam. We literally have the idea. Walk straight to the train station. Had no luggage. Had no hotel waiting for us in Amsterdam. We’ll just figure it out when we get there. So I got there and had nothing! We were like “if worse comes to worse then we’ll sleep in a train station.”
BURNIE: If worse comes to worse.....
GUS: If worse comes to worse I might have been doing some awful things.
LINDSAY: It’s OK Gus. Liam Neeson will find you.
GUS: Had no plans. Just showed up. Wanna have fun.
BURNIE: If worse comes to worse then you’re behind one of those windows trying to earn money.
GUS: I guarantee you that I would not have been on the main avenue. I’d have been on like the side alley.
LINDSAY: Would you have tassels?
BURNIE: It’s great when you have those moments when you’re like... wow that girl looks just like Angelina Jolie. Wait a minute... Girl? Girl... Is that like???
GUS: UH - OH!
BURNIE: You guys ever been to Amsterdam.
MILES: No... I don’t get out much.
BURNIE: It’s pretty interesting. They’re toning down on a lot of that stuff though.
GUS: Yeah I think I read that it’s going to be illegal for non citizens to do drugs in the red light district.
MILES: I heard about that.
BURNIE: That is correct. Like only their citizens are responsible enough to do drugs.
MILES: Well that’s probably true.
BURNIE: Well I think the big deal is that their citizens understand the laws and when they take mushrooms and dive into a canal and die their family doesn’t sue. You know.
LINDSAY: Well he’s stupid.
BURNIE: Yeah they’re just embarrassed by it. I remember when I was in Japan recently. We were under a bridge and there was all these kind of uniform boxes. Some of them had feet kind of sticking out of them. Like someone laying down. And we had a guide taking us around. Someone we knew there. And I asked her “what’s with all these little boxes”. And she goes, “OH that’s where homeless people go. They go there so you don’t have to see them being homeless because they’re ashamed by it.
MILES: WHOOOOAAA
BURNIE: I was like... yeah we could use a little bit of that! Yeah that’s not in America where nobody's ashamed to be homeless.
LINDSAY: Yeah well they’re all about honor still... I feel like they’re more honorable here... I mean there than here. Here we’re just live whateves we don’t give a shit.
KARA: People fake homelessness to get some money on the side of the street.
BURNIE: You believe that? Kara do you believe that there are homeless people on the side of the street faking it?
KARA: I know for a fact. I saw a guy, one time about 2 years ago in Austin, I was sitting in traffic waiting on a light and I literally saw this older man get out of a car with a cardboard sign and took off his nicer button down shirt. Puts on this raggedy one. Walks up to the corner. Sits down and holds up the sign. And I’m looking like “Did I really just see that!”
MILES: Maybe he’s a method actor.
KARA: Come on you could get a better job you know...
GUS: Are you sure he didn’t just come from a job interview like the halfway house didn’t give him a ride and he’s just taking care of his clean shirt.
BURNIE: Gus since when do you dig that deep when people throw down.
GUS: I just wanted to because it’s Kara.
BURNIE: Oh I see. Kara I’m just imagining you’re gonna start spitting bottle caps at people.
LINDSAY: Wasn’t there that famous homeless person in New York. Was a lady that they found out was worth a couple billion or I’m sorry a million because she had saved up for like years and years and that’s all she did was be homeless.
BURNIE: I think that was a welfare case actually. Like she had a - well it was like a pyramid scheme but with welfare but within one family. They just had an enormous amount of social services coming into this one household. It was a ridiculous amount of money. But did you guys hear about the ummm... There’s a homeless guy... Gus stop me when this sounds illegal. There’s a homeless guy in Austin who is doing aggressive panhandling.
GUS: Mmhmm.
BURNIE: It’s what they’re calling it. Where they’ll get in your car -
EVERYBODY: WHOOAAA!
BURNIE: - and then he’ll tell you to give him money. And then he wants money. He usually wants about 5 dollars and if people don’t have money he’ll say, “well why don’t we just go to an ATM.” And people just usually take him.
LINDSAY: I’m all out of money but here’s a shotgun shell bitch!
BURNIE: And they’re calling it... they’re just calling that aggressive panhandling. They’re not calling it mugging.
MILES: I call it fucking horrifying!
LINDSAY: Isn’t that kind of like breaking and entering?
GUS: Don’t people lock their car doors? Don’t most cars automatically lock as soon as you put them in drive?
MILES: Not mine...
BURNIE: People in weird social situations will make bad decisions. Like if the guy knocks they might open their door. I’m trying to find the article.
*Bang* Bang* from KARA’s bottle.
GUS: Quit hitting the fucking table.
KARA: *Continues banging*
LINDSAY: We want more!
KARA: What are you gonna do Gus?
BURNIE: Oh look at this... She’s fronting now.
MILES: Put a couple of bottle caps in here and she’ll say anything.
GUS: Um there’s one guy. There’s one person in town who hangs out in the area where I live. UH his name is Nathan. And he’s a blind dude.
BURNIE: Yeah?
GUS: Or he’s like partially blind and he walks around with a cane... and uh he always acts like he’s lost. He’s like “where am I... I don’t know.” and then he guilts people into giving him a trip to go get a new cane or something.
MILES: What’s this guy look like?
GUS: He’s like a tall, black dude who...
MILES: OH WAIT I KNOW THAT GUY!
GUS: Yeah?
MILES: I know he did the same thing!
GUS: OH I just need a couples dollars so I can get a new cane from the Texas school for the Blind. He gets a few dollars from you. Asks you to take him to Texas school for the blind. Then on the way he’s like no I gotta stop by my friends house first.
LINDSAY: Miles is reliving all this stuff and is like holy shit!