00:00-25:21
GUS: Why don’t you- why don’t you sing the Achievement Hunter song to-
BURNIE: No.
GUS: -intro our podcast.
BURNIE: Geoff we need a song for our quarterly podcast.
GEOFF: Are you gonna get Nico on that?
BURNIE: No, no we need to get on it.
GUS: I call Eye of the Tiger.
BURNIE: So, this is our fiftieth podcast.
GEOFF: And this- if it makes it, will be the second one we ever posted.
GUS: I’m excited. I think- I have- I have a feeling this is gonna be it, it’s gonna be number two.
GEOFF: You think today- today’s’ the day?
GUS: This’ll be the deuce.
BURNIE: How often do we do the podcast?
GEOFF: We do ‘em like once a week, maybe. Maybe once every two weeks.
BURNIE: And then we go, “Ah fuck it.” And we don’t put it up.
GUS: No, w-w-w-we’ll record- we’ll do the bodcast for about twenty minutes and we’re like “This is boring, this is stupid”.
[phone rings]
GEOFF: Oh look at that, the fucking phone rings.
BURNIE: He keeps saying bodcast. Why do you-
GEOFF: Who says bodca-
GUS: I don’t know, I’ve been saying that today. I don’t know why, I think I’ve got some sort of problem.
BURNIE: I gotta- it’s-
GEOFF: Alright, you better take it.
GUS: Put him on the podcast.
GEOFF: And there goes our podcast.
GUS: Way to- way to drop a name. I got Bill Gates on my cell phone.
BURNIE: Joel I got it.
GUS: Goddamnit Joel. Joel just-
GEOFF: What happened?
GUS: -walked in and spilled an Iced Americano all over my lap.
GEOFF: How did you know it was an Iced Americano?
GUS: Cause I went with him when-
GEOFF: Did you recognise it on sight?
GUS: [To Joel]You sit down. You- you’re punished now. You have to- you have to be Burnie.
GEOFF: You have to sit in. [sighs] So Gus, what’s new with you? What have you been up to this quarter?
GUS: Eh, not much. Playing games.
GEOFF: What’re you playing right now?
GUS: Umm, World of Warcraft like always and Godfather 2.
GEOFF: Hey, let’s talk about something that we’re both pissed off about.
GUS: Uh . . .
GEOFF: You and I both like Godfather 2 a lot right? I mean, I’ve only played about two hours of it and then you did all those achievement videos, which were fantastic by the way and are tearing up the internet.
GUS: I- I’ve uh- I’ve probably played twenty hours worth of Godfather 2 I’d say.
GEOFF: And we read the Gamespot review, who we usually look at as being like the Litmus test of what a- a game is gonna do right?
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: How good a game is. They’re usually pretty dead on and they gave that game 4.5.
GUS: Unbelievable.
GEOFF: Unbelievable.
GUS: That game is not a 4.5.
GEOFF: Absolute utter bullshit.
GUS: All the other reviews I’ve read seem to be more in line with, that they’re all y’know a 7.5 to 8 range. I think if I was a game reviewer I would probably give it y’know, an 8.
GEOFF: That games an 8, it’s a solid 8.
GUS: It- it was fun.
GEOFF: Yeah, absolutely.
GUS: I can’t believe that . . . I can’t believe that game scored so low. I mean, I’d like to look and see what other games are 4.5, just for reference.
GEOFF: That dude that reviewed it must hate the movies, that’s the only thing I can think, uh-
GUS: Or- or he must be a huge fan of the movie and was disappointed that the game didn’t follow the movie too closely, story-wise.
GEOFF: Oh, well that’s retarded.
GUS: Well, I- I don’t know, I’m-I’m trying to defend him here.
GEOFF: I- don’t defend him.
GUS: He might just be dumb.
GEOFF: It’s possible. I don’t know who the guy is, he’s probably got a family and is a nice guy and we’re insulting him but fuck him. I- I read Joystick’s review of it today, they said it was pretty good. Uh, they coined it th- their summarisation was that it’s like waking up on December 25th and remembering it’s Christmas.
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: Which is a pretty good way to look at it yeah.
GUS: It’s a pleasant surprise.
GEOFF: You weren’t expecting it, it was a very pleasant surprise.
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: Yeah, good game. I’m currently playing Resident Evil 5 right now.
GUS: How’s that going? I saw zombies riding motorcycles on your screen earlier.
GEOFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
GUS: [to Joel] Talk in the mic.
JOEL: Can they do that?
GEOFF: Can they ride motorcycles?
JOEL: Apparently.
GEOFF: Well according to Capcom or-
GUS: Yeah, it’s Capcom.
GEOFF: It’s Capcom? I got confused for a second that it was Konami. Whoo. Yeah it’s-
GUS: Y’know- You know what, you were the other day, asking- you, the other day were commenting on how Resident Evil’s a stupid name for a video game. And I read an article today, talking about why it’s called Biohazard in Japan and not called Biohazard in the United States.
GEOFF: Why is that?
GUS: Apparently the name Biohazard was already copy- or they would have difficulty getting uh, a trademark on the phrase Biohazard-
GEOFF: Biohazard? It makes sense.
GUS: -in the United States. So they decided to go with Resident Evil. Also on the chopping block was probably like um, Pretty School Bus. You could have been playing Pretty School Bus 5 right now.
GEOFF: Pretty School Bus: School Bus Murder Town.
JOEL: Maybe they should’ve called it Zombies on Motorcycles. That would’ve been-
GEOFF: Zombie choppers.
GUS: That could be a whole game by itself.
GEOFF: It could be. Oh man, it’s definitely a- definitely a Resident Evil game, I haven’t played a Resident Evil game since ... Jesus, I don’t know in- or- I haven’t beaten a Resident Evil game since Code: Veronica probably. I’ve played every Resident Evil game.
GUS: Same here, I ne- I never played 4 even though everyone loved it.
GEOFF: You played a little bit though.
GUS: No, I never- I never played before, I’ve never picked up the controller to play Resident Evil 4.
GEOFF: Really? I thought we lived together and when I tried it you-you were there.
GUS: No, it- oh- it looked so horrible I never picked it up.
GEOFF: Yeah, I didn’t like it at all, people loved that game, I thought it was retarded. It was a bunch of like, Eastern-European dudes with pitchforks and-
GUS: It sounds awesome.
GEOFF: Beards, I don’t know. You don’t expect to-
JOEL: Any motorcycles?
GEOFF: No, they weren’t.
GUS: You need next gen graphics for motorcycles.
GEOFF: Yeah, it’s true. They don’t have motorcycles in Eastern Europe, c’mon.
GUS: Gamecube couldn’t vuit that.
GEOFF: They burned them for fuel a long time ago. But uh, anyway, I had forgotten about the ob- obnoxious gameplay mechanics that Resident Evil likes, for instance, y’know, you’re Chris Redfield, total badass like special forces type dude right? Until it’s time to stab somebody with a knife and then you’re like, alright, I gotta stop, plant, wait for him to come to me and then stab and I’ve got like a 6 inch radius.
JOEL: Everything- everything in the military is procedures.
GEOFF: I- I guess that’s true. It’s just obnoxious to fight in that game and you can’t walk and shoot.
GUS: I was about to ask, you can’t walk and shoot?
GEOFF: No, no. Um, yeah um, so uhhh playing WOW huh?
GUS: Yeah. It’s going good.
GEOFF: Y’know, I’d say, this is the point in every podcast that we never publish where we start talking about WOW and then it just descends.
GUS: Yeah, that’s right.
GEOFF: That’s when it ends.
GUS: We should probably avoid that.
GEOFF: I will say that it’s fun- one fun thing to talk about is that Burnie has been secretly playing WOW again.
GUS: Yeah, he doesn’t know that I’m watching him on wowarmory.com, I can see as he’s levelling and I can see the achievements he’s getting.
GEOFF: Yeah. I’ve seen him playing in the office, and uhh, alt-tabbing in and out of it in the office the last three days, and he told me, he goes, “Hey, uh, I logged on to WoW, um played for like 15 minutes and quit. It was just, just same old game as I ever remembered, it was dumb. I got bored immediately.” He’s leveled 3 times since then.
GUS: Yeah, amazing in 15 minutes he went from level 59 to level 62 somehow.
GEOFF: Yeah, and it’s not like he’s leveling one to three or something, he’s 59 to 62. That’s a good…
GUS: And he managed to uncover the entire eastern kingdom map, apparently, too, somehow in those 15
minutes.
GEOFF: In the process of, yeah, not giving a shit. Well, what are you going to do? I wish that he could just accept
the fact that he is a WoW player, and loves the game. I mean, dude. I play WoW, a lot. Not as much as you, for
sure, and, but I’ve, and I’ve taken breaks just like he has, because, not because I want to stop playing, but
because I love the game, just because other shit gets in the way, you know?
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: At night Griffon’s always making me work on stuff, uhh but uh, I’m only level 43, 44, maybe, somewhere
in there.
GUS: In your defense, you have like four level 30 characters.
GEOFF: That’s true. I do have a lot of- a lot of characters.
JOEL: Too bad you can’t combine them into one super…
GEOFF: I know, Voltron, right?
JOEL: Yeah.
GEOFF: The… WoWtron?
GUS: Well, you can get- you just have to get one to level 55, then you can, uh you can make a Death Knight, and
you can have two level 55 characters, like instantly.
GEOFF: Oh, that’s a good point. I should definitely do that. Hey, look who’s showing up! Is iiiiit Burnie Burns? Did
you have a good phone call, Burnie?
BURNIE: I did.
GEOFF: Good.
BURNIE: Look what I got on the phone call.
GUS: You got a Corona off the phone call?
GEOFF: You got a Corona? That’s great!
BURNIE: Yeah. Advertise Corona.
GUS: Should we not do product endorsements?
GEOFF: I think that’s probably Matt.
GUS: Burnie has generic Mexican beer #2.
BURNIE: That I’m gonna drink as I sit next to my generic Mexican friend.
GEOFF: So while you were gone, we discussed Resident Evil, we discussed…
BURNIE: Horrible!
GUS: Godfather 2.
GEOFF: We discussed the bullshit Gamespot review of Godfather 2, and we discussed your secret obsession with
WoW, and how you pretend not to be playing it, but are totally playing it.
BURNIE: Back here? Yeah. I have, you know what I’m doing back here. I get the exploring achievement.
GUS: We talked about that.
BURNIE: It’s great. I just like set the horse… What is the deal in WoW where they’ve set up the world where you
can’t just find a straight line and run. You will always run into something.
GUS: It’s like the real world.
BURNIE: That’s not always true. I can get on a road and go in a basically straight line.
GUS: A road that’s been cleared, where the mountains have been… destroyed.
GEOFF: There are no highways in WoW.
BURNIE: But even their fuckin roads are all curvy and stuff.
GUS: Yeah. Hmm.
BURNIE: Or pathways. But come on. How many trees and ravines and rocks do you need? I get it! I get it, you
know? Just let me fucking run and let me get my free achievement stuff.
GEOFF: So should we give a quick summary of what we’ve been up to the last quarter since the last podcast?
BURNIE: Well, first…
GEOFF: I won the contest, first of all.
BURNIE: You won. Yes you won the contest. Congratulations.
GUS: I don’t even remember this contest.
GEOFF: A long time ago.
GUS: Oooooh! The 10,000 gamerscore.
GEOFF: Yeah. The 10,000 gamerscore in a week. I did it with three days to spare.
GUS: Jesus!
GEOFF: Uh, Gavin came down and directed a miniseries, called Red vs Blue: Relocated.
BURNIE: Right.
GEOFF: Which was a smash success.
BURNIE: Excellent.
GEOFF: Took the internet by storm. We made our first live action thing, which was called Captain Dynamic.
BURNIE: Also, awesome.
GEOFF: Also incredibly successful.
GUS: The Nielsen numbers on that are through the roof.
GEOFF: Yeah they are. And uh, that’s pretty much it, I think.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GEOFF: I think there was a, a net gain of about forty pounds between the six of us in the office.
BURNIE: You wanna talk about the 401K at all?
GEOFF: Oh, Ok.
BURNIE: The nice thing about the beginning of the year is there’s always a lot of business, tax, awful stuff that
has to take place, and there was a huge dose of it this year, which was fun!
GUS: It’s like we’re a real company!
BURNIE: Yeah, yeah. Almost.
JOEL: It hasn’t really ended yet, so that’s exciting.
GEOFF: We’re grownups.
BURNIE: I think we renewed our healthcare. Wow, that’s exciting shit to talk about.
GEOFF: I got my tax returns back. That was exciting.
GUS: Yeah, me too. I filed finally. Woo!
GEOFF: Woo!!
BURNIE: So I’ve been trying, trying to play Saint’s Row 2 with Gav, and that doesn’t work. I have really bad luck
at like picking gaming partners. Cause you have a guy who’s in like Northwest Canada, and has the worst
internet connection ever, or Gav who’s now seven hours ahead of us, so…
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: When it’s 6:00pm here, and I’m leaving work, it’s 1:00am his time.
GUS: Why’s he seven hours ahead of us?
BURNIE: Daylight Savings, buddy!
GUS: Wow.
GEOFF: Yeah, we hit, we were…
GUS: Ohohoh, I see.
GEOFF: Burnie and I were in, uhhh the Netherlands last week.
BURNIE: We were.
GEOFF: Or two weeks ago. We spent two weeks in Belgium and Holland.
GUS: You spent a week.
GEOFF: Uh, it was like 11 days or something.
BURNIE: *CLAP*
GUS: It was Wednesday to Wednesday.
BURNIE: Let’s talk about that!
GUS: You spent a week.
GEOFF: We can totally talk about that, and uh, when we were there, we had European Daylight Savings.
BURNIE: European Daylight Savings.
GEOFF: Right? I guess. It wasn’t Daylight Savings here.
GUS: Was it worth 1.3 American Daylight Savings, right? They move forward an hour and twenty minutes.
BURNIE: Yeah, and they complained about how American Daylight Savings is so fat. Basically.
GEOFF: And we ate a lot of really weird, terrible food.
BURNIE: We ate raw meat.
GEOFF: We did. We ate raw, what was that was it hamburger meat with pepper.
BURNIE: The worst kind of thing you can eat raw is ground beef. We ate it too.
GUS: In Europe too. That’s, that’s mad cow territory
JOEL: That’s uh…
GEOFF: It’s called Auswurst. It’s uh Amsterdam’s specialty. Or, as Burnie said, it was two waiters betting if they
could… hehheh out-serve shitty food to each other…
GUS: You know they jacked off all over your food, right?
GEOFF: Yeah.
JOEL: I think you could get a…
BURNIE: What!?!
GEOFF: Thanks, dude.
BURNIE: You took it up a notch. We went from raw meat to getting jacked off on.
GEOFF: We did not order the jizzwurst, but thank you.
BURNIE: No, but I swear, there was like some other like, Dieter was in the back, there betting Hans that he could get us to eat raw meat for five Euros, and sure enough we ate it.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: Because it was free, we didn’t ask for it.
GUS: Yeah man you to- you totally ate cum.
GEOFF: He also-
BURNIE: He said, “Ah look, this is a specialty, it’s called uh… Austwurst.” No actually, he told us
w- he told us it was a special Dutch dish. It was raw ground beef, with spices- spices by the
way, is pepper.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: Ground black pepper. And he uh, said it was spe- uh I even asked him ‘cause I was
suspicious, I go, “What’s this called?” and he goes, “It’s called, Austwurst?” like w- no. Totally
made up!
GUS: That’s t- that’s totally his last name, he was like, “Ohh shit.”
BURNIE: It’s like-
GUS: Dieter Austwurst was uhh his name.
BURNIE: It’s like, it’s the name of his dog or his neighbourhood or something.
GEOFF: He also gave us another delicacy for free which was uhh, red peppers? Soaked in like
uh, a swimming pool full with oil, with some gross cheese in the middle, and Burnie was the first
to try it, and he put one of the peppers into his mouth and bit into it, and three galleons of oil
come out of his mouth-
BURNIE: It was-
GEOFF: -and landed all over his shirt.
GUS: Was it like hot oil?
GEOFF: It was hilarious.
BURNIE: No no, it was like olive oil-
JOEL: You sure it was oil?
BURNIE: -soaked… I’m pretty sure with some oil…
GEOFF: Pretty funny to watch, it was like a kid gets braces on has his first meal? You know, it’s
like all over his shirt.
BURNIE: You didn’t do much better after watching my experience.
GEOFF: No, no I didn’t. I didn’t.
BURNIE: It also took me about thirty minutes to convince you to eat anything on that plate.
GEOFF: But I did, and Gavin did not. Gavin was too scared.
BURNIE: Gavin’s a gigantic pussy-
GEOFF: He is.
BURNIE: -when it comes to that stuff.
GEOFF: He is such a wimp.
BURNIE: And then we went to…
JOEL: Or he’s just from Europe and he knows.
GEOFF: No.
BURNIE: That was in Amsterdam.
GUS: You should… lean over and talk into the mic when you talk because they don’t pick up.
JOEL: Oh.
GUS: -sound very well.
BURNIE: Wow. Pause for technical schooling over there. The uhh- Couple things you should
know about Amsterdam: a) it’s great… b) there’s bikes everywhere…
GEOFF: Yeah, yeah.
BURNIE: …aaand it’s just a fun place to go. That’s just it. I ran out fast. But… It’s grea- It’s
awesome!
GEOFF: That’s all there is to say about Amsterdam.
GUS: I h- I h-
BURNIE: Geoff had a good time.
GUS: -I hear they uhh… The Anne Frank house is there right?
GEOFF: We went to the Anne Frank Museum…
BURNIE: Fuckin’ depressing.
GEOFF: That was fuckin’ most depressing thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was-
GUS: -museum also? Tryin’ t’-
GEOFF: What’s that?
GUS: Trying to think, what else is there. That’s- that’s it, right? All of Amsterdam-
BURNIE: Bikes.
GEOFF: Amsterdam is the s-
BURNIE: We went on a fuckin’ bike.
GEOFF: Amsterdam is the city of porn and drugs, and we hit there and went straight to the Anne
Frank Museum.
BURNIE: It’s true, we did.We walked- No we went to the pancake house first.
GEOFF: Checked into our hotel, got pancakes and then went to the Anne Frank Museum. That
was…
BURNIE: And then ate raw meat.
GEOFF: … a mis-step.
BURNIE: And then- Yeah it was good. We like missed all the fun stuff. And then we went to the
Red Light District, which was… pretty fuckin’ crazy.
GEOFF: That was insane.
BURNIE: If you’ve even been t’- to uhhh New Orleans, it’s like a much cooler version of New
Orleans.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah, or Vegas.
GEOFF: With canals everywhere and…
BURNIE: Yeah.
GEOFF: …titties.
BURNIE: You’d like this! This little- for you Gus, this little fact.
GUS: Ooh!
BURNIE: The b- we went on a boat tour, believe it or not, like a tourist boat tour. Like where the
guided dude tellin’ us like everything about the city? Their construction there… The stairs are so
narrow, and so steep. It’s no joke, it’s like they can’t figure out the difference between a step- a
set of stairs and a ladder. It’s like, you’re literally like stepping up on each set of stairs. But
because they built them like that, they don’t have the ability to move stuff in and out of the
houses? So every house, on the front of it has a hook… at the top of the roof, so they- they can
set up a pulley and yank stuff up the side of the house to put in the windows.
GUS: Jesus, they don’t have a degree in physics over there or something?
BURNIE: They do basically.
GEOFF: It’s pretty crazy.
BURNIE: It’s like a shipping town, that’s why.
GEOFF: And one day Gavin and Burnie were taking a nap in the hotel room, or atleast that’s
what they told me… and I couldn’t hang with whatever… homoerogenous stuff that was
happening in there so I’d sn- went for a walk. While I was going for a walk, I saw apparently
some dude died on the third floor of one of those houses? And then couldn’t bring him down the
stairs because you can’t fit a uhh- What do you put people on when they’re dying?
GUS: Uh, a coffin.
BURNIE: Gurney.
GEOFF: Gurney, yeah. You can’t fit a gurney down those things, so they have to bring a fire truck
in that has a ladder, with like y’know the bucket on it, but the bucket has like a swivel with the
gurney on it like permanently placed on it, and they have to like swoop in up three storeys, push
the gurney into the door, throw the dead dude on and pull him out that way. It was fascinating to
watch.
BURNIE: Well I almost fuckin’ thought-
GUS: Did you just stand there and like watch the whole time?
GEOFF: I like watched for half an hour, yeah.
GUS: Wow.
BURNIE: Took pictures.
GEOFF: Yeah, I did take some pictures.
BURNIE: Classy.
GEOFF: I don’t know that the guy was dead, but he didn’t look alive. So. And it was in the Red
Light District and he was like 70.
GUS: He might’ve- he might’ve paid a lot of good money for that service.
GEOFF: Y-Yeah, he might’ve.
GUS: You don’t know. Like that may be his thing.
GEOFF: That might’ve been the best death ever, right?
BURNIE: You should- you should’ve been like the classic American and walked up to the dude
around the ??? and go, “Where do I buy tickets for this?”
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: It’s like-
GEOFF: I’ll take-
BURNIE: -I’m next!
GEOFF: -I’ll take what he had.
BURNIE: I’mmunah go next. How do I get on this ride? Go up and down… And then we flew
back, and that was uneventful. I slept the entire way.
GEOFF: Yeah... OH we watched uhh, what was that movie we watched?
BURNIE: Day the Earth Stood Still.
GEOFF: Yeeeahhh.
BURNIE: Terrible. And I watched Knowing, which is like the opposite of The Day the Earth Stood
Still.Which Knowing is about, basically the Earth is gonna be destroyed so aliens come to try and
help us? And The Day the Earth Stood Still is about we’re destroying the Earth and aliens are
gonna kill us.
GEOFF: An-
BURNIE: Kind of the same, but like the go to very different places. Both horrible-
JOEL: If we could only somehow combine both movies into one-
GEOFF: Decent movie.
GUS: You’re telling me a Keanna Reeves movie and a Nicholas Cage movie, and neither of them was a hit? Neither of them was good?
BURNIE: You would be amazed.
GUS: Wow, what has Hollywood come to.
GEOFF: Speaking of-
BURNIE: Track records come to a dismal close.
GEOFF: Speakin’ of Keanna Reeves, I rewatched Point Break two days ago? Holds up
extremely well.
GUS: It’s funny you say that.
BURNIE: It’s-
GUS: I saw that like two weeks ago!
GEOFF: Did you really?
GUS: I just watched Point Break again.
GEOFF: Awh, dude it’s so good. I had the b- Griffon had never seen it, and we watched it the other night in bed. It’s one of the most- It’s one of the best movies ever made.
GUS: It’s also the best ending to a movie ever.
GEOFF: Awh, yeah.
BURNIE: How about, how about “The Fast and then the Furious” making 70 million dollars?
GEODD: No no, not the “Fast and then the Furious”, Fast and Furious.
BURNIE: Fast comma Furious.
GEOFF: Fast comma furious.
BURNIE: Fast and or furious.
GEOFF: Fast and persan furious.
BURNIE: So they went Fast- The Fast and the Furious…
GEOFF: Yes.
BURNIE: … then they went Fast and the Furious 2?
GEOFF: Fa-
GUS: Tokyo Drift.
GEOFF: No no, that was, that was 3.
BURNIE: That was 3.
GEOFF: That was 3. F-Faster and more Furiouser- What was the second one?
GUS: Faster and Furiouser.
BURNIE: Hahaha, Furiouso.
GEOFF: In f-
BURNIE: And in Tokyo Drift-
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: -and now Fast, Furious.
GEOFF: Fast, Furious.
BURNIE: No.
GEOFF: F-Fast and Furious.
BURNIE: Fast and Furious.
GEOFF: With the exa- with the- yeah.
BURNIE: They made 70 million dollars in a weekend. They make more in one weekend than
Tokyo Drift made in its whole run.
GEOFF: I just read-
GUS: It’s Vin Diesel.
GEOFF: It’s-
BURNIE: Yeah right.
GUS: Yeah, you brought up the power of the Vin Diesel guns for-
GEOFF: This is the first movie he’d been in what, The Pacifier?
GUS: No, he-he was in uhmmm…
GEOFF: …Yeah.
GUS: Yeah, you might be right.
BURNIE: He’s in those Riddick movies. People love those movies.
GEOFF: They a-
GUS: The Pacifier came out after that, yeah.
GEOFF: He’s comin’ out in a uh movie called Wheelman is that right, or is it just a game.
BURNIE: Quick: Best Vin Diesel role. Go.
GEOFF: Uhhhh uhhhh-
JOEL: Best pa-
GEOFF: Saving Private Ryan.
BURNIE: Saving Private Ryan.
GEOFF: Yeah.
GUS: I would say uhhhh Riddick. Not in the Chronicles of Riddick, but in-
BURNIE: Don’t qualify.
GUS: No the other movie, what was the other movie?
BURNIE: You’re wrong no matter how you qualify it.
JOEL: Wh- what was the first one?
BURNIE: Uhhhh…
GUS: Yeah, what was that movie called?
JOEL: Darkness or something?
BURNIE: Perfect Dark.
JOEL: Perfect Dark.
BURNIE: No.
GEOFF: No.
GUS: What the fuck?
BURNIE: Pitch Black.
GEOFF: Pitch Black.
JOEL: Pitch Black.
BURNIE: Had a great opening.
GEOFF: Yeah.
JOEL: Oh. Fast and Dark. Fast Murderer.
BURNIE: It was called, “The Goalmine.” What’s your- best Vin Diesel role?
JOEL: I’d say uhh, uhhh- uh Pitch whatever…
GUS: Pitch Black.
JOEL: Pitch Black.
BURNIE: I’m gonna say…
GUS: Why were we wrong? Please correct us. Let us know.
BURNIE: The voice of the Iron Giant.
GEOFF: Was he the voice of the Iron Giant?
BURNIE: He was.
GUS: Noooo.
GEOFF: No way. Yeah?
BURNIE: Vin Diesel is the voice of the Iron Giant, before he really became Vin Diesel.
GEOFF: Huh.
BURNIE: Or just Vin.
GEOFF: What’s the best c- should’ve been Vin Diesel movie... Reindeer Games.
BURNIE: Reindeer Games… D’you know why he was kicked off of Reindeer Games?
GEOFF: Yeah.
GUS: He- He wouldn’t show his guns.
GEOFF: That’s right. He saves his biceps for Vin Diesel movies.
BURNIE: Y’know that’s the smartest thing he’s ever d-
GEOFF: Booted him off the fuckin’ film, that’s awesome.
GUS: Come on, Reindeer Games, really?
BURNIE: Th- That’s a Gary Sinice ah movie.
GUS: I-It was a- It was a uh Gary Sinice, and uhhh Ben Affleck?
GEOFF: Affleck, yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah. Vin Diesel got kicked off of Reindeer Games because he wouldn’t show his
biceps, because ”he saves that for Vin Diesel movies”.
GEOFF: It’s really true.
GUS: I- I bet- I bet-
BURNIE: He’s fuckin’ brilliant dude.
JOEL: Wha-?
BURNIE: He did. And he got fired.
GUS: I bet the Fast and Furious-
GEOFF: Yeah.
GUS: I bet Fast, Furious made more its opening weekend with his biceps the Reindeer Games
made in its whole run.
GEOFF: Oh I’m sure. Probably no- that was at the top of the Affleck j- like food chain, right?
BURNIE: Could you imagine Ben Affleck had made an aliens fighting the Earth movie this
summer, that had been incredible.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: What movie has he been in?
GEOFF: HE made Phantoms. That was… kinda similar.
BURNIE: Phantoms. Tha- that’s uh- that’s before he got famous.
GUS: I don’t even know what that is.
GEOFF: Phantoms is a Rose McGallon and Ben Affleck movie.
GUS: Rose McGa-
BURNIE: I l- I like Ben Affleck.
GEOFF: I do to- Hey have you seen the new trailer for Extract?
BURNIE: Nope.
GEOFF: The new Mike Judge film with Ben Affleck in it?
BURNIE: Nope.
GEOFF: Looks really good.
BURNIE: Was it funny?
GEOFF: Yeah. It’s Jason Baitman and Ben Affleck.
GUS: And Mila Kunis.
GEOFF: And Mila Kunis who is like… Somehow turned into the hottest chick on the planet.
Although, she was not very good looking in Max Payne, which I also watched on that illflated fight.
Flight.
GUS: Illflated flight.
GEOFF: Ill-flated fight back from Europe.
BURNIE: Do you know I read uhh, she was one of the headlining article on the American Way
magazines that we read whenever we travel. And, she came to America from the Ukraine or
Russia or somewhere, when she was twelve and she didn’t speak English.
GEOFF: No kidding.
BURNIE: And she learned English and got her role on uhhh 70’s Show by the time she was 16.
GEOFF: Y’know what’s weird about that is Wilma Vaulderama- is that- Wilma Vaul- H- is that
how you say his name?
BURNIE: Wilma Valderama.
GEOFF: Valderama, did the same fuckin’ thing.
JOEL: Yet he is her brother.
BURNIE: Where the fuck is he from?
GEOFF: He was from Central America and he came over as a teenager to America, and didn’t
speak English and had to learn English really fast- I heard about it on Howard Stern one time-
GUS: Yeah. And th-
GEOFF: -got that- got that role when he was nineteen-
GUS: And he banged Lindsay Lohan.
GEOFF: He banged a lot of girls.
BURNIE: Alright, so anything else to discuss? A-i- is that all we’ve done in the last 3 months?
GEOFF: Uhhhhhhhhh… Done a lot of Achievement Hunter, and apparently we had a comic, that
continues to come out. Uhhhmmm…
BURNIE: Barack Obama was inaugurated.
GEOFF: Oh that’s true!
BURNIE: That was pretty cool.
GEOFF: That was pretty cool.
BURNIE: Now he’s in Europe.
GEOFF: That’s true.
BURNIE: Doin’ somethin’.
GEOFF: They should do like the equivalent of like a height chart when you mark when your kids
get taller? They should mark- they should have a face age chart. Watch th-
BURNIE: Dude he’s getting’ oooolllllllllllldddd!
GEOFF: -how old he gets how quickly. That’s like the worst thing in the world you could do with your health is become president.
GUS: No way. He’s- it’s not that he’s… euh. I mean maybe he’s lookin’ a little older but I bet he’s
just not-
GEOFF: Nope.
GUS: -keepin’ up appearances like for a campaign, like he’s just not y’know-
GEOFF: Nope.
GUS: -dyin’ his hair black-
GEOFF: Nuuoopee, motherfucker’s agin’.
GUS: No.
BURNIE: He’s lookin’ old dude.
GUS: No. No.
GEOFF: He’s lookin’ old.
BURNIE: He’s lookin’ old.
GEOFF: Look what happened to Bush. That dude went from 35 to 95 in eight years.
BURNIE: No.
GUS: -intro our podcast.
BURNIE: Geoff we need a song for our quarterly podcast.
GEOFF: Are you gonna get Nico on that?
BURNIE: No, no we need to get on it.
GUS: I call Eye of the Tiger.
BURNIE: So, this is our fiftieth podcast.
GEOFF: And this- if it makes it, will be the second one we ever posted.
GUS: I’m excited. I think- I have- I have a feeling this is gonna be it, it’s gonna be number two.
GEOFF: You think today- today’s’ the day?
GUS: This’ll be the deuce.
BURNIE: How often do we do the podcast?
GEOFF: We do ‘em like once a week, maybe. Maybe once every two weeks.
BURNIE: And then we go, “Ah fuck it.” And we don’t put it up.
GUS: No, w-w-w-we’ll record- we’ll do the bodcast for about twenty minutes and we’re like “This is boring, this is stupid”.
[phone rings]
GEOFF: Oh look at that, the fucking phone rings.
BURNIE: He keeps saying bodcast. Why do you-
GEOFF: Who says bodca-
GUS: I don’t know, I’ve been saying that today. I don’t know why, I think I’ve got some sort of problem.
BURNIE: I gotta- it’s-
GEOFF: Alright, you better take it.
GUS: Put him on the podcast.
GEOFF: And there goes our podcast.
GUS: Way to- way to drop a name. I got Bill Gates on my cell phone.
BURNIE: Joel I got it.
GUS: Goddamnit Joel. Joel just-
GEOFF: What happened?
GUS: -walked in and spilled an Iced Americano all over my lap.
GEOFF: How did you know it was an Iced Americano?
GUS: Cause I went with him when-
GEOFF: Did you recognise it on sight?
GUS: [To Joel]You sit down. You- you’re punished now. You have to- you have to be Burnie.
GEOFF: You have to sit in. [sighs] So Gus, what’s new with you? What have you been up to this quarter?
GUS: Eh, not much. Playing games.
GEOFF: What’re you playing right now?
GUS: Umm, World of Warcraft like always and Godfather 2.
GEOFF: Hey, let’s talk about something that we’re both pissed off about.
GUS: Uh . . .
GEOFF: You and I both like Godfather 2 a lot right? I mean, I’ve only played about two hours of it and then you did all those achievement videos, which were fantastic by the way and are tearing up the internet.
GUS: I- I’ve uh- I’ve probably played twenty hours worth of Godfather 2 I’d say.
GEOFF: And we read the Gamespot review, who we usually look at as being like the Litmus test of what a- a game is gonna do right?
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: How good a game is. They’re usually pretty dead on and they gave that game 4.5.
GUS: Unbelievable.
GEOFF: Unbelievable.
GUS: That game is not a 4.5.
GEOFF: Absolute utter bullshit.
GUS: All the other reviews I’ve read seem to be more in line with, that they’re all y’know a 7.5 to 8 range. I think if I was a game reviewer I would probably give it y’know, an 8.
GEOFF: That games an 8, it’s a solid 8.
GUS: It- it was fun.
GEOFF: Yeah, absolutely.
GUS: I can’t believe that . . . I can’t believe that game scored so low. I mean, I’d like to look and see what other games are 4.5, just for reference.
GEOFF: That dude that reviewed it must hate the movies, that’s the only thing I can think, uh-
GUS: Or- or he must be a huge fan of the movie and was disappointed that the game didn’t follow the movie too closely, story-wise.
GEOFF: Oh, well that’s retarded.
GUS: Well, I- I don’t know, I’m-I’m trying to defend him here.
GEOFF: I- don’t defend him.
GUS: He might just be dumb.
GEOFF: It’s possible. I don’t know who the guy is, he’s probably got a family and is a nice guy and we’re insulting him but fuck him. I- I read Joystick’s review of it today, they said it was pretty good. Uh, they coined it th- their summarisation was that it’s like waking up on December 25th and remembering it’s Christmas.
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: Which is a pretty good way to look at it yeah.
GUS: It’s a pleasant surprise.
GEOFF: You weren’t expecting it, it was a very pleasant surprise.
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: Yeah, good game. I’m currently playing Resident Evil 5 right now.
GUS: How’s that going? I saw zombies riding motorcycles on your screen earlier.
GEOFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
GUS: [to Joel] Talk in the mic.
JOEL: Can they do that?
GEOFF: Can they ride motorcycles?
JOEL: Apparently.
GEOFF: Well according to Capcom or-
GUS: Yeah, it’s Capcom.
GEOFF: It’s Capcom? I got confused for a second that it was Konami. Whoo. Yeah it’s-
GUS: Y’know- You know what, you were the other day, asking- you, the other day were commenting on how Resident Evil’s a stupid name for a video game. And I read an article today, talking about why it’s called Biohazard in Japan and not called Biohazard in the United States.
GEOFF: Why is that?
GUS: Apparently the name Biohazard was already copy- or they would have difficulty getting uh, a trademark on the phrase Biohazard-
GEOFF: Biohazard? It makes sense.
GUS: -in the United States. So they decided to go with Resident Evil. Also on the chopping block was probably like um, Pretty School Bus. You could have been playing Pretty School Bus 5 right now.
GEOFF: Pretty School Bus: School Bus Murder Town.
JOEL: Maybe they should’ve called it Zombies on Motorcycles. That would’ve been-
GEOFF: Zombie choppers.
GUS: That could be a whole game by itself.
GEOFF: It could be. Oh man, it’s definitely a- definitely a Resident Evil game, I haven’t played a Resident Evil game since ... Jesus, I don’t know in- or- I haven’t beaten a Resident Evil game since Code: Veronica probably. I’ve played every Resident Evil game.
GUS: Same here, I ne- I never played 4 even though everyone loved it.
GEOFF: You played a little bit though.
GUS: No, I never- I never played before, I’ve never picked up the controller to play Resident Evil 4.
GEOFF: Really? I thought we lived together and when I tried it you-you were there.
GUS: No, it- oh- it looked so horrible I never picked it up.
GEOFF: Yeah, I didn’t like it at all, people loved that game, I thought it was retarded. It was a bunch of like, Eastern-European dudes with pitchforks and-
GUS: It sounds awesome.
GEOFF: Beards, I don’t know. You don’t expect to-
JOEL: Any motorcycles?
GEOFF: No, they weren’t.
GUS: You need next gen graphics for motorcycles.
GEOFF: Yeah, it’s true. They don’t have motorcycles in Eastern Europe, c’mon.
GUS: Gamecube couldn’t vuit that.
GEOFF: They burned them for fuel a long time ago. But uh, anyway, I had forgotten about the ob- obnoxious gameplay mechanics that Resident Evil likes, for instance, y’know, you’re Chris Redfield, total badass like special forces type dude right? Until it’s time to stab somebody with a knife and then you’re like, alright, I gotta stop, plant, wait for him to come to me and then stab and I’ve got like a 6 inch radius.
JOEL: Everything- everything in the military is procedures.
GEOFF: I- I guess that’s true. It’s just obnoxious to fight in that game and you can’t walk and shoot.
GUS: I was about to ask, you can’t walk and shoot?
GEOFF: No, no. Um, yeah um, so uhhh playing WOW huh?
GUS: Yeah. It’s going good.
GEOFF: Y’know, I’d say, this is the point in every podcast that we never publish where we start talking about WOW and then it just descends.
GUS: Yeah, that’s right.
GEOFF: That’s when it ends.
GUS: We should probably avoid that.
GEOFF: I will say that it’s fun- one fun thing to talk about is that Burnie has been secretly playing WOW again.
GUS: Yeah, he doesn’t know that I’m watching him on wowarmory.com, I can see as he’s levelling and I can see the achievements he’s getting.
GEOFF: Yeah. I’ve seen him playing in the office, and uhh, alt-tabbing in and out of it in the office the last three days, and he told me, he goes, “Hey, uh, I logged on to WoW, um played for like 15 minutes and quit. It was just, just same old game as I ever remembered, it was dumb. I got bored immediately.” He’s leveled 3 times since then.
GUS: Yeah, amazing in 15 minutes he went from level 59 to level 62 somehow.
GEOFF: Yeah, and it’s not like he’s leveling one to three or something, he’s 59 to 62. That’s a good…
GUS: And he managed to uncover the entire eastern kingdom map, apparently, too, somehow in those 15
minutes.
GEOFF: In the process of, yeah, not giving a shit. Well, what are you going to do? I wish that he could just accept
the fact that he is a WoW player, and loves the game. I mean, dude. I play WoW, a lot. Not as much as you, for
sure, and, but I’ve, and I’ve taken breaks just like he has, because, not because I want to stop playing, but
because I love the game, just because other shit gets in the way, you know?
GUS: Yeah.
GEOFF: At night Griffon’s always making me work on stuff, uhh but uh, I’m only level 43, 44, maybe, somewhere
in there.
GUS: In your defense, you have like four level 30 characters.
GEOFF: That’s true. I do have a lot of- a lot of characters.
JOEL: Too bad you can’t combine them into one super…
GEOFF: I know, Voltron, right?
JOEL: Yeah.
GEOFF: The… WoWtron?
GUS: Well, you can get- you just have to get one to level 55, then you can, uh you can make a Death Knight, and
you can have two level 55 characters, like instantly.
GEOFF: Oh, that’s a good point. I should definitely do that. Hey, look who’s showing up! Is iiiiit Burnie Burns? Did
you have a good phone call, Burnie?
BURNIE: I did.
GEOFF: Good.
BURNIE: Look what I got on the phone call.
GUS: You got a Corona off the phone call?
GEOFF: You got a Corona? That’s great!
BURNIE: Yeah. Advertise Corona.
GUS: Should we not do product endorsements?
GEOFF: I think that’s probably Matt.
GUS: Burnie has generic Mexican beer #2.
BURNIE: That I’m gonna drink as I sit next to my generic Mexican friend.
GEOFF: So while you were gone, we discussed Resident Evil, we discussed…
BURNIE: Horrible!
GUS: Godfather 2.
GEOFF: We discussed the bullshit Gamespot review of Godfather 2, and we discussed your secret obsession with
WoW, and how you pretend not to be playing it, but are totally playing it.
BURNIE: Back here? Yeah. I have, you know what I’m doing back here. I get the exploring achievement.
GUS: We talked about that.
BURNIE: It’s great. I just like set the horse… What is the deal in WoW where they’ve set up the world where you
can’t just find a straight line and run. You will always run into something.
GUS: It’s like the real world.
BURNIE: That’s not always true. I can get on a road and go in a basically straight line.
GUS: A road that’s been cleared, where the mountains have been… destroyed.
GEOFF: There are no highways in WoW.
BURNIE: But even their fuckin roads are all curvy and stuff.
GUS: Yeah. Hmm.
BURNIE: Or pathways. But come on. How many trees and ravines and rocks do you need? I get it! I get it, you
know? Just let me fucking run and let me get my free achievement stuff.
GEOFF: So should we give a quick summary of what we’ve been up to the last quarter since the last podcast?
BURNIE: Well, first…
GEOFF: I won the contest, first of all.
BURNIE: You won. Yes you won the contest. Congratulations.
GUS: I don’t even remember this contest.
GEOFF: A long time ago.
GUS: Oooooh! The 10,000 gamerscore.
GEOFF: Yeah. The 10,000 gamerscore in a week. I did it with three days to spare.
GUS: Jesus!
GEOFF: Uh, Gavin came down and directed a miniseries, called Red vs Blue: Relocated.
BURNIE: Right.
GEOFF: Which was a smash success.
BURNIE: Excellent.
GEOFF: Took the internet by storm. We made our first live action thing, which was called Captain Dynamic.
BURNIE: Also, awesome.
GEOFF: Also incredibly successful.
GUS: The Nielsen numbers on that are through the roof.
GEOFF: Yeah they are. And uh, that’s pretty much it, I think.
BURNIE: Yeah.
GEOFF: I think there was a, a net gain of about forty pounds between the six of us in the office.
BURNIE: You wanna talk about the 401K at all?
GEOFF: Oh, Ok.
BURNIE: The nice thing about the beginning of the year is there’s always a lot of business, tax, awful stuff that
has to take place, and there was a huge dose of it this year, which was fun!
GUS: It’s like we’re a real company!
BURNIE: Yeah, yeah. Almost.
JOEL: It hasn’t really ended yet, so that’s exciting.
GEOFF: We’re grownups.
BURNIE: I think we renewed our healthcare. Wow, that’s exciting shit to talk about.
GEOFF: I got my tax returns back. That was exciting.
GUS: Yeah, me too. I filed finally. Woo!
GEOFF: Woo!!
BURNIE: So I’ve been trying, trying to play Saint’s Row 2 with Gav, and that doesn’t work. I have really bad luck
at like picking gaming partners. Cause you have a guy who’s in like Northwest Canada, and has the worst
internet connection ever, or Gav who’s now seven hours ahead of us, so…
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: When it’s 6:00pm here, and I’m leaving work, it’s 1:00am his time.
GUS: Why’s he seven hours ahead of us?
BURNIE: Daylight Savings, buddy!
GUS: Wow.
GEOFF: Yeah, we hit, we were…
GUS: Ohohoh, I see.
GEOFF: Burnie and I were in, uhhh the Netherlands last week.
BURNIE: We were.
GEOFF: Or two weeks ago. We spent two weeks in Belgium and Holland.
GUS: You spent a week.
GEOFF: Uh, it was like 11 days or something.
BURNIE: *CLAP*
GUS: It was Wednesday to Wednesday.
BURNIE: Let’s talk about that!
GUS: You spent a week.
GEOFF: We can totally talk about that, and uh, when we were there, we had European Daylight Savings.
BURNIE: European Daylight Savings.
GEOFF: Right? I guess. It wasn’t Daylight Savings here.
GUS: Was it worth 1.3 American Daylight Savings, right? They move forward an hour and twenty minutes.
BURNIE: Yeah, and they complained about how American Daylight Savings is so fat. Basically.
GEOFF: And we ate a lot of really weird, terrible food.
BURNIE: We ate raw meat.
GEOFF: We did. We ate raw, what was that was it hamburger meat with pepper.
BURNIE: The worst kind of thing you can eat raw is ground beef. We ate it too.
GUS: In Europe too. That’s, that’s mad cow territory
JOEL: That’s uh…
GEOFF: It’s called Auswurst. It’s uh Amsterdam’s specialty. Or, as Burnie said, it was two waiters betting if they
could… hehheh out-serve shitty food to each other…
GUS: You know they jacked off all over your food, right?
GEOFF: Yeah.
JOEL: I think you could get a…
BURNIE: What!?!
GEOFF: Thanks, dude.
BURNIE: You took it up a notch. We went from raw meat to getting jacked off on.
GEOFF: We did not order the jizzwurst, but thank you.
BURNIE: No, but I swear, there was like some other like, Dieter was in the back, there betting Hans that he could get us to eat raw meat for five Euros, and sure enough we ate it.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: Because it was free, we didn’t ask for it.
GUS: Yeah man you to- you totally ate cum.
GEOFF: He also-
BURNIE: He said, “Ah look, this is a specialty, it’s called uh… Austwurst.” No actually, he told us
w- he told us it was a special Dutch dish. It was raw ground beef, with spices- spices by the
way, is pepper.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: Ground black pepper. And he uh, said it was spe- uh I even asked him ‘cause I was
suspicious, I go, “What’s this called?” and he goes, “It’s called, Austwurst?” like w- no. Totally
made up!
GUS: That’s t- that’s totally his last name, he was like, “Ohh shit.”
BURNIE: It’s like-
GUS: Dieter Austwurst was uhh his name.
BURNIE: It’s like, it’s the name of his dog or his neighbourhood or something.
GEOFF: He also gave us another delicacy for free which was uhh, red peppers? Soaked in like
uh, a swimming pool full with oil, with some gross cheese in the middle, and Burnie was the first
to try it, and he put one of the peppers into his mouth and bit into it, and three galleons of oil
come out of his mouth-
BURNIE: It was-
GEOFF: -and landed all over his shirt.
GUS: Was it like hot oil?
GEOFF: It was hilarious.
BURNIE: No no, it was like olive oil-
JOEL: You sure it was oil?
BURNIE: -soaked… I’m pretty sure with some oil…
GEOFF: Pretty funny to watch, it was like a kid gets braces on has his first meal? You know, it’s
like all over his shirt.
BURNIE: You didn’t do much better after watching my experience.
GEOFF: No, no I didn’t. I didn’t.
BURNIE: It also took me about thirty minutes to convince you to eat anything on that plate.
GEOFF: But I did, and Gavin did not. Gavin was too scared.
BURNIE: Gavin’s a gigantic pussy-
GEOFF: He is.
BURNIE: -when it comes to that stuff.
GEOFF: He is such a wimp.
BURNIE: And then we went to…
JOEL: Or he’s just from Europe and he knows.
GEOFF: No.
BURNIE: That was in Amsterdam.
GUS: You should… lean over and talk into the mic when you talk because they don’t pick up.
JOEL: Oh.
GUS: -sound very well.
BURNIE: Wow. Pause for technical schooling over there. The uhh- Couple things you should
know about Amsterdam: a) it’s great… b) there’s bikes everywhere…
GEOFF: Yeah, yeah.
BURNIE: …aaand it’s just a fun place to go. That’s just it. I ran out fast. But… It’s grea- It’s
awesome!
GEOFF: That’s all there is to say about Amsterdam.
GUS: I h- I h-
BURNIE: Geoff had a good time.
GUS: -I hear they uhh… The Anne Frank house is there right?
GEOFF: We went to the Anne Frank Museum…
BURNIE: Fuckin’ depressing.
GEOFF: That was fuckin’ most depressing thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was-
GUS: -museum also? Tryin’ t’-
GEOFF: What’s that?
GUS: Trying to think, what else is there. That’s- that’s it, right? All of Amsterdam-
BURNIE: Bikes.
GEOFF: Amsterdam is the s-
BURNIE: We went on a fuckin’ bike.
GEOFF: Amsterdam is the city of porn and drugs, and we hit there and went straight to the Anne
Frank Museum.
BURNIE: It’s true, we did.We walked- No we went to the pancake house first.
GEOFF: Checked into our hotel, got pancakes and then went to the Anne Frank Museum. That
was…
BURNIE: And then ate raw meat.
GEOFF: … a mis-step.
BURNIE: And then- Yeah it was good. We like missed all the fun stuff. And then we went to the
Red Light District, which was… pretty fuckin’ crazy.
GEOFF: That was insane.
BURNIE: If you’ve even been t’- to uhhh New Orleans, it’s like a much cooler version of New
Orleans.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah, or Vegas.
GEOFF: With canals everywhere and…
BURNIE: Yeah.
GEOFF: …titties.
BURNIE: You’d like this! This little- for you Gus, this little fact.
GUS: Ooh!
BURNIE: The b- we went on a boat tour, believe it or not, like a tourist boat tour. Like where the
guided dude tellin’ us like everything about the city? Their construction there… The stairs are so
narrow, and so steep. It’s no joke, it’s like they can’t figure out the difference between a step- a
set of stairs and a ladder. It’s like, you’re literally like stepping up on each set of stairs. But
because they built them like that, they don’t have the ability to move stuff in and out of the
houses? So every house, on the front of it has a hook… at the top of the roof, so they- they can
set up a pulley and yank stuff up the side of the house to put in the windows.
GUS: Jesus, they don’t have a degree in physics over there or something?
BURNIE: They do basically.
GEOFF: It’s pretty crazy.
BURNIE: It’s like a shipping town, that’s why.
GEOFF: And one day Gavin and Burnie were taking a nap in the hotel room, or atleast that’s
what they told me… and I couldn’t hang with whatever… homoerogenous stuff that was
happening in there so I’d sn- went for a walk. While I was going for a walk, I saw apparently
some dude died on the third floor of one of those houses? And then couldn’t bring him down the
stairs because you can’t fit a uhh- What do you put people on when they’re dying?
GUS: Uh, a coffin.
BURNIE: Gurney.
GEOFF: Gurney, yeah. You can’t fit a gurney down those things, so they have to bring a fire truck
in that has a ladder, with like y’know the bucket on it, but the bucket has like a swivel with the
gurney on it like permanently placed on it, and they have to like swoop in up three storeys, push
the gurney into the door, throw the dead dude on and pull him out that way. It was fascinating to
watch.
BURNIE: Well I almost fuckin’ thought-
GUS: Did you just stand there and like watch the whole time?
GEOFF: I like watched for half an hour, yeah.
GUS: Wow.
BURNIE: Took pictures.
GEOFF: Yeah, I did take some pictures.
BURNIE: Classy.
GEOFF: I don’t know that the guy was dead, but he didn’t look alive. So. And it was in the Red
Light District and he was like 70.
GUS: He might’ve- he might’ve paid a lot of good money for that service.
GEOFF: Y-Yeah, he might’ve.
GUS: You don’t know. Like that may be his thing.
GEOFF: That might’ve been the best death ever, right?
BURNIE: You should- you should’ve been like the classic American and walked up to the dude
around the ??? and go, “Where do I buy tickets for this?”
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: It’s like-
GEOFF: I’ll take-
BURNIE: -I’m next!
GEOFF: -I’ll take what he had.
BURNIE: I’mmunah go next. How do I get on this ride? Go up and down… And then we flew
back, and that was uneventful. I slept the entire way.
GEOFF: Yeah... OH we watched uhh, what was that movie we watched?
BURNIE: Day the Earth Stood Still.
GEOFF: Yeeeahhh.
BURNIE: Terrible. And I watched Knowing, which is like the opposite of The Day the Earth Stood
Still.Which Knowing is about, basically the Earth is gonna be destroyed so aliens come to try and
help us? And The Day the Earth Stood Still is about we’re destroying the Earth and aliens are
gonna kill us.
GEOFF: An-
BURNIE: Kind of the same, but like the go to very different places. Both horrible-
JOEL: If we could only somehow combine both movies into one-
GEOFF: Decent movie.
GUS: You’re telling me a Keanna Reeves movie and a Nicholas Cage movie, and neither of them was a hit? Neither of them was good?
BURNIE: You would be amazed.
GUS: Wow, what has Hollywood come to.
GEOFF: Speaking of-
BURNIE: Track records come to a dismal close.
GEOFF: Speakin’ of Keanna Reeves, I rewatched Point Break two days ago? Holds up
extremely well.
GUS: It’s funny you say that.
BURNIE: It’s-
GUS: I saw that like two weeks ago!
GEOFF: Did you really?
GUS: I just watched Point Break again.
GEOFF: Awh, dude it’s so good. I had the b- Griffon had never seen it, and we watched it the other night in bed. It’s one of the most- It’s one of the best movies ever made.
GUS: It’s also the best ending to a movie ever.
GEOFF: Awh, yeah.
BURNIE: How about, how about “The Fast and then the Furious” making 70 million dollars?
GEODD: No no, not the “Fast and then the Furious”, Fast and Furious.
BURNIE: Fast comma Furious.
GEOFF: Fast comma furious.
BURNIE: Fast and or furious.
GEOFF: Fast and persan furious.
BURNIE: So they went Fast- The Fast and the Furious…
GEOFF: Yes.
BURNIE: … then they went Fast and the Furious 2?
GEOFF: Fa-
GUS: Tokyo Drift.
GEOFF: No no, that was, that was 3.
BURNIE: That was 3.
GEOFF: That was 3. F-Faster and more Furiouser- What was the second one?
GUS: Faster and Furiouser.
BURNIE: Hahaha, Furiouso.
GEOFF: In f-
BURNIE: And in Tokyo Drift-
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: -and now Fast, Furious.
GEOFF: Fast, Furious.
BURNIE: No.
GEOFF: F-Fast and Furious.
BURNIE: Fast and Furious.
GEOFF: With the exa- with the- yeah.
BURNIE: They made 70 million dollars in a weekend. They make more in one weekend than
Tokyo Drift made in its whole run.
GEOFF: I just read-
GUS: It’s Vin Diesel.
GEOFF: It’s-
BURNIE: Yeah right.
GUS: Yeah, you brought up the power of the Vin Diesel guns for-
GEOFF: This is the first movie he’d been in what, The Pacifier?
GUS: No, he-he was in uhmmm…
GEOFF: …Yeah.
GUS: Yeah, you might be right.
BURNIE: He’s in those Riddick movies. People love those movies.
GEOFF: They a-
GUS: The Pacifier came out after that, yeah.
GEOFF: He’s comin’ out in a uh movie called Wheelman is that right, or is it just a game.
BURNIE: Quick: Best Vin Diesel role. Go.
GEOFF: Uhhhh uhhhh-
JOEL: Best pa-
GEOFF: Saving Private Ryan.
BURNIE: Saving Private Ryan.
GEOFF: Yeah.
GUS: I would say uhhhh Riddick. Not in the Chronicles of Riddick, but in-
BURNIE: Don’t qualify.
GUS: No the other movie, what was the other movie?
BURNIE: You’re wrong no matter how you qualify it.
JOEL: Wh- what was the first one?
BURNIE: Uhhhh…
GUS: Yeah, what was that movie called?
JOEL: Darkness or something?
BURNIE: Perfect Dark.
JOEL: Perfect Dark.
BURNIE: No.
GEOFF: No.
GUS: What the fuck?
BURNIE: Pitch Black.
GEOFF: Pitch Black.
JOEL: Pitch Black.
BURNIE: Had a great opening.
GEOFF: Yeah.
JOEL: Oh. Fast and Dark. Fast Murderer.
BURNIE: It was called, “The Goalmine.” What’s your- best Vin Diesel role?
JOEL: I’d say uhh, uhhh- uh Pitch whatever…
GUS: Pitch Black.
JOEL: Pitch Black.
BURNIE: I’m gonna say…
GUS: Why were we wrong? Please correct us. Let us know.
BURNIE: The voice of the Iron Giant.
GEOFF: Was he the voice of the Iron Giant?
BURNIE: He was.
GUS: Noooo.
GEOFF: No way. Yeah?
BURNIE: Vin Diesel is the voice of the Iron Giant, before he really became Vin Diesel.
GEOFF: Huh.
BURNIE: Or just Vin.
GEOFF: What’s the best c- should’ve been Vin Diesel movie... Reindeer Games.
BURNIE: Reindeer Games… D’you know why he was kicked off of Reindeer Games?
GEOFF: Yeah.
GUS: He- He wouldn’t show his guns.
GEOFF: That’s right. He saves his biceps for Vin Diesel movies.
BURNIE: Y’know that’s the smartest thing he’s ever d-
GEOFF: Booted him off the fuckin’ film, that’s awesome.
GUS: Come on, Reindeer Games, really?
BURNIE: Th- That’s a Gary Sinice ah movie.
GUS: I-It was a- It was a uh Gary Sinice, and uhhh Ben Affleck?
GEOFF: Affleck, yeah.
BURNIE: Yeah. Vin Diesel got kicked off of Reindeer Games because he wouldn’t show his
biceps, because ”he saves that for Vin Diesel movies”.
GEOFF: It’s really true.
GUS: I- I bet- I bet-
BURNIE: He’s fuckin’ brilliant dude.
JOEL: Wha-?
BURNIE: He did. And he got fired.
GUS: I bet the Fast and Furious-
GEOFF: Yeah.
GUS: I bet Fast, Furious made more its opening weekend with his biceps the Reindeer Games
made in its whole run.
GEOFF: Oh I’m sure. Probably no- that was at the top of the Affleck j- like food chain, right?
BURNIE: Could you imagine Ben Affleck had made an aliens fighting the Earth movie this
summer, that had been incredible.
GEOFF: Yeah.
BURNIE: What movie has he been in?
GEOFF: HE made Phantoms. That was… kinda similar.
BURNIE: Phantoms. Tha- that’s uh- that’s before he got famous.
GUS: I don’t even know what that is.
GEOFF: Phantoms is a Rose McGallon and Ben Affleck movie.
GUS: Rose McGa-
BURNIE: I l- I like Ben Affleck.
GEOFF: I do to- Hey have you seen the new trailer for Extract?
BURNIE: Nope.
GEOFF: The new Mike Judge film with Ben Affleck in it?
BURNIE: Nope.
GEOFF: Looks really good.
BURNIE: Was it funny?
GEOFF: Yeah. It’s Jason Baitman and Ben Affleck.
GUS: And Mila Kunis.
GEOFF: And Mila Kunis who is like… Somehow turned into the hottest chick on the planet.
Although, she was not very good looking in Max Payne, which I also watched on that illflated fight.
Flight.
GUS: Illflated flight.
GEOFF: Ill-flated fight back from Europe.
BURNIE: Do you know I read uhh, she was one of the headlining article on the American Way
magazines that we read whenever we travel. And, she came to America from the Ukraine or
Russia or somewhere, when she was twelve and she didn’t speak English.
GEOFF: No kidding.
BURNIE: And she learned English and got her role on uhhh 70’s Show by the time she was 16.
GEOFF: Y’know what’s weird about that is Wilma Vaulderama- is that- Wilma Vaul- H- is that
how you say his name?
BURNIE: Wilma Valderama.
GEOFF: Valderama, did the same fuckin’ thing.
JOEL: Yet he is her brother.
BURNIE: Where the fuck is he from?
GEOFF: He was from Central America and he came over as a teenager to America, and didn’t
speak English and had to learn English really fast- I heard about it on Howard Stern one time-
GUS: Yeah. And th-
GEOFF: -got that- got that role when he was nineteen-
GUS: And he banged Lindsay Lohan.
GEOFF: He banged a lot of girls.
BURNIE: Alright, so anything else to discuss? A-i- is that all we’ve done in the last 3 months?
GEOFF: Uhhhhhhhhh… Done a lot of Achievement Hunter, and apparently we had a comic, that
continues to come out. Uhhhmmm…
BURNIE: Barack Obama was inaugurated.
GEOFF: Oh that’s true!
BURNIE: That was pretty cool.
GEOFF: That was pretty cool.
BURNIE: Now he’s in Europe.
GEOFF: That’s true.
BURNIE: Doin’ somethin’.
GEOFF: They should do like the equivalent of like a height chart when you mark when your kids
get taller? They should mark- they should have a face age chart. Watch th-
BURNIE: Dude he’s getting’ oooolllllllllllldddd!
GEOFF: -how old he gets how quickly. That’s like the worst thing in the world you could do with your health is become president.
GUS: No way. He’s- it’s not that he’s… euh. I mean maybe he’s lookin’ a little older but I bet he’s
just not-
GEOFF: Nope.
GUS: -keepin’ up appearances like for a campaign, like he’s just not y’know-
GEOFF: Nope.
GUS: -dyin’ his hair black-
GEOFF: Nuuoopee, motherfucker’s agin’.
GUS: No.
BURNIE: He’s lookin’ old dude.
GUS: No. No.
GEOFF: He’s lookin’ old.
BURNIE: He’s lookin’ old.
GEOFF: Look what happened to Bush. That dude went from 35 to 95 in eight years.